Chapter 28
Goldenshine's POV
Come on, Goldenshine, I told myself as I loosely shook my head back and forth for the hundredth time. Great StarClan, you'd think it would be a bit easier for a cat to prevent themselves from collapsing to the ground out of exhaustion.
I then let out a huff of frustration as I turned to face Hazeltail and Mousewhisker once again, who I was currently training with, telling myself that I really needed to give them my full attention despite my grogginess that didn't seem as if it could wash away in even the harshest storm.
I knew very well that this was the worst possible time to be tired, and I had been trying my hardest to focus despite the lack of sleep I'd gotten last night. I'd estimate, or at least it felt like, I'd gotten just a few blinks of sleep at the most.
Whatever I'd gotten, it felt as if I hadn't slept at all, and it now left me to face another day of training with a dull head and eyelids that seemed to weigh double as much.
But I'd been much too preoccupied with my thoughts to even think about sleeping - thoughts of the Dark Forest's arrival, of Snowstorm's destiny, of Lilypetal and this plan that she insisted that she carry out on her own...
At the moment, it seemed impossible to live in a world with absolutely no worries. I really hoped that it wasn't showing, but mine were practically consuming me.
Another reason why I was trying to focus on the present moment. All of that wasn't to prevent me from paying attention and putting forth my best effort. But I will admit, the fact that Mousewhisker seemed bit restless as well made me feel a bit better.
I had been assigned to train with the two littermates just a bit before dusk, and it appeared as if I was about to practice a battle move with Hazeltail at her prompting, while Mousewhisker watched and gave tips if needed.
I let the gray-and-white she-cat leap at me first. And once she made her leap, forelegs outstretched, I was already ready to dodge my Clanmate's advances.
And just as I began to skid to my side, I was surprised to hear that Mousewhisker already seemed to be shouting something out to me. "Goldenshine, watch out!" he exclaimed, his voice urgent. "You're about to step on a-"
At that very moment, I felt one of my back paws meet something painfully pointy.
Mousewhisker sighed and slowly closed his eyes. "Thorn..." he finished.
It didn't take long for the pain to feel as if it was running throughout my entire back leg, and I couldn't suppress an uncomfortable hiss as I pulled it away from the spot. "What in the name of StarClan?" I growled, trying to look back at my punctured paw. "When did that get there?"
I looked up for just a brief moment to see Hazeltail padding up to me, her green eyes concerned, and a bit amused. "Well, it's been there," she murmured. I had to suppress another hiss as I realized she almost sounded condescending. "I thought you'd seen it already."
"No, I didn't," I muttered, rolling my eyes. Definitely could be explained by my lack of sleep, however...
I then finally forced myself to attempt to set my paw down, but it had barely touched the ground before I felt another unbearable shooting pain. "Geez, that hurts!" I meowed, my voice tight with agony.
I then noticed Mousewhisker quickly running up to sniff at my paw. "But it's barely touched the ground yet!" he pointed out worriedly. "Should you maybe go to Jayfeather?"
I managed to tense up even more hearing the medicine cat's name. "Jayfeather?" I muttered anxiously.
Mousewhisker's green eyes still glowed with concern, but it was clear that he was very amused by my question. "Yes, Goldenshine," he purred. "Our medicine cat?"
I slowly nodded back at the tom, my stomach slowly beginning to ache and grow heavy with my nerves. "Right..." I murmured, trying to think of any possible way I could avoid having to interact with the gray tabby tom. "But... neither of you can pull it out?"
I glanced back towards Hazeltail to see her giving a shrug, and her eyes then narrowed as she began to observe my paw as her brother had. "Well... I'd maybe have a go at it, but I don't think I trust myself, especially when it's bothering you this much," she meowed, to my dismay. She then let out a snort and backed away a pawstep. "But I'm sure that Jayfeather will have the perfect remedy, and now that he's cleared his name, he's probably eager to heal any cat at this point!"
I let out a sigh at the she-cat's words, realizing that I was going to have to give in. I suppose I'd rather risk another awkward encounter with Jayfeather than this pad getting infected. "Alright," I meowed to my Clanmates before beginning to reluctantly limp towards the medicine den. "I'll be back soon." Hopefully as soon as possible.
