There are times I feel like I could really do with a holiday ... .

What do I do? I'm flattered by your interest. So, as I have some time, I'll tell you about my job. I'm a freelance specialist. While I'm based in the UK, my work takes me all over the world. I've been to Europe, the Americas, the Far East. I've even worked in Russia - although I wouldn't recommend it. The Russians are very jealous and they do not appreciate foreigners in their territory.

The pay is good. It has to be. Meeting a client's requirements can be expensive - and some of them can get very upset if you don't meet their specifications exactly. But it has been a long time since I last had to forfeit my fee. There are other problems. Public recognition is something to be avoided at all costs. But, you know what they say? Money can buy you a lot of things - including privacy.

I have got to know a lot of very interesting people. I even got to meet some of them, if only for a short time. Politicians, businessmen, rock stars. You would be surprised at who has used my services.

Of course, you need a certain ruthlessness in this line of work. Not everybody has what it takes; and even if you do, then you still have to be recognised by the right people. As for promotions? Forget it. Have you ever heard the phrase 'dead men's shoes'? It can sometimes be taken very literally. I don't mind telling you that the pressure can get to you. There are times that I've come close to a nervous breakdown. But, in the end, there is nothing quite like being able to walk away with the satisfaction of a job well done.

Speaking of which - I'm sorry, but I really need to concentrate. I would really appreciate it if you could just be quiet for a moment and let me get on with the task in hand.

There. Job done. Now if you'll excuse me, I really have to get going. But there is just one more loose end that needs taking care of.

No. I know you won't tell anyone about me. I'll make sure of it. Nothing personal. It was just bad luck that you happened to be here at the wrong time.

I really could do with that holiday ... .