The next few days were absolutely insufferable.

After I had discovered the bodies of my parents, I had done nothing but sob as I lied next to them, so overwhelmed with grief and wishing more than anything that my body would just sink into the ground beneath me. My throat was burning, and my head was practically pounding from how much I had been whimpering.

I was also experiencing the most horrible cycle – being so distraught and shocked that I couldn't believe it was all real, hoping that it actually wasn't real, and becoming just as distraught and shocked when I processed the fact that it was real.

My parents were dead, and I had lost them in one of the most horrible ways possible.

It had been nighttime when I found Chrissy and Sparrow, and I was there being consumed by sadness until morning broke. I don't even know how, but I finally pushed myself to stand up after having laid down with my head in my paws for the entire night. I had looked at my parents again, took another moment to wait out another horrible wave of grief, and then proceeded to limp a few tail lengths away so that I could begin to weakly dig into the ground.

And from that morning until sunhigh, I dug two large holes into the ground, and from sunhigh until the next night, I tried with all of my might – both mentally and physically - to drag both Chrissy and Sparrow into each hole, and then proceed to cover their bodies with dirt.

I was still very young, however, I was already certain that that was the most emotionally draining, most unnerving, and the most upsetting thing that I would ever have to do, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

And for days after that, I didn't move from those burial spots. Those evil, evil dogs never came back, but that honestly didn't matter to me now. The damage had been done.

Whether or not Chrissy and Sparrow had actually been able to fight the dogs off before they died, I wasn't sure. All that I knew now was that I hated those mangy creatures with every fiber in my body.

These first few days of absolute grief, I had to admit, were incredibly exhausting and left me feeling completely numb. I could not fathom a universe where I would be able to feel any positive emotion – how could I? What would there ever be to be happy about when I had lost the both of my parents in such a tragic way?

So, for those first few days, after I'd settled by Chrissy and Sparrow's burial spots, I didn't move, eat, drink, and only slept when my body absolutely forced me to.

But I eventually transitioned from being able to do nothing but sink into my grief, to being desperate to find anything in order to distract me from my grief.

I still don't know how I managed it, but I forced myself to move on. As much as I hated to leave where I knew my parents still were, I knew that they would want me to continue traveling as if they were still with me.

However, now, here I was, standing numbly in a rocky clearing, only having traveled for a quarter of a day and having absolutely no idea where to go. And no motivation to go there at all...

Of course, my first instinct had been to go see Barley and Ravenpaw – the two only other cats that were in my life and meant so much to me... but not right now... I told myself, my head so incredibly foggy with sleep deprivation and grief. How would I even face them? And seeing them would mean that I would have to tell them the news.

I then screwed my eyes shut, holding back a whimper. Things are still so, so fresh, and telling them makes it feel even more real...

After I opened my eyes again, I then forced myself to take at least a few pawsteps forward. I will live in denial as long as I possibly can, I then thought, the warm sun casting on my back as I traveled through the forest.

Along with that, I couldn't even fathom the fact that I hadn't been around when it all happened, simply waiting in a hole as my parents were ripped to shreds. I did absolutely nothing as they were killed, I then thought, my eyes welling up with sadness for the hundredth time in the past few days. Sparrow told me to stay put, but I shouldn't have listened... I should have chased after them and fought with them.

I then shut my eyes once again, trying to fight off another unbearable wave of grief as I relived the situation all over again. There is no way that I could face Ravenpaw and Barley right now. What if they think it's all my fault?

I then stopped my tracks. What if it is all my fault?

I then couldn't help but practically fall to the ground, this wave practically consuming me as my head began to spiral. I knew for a fact that Sparrow and Chrissy were outnumbered, and that the worst would likely happen, yet I stood back while they took those three dogs on by themselves.

And the only reason why I had stayed back was because of a stupid wound on my leg.

And now with that leg being the least of my worries, it made me believe even more that I should have completely ignored it and should have fought beside my parents no matter what hindrance I'd had. And even if all three of us hadn't been able to fight off the dogs, I would have been with them... we would have all been together one last time...

I then buried my head into my paws again. Oh my goodness, it's too much... it's too much...

And after lying there, whimpering and being consumed by sadness for what felt like days, even thought it was just a few moments, I forced myself to stand up again. There is no way I could face Barley or Ravenpaw right now, I concluded, as much as I hated to admit it. Maybe after a few quarter moons or so, but not right now...

I then felt the slightest pang of regret after that thought, and ultimately let out a hiss of frustration. Ugh, how is it that I could so desperately want to be alone, but want to be surrounded by so much support and comfort at the same time?

But despite that, I suppose I decided that being alone right now was for the best. Was it actually for the best? I didn't have the capacity to think it through.

All I felt that I could do for now was let my paws lead me wherever they felt like doing so.

~>~>~>~>~

The air around me was cold, and a violent chill ran down my spine as a bone-chilling breeze brushed against my fur. Below the tall boulder I stood on, the dying grass slowly leaned to its side, and the leaves of the tress that were now so many different colors shivered.

Well... I thought, sitting down on the cold stone. I thought that I would be able to be excited about my second leaf-fall approaching, but something about the cold and the falling leaves isn't bringing me up at all this time...

I then brushed off a yellow leaf that had fallen onto my shoulder with my tail. And it only shows how much time has passed, yet... I'm still hurting like I never have before...

It was still crazy to me that I had begun my travel on my own right in the middle of Greenleaf, and now, that seemed far, far behind me as the trees began to change colors and the extreme heat abruptly went away. And truthfully, although it had felt like an infinite amount of seasons that I had traveled, and an infinite amount of seasons since I had lost Chrissy and Sparrow, it had very likely only been a moon – plus another half moon at the most.

