An Interview With The Five Stages Cast

Hi There,

So, you either clicked on this update for one of the following reasons, in order of probability:

1. You're taking part in the Block Party too and feel obliged to read this.

2. You're binge reading everything.

3. You accidentally clicked on this.

500. You actually read my book.

∞. You follow me and think I'm cool so you read this.

If you don't know me, hi - I'm Sim. An irrelevant author whose username you've probably seen in a lot of places but don't really know. To give you a brief backstory: I wrote some really bad books a while ago. Of course, Wattpad being Wattpad, they blew up. I deleted them and began writing stuff I said I liked. Only to conclude that I actually hate and should give up writing all together. But, as I heard at Wattcon from Bella Higgin - allow yourself to write shit because you can fix that, you can't fix a blank page.

I'm also another #2 cursed author. #2 in Teen Fiction, #2 in Humor (it's humoUr by the way), #2 Romance, #2 Short Story and #2 ChickLit. Most of those happened to my old stories whilst I currently flop. But I'll repeat it all again to pretend I'm actually relevant.

And I won a Watty. See: relevant. That's all I want, the tag so I can pretend to be cool for once.

Just ignore my growth and pretend I didn't hit 50k 10 months ago and now have 53k.

Pfft: Who told you that?

All jokes aside, I truly am honoured to be involved in this block party (thank you Kelly!) and for every follower/read I get.

The trailer linked is also a really stupid thing I made when I was bored and if I had tried harder could've made more cinematic, but, you know, it's decent.

This is also the most unprofessional thing I've done. So, enjoy!

I'm also doing a giveaway where you can become a character in my upcoming novel Sparks Fly! So, head over to Kelly's profile (after reading this) and check out all the info to enter.

But, without further ado, what my readers (if they exist) are waiting for:

IT'S TIME FOR THE FIVE STAGES Q&A!

These will all be answered in an interview format, the interviewer, well, being me.

The answers are set around the chapter 24 period.

Interviewer: Hi.

Harper: Hey.

Interviewer: So, Harper, what is your favourite subject in school?

Harper: English. I like Mr. Nevis.

Luke: She likes it because I'm in it, obviously. She's just too embarrassed to admit it.

[Harper eye-roll]

-

Interviewer: How old were you when you found out Santa was real?

Harper: I always knew he wasn't, obviously. Hello, I'm not an idiot. He would've combusted at the speeds he moved at.

Interviewer: Take this seriously or I'll be kicking you out.

Harper: Fine: fifteen.

[Whole room laughs]

Interviewer: Got a question for you again Harper. When did you know you had feelings for Luke?

Harper: Feelings... Strong word.

Luke: She always had them. Didn't you, Miss. First Crush?

-

Interviewer: Alrightly, question for Seth.

Seth: Obviously.

Interviewer: "Is you single"?

Seth: Honey, I don't get tied down. But if you're down for a little something, I'm down.

Interviewer: I'm a guy.

[Seth snugs into seat with a wink]

Seth: I ain't judgy.

Luke: Judgy isn't a word.

Seth: Deal with it.

-

Interviewer: Luke, what were your first thoughts when you found out your sister way gay?

Luke: It didn't change anything. She's my sister and I think that's all I need to say.

Interviewer: You seem to be very popular, another question for you.

Luke: Nothing new.

Interviewer: Lucas, do you actually like Harper, or is she another one of your conquests?

Luke: Conquests, I like that word. It depends what you mean by conquest for it sounds like something Harper would say.

Seth: I think that answers the question perfectly.

[Luke shoves him]

Interviewer: Keep the testosterone levels low. The next question is pretty personal.

Luke: Don't tell us what to do.

Interviewer: Shut up, I created you. Don't make me get my rubber, Bitch.

[Silence]

Interviewer: Anyways, back to my over-active mind.

Luke: Sure is. You're messed up. You describe me as a complete god, so you're obviously into me. (Not that I'm not a god or anything like that, I mean look at me).

Interviewer Forces Seth To Reply: Shut up, let's get on.

Interviewer: Lucas, Do you think Harper and Seth will look cute together? If no, why?

Luke: Funny. Whoever asked that: fuck you. Don't put shit into that kid's mind.

