"But you, you're special to me. When I'm with you I feel something is just right. I believe in you. I like you. I don't want to let you go." - Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

•••

"You're a man of conscience, Jim." Theo Galavan breathed with his face grimaced in pain as Jim and Oswald pulled him from the trunk of the car, "You'll regret this."

"I have many regrets." Jim countered as his gaze settled on the water reflecting the city lights across it's rippling surface. His gaze then went to where Bird had just gotten a baseball bat from the backseat and shut the door. With the pain of thinking he'd lost her for good still very fresh in his heart, he added, "This won't be top of the list."

Bird followed behind the trio, as Oswald and Jim walked Galavan to near the waters edge and forced him down on his knees.

"Well... here we are." Galavan breathed, looked down to his blood soaked clothing and seemed to resign himself to the fact that this was truly how his story would end.

When he let out a small laugh, Bird placed the end of the bat under his chin and forced him to look up at them as she asked, "What do you have to smile about?"

"I never saw my life ending like this." He somberly answered, though the smile didn't leave his lips, "Next to this... polluted body of water. Killed in cold blood by a fugitive cop, a dead girl and...that." He dismissed as he nodded in Oswald's direction.

"Shame." Theo finally commented.
He looked around the group of three staring at him, before focusing on the only one he knew would come to regret this decision, "Goodbye, Jim Gordon."

Knowing exactly what he was trying to do, that he was trying to get in Jim's head in hopes that this moment would haunt him for years to come –Bird cracked him upside the head with the bat and he landed on his side coughing and sputtering in pain with his face in the gravel littered sand.

With a wicked smile on her lips, Bird handed the bat over to Oswald who gratefully took it from her.

"This is for my mother." Oswald said, before raising the bat up into the air and swinging it down as hard as he could.

Galavan's pained screams and agonized cries filled their ears and Oswald continued to beat him.

Under his voice, the sound of bones cracking was audible and the skin on his face was blood spattered and discolored.

Jim finally looked away from the gory scene in front of him as Oswald continued to make him suffer for all his trespasses, but Bird never once looked away.

If Galavan hadn't taken more away from her friend than he did her, then she'd have been the one wanting to beat him to a bloody pulp.

But this was only right.
She'd been able to save her brother –but Oswald had held his mother in his arms while she died.

Plus, Bird had already gotten to cause him her share of pain earlier in the night when she'd stabbed him and now that she'd landed a good blow with the bat.

"K-kill...kill... kill me, please." Galavan cried out, "Kill me!"

Glancing over to where Jim was standing at her side, Bird reminded him of something she and Oswald had repeatedly reminded him of since leaving Galavan's building, "You don't have to be here for this."

He looked at her before yelling out, "Enough!"
Grabbing onto Oswald's shoulder he pulled him back and repeated, "That's enough."

The next few moments passed in near silence, aside from Galavan's pained groans and gasps for air as he writhed in agony on the hard, cold ground.

Raising his gun, Jim didn't give himself time to rethink how far things had gotten or the line he was about to cross as he fired a shot and put an end the reign of terror that was Theo Galavan.

Oswald managed a smile, a content feeling finally taking over instead of the all consuming need for revenge he'd had for weeks on end.

Jim walked away from the man who was dead by his hand and watched from a distance as Bird and Oswald returned to get something out of the car.

"You don't think it's too much?" Oswald questioned as he looked down to the closed umbrella in his hands.

"Never." Bird answered, looking up at her friend with a wicked smile as she knelt down and rolled Galavan's lifeless body over onto his back and added, "It's exactly what he deserves."

With that she stood back up and beside her friend as he roughly shoved the pointed end of the umbrella in Galavan's open mouth until it lodged in his throat and wouldn't go any further.

"I don't know how you're still alive..." Oswald said as he turned to face her, "But whatever the means –I am truly grateful."

With a hand over the still healing wound on her side, Bird nodded, "It's a long story, but the short version is Falcone still has some strings he's able to pull in Gotham."

Quickly she added, "This was a plan he had in place... not my idea. I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner-"

Holding up a hand Oswald promptly silenced her apologies. She didn't have a thing in the world to be sorry for when it came to him.

"I think a part of me was scared." Bird admitted, "All the news was reporting was that you were on the run –armed and dangerous, with a shoulder wound. But they never found you and none of the hospitals had any record of you showing up and... I guess I was afraid of what I'd find if I went looking."

"Yes, well, I'm on the mend. Thanks to a new friend." Oswald answered, pausing for a moment before explaining, "Apparently you know him. I've been informed you once helped him dismember an Officer Dougherty."

Bird's confused expression faded and she questioned, "Nygma?"

Oswald gave a short nod and Bird let out a small chuckle, "Small world, huh?"

"It is indeed." He agreed just before their conversation fell back into silence.

Both of them silently trying to figure out where to go from there.

