This is the OC I used as a bad example. Sorreh, I just got really bored. Anyway, now you can see how I rate things I guess.

Name: ThunderShadow
Ummm... Maybe not name them after clans? I understand thats a Canon thing but it's boring. I won't dock points though.

Gender: Female
Okay

Age: 12 moons
So a new warrior

Clan: ThunderShadow Clan; Previously Blood and Shadow
Thats a lot of clans.

Species: Magical Cheetah
Whoa what? This is very unrealistic. Maybe a cat with a cheetah pattern?

Sexuality: Bisexual
Okee thats good

Residence: ThunderShadow Clan
Um, okayyyy

Occupation: Leader
The wouldn't she be ThunderStar?

Family:
Mother; StarStar {Pure white cat with one blue and on amber eye} [Deceased]
Father; FireStar {a large, dark flame-colored tabby tom with a pale orange belly. He has short, sleek, and thick fur, large ears, a long tail, and bright, emerald-green eyes.}
Siblings; None
Mate; Scourge {small black tom with one white paw, ice-blue eyes, glossy fur, and a torn left ear. He has a purple collar studded with teeth from dogs and cats, and claws reinforced with dogs' teeth.}
StarStar is an unrealistic name. And why did FireStar mate with someone other than SandStorm?

Friends:
Literally EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. Except Bone.
She can't have just ONE enemy.

Enemies:
Bone {is a huge, battle-scarred, black-and-white tom with green eyes, and a scar between them. He has long legs, broad shoulders, and a collar studded with teeth from dogs and claws from cats}
Read previous.

Abilities: Flight; able to summon starclan cats and travel to starclan/dark forest as she pleases; can magically heal cats; can hear and see everything and anything; Is immortal(can't die from ANYTHING); invisibility; breathes fire and ice;
Um, just, GET RID OF IT ALL. GEEZ.

Appearance:
Pale pink cheetah, except she's only slightly larger than a house-cat; has black jeweled collar with tiger claws embedded in it; Strong dragon wings; python fangs
Get rid of all of this. Actually, keep the collar. Dog claws instead of tiger claws tho.

Personality: Kind and sweet to everyone; previously super evil
Thats a drastic change. More detail please.

Strengths: She can fly and is a super strong fighter; has never before lost a battle
Okaaaaayyy... Remove flight tho.

Weaknesses: None
ADD SOME THEN

Likes: Everyone but Bone
Whoa why does she not like bone? Oh I see.(read backstory)

Dislikes: Bone

Backstory:

ThunderShadow was shunned because she was a half-clan cat with FireStar as her Father, and StarStar, Shadow Clan's leader, as her mother. She was also shunned because of her birth defects, like how she was a cheetah, had wings, and would spontaneously shoot fire out of her mouth.
Um, okayyyyyyy

She eventually ran away and met a cat named Scourge who gave her a jewel embedded collar. Then one day a tiger family escaped from the zoo. She killed all of them on her own and she put the tiger claws in her collar.
Unrealistic

One day she figured out that Bone had a crush on Scourge and so she got mad and killed him.
Oof. Killing him over that? Also I ship it thats greAT.

Soon she and Scourge went back to Shadow Clan and ThunderShadow killed her mother and became Shadow Clan's leader. Then she killed FireStar and took over ThunderClan.
MURDERESS! Also how did she kill them? I'm interested. Like how Scourge killed TigerStar?

Scourge did the same with Wind and River clan and they lived happily as mates forever and ever. THE END.
Did they get their nine lives and leader names?

Overall, I give her a 1/10. She needs a lot of work. That one point is for the Bone thing. It's interesting.