For a moment I felt that I was trudging through the thickest gust of fog, my head stuffy with nothingness as I very groggily came into consciousness. However, I quickly realized that it was still nighttime considering opening my eyes didn't make much of a difference.

Just based on my slight view of the sky above and the sounds I could hear, I could deduce that dawn was maybe just barely approaching. Great...

I slightly stirred in my spot, not being able to move too much with Scourge's tail wrapped around my flank, and his muzzle pressed into my neck. Not that I was complaining... but I was at a standstill.

So, I continued to lie there in our nest, awake, for a few moments, as I tried to decide if I wanted to attempt to go back to sleep or not.

And it didn't take me long at all to decide that I think I wanted some air. As cozy and secluded as Scourge's den at the back of the BloodClan camp was and had been, I'd been feeling a little off the past few days anyway, and figured that taking a little walk might help a bit.

So, as quietly and as gently as I could, I tried to shift away from Scourge and stand up – making sure that he wouldn't be startled by the sudden empty space next to him or his own tail suddenly dropping with that empty space.

Then, once I was up on all four paws, I couldn't help but turn back around to look at Scourge, watching as shifted, still asleep, and moved so that he was then lying on his stomach, his head lying in his paws. To me, it looked so uncomfortable, but at the same time, it looked like he was ready to wake up and leap into action at any moment if needed. He's ready to pelt back into that forest later this morning, I suppose...

And it was how he had slept for the first few nights since I had moved into the BloodClan leader's den, and while I'd been pretty persistent in lying right next to him, it had taken him a bit to be more comfortable cuddling up to me.

Which, I should have only expected it would be that way.

As I then crept out of Scourge's den, I almost immediately paused, making sure to look back and forth to see if any other cat was out or awake. I had tried to make a very conscious effort to do this every time I left the den, being fully aware that Scourge had been wary about our Clanmates knowing that the two of us now shared a den.

Luckily for Scourge, today, I was leaving the den especially early, and no cat here would be able to suspect a thing.

And with that den now far behind, I decided that I was going to fully leave camp, and let myself mindlessly wander the Twolegplace as the sun began to rise.

I was under the firm belief that this time of day was probably the calmest and quietest that I would ever see the city – there were rarely any Twolegs walking around, and monsters only scarcely passed on the thunderpath. Even most of the bright lights that shone through the tallest buildings were now off, and I was mainly just relying on the tall lampposts scattered about to see what was in front of me.

And it only took me a few moments of padding on the small thunderpath, walking along the countless buildings to realize that this is exactly what I had needed, and I was going to take my sweet time wandering around. At this point, I wasn't worried at all about getting lost – I felt that I had probably explored basically every area that was even somewhat close to the BloodClan camp. And even if I find somewhere that I haven't been before, I began to tell myself, genuinely not scared at all at the prospect of getting lost, I'll figure out my way back.

For now, I was just going to enjoy my surroundings and let my paws take me wherever they pleased.

And as I continued to pad through the weirdly empty Twolegplace, I found my pawsteps growing lighter and lighter, and my head feeling clearer and clearer as I continued to wake up. And to add to that, the violent nausea that I woke up with is calming down a bit too...

Eventually, I found that the colossal buildings that I was now used to were slowly beginning to shrink down, now appearing in the form of what looked like a bunch of Twoleg nests.

As I got to this area, which was quieter than any place I had been in a long time, I found myself taking a deep breath, finding my gaze slowly rising up to the sky, which was slowly turning into a beautiful light purple and pink.

I felt my stomach twist up in the most amazing way possible – I hadn't been able to see much of the sky like this at all in a very long time... it was truly gorgeous.

But my focus was quickly jerked away from that sky, and I shut my eyes tightly as I suddenly felt a strange sensation under my paws.

Though it was something else that I hadn't experienced in the longest while, I immediately knew what it was. Grass.

I then let out a sigh as I opened my eyes and looked down, confirming with myself that it indeed was just that. Well... I said that I would let my paws take me wherever they pleased... I thought begrudgingly. Good job, paws.