Currently, there was still a warrant out for his arrest and Bird was considered to be legally dead.

But as much as he'd led himself to believe that her loss would leave him in ruin -in the days that turned into weeks of believing she was gone for good, he'd come to the painful realization that he could live without her.

For so long, being so tied up in one another, it hadn't ever really dawned on him before that he had a life that would keep going –even if her heart had stopped.

In the weeks following her death, it had felt like his guilt had become a separate entity living in his skin. Some faceless creature always there to steal his air and remind him that his very best friend was dead by a bullet meant for him.

"You died..." He breathed, "You nearly died when it should have been me. That bullet was meant for me and you-"

"Would do it again." Bird cut him off as she reached out and took his face in her hands, "What happened isn't on you. I made that decision and I'd do it all over again."

His eyes bore into hers and she asked, "What is it?"

"Something that Ed told me." Oswald admitted, his face shifting with a pained expression, "He told me that I was better off unencumbered."

"Better off with me dead?" Bird's eyebrow arched.

"And with my mother gone too." He nodded, "A man with nothing that he loves, is a man who can't be bargained with; a man who answers to no one but himself."

"A free man?" Bird cut him off, "With no weaknesses?"

"Yes." Oswald admitted, for the first time avoiding her eyes and it pained him to say it out loud but he admitted, "And up until the moment I saw your face again... I believed him."

"I don't know..." Bird said with a small shrug, "I guess that's one way to look at it. Viewing relationships and caring about other people as nothing but a weakness, but I think there's more to it than that."

Nygma had told him that with the two people he'd loved most in the world out of the picture that he would be stronger than he'd been with them in his life.
And in his darkest moments of desperation and the weight of their losses weighing him down like a ton of bricks, he'd found himself believing his new friend.

But now, being able to have Bird back, he was finding Nygma's words harder to relate to.
Bird loved him enough that she had died for him. She was the only true friend he'd ever known and being able to stand face-to-face with her all over again felt nothing short of a miracle.

It was worth all of the pain he'd endured just to have her back.

"What's the other way to look at it?" He finally questioned.

With a small smile, Bird brushed her windblown hair from her face and pulled in a breath, "I think having people to love can make you stronger."

Swallowing hard, she continued, "I'm not always the best at fighting for myself, you know? But I have never thought twice about fighting for you, or my brother... or anyone who means something to me."

He nodded in agreement and sniffled in the cold night air.
Neither of them wanted to be the first to walk away.

"What now?" They both asked in unison, catching themselves off guard.

"I'm still a wanted man." Oswald reminded her.
"And I'm dead." Bird countered.

"I don't know..." She blew out a breath as she shrugged, "Everything is different now, you know? Galavan might be dead, but your empire is in total ruin. Almost everyone has already been arrested and all the money and properties were seized. The crime world is more out of control than ever before."

"What are you saying?" Oswald questioned, his eyebrows furrowed as he spoke.

"Maybe it's not worth trying to save." She shrugged, "It would take years of work to undo the damage done-"

"We've done it before." He was fast to remind her.

"And look at where it got us." She countered.

"It doesn't matter." Oswald argued, "Galavan is dead. That is all that has mattered for months. Beyond that..." His voice trailed off.

He'd been so solely focused on his thirst for revenge that he hadn't really plotted out his next steps after that.

"I want something else." Bird weakly confessed, "I don't know what that is exactly, but I want something bigger than myself and I don't think being a crime boss fits into that plan."
With a smile she offered, "That's your game and I fully believe that if you want it back, you're going to be able to reclaim your throne."

"I do." He nodded, "Gotham is my city. My home."

"Bird..." He cleared his throat, "The last time you spoke of wanting a different path in life, we lost touch for months on end. I don't want to lose you again."

"I don't think it matters." Bird admitted and seeing the spark back in her eyes brought a smile to his lips, "You are my dearest friend, Oswald and I think that no matter what roads we take –we're always going to end up right here."

Trying to lighten the heavy situation, she thrust a thumb over her shoulder in Jim's direction and joked, "Sharing secrets with Jim Gordon, of all people."

He lowered his head with a smile on his lips and she couldn't help but laugh at how true the sentiment truly was.

Since Jim had entered their lives, the trio had shared in one secret after another. From how he'd spared Oswald's life early on, to all the favors he'd asked of them, down to the crimes he ignored on their behalves.

Now there was the tale of a dead body to keep them bound together in secrecy.

Stepping forward she hugged him with such force that it nearly knocked the air from his lungs and he struggled to stay standing. Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around her and they stood together in silence for a while.

Bird was the first one to pull back, knowing they couldn't stay like that forever –even if they wanted to.

But it was Oswald who chose to walk away.

The next few weeks were bound to be tough for them both –in vastly different ways.
But he believed it just as much as she did, that they would always find a way back to each other.

•••

Bird looked over to where Jim was standing next to the car after Oswald had walked away.

