listen to sho's lament while you read. trust me.

---

   It was a long-awaited, restful Saturday. Taehyung had spent the days in-between waiting hopefully for a text from Jeongguk, or even better: a conversation in person, but neither came, no matter how desperately he checked his phone, or kept careful eyes on the bit at school. He'd also been carefully considering Jimin's advice during that time, and trying hard to prepare his thoughts on everything for a conversation with Jeongguk.

    It was late morning. Cheery sun flooded in the open windows in Taehyung's room, accompanied by the refreshing breeze as he and Jimin played competitive solitaire on the carpet.

    It had felt a little lonely the past several days. The two new, and quickly-becoming-important people in Taehyung's life had gone, almost as quickly as they had come, and left no sign of return. But, with Jimin, he was not alone. He'd be alright, even if both Jeongguk and Sorah never came back, no matter how much his heart longed for Jeongguk, and how much he wished his friendship with Sorah would've lasted.

    "Done!" Jimin chirped. All of his cards were sorted.

    "Darn it! How are you so fast?"

    "A bomb-ass solitaire player never reveals his secrets!"

    Interrupting the laughter that followed that remark, Taehyung's text tone went off, three times in a row.

unknown: taehyung

unknown: please...

unknown: come over

   It was Jeongguk, finally, after four days of agonizing waiting. Taehyung had no point of reference for how the boy generally texted, but if he'd received those messages from Jimin, he'd instantly know something was very, very wrong, so he was uneasy at best.

    "It's Jeongguk," Taehyung clued Jimin in. "Something's not right." He handed him the phone, displaying the three texts. "Something might've happened."

    Jimin nodded. "I'll stay here and play solitaire with your mom, then."

    Taehyung gave a slight smile. "I guess I'll probably see you later."

    Taehyung had left the house less than a minute later, after replying to Jeongguk, telling him he'd be there in two minutes. He'd considering taking his new skateboard, but he wasn't sure if he had the time to spare, as he was still trying to get the hang of the thing. He left it, and took to sprinting down the street instead.

    His feet were slapping and thumping against the road, gravel poking all the way up into his arches, sending little pricks of pain every few steps. He wished, as much as he could think between heavy pants, that Jeongguk had sent him one more message that said something along the lines of "don't worry, i'm not dying, you can take your time". But maybe that was either Taehyung being selfish, or it was his side stitch talking. Not to mention the fact that Taehyung hoped, more than he'd ever hoped for anything, that he'd been worrying too much; that Jeongguk was just ready to talk.

   But, not knowing, Taehyung pushed himself, still harder, to run as fast as possible. His chest was constricting and aching in concerning ways, but he kept going, the greenery blending together and wind whirring in his ears, until he'd finally run up to Laurel Lane. Jeongguk was giving the 'making his heart pound in his chest' thing a whole different meaning.

    He allowed himself to slow down just slightly (made difficult by the adrenaline rushing through his blood and making his legs shaky) as he thumped down the street and searched out Jeongguk's house. He recognized it quickly, and slipped a hand over his booming heart as he stumbled through the grass to get to the door.

    Dakota wasn't around and barking, Taehyung noticed. He must've been with Jeongguk, offering him solace for whatever was bothering him. Overwhelmed by still growing worry, Taehyung threw open the front door.

    He didn't know what he'd expected to see, but it wasn't this. The house was quiet and peaceful, and two shocked adults stood together in the kitchen, each holding mugs of tea as they sat together at the counter.

    Taehyung only realized what he'd done now. He did his best to control his panting and politely closed the door, then bowed. As he straightend up, he began, "I am.. very sorry.. I should have knocked.." He grimaced, ready to take a verbal beating for literally breaking into their house.

    One of the adults, a relatively small woman with a winsome and lovely-looking surface, softened, and broke into a somewhat grateful smile. "You're Jeongguk's friend, aren't you?"

    "Um... Yes."

    "He's in his room. Thank you for coming. He needs it."

    Determinedly, Taehyung nodded, setting off for the stairs, but he froze part-way there, looking over his shoulder. "Did he.. mention what was wrong?"

    "He didn't tell you?"

    Taehyung shook his head.

    "Oh... Dear... Dakota died this morning." The woman looked bitterly upset as she uttered the words that hit Taehyung's heart like a bullet.

    His suddenly gaping mouth whispered a panic-stricken, "Jeongguk-"

    His legs were moving on their own, until he reached the door, and he stopped, knocking softly. There was no reply. He let himself in, cautiously.