I could hardly believe it myself, but I truly didn't think that I had stepped in, let alone seen a blade of grass for moons and moons now. And honestly, I couldn't even begin to describe how strange it felt, and the weird feelings that began to surge through my body as I felt it.

If anything, I was angry, if I had to pick out an emotion, I had been trying to avoid grass or anything of the sort for the longest time. It only reminds me of...

I then closed my eyes once again, giving my head a violent shake. I can't. I can't think about it...

But almost immediately after that, my eyes opened again and I let out another sigh – but this time, a sigh of absolute longing. Oh, but at the same time...

Almost without thinking, I then found myself practically prancing forward and proceeding to let myself sink into the grass, taking in its scent and almost fully engulfing myself into it.

And almost feeling more at home than I had in moons and moons.

And as I continued to lie in the grass, now rolling around in it like a kit, I stopped while I was on my back, realizing with my upside-down view that I seemed to have found my way to a park – a park that I hadn't managed to find before. Small thunderpaths hardly wider than a fox were spread everywhere, with lampposts placed strategically around.

And there were also trees and grass. Everywhere.

I also could practically feel my own heart melt as I then realized that I could hear the sounds of the chirping crickets in the shrubs and the early morning birds calling out up in the trees.

And with all of that – these sights and these sounds – I was brought back to the grassy floors of the many places I had explored as a young cat – the plains, the mountains, the cliffs, the rivers, the stones, the forest... I almost hated how happy it made me feel to think about all of it... exploring nature... nature and the world around me as I pleased... climbing trees, hunting prey... I then thought happily as I closed my eyes and continued to lay on my back. I didn't want to admit to myself then, but goodness, was I jealous of Boulder when he talked about the forest all those days ago...

I then narrowed my eyes, rolling over so that I was now on my belly. And yet... I'm here. I put myself here, I reminded myself. Living in a camp in between buildings, finding food by stealing from Twolegs... living among vicious outcasts with a double-the-amount vicious – but incredibly powerful and noble – leader...

I then found myself standing up, my paws now leading me deeper into the park. And when I passed the first tree, I immediately crouched down, leapt up, climbed up the trunk and then swiftly jumped onto the lowest branch, settling down on its edge.

And once I had, I then took in a sharp inhale and closed my eyes, almost immediately regretting my decision to climb the tree as a beaver dam inside my heart seemed to break, and a river full of sadness began to flow through my body.

So, I violently tried to build that dam back up as I stared ahead at the park, my sight slightly blurry as my eyes filled up with emotion and grief – the grief I had been trying to push down since I first touched the grass. Would... would Chrissy and Sparrow be happy with this life I was living? I then asked myself. Would they be disappointed that this is what I chose to do after I lost them?

With those questions in my mind, I closed my eyes and let out a frustrated huff... because I honestly couldn't be sure of either of them, and I couldn't be sure about how I felt about that.

But either way, that did not matter.

I gave my head another quick shake. It doesn't matter, I told myself once again. I tried something new. They would be happy about that.

I then took a deep breath, forcing myself to stay on the tree branch as I then shifted my gaze towards the sunrise – something else that I hadn't had a view of in the longest time. And after this trip to the park... I absolutely can't come here again. It's too much...

I then looked back over my shoulder – towards the entrance to the park that led back to the looming Twolegplace. This life is sufficient for me, I then told myself. I'm fitting in in BloodClan, and... I suppose that I have made some pretty notable connections...

I then shifted in my spot, feeling butterflies flutter in my stomach for just a moment. It is something, at least. And it is something new.

I then abruptly closed my eyes once again, practically writhing in pain at on that tree branch as a cramp unlike anything I had ever felt before shot through my stomach.

I then swallowed hard, trying to once again push back that nausea that had been pestering my for the last few days. Speaking of something new... I then thought, nerves making my heart suddenly feel heavy as I lowered my head onto my paws. Goodness gracious, oh no...