Swiftflight's POV

I could hear nothing but the chirps of crickets and the quiet stirs of cats from where I sat in ThunderClan's camp - the camp that had been utter chaos just moments ago, and was now empty and completely calm. Or, at least, it seemed that way. Everything seemed so still and serene, I almost wondered if Firestar's announcement, all of the training, and the meeting with my kin had all been a dream.

I was the only one in the moon-lit stone hollow clearing except for Dustystorm and Hazeltail, who were standing guard by the camp entrance many fox-lengths away. Everyone else had gone to their dens, finally taking some time to rest. Because what's the point of integrating battle training at all if you're sleep deprived?

After our small gathering out in the forest, Goldenshine, Lilypetal, Thornclaw and I had tried to get back to camp as quickly as we could, but we had been surprised to find that training actually seemed to be winding down, and were beginning to head off to their dens after the grueling training they'd just endured.

I had simply watched as Lilypetal, Thornclaw and Goldenshine decided to do the same. And, as they had been doing for the entirety of our travel back, Thornclaw and Goldenshine continued to reprimand Lilypetal - expressing their worry at what she insisted that she needed to do.

I hadn't been able to catch the tabby-and-white she-cat's words as she'd whirled herself around just in front of the warriors den to face her mate and her daughter. Her hazel gaze was stern, but sincere and full of assurance as she spoke.

And whatever she said, it actually caused both Thornclaw and Goldenshine to both slowly let their jaws shut, and they simply watched as Lilypetal turned back around and made her way into the warriors den. A few heartbeats later, the two of them exchanged a fearful, troubled glance before walking into the warriors den.

My eyes then fell directly on Thornclaw, who was now staring after his mate as he followed her in. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy and sorrow for the golden brown tabby tom, who looked completely terrified.

Yet, his eyes didn't reveal any sort of wariness. In fact, he looked just as certain as Lilypetal had when she'd spoken to them, and when she'd made her case to us earlier, saying that speaking to Ashfur in the Dark Forest was something that she had to do. Why she'd ever want to take the time to speak with that fox-heart, I couldn't even begin to guess.

And even though she hadn't given us the direct reason, Thornclaw didn't even seem to need it. He trusts her. He believes every word that she said, I realized, a chill running down my spine. He hates that he does, but... he does.

But I supposed that I was trying to do the same. I obviously had not known Lilypetal as long as Thornclaw and Goldenshine have, but I had quickly noticed her great deal of intelligence and sense, even as a very young kit. Some of her decisions in the past had only seemed impulsive because they were risky. She'd know to not tread her paws where they're not supposed to be, right? I wondered. She wouldn't go to the Dark Forest if she didn't have a good reason to.

I then had twitched my whiskers and narrowed my eyes. Yet... according to Ivypool, she may have been there at least once before.

I glanced back at the warriors den, from where I now stood just a little ways away, feeling much too preoccupied and scattered to even try and sleep. I wonder if she's gone to sleep? Has she gone to the Dark Forest yet?

I then shifted my gaze over to the apprentices den, and all of my uncertainty and concern for my kin suddenly vanished as my eyes fell on the entrance, where I knew that a certain ginger tabby pelt was curled up in a nest.

A certain ginger tabby pelt that I now felt as closed-off from as I had before, and that thought practically overwhelmed me with hurt and regret. I wonder how she's feeling? Does she feel as horrible and unhappy as I do? I thought worriedly.

I then let out a quiet hiss and shook my head quickly. Well, who wouldn't feel that way when someone doesn't seem to reciprocate their feelings for them? Even though... it's not... it's not like that.

I then found myself beginning to stand up. And it's my fault that she doesn't know that, I told myself, actually taking a couple pawsteps forward. I need to-

I then abruptly stopped in my tracks and sat back down. -calm down, I finished for myself. Great StarClan, why am I letting all of this bother me so much? Why can't I get anything having to do with Cherrypaw and our situation out of my head? And since Poppyfrost forced us apart, it's gotten so much worse. Why does it hurt so much for Cherrypaw to not be with... friends with me? Why do I hate that I couldn't speak to her or Poppyfrost like I wanted?

I then let out a frustrated huff. So what if I can't say certain things to her right now? I went on. I need to focus on the current threat. I'm supposed to be using my Dark Forest training to help my Clanmates, and prove that I truly want to fight beside them.

I then shook out my fur as another wave of sadness and guilt threatened to rise up inside of me. That is all that should be consuming my mind right now.

I then jerked my head back to the warriors den as I heard movement come from that direction. And I was nearly startled as a figure crawled out from its entrance just a heartbeat later.

Snowstorm was making her way out into the open. Her eyes flashed with surprise for a moment, but quickly washed over with concern as she stared back at me. "Hey," she whispered, running up to meet me. "Can't sleep?"