    The room was dark. Heavy curtains were drawn, blocking out ironically nice weather. The air was stuffy and filled with black sorrow.

   First, he had looked down, in the corner by the desk. There was Dakota's bed, a half-eaten bone and a chewed blanket still resting in it. And, when he lifted his eyes, Jeongguk's bed was across the room, and it, too, was full.

   The grey sheets had moved to envelop the boy's curled-up body until only a few strands of black hair remained poking out of it. Taehyung had never felt this degree of despondency before.

    Slowly, he approached the bed, and sat down, against the headboard.The boy did not move, but Taehyung could hear his heart-wrenching, labored breaths. He didn't quite know how to comfort him, so he decided to let his heart lead him, and his heart led his fingertips to Jeongguk's shoulder.

    He could feel the boy's frame shake with grief.

    He tried speaking, softly and quietly. "Gguk?" He tried to clear away the lump forming in his throat. "I came for you..." Once he'd whispered those words, so they were only barely audible, he heard Jeongguk's stifled, muffled cries.

    Gently, he ran his fingers over Jeongguk's shoulder, bringing in his other hand to thread through locks of dark hair. The sheets had fallen down slightly, bringing most of the boy's face into view. It was completely red and glistening with rapidly falling tears, while his hands were clasped over his mouth to keep down the sound. The creases around his eyes, and his curved-down eyebrows held so much misery, while his desperate, quiet sobs called out the word, "loss".

    "Gguk, it's okay. You can cry as much as you want, it's okay."

   His voice finally appeared; weak and strained and child-like as it held so much fear and bewilderment. "I- I- c-can't-" He gasped for air between each word, and seemed to feel it was more trouble than it was worth when he gave up even trying to speak.

    "Shh, just come here." Taehyung pulled a limp and unresponsive Jeongguk up, and let his head rest on his stomach, his body draped halfway over his lap. His arms wrapped around the boy tightly, and he brushed damp hair away from Jeongguk's eyes, pulling away from his sweaty forehead and tucking it behind his ear.

   Jeongguk drew his hands in toward his chest and shut his mouth, forcing a few deep breaths through his nose. He seemed to be fighting himself on whether to lean into Taehyung's touch or pull away; stiffening up in a way that seemed quite forced, as if he was half-heartedly trying to support his weight on his own.

    Taehyung felt his body convulse, not just once but twice; his tight-lipped sobbing interrupted by what sounded like hiccups. Then, all at once he curled in on himself violently, his cheeks starting to puff out. He pulled his suddenly weak body away from Taehyung and stumbled to the door of the bathroom.

Uh oh.

    Before Taehyung had even made it inside, he was puking his guts out. He hadn't even been able to wait to throw up over the toilet- he'd only been able to get as far as the sink before the contents of his stomach poured out of his mouth. Jeongguk coughed a few times, choking as acid coming up his throat conflicted with his efforts to breathe, then his shaky knees gave and he was slumping over, either about to fall to the the floor, or to face plant directly into his vomit, before Taehyung caught him.

    Lying in Taehyung's arms on the bathroom tile, with much effort, he mumbled out a "S-sorry..."

    "It's okay; I got you, alright?"

    The tears resumed their steady, yet slowed trek down Jeongguk's cheeks again as Taehyung held him, and he whimpered softly. Each of them trying to muster up their strength, they sat together quietly. Wiping a stray tear from his own cheek, Taehyung placed a supportive hand on his back, which was now damp with sweat, and helped him into a sitting position. "Let's wash out your mouth, Gguk."

   Since the sink was full of puke, Taehyung leaned Jeongguk up against the low wall of the shower-bath. The boy struggled to lift himself enough to tug on the faucet until it coughed up a thin stream of water. He scooped up a few handfuls of water to clean out the bitter taste of bile on his tongue.

    With Jeongguk's mouth rinsed, and his teeth, shortly after, brushed to remove the stomach acid, Taehyung had to figure out what to do with the sink. His solution was to put it off until later, and close the door to keep out the smell while he helped Jeongguk get back to his bed, supporting his exhausted body with his own as the boy stumbled toward the bed.

    Almost as soon as he laid down, Jeongguk was asleep, with his face pressed against the sheets, and his limbs hanging haphazardly over the edge of the mattress. He was just thankful that the boy was finally at peace, though for who knows how long. Though, he did worry about him falling out of bed in his current state. As he carefully nudged him over enough to make room for all his appendages, it struck him that, had the situation been different, he would have been chuckling fondly and grinning like an idiot, seeing Jeongguk like this. His feelings were so conflicting, even just when he was gazing at the sleeping boy.