I then couldn't suppress yet another hiss as the familiar clearing came into sight. Gosh darn you, you thorn, digging as deep into my pad as you did...
As low-key and calm as a visit to the medicine den should be, I could already be certain that I'd leave feeling confused and ruffled just as I had been every time I spoke with Jayfeather.
And the gray tabby tom now had his position as a medicine cat back, as Hazeltail had mentioned. And as happy as I was that Jayfeather was getting to do what he did best once again, I couldn't help but think that this encounter as was about to have with him could have been avoided had he still been suspended from his duties.
But I knew that if I wanted to return to training as soon as possible, I'd have to buck up and deal with him for a few moments and simply be prepared if he chose to scold me about the Snowstorm situation again.
I actually found myself feeling a twinge of sorrow as I arrived at the medicine den's entrance, and I actually had to take a moment before deciding to go in. I used to burst into this den and speak to Jayfeather, not caring what he was doing. He always seemed so annoyed, and yet he always listened to me, and he never told me to leave... I thought sadly. But now I'm terrified to do something as little as make my presence known.
I then let out a sigh as I finally crawled through the bramble screen. Oh, how things have changed.
My dejection was then replaced with nerves all over again once my eyes fell on the medicine cat, who was at the back of the den with his herb stores as he usually was. He immediately knew that I was there, turning his head slightly over his shoulder and giving a single flick of his ears.
I found myself taking a pawstep back. "Um... hey, there," I murmured, feeling as if I needed to fill up the silence.
And I simply watched nervously as Jayfeather then lifted his muzzle slightly, as if he were sniffing something in the air. And after a moment, he let out a small grunt and fully turned to face me, his blind blue eyes narrowed. "I smell blood."
I gave the medicine cat a shrug, even though he couldn't see it, and gently lifted up my injured back paw. "Well... a thorn puncturing a paw will sometimes make blood appear."
I was then surprised to see Jayfeather snort, his head tilting to the side. "You have a thorn in your paw?" he asked in confusion and disbelief. "How in the name of StarClan did that happen?"
I slowly opened my mouth, shaking my head slowly as I tried to figure out how to answer that question. "I... stepped on it."
"And you didn't see it?" Jayfeather then hissed with annoyance. "A thorn in the stone hollow?"
"I wasn't paying attention!"
The gray tabby tom then rolled his eyes, letting out a huff. "Great StarClan," he muttered as he padded up to me, his head shaking slowly. He then paused once he was about a tail-length from my flank.
For a moment, the two of us stood in silence, and it took me a few heartbeats to realize that Jayfeather was probably expecting me to lift my paw so that he could observe it.
I let out a quiet gasp. "Oh, sorry," I whispered, quickly lifting my paw for the medicine cat to see, and simultaneously trying to push down my embarrassment. If anyone is making this awkward, it's me!
Jayfeather didn't reply, and simply let out a quiet hiss as I felt his nose begin to rub against my pad. After a moment, he pulled away, and just as I was expecting him to walk in front of me to grab whatever herbs he needed, I felt a strong jolt of pain in the very spot that the medicine cat had been sniffing.
I hissed with pain yet again, wincing and screwing my eyes shut. "Ouch!" I growled, my teeth clenched together. "What did you just do?"
I turned back to Jayfeather to see him lowering his head, placing a small object onto the ground. "I pulled out the thorn."
"Did you ever think to give me a warning?"
Jayfeather sniffed as he pushed the thorn aside with a paw. "What, like counting to three? Please." He then began to make his way back towards his herb stores. "Stay there. I'm getting cobwebs."
I sniffed as well, my discomfort slowing ebbing away without me even directly realizing it. I felt like I could speak to the medicine cat as I always had, before our quarrel had arisen. "Thanks for telling me, because I was most definitely going to leave the den with blood trickling out of my paw," I murmured sarcastically.
Just as quickly as he had left, Jayfeather returned to my side with the cobwebs in his jaws. He used one of his paws to prompt me to lift up mine, and he gently began to dab at the spot where the thorn had been. "Well..." he muttered in response to my words. "You've done something similar before."
I couldn't help but let out a huff and roll my eyes as Jayfeather reminded me of that incident. "That was one time!" I insisted, my voice full of laughter. "I was playing with Swiftflight when he was a kit, and a branch on that fallen tree left a small gash on my flank. I didn't want to be away in the medicine den for very long, or he'd start to worry about his mother!"