"Nope," I replied, shaking my head. "Not at all."

Snowstorm let out a huff and settled down next to me. "Me neither," she sighed. "All of the sudden my nest feels like it's made of thorns."

I managed a small purr of amusement. "Oh, yeah?"

"These past couple of days, everything that's happened..." my friend went on, her head shaking slowly. "It's all left me completely wide awake."

I nodded in understanding, easily being able to sense Snowstorm's distress. And why she might be a bit distressed... "I can imagine," I murmured to her, casting her sidelong glances. "Going to the Twolegplace to rescue Lilypetal, Firestar's announcement, all of today's training, other things..."

I then gave Snowstorm a light nudge on her shoulder. "You're surely feeling pretty alert right now."

Snowstorm nodded, her eyes widen as she sighed. "That's for sure."

She then flashed me a look of confusion. "But... other things?" she repeated, tilting her head to the side. "What other things?"

I shrugged, pretending to ponder Snowstorm's question, when in actuality, I knew exactly what I was trying to say, and I figured that it wouldn't be long before she'd catch on to it. "I don't know... discoveries, maybe?" I muttered, letting my eyes flit around aimlessly. "Revelations that you've maybe had recently?"

I then looked back to Snowstorm to see that, sure enough, she seemed to be understanding my cryptic words. Her blue eyes widened as I leaned my head towards her and put my muzzle up to her ear. "You're welcome, by the way," I whispered.

I pulled away to see that my friend was rolling her eyes. "Oh, please," she sighed, flicking my ear with her tail. "Well... you wise cat, you," she then meowed. "You knew exactly what Goldenshine would say to me if I went to talk to her, didn't you?"

I gave Snowstorm another shrug, my gaze teasing. "There's a slim chance."

"Huh... well..." she then murmured, her eyes now staring straight ahead. She then let out another long sigh and began to shake her head. "Great StarClan, I've hardly had the chance to process it all - all of this... Snowflight stuff. And with the Dark Forest battle creeping up on us like this, I wonder if I ever will get to?"

I furrowed my eyebrows back at Snowstorm. "What? What do you mean?"

"I mean, things will surely be utter chaos up until they actually... arrive," Snowstorm explained. She then looked back at me, her blue eyes a mix of anxiety and confusion. "And we have no idea when that will be, do we?"

"I suppose not, but..." I began to reply, suddenly having to push down my own anxiety. Who's to say that they won't show up tomorrow? Would we be prepared for that?

I then worriedly glanced back at Snowstorm. Would she be ready for that? "...has it at least occurred to you yet that..."

Snowstorm stared back at me inquiringly, her tail swishing back and forth against the ground. "That what?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my spot as I tried to find my words. "That... I don't know..." I muttered nervously. "You may need to process things come the battle?"

Snowstorm didn't seem nearly as daunted by the question as I thought she'd be. In fact, she seemed to look less fearful now. "Yes, it has occurred to me."

My eyes widened with that answer. "It has?"

"Of course it has, Swiftflight," Snowstorm sighed, her voice revealing a bit of distress as she turned to completely face me. "Every word that Goldenshine spoke to me is engrained in my mind. I know what this battle is going to bring, and how it could possibly have to do with me."

The white she-cat then sat back down, letting her eyes trail towards the ground. "But... it's scary to think about sometimes."

Sometimes? Great StarClan, the fact that you're not constantly scared absolutely blows my mind... I thought, absolutely amazed by how well Snowstorm seemed to be taking all of this. Having to fulfill another cat's destiny... that's so much to carry on a single cat's shoulders, yet Snowstorm takes it on with such grace and bravery.

I shifted myself slightly, and let the tip of my tail rest on Snowstorm's shoulder. "I'm sure that it is," I meowed, then flashing her a reassuring look, already being certain of my next words. "But hey, whatever is going to happen, I know that you're going to handle it like a champ. Just like you did back in the Dark Forest."

I was relieved to then see Snowstorm let out a quiet mrrow of laughter and give me a grateful look. "Heh, that is pretty reassuring, actually," she purred to me. "Had I not done as well as I did, you probably wouldn't be sitting here next to me, actually giving me some really, really supportive words."

I simply gave a weak shrug in response to the praise. "Ah, well..."

I then looked back at Snowstorm to find that her blue eyes were wide with concern. "Hey, what's the matter?"

I was immensely confused by the question. "Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes... why?"

Snowstorm then looked away from me, shrugging. "I don't know, you just seem... sad, or something," she replied before letting out a snort. "I mean, any negative emotion is pretty valid for any cat right now, but I know that you're more stoic than most."