For a moment she almost turned and left. Unable to tell by the look on his face if he even wanted her there.

She could understand that the ones closest to her, no matter how relieved to have her back, also carried a degree of anger.

After all, they'd mourned her. Tried to move on with a life void of her presence and then she showed up and tore down any progress they'd made along that road.

Deciding that they probably needed to talk, Bird started towards him before losing her confidence on the matter and coming to a stop.

When she looked up to see he was walking to her, she ran her tongue over her lips and her gaze fell to the ground.

Coming to a stop just in front of her, his lips parted as he tried to think of where to even begin with everything he had to say to her –a part of him still could barely believe she was standing in front of him again.

Bird raised her head and looked at him finally, expecting the usual questions that she was sure anyone who saw her was wondering; the common how and whys of the situation.

But instead, Jim surprised her when he started the conversation by explaining in a gruff voice, "I was at your funeral. I stood there and watched them put an urn of ash into the ground."

"I'm sorry-"

Not letting her speak yet, he continued with a pained expression on his face, "There hasn't been a single day that's passed where I didn't play that night over in my mind –like a puzzle I had to solve. Find some solution that would have saved you... as if it could have brought you back."

"Jim-"

"I hated myself." His voice raised with the raw admission, "I hated myself for not making you talk to me when I knew for weeks on end that something was wrong. Hating myself because.... because I failed you."

"There wasn't anything you could have done." Bird finally got to contribute the their conversation.

Tilting her head slightly to the side and looking at him she said, "I don't know how much of it can be blamed on the drugs I was being dosed with... but I wanted to die and the truth is that there wasn't anyone on earth who could have shaken me out of it. Everything fell apart so fast and there wasn't any light left, you know? I was stuck out in the deep end without anything to grab onto to keep my head above water."

"Living just hurt too much." She added in a soft voice but despite its simplicity, the statement summed the last months of her life up nicely.

"But I should have seen that." He argued with her, "I know you well enough that I should have seen it and done something-"

"There's nothing you could have done." Bird repeated. "Not everything is your fault, Jim. You try... you try with everything in you, but you can't save everyone.

Those words had haunted him since the night he thought she'd died.

That he couldn't save everyone.

It wasn't a foreign concept –though it was one that he didn't care for, but it was different when it was Bird.

He'd wanted so badly to save her and in many ways he was cursed in reliving the horror of her bleeding out in his arms over and over again.

Clearing her throat she explained, "Falcone had the doctor tell everyone that I never made it off the operating table. He, uh, he said that my life was decided for me before when Lily kidnapped me and fled. That this could be a fresh start for me, you know? I could go anywhere –be anyone I wanted to be, that it would be on my own terms. And I was going to take him up on that... after all, most everyone around me is probably better off with me dead-"

"That is not true." Jim argued.

"It is." Bird countered, "But then Galavan abducted Bruce and I knew he was going to kill him and I came back."

Jim's forehead lined at her words.

For someone who considered themselves to be as poisonous and selfish as she did, she was constantly willing to give her life for the people she loved; whether that meant dying for them or trading in a chance at a clean slate so they could live to see another day.

Despite all of her self-depreciation, he could still clearly see there was something different about her.

Turmoil that she'd carried in the air around her was gone and he'd dare say she even seemed at peace –possibly more so than he'd ever seen before.

Waves lapped against the dock, the water was restless from the cold night air and for several minutes that was the only sound either of them was aware of.

Looking out into the dark water, Jim pulled in a breath so cold it felt like his lungs were caked with ice.

"Lee's pregnant."

Bird's eyes widened for a mere second before she quickly hid the shock and was left slightly stammering, "Wow... that's... congratulations."

"Yeah." He nodded, pulling his eyes from the water to look back at her.

Bird tore her gaze from his line of sight and stared down to her shoes long enough to plaster a smile on her face and look back up at him.
Her chest felt tight, like her air supply was depleting for the second, but she didn't let it show as she said, "I'm happy for you –for both of you."

"What's, uh..." He cleared his throat, "What's next for you?"

"With Galavan gone... I think maybe I've still got a shot at some kind of fresh start." She shrugged before the intensity in her eyes grew and she admitted, "I have to start living my life the way I want to. Everyone wants me to pick a side –bow to either the sinner or the saint, but never both. But that's exactly who I am and I've made peace with that."

"A fresh start in Gotham?" Jim asked with a half-smile.

"No." She shook her head, "I don't entirely know what fresh starts are made of, but I'm pretty sure they don't exist in Gotham."

She'd barely gotten her words out before he stepped closer and asked, "You're leaving?"

"I have some loose ends I need to tie up first... but yeah, I think I'm leaving." She nodded.

Jim swallowed hard and held back what he wanted to say.

He wanted to tell her that he didn't want her to leave –that he'd just gotten her back and he wasn't ready to lose her again.