"Yes, because Swiftflight seeing his mother's flank still gushing with blood would have been much more reassuring," Jayfeather muttered. And as I rolled my eyes again, he backed away and headed for his herb store once more. And I felt a small jab of concern as I heard him let out a hiss.
Making sure not to put much weight on my paw for the moment, I carefully turned to look back at the medicine cat. "What's wrong?"
Jayfeather lowered his head for a moment before turning back around to reveal the herbs in his mouth. "We're nearly out of marigold. This is the last of it," he answered me through his full mouth. He then quickly made the petals into a poultice and began to spread it over my paw. "I'll need to go out and collect much, much more."
He then let out a long sigh, and he closed his blind eyes. "As soon as possible."
I immediately felt a stab of sympathy as I stared back at Jayfeather. Even if this destiny ahead of him didn't exist, a medicine cat preparing for a battle as big as this one must be incredibly stressful, almost even more so than for the cats actually fighting, I realized. In a way, he's the one making sure that every cat comes back out of this alive.
I felt the impulse to do something, and after we'd just had a conversation that made it seem as if everything was okay between us, I felt comfortable doing so. "...Do you need help?"
Jayfeather genuinely seemed thrown off by the question. His whiskers twitched, and he met my gaze as if he weren't blind at all. "Help?" he repeated, his eyes beginning to narrow.
I anxiously gave the tabby tom a nod, suddenly worrying if I'd been wrong to make the polite gesture. "Collecting herbs, I mean," I replied, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
And I continued to worry that I had said that wrong thing as Jayfeather simply stared back at me for what felt like an eternity of time. Probably thinking up clever and snarky ways to tell me that it's not gonna happen...
But to my surprise, after a bit, the medicine cat sighed, gave me a single nod. "Sure," he finally answered me before proceeding to swiftly pad out of the den. "That's fine."
For a moment, I simply watched the medicine cat go, frozen with utter bewilderment at how easy that had been. "Oh, now?" I then called out to him. And when I didn't hear a reply, I quickly scrambled to my paws to follow Jayfeather out. "Okay - we're going now!"
Jayfeather was already at the camp's entrance by the time I slid through the bramble screen, and I quickened my pace in order to catch up with him. And just within a couple of heartbeats, I was crawling through the gorse tunnel just behind him.
And once we were out of the forest, I padded up to walk side by side with him. To my surprise, he didn't quicken his pace. Is he actually making as much effort to make things seem better between us as I am? I wondered hopefully, curious as to whether things had felt as normal to him back in the medicine den as it had with me. I then felt a small pang of fear. Or is he just as angry as he was before? Maybe that's what all of his snide remarks earlier really were. It's always so hard to tell with him.
I decided to test the waters by breaking the silence that had taken over once again. I began to scan my eyes around the forest as I murmured, "So, where does one typically find marigold?"
I looked back at Jayfeather to find him sniffing the air, his mouth gaped open. "It usually grows closer to the water, so we're heading towards the lake."
The medicine cat then quickened his pace, as if he were in a hurry. "And with greenleaf approaching, there'll hopefully be plenty of it."
And sure enough, just as the lake came into sight, I instantly recognized the yellow flowers lined around the trees that hovered over the body of water. They were scattered all over the place, and I truly don't think I'd ever seen so much yellow.
I actually let out a purr of amusement and gave Jayfeather a light nudge. "Would you consider that plenty?"
I watched as Jayfeather padded forward and begin to sniff out the area. "More than plenty," he replied after a few heartbeats. He then began to snap off the stems with his claws, and he beckoned me over with a lash of his tail. "Come on, collect as much as you can."
I gave the medicine cat an eager nod and quickly ran up to join him, excited to have yet another task that might wake me up just a bit.
And I'd only picked off a few of the flowers when Jayfeather spoke again. Or, rather, it looked as if he wanted to speak, but he was greatly hesitating. And by the time he actually spoke, I was overwhelmed by my own curiosity. "So, how is Snowstorm doing?" he asked, keeping his blind gaze on the flowers below him.
I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head to the side, completely surprised that the tom was the one initiating a conversation about Snowstorm - something that had caused him to grow angry quite quickly now when we talked about it. "Snowstorm?" was all I could force out initially.