She then tried to meet my gaze again. "So... it's definitely strange seeing you like this."

I didn't let her, hissing as I whipped my head around. "Like what? I'm fine! As fine as I can be," I meowed tautly, frustrated that Snowstorm seemed to be able to see right through me. "I mean, I revealed that I used to train in the Dark Forest, and my Clanmates are accepting me. I'm getting to train them, for StarClan's sake!"

I then looked back at Snowstorm, giving her the most stern gaze I could manage. "I have nothing to be sad about," I then hissed, hoping that my sharp voice would mask my large lie. Because it is most definitely a lie, but Snowstorm won't know that. No one will.

But, as I had feared, Snowstorm didn't let up. "I guess not..." she mused, tilting her head. "But you still seem off."

I then watched as my friend's eyes seemed to flash with understanding, as if she had come to a realization. I nearly wanted to roll my eyes and sigh as she then took a glance at the apprentices den, and then looked back at me. "Hey..." she then whispered, her gaze full of empathy. "You're upset about Cherrypaw, aren't you?"

I felt my fur beginning to bristle up defensively. "Who said that? Literally no one said that."

"It doesn't even need to be said, Swiftflight," Snowstorm murmured, her eyes narrowing. "I can tell."

"Tell what, Snowstorm?"

"That this whole situation with her is upsetting you more than you're letting yourself show."

"Foxdung to that."

"Foxdung to that!" Snowstorm insisted, standing up. "Swiftflight, I see the way you look at her."

I let my unsheathed claws sink into the ground, using it as a way to cope with my irritation and conflicted feelings. "At who?" I demanded. "Cherrypaw?"

"No!" Snowstorm insisted, to my surprise. "Well, yes, that too, but I meant Poppyfrost."

"Poppyfrost-"

"Cats who aren't aware of what she's doing to you and Cherrypaw wouldn't be able to tell, but I can so clearly see that resentful, angry look in your eye whenever she's around," Snowstorm went on, barely letting me get a word out. Her eyes then briefly flashed with mischief as she took a step closer to me. Her demeanor was almost challenging. "You hate it that she's keeping you from Cherrypaw."

After a few heartbeats of Snowstorm simply staring back at me, I shut my eyes and let out a huff. "I do..." I conceded, not wanting to lie to the she-cat. I really, really hate it. I'm not too sure why I hate it so much, but I do.

I almost immediately regretted my words when Snowstorm gasped, her eyes glowing with triumph. "Ah-ha!"

"Shut up," I muttered.

Snowstorm the excitedly trotted up to me. "Oh, I'm far from shutting up," she meowed as she sat down once again. I then watched, my tail twitching impatiently as she seemed to take a moment to think. "As much as you may not want to hear it," she murmured after a few heartbeats, "I'm honestly not surprised at all that Poppyfrost is doing this."

"No, that's great. That's exactly what I wanted to hear," I hissed through gritted teeth.

Snowstorm ignored my sarcastic remark. "Even though I wasn't born to her, Poppyfrost was the queen that raised me once I was brought here."

"My apologies."

The white she-cat let out an annoyed, amused huff, nudging me on the shoulder. "Maybe hold back your bitterness for just a moment and let me talk?" she purred. Once I had reluctantly agreed to her request with a single nod and an eye roll, she continued. "She truly was a great mother, Swiftflight - kind, gentle, and fiercely protective of all three of us. She'd keep her kits from anything that she thought would hurt them, in whatever way she had to do it."

I then nearly rolled my eyes a second time as I noticed Snowstorm's eyes begin to gleam with admiration and affection for her foster mother. "It wouldn't matter what had to happen along the way as long as her kits were safe," she went on. She then nodded to me, her eyes a bit wary. "She's seen how you used to be, Swiftflight, and she doesn't want to take any chances of you possibly bringing harm to her daughter."

With those words, I stood up, suddenly felt a strong surge of frustration and rage. "But she's as blind as Jayfeather if she thinks that I would!" I hissed, nearly forgetting that many cats were sleeping just tail-lengths away. "In fact, she's delusional if she thinks that I'm still like that. I would never, ever hurt Cherrypaw. I don't think I could have brought myself to be even slightly rude to her even when I was training in the Dark Forest. But now, it's especially true!"

I then forced myself to take a deep breath and sit back down, surprised by the passion of my words, and the fact that I had spoken them aloud. "I want to... spend time with Cherrypaw because she makes me happy, not to take advantage of her or hurt her in any way, Great StarClan!"

Snowstorm had simply watched intently as I had spoken, a glint of amusement in her blue eyes. "Hm. Have you ever tried saying all of this to Poppyfrost?" she asked me after a moment. "Hopefully more kindly?"