   His squished-up cheeks and puffed out lips and hair falling messily over his eyes struck at Taehyung's heart and made him hold back a coo, but then again, those same cheeks were stained with tears; those lips were red and swollen and bitten; those hidden eyes were red and puffy, and they made him hold back a cry of frustration that he couldn't do more. It was heart-wrenching, however he looked at it.

To be upset to the point that you throw up.. I don't know if I've ever felt that much pain...

    He wished there was something more he could do to take the boy's pain away, but this was all he had to offer: being available for comfort, physically, and verbally.

    However, the faint smell of vomit seeping through the cracks in the door pushed him to quietly leave the room and go downstairs. A male voice spoke, likely over a phone as he made it into the kitchen. The man from earlier, who must've been Jeongguk's father, stood by the counter, indeed talking solemnly over a phone that was held between his shoulder and ear while he mixed some sort of dough, and the woman, who must've been his mother, was standing beside him, mixing brown sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl.

    The woman smiled sadly at Taehyung and stepped away, directing him off into the foyer so they could speak without their words being carried over the phone. "I don't think we've met yet. You can probably tell, I'm Jeongguk's mom, and you can call me Mrs. Jeon. So, your name is?"

    "Taehyung," he answered.

   "Nice to meet you. Now, is Jeongguk feeling a bit better? I know he was a bit shaken-up earlier, obviously, but he seems to be taking it well. He asked to be alone for a while, so we've been working on making some hotteok for him down here."

He was hiding it, wasn't he?

"That's sweet of you..." Taehyung reminded himself of why he'd come down. "I'm not sure he's doing better... But- Hypothetically, if you were to clean vomit out of a sink, how would you go about that?"

"What? Vomit?"

"He... puked in the sink," Taehyung admitted.

"Oh my gosh!" Jeongguk's mother hurried off into the kitchen, then past Taehyung as she darted upstairs, holding an array of chemicals. He followed after her, and she was already working hard at cleaning the mess in the sink by the time he got there, before he could warn her to be quiet for Jeongguk's sake. Thankfully, Jeongguk seemed to be too heavy of a sleeper to wake up to any of it.

   Once the mess was gone and the sink was sprayed with chemical and wiped clean, Jeongguk's mother sighed softly, sending a quick, seemingly apologetic glance toward the sleeping boy. "He seemed fine.." She whispered. "He was okay. He said he was okay." 

   Taehyung couldn't say anything to comfort her, because he knew he was thinking the same thing as her. Jeongguk had closed himself off from everyone, and wouldn't allow his pain to show. Nearly every time he spoke to him, it seemed, he was keeping his hurt to himself, with the sweetest smile, covering any hint of pain. But today, he couldn't do that.

   The woman quietly cleared her throat and murmured, "I'll be heading back down. You could wait down there, too, if you like. Would you like anything to drink?"

   "No, I'm okay. I'll stay here with him," he answered, just as quietly. The woman nodded and left the room, silently closing the door on her way out. No sooner had she left the room than three raps on the front door echoed throughout the solemn house.

   He could hear the door creak open, and a gaggle of short, hurried voices followed by rushed steps ascending the stairs echoed in the foyer, downstairs; the sound reaching all the way to Jeongguk's bedroom and Taehyung's ears. Whoever had rushed in just now had come straight to the room and hesitated before knocking softly, just once.

   Hoping Jeongguk wouldn't be rudely awoken, Taehyung cautiously opened the door to see Sorah standing outside, her cheeks flushed as she panted heavily. For the second time, Taehyung saw the ice in her eyes melt, pain seeping through the cracks in its surface.

   "Where is he?" Her voice was desperate as she asked- or demanded. Taehyung pressed a finger to his lips to shush her.

   "He's sleeping," Taehyung whispered as he looked over his shoulder, allowing Sorah the space to see him, resting peacefully. He stepped aside to let her in, and they both sunk down against the wall, silently watching the boy's chest rise and fall, for who knows how long.

   At some point, Sorah had had enough, and declared that she'd be going downstairs to get some air, whispering a 'come get me he wakes up' before she left, grumbling about how he'd probably take his good old sweet time.