But after I took a moment for the shock to blow over, I truthfully answered Jayfeather, knowing that I had no reason to deprive him of the real answer. "Well... I can tell that things are beginning to set in for her... the fact that this battle might... have something to do with her," I began apprehensively.
I then internally reassured myself, and I let my head lift just a bit. "But it only seems to be driving her to work harder," I went on more proudly. "I spent most of today training her with Swiftflight, and I made sure that he taught her the most clever, handy moves that he knew from the Dark Forest."
I then let out a sigh as I began to shake my head in amazement. "She... she didn't miss a beat," I nearly whispered. "She's doing a fantastic job." And although I wouldn't expect anything less...
I then closed my eyes as worry threatened to rise up inside of me once again, thinking of all of the possibilities for Snowstorm that could come with this battle. "I shouldn't be worried about her," I then admitted to Jayfeather, "but I still am... you know?"
Jayfeather continued to surprise me as he also let out a sigh. "I definitely see what you mean," the medicine cat replied calmly, his eyes deep and solemn. "You trust that she can handle it, yet it's hard to let her go free and let her do it all on her own, isn't it?"
I widened my eyes, amazed by how well Jayfeather seemed to understand what I was feeling. "That's exactly it! How did you know?" I asked him eagerly. A chill then ran down my spine as I pressed to him more quietly, "Is... is that something that you can sense?" I sometimes forget that he can see into cats' minds. I wonder if I'll ever get over how creepy that is.
Jayfeather didn't directly answer my question. "You... you've been..." he stammered instead, seeming to use the marigold collecting as a way to mask his discomfort. "You seem to have done a great job with Snowstorm... doing it all on your own."
I was thankful that Jayfeather couldn't see my mouth dropping. Did Jayfeather just... compliment me? I wondered in astonishment. And did he just compliment me for something that he's been so bitter about?
I shook my head slowly. For some reason, I felt like I'd still touch a nerve with whatever I said. "Really? Well, I certainly tried..." I meowed hesitantly. I then nervously began to pick at the marigold stems more quickly. "And... well, I wanted it to all feel worth it, considering you weren't there to help me anymore."
My heart nearly skipped a beat as Jayfeather broke a marigold flower from its stem quite sharply. "That was your choice, Goldenshine," he coldly reminded me.
I pushed down all of my original reluctance to answer the tom. "A choice that I knew that I had to make, Jayfeather. As I've tried to tell you before, it wasn't a selfish decision, as much as it probably seemed like it was," I insisted to him. "I was absolutely terrified to approach you and tell you that I was going to do it all without you, and going through with it was even more so."
Jayfeather seemed to intently listening to my words, his blind blue eyes dark. "If you were so scared, then why did you do it at all?"
"Because I was thinking of you!" I replied to the medicine cat, almost exasperated that he didn't understand that. I then threw down the marigold I'd been holding in one of my paws and took a step closer to him. "Jayfeather, you didn't even have to say anything; I could tell before I even found out about your destiny that you were carrying so much on your shoulders. I truly thought that I was making things easier for you."
When Jayfeather didn't reply, simply giving me the same dark, thoughtful stare, I decided to push further. "I mean, that's what friends do, right?" I went on more softly, letting the tip of my tail touch his shoulder for just a moment. "They look out for each other."
I then sighed with dismay when Jayfeather continued to stand in silence, and I figured I'd just imagined the slight gleam in his eyes. "I was just trying to-"
I then cut myself off, stunned as I saw Jayfeather raise his tail. "Look, Goldenshine," he murmured after a heartbeat, "you don't need to waste your breath trying to explain yourself again."
I flicked my ears with surprise and intrigue. "I don't?"
Jayfeather closed his eyes. "No."
"Why?"
After another few heartbeats of me waiting in extreme anticipation, the medicine cat let out a sigh and put down his marigold collection. "Let's just say that, out of the two of us, one of us has been a complete mouse-brain in this entire situation."
He then hesitated before speaking his next words. "...and it's not you."
My eyes slowly widened back at the gray tabby tom. "...Really?" I can hardly believe what I'm hearing...
"Yes," Jayfeather replied, already seeming more confident of his words, but his eyes glittered with the smallest bit of guilt. "I'd like to think that it's typical for a cat to feel... hurt when they feel that they're... not needed by someone else anymore. And it's typical for a cat like me to act like said complete mouse-brain when they are hurt."