It cut deep to realize and admit to himself that he hadn't truly realized exactly how much she meant to him until she was gone.

He wanted to tell her to stay.

But it wasn't his place to do so.

He was getting ready to open a new chapter of his life and she deserved a chance to do the same –no matter how much the reality of getting her back to watch her leave again left his chest aching from the inside out.

Stepping forward Bird hugged him, holding onto him in a way that showed she didn't want to let go and when she felt his arms fold around her she had to bite down on the side of her tongue to keep her emotions at bay.

Finally she pulled back and looked at him, she didn't want to walk away from him anymore than he wanted to watch her go.

But Lee was pregnant and needed him and the next step was proposing to her.

That didn't leave room in his life for Bird –not when the lines between friendship and something more had been blurry at best between them.

"You deserve a good life, Jim Gordon." Bird didn't even make an attempt to hide the pain and emotion on her face, it would have been useless at this point.

They both knew each other far too well to try and pretend like this goodbye wasn't cutting deeply both ways.

Leaning forward she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before she stepped back and turned to leave without looking at his face again.

Pulling in a breath of the frigid city air, she tucked her hands in her coat pockets and walked back towards the road, unsure of where she was headed for the night but with hope that tomorrow would truly feel like a new day and maybe the pain she currently felt would ease little by little until one day it might not sting at all anymore.

•••

Bird trailed her fingers over the wall as she made her way down the hallway in Wayne Manor towards the kitchen.

Her mind kept flashing back to the hallucination she'd had when she'd nearly died. Where a darkness was chasing her through the house.

There were moments where she'd allowed herself to believe that maybe it wasn't just a dream. She'd been knocking on deaths door and according to what she'd been told her heart had stopped more than once during surgery.

Bird couldn't help but wonder if, as impossible as it seemed, if she'd somehow really been talking to her father, Thomas Wayne.

It felt real.
She could still remember the warmth of his embrace, still locate the exact spot on the top of her head where he'd kissed her –just like when she was a child.

Pulling in a deep breath, she flattened her back against the wall just outside of the kitchen before finally gathering enough strength to step through the doorway.

"Change your mind about a cup of tea then, did you?" Alfred called over his shoulder when he heard soft footsteps on the floor and assumed it was Bruce who had declined the offer of a warm drink minutes before.

"I could go for some tea." Bird softly answered.

In a break from his usually composed demeanor and quick thinking when caught off guard, the glass cup fell from his hand and shattered upon impact with the floor.

Spinning around so fast he nearly lost his balance, Alfred stared at her with his mouth open and tears already beginning to fill his eyes to the brim while he stared at her in utter shock.

It was just hours ago that he'd been in an argument with Bruce over Bird's fate.

The youngest Wayne had gotten himself convinced that somehow his sister had been the masked female who'd saved his life from the monks and as much as Alfred had wished that could be true –he thought she'd been cremated and buried weeks ago.

"Lady Wayne..." Alfred managed to breathe. His suddenly clumsy tongue unable to form any other words.

"I'd, uh..." Bird cleared her hoarse throat, "I'd make some joke about how you look like you've seen a ghost, but I don't really have it in me right now."

In an instant Alfred had crossed the room and pulled her into a tight hug; one that closely resembled the feeling of when her father had hugged her in the dream she'd had.

Closing her eyes and trying her best to not let her emotions take over, she clutched onto him, breathing in the familiar scent of his cologne –and for a moment it was the single most comforting scent in the entire world.

"I..." He fought against the lump in his throat to speak, "I thought we'd lost you for good. We buried you..."

"I know." Her voice was muffled by his vest, "I thought I lost me too."

"Alfred?" Bruce called out as he rounded the corner, "I thought I heard glass-"

His sentence came to an abrupt halt when he walked into the kitchen and his eyes landed on were Bird stepped out of their butler's arms and turned to face him.

Bruce's shoulders slouched forward, the air was knocked from his body and for a split second he couldn't remember how to breathe.

"Bruce..." Bird's chin trembled as she saw the expression on his face.

She took a step towards him and with his arms wrapped around himself, he took two steps back away from her.

In spite of the tears that streaked his reddened cheeks, his face was twisted up in an expression falling somewhere between anger and devastation.

"It's okay-" Bird started to comfort him as she stepped closer intending to hug him, but in response her little brother backed up further and choked out, "Okay? How! How is any of this okay? It's not. It's not okay-"

"Master Bruce!" Alfred loudly said to get his attention, "I'm just as shocked as you are, but I'm sure that whatever has happened, your sister has been through quite the ordeal-"

"I understand." Bird cut in.

Tears rolling down her own cheeks as she stared at her brother.

It was well over a year before, but she could still so clearly remember the anger she felt when she'd crossed paths with Oswald after believing for weeks that her best friend had been murdered.

"I know how he feels." She added, glancing back to Alfred.

