User: 

Name: Magpieshade- (I just realized that I've never known what a magpie looks like...please hold while I do my research...they're pretty! I like the fact that you were thinking outside the box, but Magpie is a hard prefix to add to. I'd suggest Magpiewing or Magpiefur.)- 1 point

Clan: BoneClan (under edit for the name so forgive me)- (Err...you did say it was under edit...if you're looking for a normal Clan name, try...DustClan? If you're looking for something darker...MistClan? MistClan is subtle, so if you like it, that's what I'd suggest.)

Gender: Tom- (Yay! Male OC's!)

Appearance: black and white tuxedo (white paws, chest, belly, and tail tip) cat with bright yellow eyes- (Grr...look, I like the prefix Magpie, and I like how it fits his pelt, but this is really overdone. Tuxedo cats are awesome, but overdone...I'd suggest a white and dark gray cat, or one or the other. Maybe the eyes can be hazel or amber?)- 5 points

Personality: Somewhat cold and calculating, distant from his clan, holds grudges and has trust issues. Once you get to know him he's sweet and slightly timid, and very charming, with a humorous sarcastic side.- (This personality sounds mixed up to me. Take out the cold and calculating. It seems unneccesary.)- 2 points

Backstory: He was found by BoneClan when they were on patrol, he was around apprentice age, maybe younger. He was bullied for being an outsider which led him to fend for himself and do everything his power not to help the Clan out. His mentor, Clovergaze, tried to get him to open up, but he hated everyone. When Magpieshade finally got his warrior name he was very bitter. He held a dark secret, he could read minds (I KNOW IT SOUNDS CLICHÉ HEAR ME OUT) he hated his powers, truly and utterly hated them. It was a terrible curse for being born from a medicine cat. He finally opened up to his best friend Meadowbreeze about his powers, quickly she turned against him and left him. Increasing his bitterness and outcasting the tom in his own clan. He suffered from depression and anxiety, fearful that she'd tell the Clan. She never did. He still doesn't trust his Clanmates as he should, and hates Meadowbreeze especially. He begins to trust again when Crowpaw is assigned to him, the apprentice was bubbly and sweet, not caring about Magpieshades history. Magpieshade took his secret to his grave when he was killed by a cat from OceanClan, protecting Crowpaw.- (This is okay. I think the part that's cliche isn't the powers, but the fact that he was bullied and bitter. Maybe you could say that he just has a different perspective of Clan life, and he never got along with other cats much anyways. That way, when problems arise, he would be likely to be distant and bitter.)- 1 point

Family: Tin (father, tuxedo cat with dark yellow eyes)- (I'm not worried about his pelt color, unless the father is seen a lot or is part of the main focus of the story.)

Mother: Goldspark (golden tabby she cat with bright green eyes, formerly Med cat of FireClan)- (Nice name.)

Crush: Formerly Meadowbreeze- (Awesome.)

Other: In my cat universe if a med cat has kits, there's a 90% chance they'll have powers. The reason that it's forbidden they have kits or take mates.- (I like this change, but I'd put it to a 60%)

Points Taken: 9

Results: 91%

I think this could use a few touch ups, but nothing major. Nobody's perfect, and your character is definitely interesting, so I don't think you have too much to worry about. Maybe you could write a fanfiction about this character, and add some interesting plot twists to the storyline. Whatever you do, the choice is yours!