Get your tissues ready!

From Zayn's Point of View, The Year 2020

From the day I first saw you at Leigh-on-Sea, you were all I ever wanted. Your beauty, your innocence, your sweetness. You gave me life, River. I loved you body,mind and spirit, even before you knew I existed. I was attracted to you in so many ways, and of course, one of them was physical. That didn't come first. But it eventually came. How could I not want you in every way? I wrote about you, about wanting you, and it never seemed to scare you.

Every step you took towards me amazed me. Every choice you made to listen to me, care for me, believe me, trust me. To be honest, it blew me away. Of course, it was what I wanted, but when I finally had you at the cabin, I knew that I had made an awful, awful mistake, and there was likely no way you would ever love me after what I'd done.

But you proved me wrong and you astounded me with your love, your gift of yourself, your belief in me even after all that I put you through.

And now, even though we've been married for five years, I'm still in awe of you every day, that you fell in love with me, that you chose me to be the one to share your life.

I'm more in love with you now than I ever thought I'd be. Of course, your heart and your spirit are beautiful to me, but I've gained a new appreciation for your body, for the gift of yourself that you give me whenever we make love, and for the newest gift you've given me, a son. Our son, a child that I will love and protect and raise, hopefully, to be a better man than I am.

Because of you, River, because of you I went from being a wounded child trapped in a man's body to a man who has been healed and restored. I went from being an orphan to having a family, a wife and a child, and others who love me and accept me.

Because of you, River, my life is so different than it might have been.

Because of you.

The Year 2030

My lovely River, There are no words to express all that is in my heart. Our family grows more beautiful by the day, and I never imagined I could experience such contentment, such wholeness. Adam is already ten, David is seven, and Elizabeth is three. I can't believe the time has flown by so quickly that we are now the proud parents of these delightful and challenging children. It warms my heart when we take them to the cabin, to the place where we fell in love. I see them exploring, learning to hunt and fish, learning to cook like their mama, and I'm so proud to call all of you mine.

Every now and then, I still think of how much I missed out on in my childhood. And you know it, too. You've seen me become withdrawn, retreating deep into myself to nurse old wounds that I think somehow will never completely go away. But you never waver in your love for me, and that gives me so much peace. You didn't choose to fall in love with a broken man, but you did. And you've helped to fix me in untold ways, in ways you can't even imagine.

Because of you, my children are growing up with a mother and father who love them and love each other. I know that neither of us is perfect, but I still think we're getting pretty good at this parenting thing. And I know it's because I've got the best partner in the world.

The Year 2040

Where has the time gone, my love? It seems like just yesterday, we were saying, "I Do," and now Adam is in his second year of college, and David will be graduating next year. It's unfair that time seems to have sped up overnight. From Adam's football games to David's tennis matches to Lizzie's drama performances, there's never a dull moment. And every time I look at you, it crosses my mind, ever so briefly, that my life could have been so different if you had let them lock me away in prison for life. Or if you had chosen to believe the counselor who told you that you had Stockholm Syndrome. Baby, if she was right, then you've got the worst case ever because you've stuck with me all this time.

We just celebrated 25 years of marriage, and I honestly can't believe it's been that long. Some days, it still feels like we're still getting to know each other, and others, of course, it feels like we've known each other forever. We've now been married longer than either one of us was single, so that makes sense. We are truly becoming one.

The Year 2050

Adam got married this year and David is thinking about proposing to his girlfriend. Luckily, Lizzie isn't interested in finding Mr. Right just yet. I will have the hardest time letting her go. She's my baby girl after all. But even when she does leave the nest, I know I will have her mother to keep me company for the rest of our lives. And I'm still very much madly in love with you!

The Year 2060

As time flies by, we keep filling up journals and starting new ones. I told you we'd write our story together, and we took it seriously, didn't we? I wouldn't trade these memories for anything. I find myself missing the days when the kids were small and would write little notes to us in these notebooks as well. But now the grandchildren are starting to write in them, and that brings me a whole new level of delight.

The Year 2070

I never would have thought we'd see this much life behind us, but here it is. Fifty five years ago today, you and I were married. Can't believe that one bit, because when I look at you, you're still my flaxen-haired beauty and I hope you can still see some of my youth through my wrinkles. Even so, I know you still love me and that's all that matters.

Lord knows we're getting old when our baby turns fifty next week. Where did that baby go, River? That tiny little human being you brought into the world is a man with his own family.

The year 2073

My eyes are growing weak as are my hands. And my heart is now broken, since you, my love left this earth today. I always hoped it would be me to go first, but then again, I'm thankful you've been spared the heartache of losing the love of your life. I hope and pray that it won't be long til I can see you again.

~*~*~

"Dad?" Adam's voice broke me out of my day dream. I was remembering you the very first time I saw you at Leigh-on-Sea.

I looked at Adam, dressed in his black suit and tie. Such a handsome man, now on the verge of being a grandfather himself. You'd be proud of him today, River, holding the family together as we prepare to say our final good-byes.

I followed him out to the car and I rode in silence with his family to the church. We met David and Lizzie and their families and took our seats in the front row. I had to turn a part of myself off when you died, my love; otherwise, I would never be able to stop crying. I miss you so much already, and it's only been a few days.

The funeral service was lovely. The children did a wonderful job of choosing the music and the readings. They made sure your favorite songs were played. I was blessed to not have to make too many decisions since I haven't been able to focus on much since your passing.

At the end of the service, Adam stood to give a eulogy. He spoke very kindly of you, of course. You were the best mother anyone could have asked for. Then he gave the podium over to David, which surprised me.

"Mom and Dad have kept a journal of our family life for over fifty years," David began. "Many of the entries were about our school activities and vacations and many were written on holidays. But Mom and Dad also kept a non-stop flow of love letters in these journals. When we were younger, those mushy letters embarrassed us. But when we grew older, we understood how precious those entries were. They were a testament to Mom and Dad's undying love for one another." He turned to look straight at me. "Dad, I helped Mom to write one last letter to you before she died."

The tears started streaming down my face before he even began to read. Leave it to you to get the last word, to outdo me in showing your love. You always gave me so much that I never felt I could give you nearly as much in return. 

David began to read and I heard your voice in the words:

I first noticed you outside the library,when I almost ran into you. I remember your eyes, your beautiful golden-brown eyes with the long, thick lashes. I thought about you a lot after that and I secretly hoped I'd see you again. I never expected that wish to come true during our ill-fated trip to the cabin, the trip that began our love story.

Every moment I watched you in that cabin, I was mesmerized. I knew deep in my heart that I could trust you, and I always did. You took care of me until we got out safely, and then I took care of you until your heart healed from the wounds of your past.

For every day, week, month, and year we've spent together, I've never stopped thanking God for bringing us together. You have blessed my life in indescribable ways.

When I realized that I was going to die, I pleaded with God, asking Him not to take me so soon. I fought and struggled against His will, hoping that He would change His mind and that I could stay with you for just a few more years. But God's will is always perfect, so I finally found my peace. Because I know this isn't the end, my love. It's just a temporary separation. We'll be together again soon.

Until then, I'll be watching you.