I was overwhelmed with so much guilt, sympathy, and shock at the same time as I continued to listen to Jayfeather speak. "Yes, the fact that I wasn't apart of what could release Snowflight and help her return to StarClan was painful enough, but there were also..." He then began to shift his paws back and forth. "...other reasons."
All of that guilt, sympathy, and shock I had been feeling was quickly replaced with extreme affection as I finally understood the meaning behind the medicine cat's recent behavior. That furball... I thought warmly. You really can never tell what he is thinking, can you?
Having to suppress a purr of amusement, I picked up one of the marigold flowers with my tail and began to tickle Jayfeather's cheek with it. "Other reasons?" I teased to him as I continued to purr. "Other reasons, Jayfeather?"
I finally let a mrrow of laughter erupt from my jaws as Jayfeather began to bat the flower away. "I just said so!" he hissed. "And if you make me repeat anything that I just said, I'm probably going to vomit all over the marigold, and it'll be useless."
I let out another purr of amusement and pulled the marigold away, adding it to my pile. "Hm, then I will once again be a fantastic friend to you, and spare you the trouble," I murmured.
And with those words, my shocked-level topped all previous ones when I thought that I actually saw a flash of warmth cross through Jayfeather's blue eyes, and his initially tense demeanor actually seemed to relax.
And in that moment, I knew our friendship had been restored.
I flashed the tom an affectionate look, then letting out a content huff as I scanned over our herb collection. "Okay, so, do you think that we have enough marigold to bring back to camp?"
Jayfeather bent down to sniff at my pile. "Wow, you actually managed to collect a good amount," he muttered after a grunt. I rolled my eyes as he then turned around and began to gather up his collection. "Okay, then. We can probably-"
My ears pricked up in alarm as Jayfeather's words were interrupted by a rustle up ahead, that was followed by pawsteps. A single cat's pawsteps, I realized anxiously, recalling Thornclaw's words from yesterday. A cat wandering on their own right now would probably seem very strange.
I leaped in front of Jayfeather, feeling my fur beginning to bristle. "Who's there?"
To my complete surprise, it was actually Thornclaw himself that came into view just a couple of heartbeats later. His pale blue eyes seemed to flash with relief as his gaze fell on me. "Goldenshine!" he breathed, running up to meet me. "There you are! That didn't take nearly as long as I had worried it would."
I leaned my head forward to touch noses with my father, a purr rumbling in my throat. "What did?"
Thornclaw pulled away, revealing his relieved blue eyes once again. "Looking for you!" he explained. "Brambleclaw had asked me to check up on all of the training groups, and when I got to Mousewhisker and Hazeltail, they said that you were supposed to be with them, but they thought they'd seen you leave camp a while ago, despite you saying that you'd be back 'soon'."
My father then gave a brief nod to Jayfeather, but kept his gaze on me. "I wanted to check and make sure that you were alright, but it seems that you're in the most capable paws that you could be in."
I gave Jayfeather a quick flick on the ear with my tail. "Eh, I suppose," I murmured teasingly.
Then, I let out a gasp of panic as I further processed Thornclaw's words. "Oh, no! I'd completely forgotten about Mousewhisker and Hazeltail, I've probably kept them waiting for so long!" I exclaimed with dismay.
I then urgently picked up my marigold, prepared to pelt back to camp as quickly as I could. "I've got to-"
But Thornclaw quickly cut me off, raising his tail in front of me as he let out a chuckle. "And they will be fine waiting a bit longer - I told them to join Bumblestripe, Dovewing and Blossomfall," he briskly explained.
He then lowered his tail, tilting his head as he gave me an affectionate, inquiring look. "I was actually hoping for maybe a more thorough check-in?"
I immediately felt overcome with warmth at my father's words. And actually, I didn't realize just how much I'd like to talk with my father until he'd directly proposed it, but the thought filled me with so much relief and comfort. "Yeah, that's fine!" I replied to Thornclaw.
I then hesitantly turned back to Jayfeather, trying to hold back a purr. "Um... do you mind bringing my collection of marigold back to camp along with yours?" I asked the medicine cat in an annoyingly kind voice.