"Do you?" Bruce shouted out, his body continued to shake uncontrollably as he fought for each and every breath of air.

"I do." Bird nodded, "There was a time when I thought I lost someone I loved and it turned out they'd survived. I remember seeing him for the first time again and I was just as happy to see him as I was pissed off that I'd been mourning someone still living. So yeah, I get it."

Closing his eyes, he tried but failed to keep more tears from raining down his raw cheeks.

He wasn't only mad at her for not finding him sooner, he still hadn't forgiven himself for the way he'd treated her in the weeks leading up to her death.

How could any of it have happened?

He'd always considered himself a rather intelligent individual. From a young age, he'd been constantly praised for how smart he was.

And so now he'd been left wondering how someone so smart could also be so incredibly stupid.

Bird had told him repeatedly -warned him against Galavan and instead of giving any thought or credit to her claims, he'd so quickly dismissed them and was quick to turn his back on her.

Having to face her again had him experiencing an entire slew of emotions that one might experience in finding out their dead family member was very much alive -but along with those, he was also embarrassed.

For every ounce of anger he held towards her; he imagined she was holding double that for him.
And she'd have every right to do so.

Seconds were spilling into minutes as they stood facing each other in the kitchen.
Alfred stood back, still fighting his own misty eyes as he watched them.

Bruce opened his mouth, but nothing at all would come out. Not a single word, not even a noise.
Just silence.

With his gaze falling to the floor, he turned and quickly left the kitchen.

"Master Bruce?" Alfred called after him.

Bird stood in place for several seconds once her brother was gone, before she used the sleeves of her coat to dry her cheeks and eyes and turned to face Alfred with a helpless expression on her face as she asked, "What do I do?"

"I'm not good a this stuff." She stammered out in a fast paced tone, "Is this one of the times I'm supposed to chase after him or should I give him space-"

"I can't answer that." Alfred seemed at a loss himself, "This is uncharted territory, Lady Wayne. I haven't the slightest idea of what comes next."

Finally feeling all of the pain and exhaustion of over-exerting herself that day while still trying to recover from being gravely injured, Bird's legs felt comparable to Jell-O as she made her way over to the table to take a seat.

"Cup of tea?" Alfred asked, his eyes hadn't left her since the moment he'd laid sight on her.
Perhaps he was holding a fear that if he took his eyes off of her she might vanish.

Silently she nodded.

"What..." Alfred breathed as he set her cup of tea in front of her and seemed to have trouble landing in the chair across the table from her, "What happened?"

"Don Falcone." She answered, pausing long enough to take a drink before continuing, "I remember the pain of being shot and then being on the ground staring up at Jim's face and him telling me to hold on that help was on the way. And I remember..."

Tears welled back up in her eyes and she struggled through the memories of that night, "And I remember he looked so sad. Like... like I was already gone, you know?"

Bird's eyes fell to the table when she saw a tear roll down the side of Alfred's worn face.

Clearing her throat and choosing to leave out the dream she'd had of Thomas Wayne, she continued, "And then I woke up to blinding white lights and choking on the breathing tube down my throat."

"So Falcone, eh, he's the one who made the decision to to keep you away from all of us?" Alfred asked with anger lacing every syllabic.

"He did it for me." Bird defended.

"Did he, now?" Alfred's voice raised, "How could ripping you out of the lives of the people who love you possibly be doing you any favors?"

"He tries to do right by me. In his own way." Bird let out a low chuckle, "Apparently that's something I inherited, because all I wanted was to do the right thing when it came to Bruce and all I've ever managed to do was screw things up worse."

"Falcone wanted to give me a chance at a new life. So much of my life has been decided for me, since I was born and Lily took me and ran. It's always felt like I'm on a crash course, you know? Speeding towards disaster and no way to stop it. Every time I tried to do something different, to be something else -things fell apart and dragged me right back down." Bird took another drink of her tea, "Then I died and it ended up being the perfect opportunity to have something different than the hand I'd been dealt."

Nodding with a new understanding, Alfred pointed out, "But here you are."

"Word came from Falcone's informants that you'd been brought into the police station injured and saying Bruce had been taken by Galavan." Bird nodded, "There was no way in hell that I was going to let him endanger Bruce's life any further-"

"It was you." Bruce interupted from where he'd been standing just out of sight beyond the doorway, "You jumped in the way when that knife was thrown at me and you stopped it."
His gaze drifted over to Alfred as he repeated, "I knew it was her."

"That you did." Alfred conceded to the argument they'd had earlier in the night.

"I'm sorry." Bird softly said as she looked over to where her little brother was standing.

"Where were you?" He asked, his voice no louder than hers had been.

Wordlessly, he walked from where he'd been eavesdropping over to sit at the end of the table with Bird and Alfred.

"Falcone-" Bird started to launch into a replay of the story she'd just told Alfred, but Bruce shook his head, "No, I heard all of that."