   That he did. Taehyung was almost asleep himself, head laid on his forearms, resting on the foot of the bed, when Jeongguk stirred. When his eyes did, at last, flutter open, Jeongguk had wished they hadn't, until he saw Taehyung, waiting at the end of his bed.

    "You didn't have to stay," Jeongguk croaked.

   Taehyung perked up instantly at the sound of his voice, even though it was battered and gloomy. "I wanted to."

    Jeongguk let the silence hang in the air for a while, gathering his thoughts, slowly and painfully. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to come- I- just- I was being selfish and... I shouldn't have-"

   Taehyung leaned forward and pressed a finger to Jeongguk's lips. "Shh. Jeongguk, I don't mind. Could you just let me be here for you? Don't tell me you can handle it alone when you can't." He let his finger slip down and run along the edge of Jeongguk's jaw as he dropped his arm. "Let me help."

    "...I.. don't know how." That reply squeezed at Taehyung's heart, especially hard.

   "...Maybe you should start with not apologizing for asking for help."

    "But I didn't want you to see.. me.. like this.." He paused. "You even had to see me puke." He winced, then gasped. "Shoot, I puked-" Jeongguk kicked off the blanket and stumbled onto his feet.

   "It's already gone, don't worry about it." 

    "Huh?"

    "Your mom and I cleaned it while you were asleep. Sit down."

    "Oh gosh," He covered his face with his hands, dragging his palms down his cheeks. "Sorry... I should've taken care of it right away-"

    "Jeongguk, listen to me. I wanted to help. Please stop apologizing." 

   The boy sighed heavily as he sat back down on the bed, head hung, and eyebrows furrowed. "I know, I know, I just feel..." He trailed off,  but Taehyung wasn't content to let him leave it there.

  "You feel what?"

    "....I feel so, so guilty. For everything. I feel guilty for making you and Mom and Dad worry, and for hurting Sorah, and... letting Dakota die," His voice lost its strength as he uttered the last few words, and he swallowed hard to combat a rising lump in his throat. "He got out on the street because I wasn't paying attention. I've been so distracted lately and now... Now he's gone." The boy's shining eyes fell to the floor, flicking briefly over to the dog bed in the corner.

   Taehyung let out a soft sigh. "But you never meant to, right? You didn't mean to let anyone get hurt."

    "No, I would never. I wanna take it all back."

    "Then, isn't that enough?"

     He sniffled. "I don't know." Taehyung wished hard that he wouldn't start crying again, since it had hurt so much to see earlier. He placed his hand over Jeongguk's, hoping to distract him. Jeongguk didn't lift his head, but he did flip his hand over to be able to wrap his fingers around Taehyung's.

   "Thank you for being honest. Just... lemme worry about you a little, okay?"

    "...Okay... I'll try." Jeongguk faked a little smile, for Taehyung's sake. 

I want to change. 

My whole life, it's always been me being protected, hasn't it?

I want to be someone Jeongguk can depend on. I want to be someone Jeongguk trusts enough to share his feelings with; someone Jeongguk feels safe with.

   "Oh! There's um.. Someone here to see you," Taehyung blurted out. Jeongguk finally looked up again, his glossy eyes highlighted by the sliver of light let in through the curtains. "Are you gonna be okay if I go downstairs a second?"

   "Yeah, I'll be fine," Jeongguk replied, quietly. Reluctantly, Taehyung released his grip on the boy's hand, his fingers dragging as they left Jeongguk's behind. Downstairs, Sorah sat at the table, with a half-finished cup of water in front of her, and Jeongguk's mother at her side, offering a plate of sweet-smelling hotteok.

    Her eyes were instantly on Taehyung when he entered the kitchen. "He's up," Taehyung  The girl instantly rose from her seat and pushed past Taehyung, determinedly hurrying to Jeongguk's bedroom.

   Once she was inside and in front of Jeongguk (who was awake this time), she stopped abruptly and looked him over, taking in his miserable state. Neither of them could say a word. Sorah shut her eyes tight and pulled Jeongguk up from where he sat to throw her arms around him in a tight hug. It didn't take long for them both to cry. Arms locked around each other, Jeongguk and Sorah stood in the middle of the room, sobbing hard. Knowing there was no more comfort to be given, Taehyung left them alone.

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.

im gonna miss the little woof bean, even if he was only around for a couple chapters :(

im not satisfied with this but i did a lot of rewriting and its not the worst so im going with this

hope you enjoyed it and it hurt your heart (in a good way ofc <333)