As I expected, the gray tabby tom didn't take my words particularly well. "And she suddenly forgets the reason that I brought assistance in the first place!" he breathed, raising his head to the sky as if he were complaining to StarClan.
I slowly began to shove my pile of flowers towards Jayfeather's. "Hey, that was to collect marigold more quickly," I reminded him teasingly. "You're used to doing this on your own anyways, right?"
I then watched, still having to hold back a purr as Jayfeather rolled his eyes, flashed me an annoyed look, and finally reached forward to grab my bunch. He then picked it all up in his jaws and turned to head in the direction of camp. "Truly the most thoughtless cat I've ever met..." I could hear him mutter.
I finally let the purr rise in my throat, now fully being able to comprehend the subtext behind any of my friend's words. "You're the best too, Jayfeather!" I called out to him.
I then turned back to Thornclaw, whose pale blue eyes were glowing with amusement. "Trust me, he's so happy that I'm in his life," I muttered to him.
Thornclaw purred with amusement and settled down beside me. "Oh, I have no doubt," my father meowed. "And anyways, you've given him so much help up until now, that it'd seem pretty strange for him to not feel any sort of appreciation for you."
"That's true, and I'm glad to help that cranky little furball," I replied, filling up with affection once again.
But it was quickly replaced with a bit of guilt, and I let my head lower just a bit. "But I still feel a bit bad for ditching Mousewhisker and Hazeltail..."
Thornclaw raised a single eyebrow, his gaze warm and teasing. "Even for a talk with your father?"
I furrowed both of my eyebrows and narrowed my eyes back at him as I pretended to hesitate. "Hm..." I mused for a moment, then shrugging. "I suppose not."
I then purred with amusement as Thornclaw nuzzled my head with his tail. "That's what I like to hear," he purred back. After a moment, his gaze then seemed to wash over with concern as he looked back at me. "So?"
I tilted my head to the side as I welled up with curiosity. "So?" I prompted my father.
Thornclaw then shrugged and let out a sigh. "Well, I just have been meaning to see how you're doing with... all of this," he elaborated solemnly. "I've seen you do nothing but train, work..." His eyes then seemed to glow with pride for just a heartbeat. "You've only been doing things; no talking."
I couldn't help but sniff at my father's words. "No talking?" I repeated to him. "But the whole point of our meeting yesterday was to talk!"
"Sure," Thornclaw agreed, shrugging again. He then shifted himself a bit closer to me and touched his nose to my ear. "Talking about the things you're training and working for, but even with all of that, I don't have any idea of how you're feeling."
As hesitant as I would typically be to share what was currently trapped in my own mind, my father's warm, genuinely concerned gaze made me instantly feel as if my words would be going to a safe place.
I let out a long sigh. "Well, I suppose I'm a bit hesitant to share how I'm feeling... because I'm scared. I'm really scared, Thornclaw," I began, looking up at him with wide eyes.
I suddenly found everything that I was feeling pouring out of me like a waterfall. "There's so much at stake here. I mean, so many things can go wrong!" I went on, repeating all of the thoughts that had prevented me from getting any sleep the previous night. "And it's all coming so quickly... none of us could have planned for this."
I then slowly shut my eyes. "I'm... I'm just... scared."
I then felt Thornclaw wrap his tail around my shoulders. "And you have all the reason to be scared, Goldenshine," he responded to me softly. I then opened my eyes to find that his own gaze was now reflecting all of the fear that I felt. "I'm scared too," he nearly whispered, shutting his own eyes as if to shield any fear from entering his body. "I'm scared about... many things."
A chill ran down my spine, and my heart instantly began to beat faster as I realized what Thornclaw might be referring to - something that only the two of us and Swiftflight knew about. But not wanting to think about that, I was relieved when he spoke again. "I'm sure that every cat around this lake is scared for this battle, for their own reasons. And you're right - there's so much at stake," my father went on. "The Clans have never, ever faced a threat like this before."
I then turned to look at Thornclaw as he seemed to be giving me a reassuring look. "But we're training a preparing as much as we can, right?" he meowed calmly. "It's all that we can do."
As reassuring as Thornclaw's words should have been, I was practically blinded by the worry and panic that I'd felt for most of the day, and since Firestar had first announced what he'd heard of the Dark Forest. I wonder if even moons of preparation could make us ready for this...