When their eyes met he pushed, "Where have you been tonight? I was so sure it was you earlier and then I kept waiting for you to walk in the door and... that was hours ago. Were you trying to decide if you wanted to come see me?"

"Of course I wanted to see you." Bird silenced him, "But I had some things I needed to care of before I could."

"Important things?"

With an arched brow, Bird cautiously answered, "Yes..."

"More important than to you than coming here?"

She let out a sigh at the loaded question.

"No, not more important." She argued, "But I had to prioritize and some ends needed tied up-"

"What ends?" Alfred threw out the question and Bruce nodded along with him,

"He was never going to stop coming after us, Bruce. There was only one way to ensure your safety Bruce, and so I prioritized that over coming here." Looking between them, Bird pulled in a deep breath before admitting, "Theo Galavan is dead."

Bruce's eyebrows furrowed, "You -you killed him?"

"No." She was able to honestly answer since Jim Gordon had been the one to pull the trigger, "But I did play a part in it."

"Who killed him?" Bruce pushed for more information.

Refusing to answer, Bird evaded, "The important thing is that he's gone and he's not going to hurt us or anyone else ever again."

"I'm sorry." Bruce repeated her earlier sentiment back to her. Shaking his head near frantically the tears welled back up in his eyes, "Galavan was behind everything. He's the reason you ended up in Arkham in the first place and then you tried to warn me against Silver and I was too blinded to see it. But you were right. You were right about everything and I was horrible to you when you didn't deserve it."

"Well..." Bird breathed, "In your defense, I can only imagine how crazy I seemed."

"Which wasn't your fault." Alfred spoke up, "Detective Gordon told us about the hallucinogenic drugs found in your system when you had Dr. Thompkins test your blood."

Bird looked down, clearly still having trouble absolving herself of fault for how she'd acted.

"I understand now." Bruce was able to hold a steady tone for the first time all night, "Theo Galavan wanted control over Wayne Enterprises and you signed over your shares to me... because you knew he'd have to keep me alive for that. You were trying to keep me safe."

"I tried." Bird blinked as she gripped onto the table to stand up.

Almost immediately, Bruce was out of his chair as well and finally able to accept the hug she'd been trying to give him since he'd first seen her again.

Her eyes pinned shut and she clutched tighter onto him when she could feel his body shaking in her arms.

Through her blurry eyes she could see Alfred was also standing next to the table now and she couldn't help but let out a small laugh as she said, "Come on, Alfred. Get in on this."

Not needing a second invitation, he walked over and folded his arms around them both.

What a mess they were, Bird thought to herself.

She was broken in more ways than she could count and her now-not-so-little brother wasn't far behind her in that department. Alfred had his own demons and wounds that came to be before he'd ever come to work for the Waynes.

They were a mess, there was no denying that, but they were a family.

•••

"Are you staying tonight?" Bruce asked as he walked out of his bathroom to find his sister sitting in the chair in his room on top of some extra blankets.

"I don't know." Bird said.

Bruce came to a stop at her words, his mouth hung open as he tried to think of what to say next with the lingering minty tingle of his toothpaste still on his gums.

He wanted her to stay, but he was finally starting to understand just how much of her life she'd devoted to him and the other people that she loved.

How many times had she put her very life in danger for him and he'd never known?

"I want you to know..." He cleared his throat as he walked over and sat down on his bed, "I won't tell anyone."

When a confused expression twisted her face, he furthered, "That you're alive."

Taking in a breath and pushing his own emotions and wants to the side, he said, "I know you want to leave Gotham and it's okay. You don't have to stay for me."

"Bruce..." She shook her head, already having resigned herself to staying in the city, "I don't want to hurt you again-"

"When was the last time you were happy?" He questioned, as usual seeming wise beyond his young years, "Really happy, Starling?"

Sucking in a deep breath between her teeth she shook her head back and forth, "That's a complicated question."

"It isn't." Bruce argued with her, "It's simple actually."

"Okay then, when was the last time you were happy?" Bird shot back at him.

"Earlier tonight." He admitted, "When I was waiting to die in the cell they were holding me in."

"What?" Bird nearly choked on her own voice as she got up and went to sit next to him on his bed.

Glancing over at her he nodded, "There was this moment when I looked out of the bars over the window and I could see the moon. Even with all of the lights of the city, it was so bright. Just like when I'd go hiking and camping with dad."

"I mean, I was scared, but I saw the moon like that and then I thought of how this was going to be the last time I'd see then without mom and dad...and you." His face started to scrunch up at his own words, "And even though I was close to death, I felt alive. Happy that I was going to see my parents again. Happy that I would get to see my sister again."

"Because as scary as dying is... it's not near as bad as being the one left behind." She reasoned and he nodded in agreement.