And that moon plus another half moon had felt like... torture.

As one would expect, I was constantly consumed by grief – not only the grief that obviously came from losing the two cats most dear to me, my parents, but also, grief that came from leaving their burial spots.

Deep down, I knew that I had made the right choice of forcing myself to continue on; I had to remind myself that that's what my parents would want me to do, but at the same time, I was consumed by some irrational guilt that told me that I was forgetting my parents by leaving them.

But I already knew that that was dumb, because everything, everything, made me think of them.

I couldn't stand to be in any area that was even remotely familiar to me – although I was still fairly young, we had traveled to so many placed together, and I always happened to run into somewhere that I quickly recognized. From there, so many memories of Chrissy and Sparrow would immediately overwhelm my brain – the conversations and jokes that we had, the races that I would watch them do, the meals that we shared... Somehow, even places that weren't even remotely familiar to me reminded me of them somehow.

But what else could I do? I still hadn't mustered up the courage to face Ravenpaw or Barley – another thing consuming me being the guilt that I felt still for not fighting beside my parents – but at the same time, I hated being this alone, and doing it for over a moon now hadn't made things feel any better.

All I had done for that moon was wander... aimlessly. I honestly would only travel for a bit of each day before becoming so mentally exhausted that all I felt that I could do was sink to the ground and simultaneously sink into my grief and guilt. So... I suppose that I got to settle in many different places.

I had slept up in the trees on tree branches, within tree trunks that had a big enough space, in the plains under the stars... whatever was around when I decided I couldn't take it anymore.

And although it was likely safest, I never, ever slept inside of caves, holes, or dens. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

In fact, I found I liked it best when I slept up in high places – it was also fairly safe, but I also was able to see what was going on around me. So, taking moments to stand on large boulders, looking at the dawn view like I was now was oddly calming. Much, much better than being trapped and oblivious...

Once I had gotten my bearings, I finally leapt down from the boulder, deciding that I would travel just a bit more before seeking out a place to settle for the night.

The wind continued to brush my fur as I traveled through a small clearing surrounded by brambles. I actually vaguely remembered this area, and recalled that it actually wasn't too far from the forest where Barley had told me that the wild cats are... where the dogs attacked... where Sparrow and Chrissy...

I then screwed my eyes shut, giving a shake of my head. Stop. Find a place to sleep, Mist.

Ruthlessly pushing down my grief, I forced myself to lift my chin and glance up at the trees above. Tonight feels like another night to maybe sleep up on a branch again, but which one-

I then nearly let out a startled yelp as I nearly tripped on something in front of me. What in the...

I quickly looked down at my paws, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as I immediately recognized the dead squirrel below me. With a slash through its neck... when and where does it end?

At this point, I was nothing but annoyed when I ran into these, as I had run into them countless times already in the past moon. Not only did they remind me of the beginning of the horrible storm that had brought me to lose my parents, but I still had no idea why these were here.

I then let out a long huff and gave another shake of my head. Well, I know why they're here, but I don't have the foggiest idea as to why any cat would want to lure dogs anywhere.

Luckily for me, I had not run into a single dog since I was on my own, I most certainly had scented them and ran away as quickly as I could. Which is exactly what I'm going to do now, I thought dismissively as I pushed the squirrel aside with my paw and pelted forward.

To be honest, while it was very hard to ever feel fully fulfilled or happy these days, breaking into a run was something that seemed to make all of my worries go away for just a moment, with all of your surroundings simply brushing past you as you sped ahead.

And not to mention, with my leg now fully healed, it of course was very nice to be able to run without any physical pain.

And it seemed as if I had only run for a few moments, however, when I finally skid to an abrupt stop, the sun only casting the last bits of its light on the thunderpath that was just tail-lengths ahead of me. Whoa...

A thunderpath was another thing that I had not seen any signs of since I had been alone. And already, I was trying with all of my might to push down all of the memories I had of me and my parents having our little adventures crossing the thunderpath. They were so nervous about me crossing that I never had the chance to fully cross it by myself, but now I have no choice...

I then gave a flick of my ears. That is, if I actually choose to cross it. I suppose that I don't have to.

However, for some reason, I was feeling a strange tug to.

Already, my nose was crinkling from the strange, completely unfamiliar scents that I was catching – monsters mingled what smelled like crowfood, Twoleg food, and countless other scents that I had been able to catch whenever Chrissy, Sparrow and I had traveled near a Twolegplace.

Clearly, beyond this thunderpath was a place that was very new and very strange to me. A place unlike anywhere that I had been before. A place unlike anywhere that I have been before... I then repeated in my mind. Why isn't that as terrifying of a thought as I thought it would be?

But I then forced myself to mentally pull back, but actually also taking a pawstep back as something occurred to me. Wait a moment... I then thought as I gaped my mouth open to further take in these new scents. I very well could be wrong, but am I headed in the direction of that weird, big Twolegplace that I could see to the right of Barley's barn?

I then felt a chill run down my spine. The one that he told me was very dangerous, and that I should stay away from? I thought worriedly. But...

I then took a deep breath, looking ahead as if I could see the Twolegplace right in front of me. Barley can't mean the entire Twolegplace, right? And it's likely that I'll only travel through it. Besides...

I then took another deep breath as I looked over my shoulder at the forest behind me. As much as I've always felt a tug towards the forest, I... I just can't... there are too many memories here. I need to escape.

I then looked back towards the thunderpath. I need to get out of here.

Then, after one final deep breath, I took a step forward, looked to my left and then to my right to make sure that the thunderpath was clear, and then proceeded to pelt across to the other side, more than ready to escape from my sadness, my grief, and all of the memories for just a little while.