It's hard not to get caught up in the age-old tradition of hearts, candlelight dinners, chocolates and sparkly bling. There is a level of WOW that simply goes with Valentine's Day that causes many of us to squeal in anticipation for ourselves or our friends/family. Oftentimes, we walk around bright-eyed and dazed in the days and weeks leading up to our beloved holiday. Sometimes, even to the extent that we forget about those who don't celebrate for various reasons. Whether broken-hearted and alone, or simply alone because you really have no other choice due to circumstances or situations beyond your control, or because you truly want to be... here's to you.

In many instances of my life, I've recognized that I have oftentimes settled for what I had versus what I wanted. For instance, in relationships the guys I always liked either saw me as the homegirl with friend status or the good girl with no opportunity to score. Back then, it bothered me that nobody I liked was all that into me. Then, I grew. Not just "up" in age, but in stature. I became my own person and was confident enough in who I was to try something different; namely making the first move or remained content in my seasons of singleness.

I went from standing alone in the corner to stepping out and introducing myself. One, it allowed me an opportunity find out who I was. Then, two, it afforded me the opportunity to see who they really were. There were popular guys who would walk right by as if they never saw me (losers who didn't deserve me anyways), then there were regular guys who were glad I'd taken the time to stop because, to them, I was the popular girl (winners who showed potential). The bolder I became, the more introductions I made depending on the event. I'd gone from being the shy girl to the cool girl; still I wasn't the man-catching young adult I desired to be. That is until the day time stood still.

One summer, I took time off from college and visited my aunt and uncle in California. Who knew my aunt was into match-making? She'd invited the neighbor who was also visiting his parents on summer vacation from college to dinner. We became fast friends, mainly because we really had no intentions of dating anyone we'd only be hanging out with for all of three months. Fast-forward, we ended up liking each other a lot. In fact, we agreed to return the following summer and picked up our friendship exactly where it had left off... hanging out. I never shared with him that I was interested in more than a friendship by then, because we were both always coming and going. We only saw each other on summer break, so he retained the same information to himself just as I had.

Years later, we ran into each other in one of America's largest cities. We had time for dinner and caught up on almost two decades of conversation. Then, we both left confused. He admitted that although now married with children, he always loved me and had often wondered about me. I admitted that although married with children of my own, I too had always loved him and thought about him equally as often. Then, in silence, we sat and wondered what had exactly happened. How could two people who spent two summers doing nothing but talking, not talk about the one thing that mattered most? Falling in love... I'll tell you how. Fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of no. Neither one of us wanted to hear the other say no, the distance is too far and we can't expect to only see each other during summers. So, neither of us said anything.

Although funny now... not really... I know I'm not the only person this has happened to. Which is why I advise all single young people to not take dating so seriously and to not marry so soon. I have learned, in retrospect, you really don't start understanding who you are until at least 30 or know what you want until 40. If I could do things differently, I would've told my friend the very first summer that strange feeling in my stomach was not butterflies that fluttered every time he came over; it was ripples from the intentionality of a friend who made me feel special that were flowing into something much bigger and unexpected. Who knows? Maybe life would be different now. Marrying a friend is always better than dating a stranger, yet millions of people tear up because they got that engagement ring they'd been eyeing... from the guy they've dated three years but fail to realize they really won't know until three years into the marriage... and may realize they don't even like by then. Trust me. It happens. (If in doubt, check out Second Time Around.)

Hear me, if you don't get anything else out of this article, please get this: build on your friendships. It's easy to meet someone in a bar, grocery story, at the gym, etc. and start dating and/or sleeping with them. It's fun hanging out and getting to know people. But, it's not so fun when things blow up and you have nothing to hold on to but a few kids and a couple of dogs. However, quite the opposite is true when you hang out with your friends and things begin to head in the direction of romance with one of them. When trouble comes knocking, friendship will always open the door... always. It's the foundation to every lasting relationship and even some broken ones. Friendship says, "They don't deserve me cheating or lying, so I'll talk to them about where I am and how I'm feeling. If we break up, at least the friendship is spared." Dating simply says, "What they don't know won't hurt 'em. What's your number?" Your friend will spare you; your mate will dismiss you. Therefore, never count your friends out. One of them may just be the one love you lost. What a shame to realize it after you've built a glass house with a stranger you hardly even like, let alone love? Sure, everyone can see the appearance of happiness. But, only the two of you know you go to sleep and wake in a beautifully decorated shell. Cherish every moment of every friendship. Maybe one day the one who got away will turn back around. Until then be bold, be confident, and be heard. All is not lost when it is well invested. Don't settle. Don't be afraid. And, don't forget almost is never enough. You're worth it all. Be intentional. No love lost.

https://youtu.be/b87dBaL4qI0