"Life is fragile." Bird continued, "Dying is the easy part. But this -this right here, living and having to keep breathing when the people you love the most are gone, this is the hard part. It was easier for me to jump in front of a bullet for Oswald than it was getting out of bed every day these last months."

She caught the hint of judgment in his eyes, before he diverted his gaze and thought carefully of how he'd word the next question he wanted to ask.
Only there didn't seem to be an eloquent way to do so.

"What was it like?" Bruce finally asked, still avoiding eye contact with his older sister.

"What was what like?" She questioned for a fleeting confused moment until it dawned on her, "Dying?"

"Yes." He nodded, "You don't have to answer-" He quickly started to dismiss.

"Awful." Bird interrupted with a dry laugh on her tongue, "Excruciatingly painful."

Turning slightly to get a look at her face, Bruce waited patiently for her to explain further.

"Strangely peaceful." She added, looking at him when she said, "It was different then when I was younger after -well, you know."

"Different how?" He asked in a voice so quiet she barely heard him.

"I guess because it was part my decision and not something that was done to me." Bird answered.

She knew it was going to be a hard pill for him to swallow, but he asked a question and she'd promised him months ago that she'd be more honest with him.

"Theo Galavan had to die." Bird remembered, "Oswald and I were determined to take him out -even if we had to die doing so. That day is sort of a blur now... but I remember us speaking before we went to the party and us both making peace with the fact that we might not survive the night. And then I remember being in a standoff with Jim and Bullock over Galavan's life and then I saw someone on the roof with a gun-"

Bird's eyebrows furrowed as she forced herself to remember more details, "We knew that Galavan had gone through with his celebration for winning the election as a trap to try and draw Oswald out and so it was clear that he was going to be their prime target and I tried to knock him to the ground and out of harms way... but I wasn't fast enough. The shot had been fired and... and I remember the bullet hurting more when it left my side then when it went in. It happened on the way down and the bullet went through me and into Oswald's shoulder."

"I'd nearly been killed before and so I knew that feeling. What dying feels like..." Bird cleared her throat and looked away from Bruce when she could see the tears starting to well back up in his eyes, "The feeling of my clothes being soaked in my own blood and sticking to my skin like I'd been caught out in a rain storm. Dying feels like..." Blowing out a breath she tried to formulate the all too familiar feeling into words, "Cold. I was freezing and it was dark. The moon and the streetlights lost their glow and..."

"Alone?" His voice cracked.
Since losing his parents well over a year ago, he'd given so much thought to his own mortality; dwelled far too often on trying to imagine what someones last moments on earth would feel like and so often he'd imagined those moments would be cold and lonely.

"Sort of." She shrugged, "I remember Detective Bullock hovering over me and trying to slow the bleeding and then I don't know where he went but Jim was there in his place and trying to tell me to hold on, but his voice sounded so distorted, like he was trying to talk to me from the other side of a tunnel -but it didn't really matter. The last time I was shot and left for dead, I was alone in a cold alley and this time someone was there and I don't know, but that counted for a lot more than I expected it would."

"What happened after that?" Bruce asked when she held her silence.

"I, uh..." She breathed with her face starting to twist up in an unsure expression.
As far as anyone else knew, the next thing she remembered was waking up surrounded by medical equipment with the doctor monitoring her -but something else happened before that, and it was something she'd kept entirely to herself,

"I was here." Bird admitted, deciding to be entirely honest, "I was wandering through Wayne Manor, confused and in pain with this overwhelming feeling of needing to get out of the house. The front door was open and there was this blinding white light on the other side of it and the closer I moved to the door the less I hurt. But then I heard something -I thought I heard you and so I turned and went deeper into the house cause I thought you were still inside and I had to get you to safety."

Leaving out the part of being swallowed up by dark vines, Bird said, "Then I saw mom and dad."

"You saw them?" Bruce nearly gasped with a few stray tears leaving trails down his cheeks.

"Yeah, but I only got to talk to dad." Bird recalled, "He made me remember what had happened -how I'd been shot and then he pretty much told me it wasn't my time and I had to keep fighting..."

When she saw the expression on her little brothers face she quickly tried to dismiss, "But you gotta remember that I still had the drugs I'd been dosed with in my system and so it was probably just a dream or hallucination-"

"I don't think it was just a dream." Bruce spoke.

Bird's eyebrow raised at his thoughts.
He'd just said moments before that when he thought he was going to die, that a part of him was happy at the idea of being reunited with his slain parents.

Perhaps it was more a matter of his hopes that whenever he did meet his end that his parents would be there to greet him with open arms.

Either way, Bird shrugged and dismissed the possibility.

"You should get some sleep." Bird said as she gave his arm and a small squeeze and started to stand up, but he grabbed onto her arm and asked, "Are you leaving?"

"I'm not sure." She answered, "But I promise I won't take off in the middle of the night. So get some sleep."

"I got a name."

"A name?" Bird repeated back as she dropped back down into a seated position on the bed.