I could feel Thornclaw's eyes still on me, and with his thoughtful gaze, I could tell that he knew that his words hadn't done the trick yet. So, I was intrigued when I saw his eyes flash with warmth and amusement. "You know something funny?" he murmured after a moment, looking off into the distance. "I seem to remember having a conversation so similar to this one some time ago."
I flicked my ears with interest. "Really?" I asked in awe. "With who?"
I was growing increasingly more confused the more that Thornclaw's eyes glowed with amusement. "You may know her," he answered me, his gaze continuing to glimmer. "This younger, determined, feisty golden brown tabby she-cat." He then gave me a light nudge, and gave me a wink. "I seriously feel very strongly that you might know her."
I continued to well up with warmth and humor myself as I finally realized what Thornclaw was getting at. A truly fantastic, amazing cat, for sure! Thornclaw's right - I know her quite well!
"She was once in a situation very similar to yours," Thornclaw went on. "She was very upset because her sister - you may know her too - wanted to take a path different from hers, and she didn't like that at all."
I then purred with amusement as Thornclaw looked back at me, his eyes wide with amazement. "It completely took her by surprise."
I continued to nod back in understanding. "Things weren't going as she had planned..." I murmured, trying to recall this very moment that my father was referring to.
"No, they weren't," Thornclaw replied, his gaze softening once again. "But you know what I told her?"
I was suddenly overwhelmed with such a strange feeling of warmth, nostalgia, and amazement at the same time as I clearly remembered the advice my father had given me all of those moons ago. "Sometimes things don't go as planned, but..." I recollected out loud. "A part of being a warrior is being strong through change." Really, really great advice...
"Exactly," Thornclaw answered, giving me a nod. I then watched as his eyes began to glow with pride all over again. "And I have to say - I think that this younger, determined, and feisty she-cat would be pretty happy to see how this older version of the same determined and feisty she-cat integrated this advice into her life beyond that."
"Really?" I questioned Thornclaw in astonishment. "You think so?"
Thornclaw looked full of certainty as he nodded back to me. "Absolutely," he replied before sniffing. "And to be honest, I'm surprised to hear that you're so scared, because you've done nothing by try to rise above the occasion since Firestar announced the Dark Forest's arrival - training with all of your might, watching over Snowstorm to make sure that she is ready, and even being so quick to set up the meeting with Lilypetal, Swiftflight and me. I've been so proud to see it all."
I then clearly recognized the look in my father's eyes that I had questioned him about when I'd asked him about the family meeting just a couple of nights ago. "Very, very proud, and I know that Lilypetal is as well," he continued. "You know... I'd even go as far as to say that your actions are pretty... heroic."
My eyes had never stretched wider. "Heroic?"
"Yes, definitely," Thornclaw meowed, giving me a certain nod. "And you know what? Heroes can definitely be scared, but no less ready for what they have to face."
He then touched his muzzle to my cheek. "And I know that you're ready. You've more than proven that already," he murmured. He then pulled away to give me an inquiring, hopeful look. "And you know that I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't true."
I took a deep breath, realizing that Thornclaw's words couldn't have been more reassuring and uplifting. Being a hero. That's what Goldenpaw wanted more than anything - to prove that she could be a hero.
I then lifted my chin higher, and let my chest puff out just a bit. Goldenshine still wants that too, I realized with pride. And who's to say that I can't take advantage of this, in order to accomplish just that?
I then finally looked back at Thornclaw so that I could respond to him. "No, you wouldn't," I whispered, digging my head into his neck fur. "Thank you, father. Thank you so much."
I felt my father rest his muzzle on my head. "It's always my pleasure," he purred.
I didn't pull away right away, and simply took comfort in my father's touch. The most amazing father to ever exist, I thought to myself. His loyalty to me, or any of his kin could never be doubted. He's always here for us, and never thinks of himself.
But I also felt just as comforted when I did eventually pull away, and I met his warm pale blue gaze. "Ready to return to camp?" I asked, still a bit reluctant to return to the busy-ness and preparation taking place.
To my surprise, Thornclaw seemed just as reluctant. I watched as he let out a sigh and looked deeper out into the forest. "I'll be just a bit behind you," he murmured, his gaze darkening. "There's someone else I must check in with first."
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