Seth: He's just insecure because he knows I let him feel like the hotter one - but we all know who's best. We're all waiting for the book about me: you're just the prequel, Luke.

Interviewer: I can barely keep up with this book, don't promise another.

Nick: Get your shit together.

Luke: Get out and get your shit together.

Interviewer: Seth, what do you think about Lucas and Harper?

Seth: Clears the game for me whilst he gets all mushy. More for me.

-

Interviewer: First - and only - one here for Finn. Finn, why are you such an asshole?

Finn: I'm sorry you feel that way.

[Leaves]

Interviewer: (GONNA HAVE TO READ UNTIL THE VERY END TO FIND OUT. HA.) Harper, it seemed like you didn't have any friends until you met Lucas. Since you easily became friends with him, why didn't you have friends before him?

Harper: I had friends. I just never really needed anyone else except Finn back before he left me.

-

Interviewer: Lucas, why is it so hard for you boys to just admit your feelings point blank but you always wait for the girl to make the move? Is a problem with pride?

Luke: I always make the move. But, that long term stuff, ask Seth.

Seth: That shit's too deep. Relationships? Strings? Complete mess. No, no, no.

-

Interviewer: Questions for Sim.

[Interviewer runs around to other side of seat]

Interviewer/Sim: Hi.

[Interviewer runs back around to other side of seat]

Freya: Okay, why don't I ask? Give me those freaking cards.

Interviewer/Sim: Good idea.

Freya: What inspired you to write this story in a female point of view when you yourself a male?

Interviewer/Sim: Most other Wattpad stories are like that. A few things - #RantsWithSim - if I had described women in such a way, Luke would be extremely hated on. Plus, with a 95% female readership across all my stories, it's what my consumers want. I can't really go around describing breasts because my audience (on the whole) wouldn't find that engaging. I do go third person though in some other works to reflect both sides.

Freya: Do any of the characters remind you of (or are based off of) yourself or anybody you know?

Interviewer/Sim: I based you off someone I met at a tennis club. That's where the name came from, anyway. Everyone else came from my tears as I cried over Francisco Lachowski, Taylor Swift and other people I'll never be as beautiful as.

[Awkward silence]

Interviewer: Give me back the cards.

[Scrambles for cards]

Luke (in background): Do I look like Francisco Lachowski?

Seth (in background): I don't know, Dude.

Mallory (in background): That's kinda basic though.

-

Interviewer: Seth, are you afraid that in the future Lucas might ditch you for Harper? And by the way, I love you sooo much, you're my fave.

Seth: We'll always be friends. Nothing is going to change that. And, love you too, Babe.

Interviewer: Okay... Let me get the next card ready... Seth, will you marry-. Nope. Seth, you are the only single boy I can have my eyes on... No. Seth, let's f-. Okay. Harper, if you had spent for time with Seth do you think possibly you would have liked him in a non platonic-. I'm starting to feel like I've made the book about the wrong person.

Luke: Please, you know you love me.

-

Interviewer: So, Luke, one thing you hate about Seth and visa versa.

Luke & Seth: Everything.

Interviewer: No competition there. Harper, would the old you (that was heartbroken) be proud of you? Would she like how you've changed your mindset? Or do you?

Harper: I don't know. I really don't know how I'd feel. I'm living as I am, and for now I'm happy as things are and that's that.

Interviewer: Everyone, favourite band?

Seth: I only listen to Taylor Swift.

Luke: Bro...

Interviewer: Lit Fam.

[Entire World Cringes]

Interviewer: Moving swiftly on, we have a final question for Luke. How many kids do you wa-. OKAY. That marks the end of this Q&A, thank you all for sending in your questions but I'm afraid it's two in the morning, I'm being stupid and shouldn't be going this Q&A and will probably regret every answer! BYEEEEE.

(I totally didn't rip off Liza Koshy).

***********

P.S. Don't forget to enter the 130+ #WattpadBlockParty Giveaways! Clickable links are at the top of my Wattpad profile! :)

GIVEAWAY LINK ONE:

http://kellyanneblountauthor.blogspot.com/2017/01/giveaways-for-wattpad-block-party_31.html

GIVEAWAY LINK TWO (with Widgets):

http://kellyanneblountauthor.blogspot.com/2017/01/giveaways-with-widgets-for-wattpad.html