"Theo Galavan knew who killed our parents." Bruce admitted to her.
He wanted her to have all the facts before she made her decision to leave Gotham.

"I got a name out of Silver." Bruce admitted with the traces of a smug expression pulling at his features, "Malone. The name of the person who shot mom and dad is M. Malone."

"I know it's not much, but-" He started to say.

"It's a name." Bird cut him off, "It's a start and it's more than we had to go on before."

Nodding, there was new found determination in his voice when he said, "I'm going to find him."

••• a few days later •••

"Traveling light, my dear?" Carmine Falcone questioned as he watched Bird walk closer from where her taxi had stopped.

She offered a solemn smile and when he noticed the taxi was idling instead of driving away, he realized, "Changed your mind about leaving?"

"I'm sorry." Bird earnestly replied as she came to a stop in front of him.

"As am I." He answered, letting the disappointment show on his aged face.

He'd had such hope that she was really ready to embrace who she was and where she came from.
She had family in the south –blood family and there was still so much she didn't know.

Things that he'd hoped to share with her.

"It's funny, you know?" She broke the silence and looked out across the river at the Gotham City skyline, "The whole time you were wanting me to take over the city when you stepped down and I did everything I could to push it away. All the of the times that I wanted to run away and leave these dirty streets behind..."

Tucking her hands in to her coat pockets she offered up a shrug, "When I came back that night to save my brother from Galavan –I had the strangest feeling in my stomach the entire drive here. I thought it was nerves or even fear-"

"And the rest?" He interrupted.

With her dimples visible from the small smile she was wearing, Bird admitted, "It felt like coming home."

"For all of her flaws and the ability to bend people until they break... Gotham is my home." Bird pulled in a deep breath of the cold night air and let it expand in her chest before exhaling the stale city air, "Everything and everyone I love is here."

Walking over to where she was standing, Falcone turned around so he was also facing out across the water and nodded his head in agreement.

He had always found himself unable to stay away from Gotham for too long.
There was something about the vibrations flowing through the heart of the city that acted like a sirens song –and he found himself drawn back in every single time.

"You could still come with me." He offered, already feeling like it was wasted air and words, "At least see the estate in the south... people for you to meet, stories to learn."

"Thank you for everything." Bird said without giving him an answer to what he'd asked, "I know you wanted to give me a second chance at life somewhere away from here; that in your own way, you're trying to make up for all the wrongs. But you should know that I forgive you."

She felt lighter once the words left her body.
It was time for a new era in Gotham. A chance to do things right this time around.

In the life she'd lived, she'd seen so many be their own downfall with their never ending thirst for revenge.
Witnessed good people be so entirely consumed with hatred that it ate irreparable holes in their very souls.

But not her.

No, she wasn't going to let her past rule over her future.

It was time to grow up.
To stop using the hardships she'd faced as an excuse.

It wasn't going to happen overnight, she knew it was going to be a long way back from hell, but she had to make peace with everything she'd gone through.

Much like she'd chosen to live her life by own her terms and not by how other people wanted to see her.

Turning his head and looking down to where she stood at his side, he explained, "I'm not looking to be absolved of my guilt and my wrong doings. You're my family. My daughter; my very own flesh and blood. And while you may still be struggling to think of me in the same way, I do have hope that, in time, your views will change."

With his gaze now fixed across the water once again, he added, "Anything you need. I'm here."

Bird held her silence for a few moments, before she said, "At the end of the week, I'll be leaving for Switzerland with my brother and Alfred. We have a chalet there. I'm not sure how long we'll be gone, but in the mean time..."

Her voice trailed off and she waited until Falcone had turned to face her before she continued, "Can you have someone look into a name for me? M. Malone."

"M. Malone?" He repeated back, "Who is that?"

"According to the information my brother got out of Galavan's niece... he's the one who killed our parents." She answered, "It's not much, but it's a name and I just thought since you still have people in the GCPD that maybe-"

"I'll see what I can find out." He answered, before pointing out, "You have your own contact, don't you? Why not have Gordon follow up with this?"

Shaking her head, Bird quietly answered, "He's going to be tied up in legal matters of his own for quite a while. Jim was already a fugitive before this and then Barnes saw him at the penthouse that night. Once Galavan's body is discovered..."

Blowing out a breath she tucked her hair behind her ears and shook her head, "He's going to have enough to answer for. I'm not involving him in this."

"Understood." Falcone nodded, "I'll have my people look into the name."

"Thank you." Bird gratefully answered.

With her sight now fixated across the water and the skyline once again, she pulled in a deep breath and held it tight before slowly exhaling with a smile creeping across her lips.

Her life was still nothing short of a complicated disaster, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd found her way onto the path she was meant to have traveled all along -or maybe she was still on a crash course disaster.

Only time would tell; but there was peace in knowing that her decision to stay in Gotham City was all her own.

•••