I felt my heart sink with that question, my mind immediately going back to just a night ago. I could so easily picture Poppyfrost's dark, condescending gaze and Cherrypaw's hurt one all over again. "Well..." was all I could force out.

Snowstorm leaned her head to the side and raised a single eyebrow. "Swiftflight..." she prompted.

I let out a sigh, giving in after a bit more hesitation. "Well..." I repeated. "Tried is definitely the operative word."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Great StarClan, it was as if I'd forgotten how to speak," I explained to Snowstorm, shaking my head in amazement. "And when I could speak, I... suddenly felt like I couldn't, if that makes sense."

Snowstorm slowly began to nod her head, her gaze thoughtful. "I see..." she murmured.

"Then Cherrypaw told me that I should try again, and... I just froze," I went on, having to push down my guilt and sorrow. "She told me that Poppyfrost might listen if I talk to her, that we might be able to spend time together again, that... she had feelings for me..."

As I expected, Snowstorm seemed to perk up at those words - her prediction she had made many moons ago having been proven right. "...but I had no idea what to say," I continued after a moment, my voice actually rising with distress. "She just stared back at me, looking so hurt when I didn't say a word back."

"And hence the reason that you both left the back of the warriors den looking so upset, huh?"

"Yes..." I answered Snowstorm, recalling just then the concerned and contemplative look she'd given me as I'd followed Cherrypaw out into the clearing. "I wanted to tell her that I want to be... spend time with her as much as she did me, but..."

I then let out a hiss of frustration. "I just... couldn't. I couldn't say what I needed to say. I didn't know how to."

"...Are you sure?"

I shot my gaze back to Snowstorm, my eyes narrowing. "Am I sure?" I repeated, again confused by one of her questions.

"Are you sure that you didn't know how to say what you wanted to say?" Snowstorm explaining, twitching her tail up as if to prompt me to answer.

I continued to be completely baffled. "Isn't that what I just said?"

Snowstorm then sighed, her initially testing gaze now a bit softer and sympathetic. "Sure, but... I've seen you lately, Swiftflight," she meowed. "So many times you've been able to speak up for yourself, to Ashfur, to and for ThunderClan, and prove that you are a cat worth trusting."

I flicked my ears, quickly realizing how true my friend's words were. She is very much correct, I told myself. I've luckily had the courage to speak up for myself in so many instances, yet...

I then pushed away my thoughts so that I could answer Snowstorm. "You're right, and it's come more easily to me than I ever could have hoped," I told the white she-cat.

I then took another moment to think before speaking again. "And, I mean... I want to stand up to Poppyfrost too. I really, really do," I continued. "But... it just feels... harder."

"Really?" Snowstorm asked. "What's harder?"

I took yet another moment to think. "Well... this isn't a matter of defending myself or my Clan, or proving that I even want to defend my Clan in the first place," I continued, simply giving Snowstorm all of my thoughts out loud. "This is... different. And because it's different, it feels harder. And much scarier. I-I... I..."

I then trailed off, proceeding to let out a small hiss of impatience at myself. "Look, this is all hard for me to articulate, okay?" I muttered, shifting my paws back and forth. "I'm not used to having to use solely my feelings to get what I want. I was always taught that feelings were just a burden; a nuisance."

I looked back at Snowstorm as I heard her let out a snort. She seemed to have come to some sort of realization all over again by the gleam in her eye, and the way that she slowly nodded her head. "It sounds like that mindset is the real burden in this situation, Swiftflight."

I flicked my ears and twitched my whiskers with intrigue. "What do you mean?"

"Well, this idea that having feelings and wanting to act on them is weak," Snowstorm explained. "You can't help it, but that mindset is still there, Swiftflight. That's why you are in this rut with Cherrypaw and Poppyfrost at all."

She then let out a sigh, her eyes now full of sympathy. "Look, I see how upset you are with the situation right now, it's obvious," she went on. "I don't know if I've ever seen you look so down since you've left the Dark Forest - not just tonight, but since Poppyfrost first forced you and Cherrypaw apart."

I then felt Snowstorm give me another light nudge. "If you want to feel better, you're going to have to fully push away this horrible thing that Ashfur put into your head," she softly insisted to me. "Because while you've proven that you are a Clan cat worthy of trust in many ways now, believe it or not, there's more to this life than just being the best warrior that you can be."

I slowly forced myself to look back at Snowstorm, entranced by her words at this point. "Along with that, you are also a cat, too," she then meowed, her gaze bright and encouraging. "You can look out for yourself. You're allowed to act on your feelings, my friend."

Snowstorm then wrapped her tail around my shoulders as she let out a sigh. "I agree, it probably seems really, really scary. But..."

She then lifted her tail so that she could flick one of my ears. "But surely it wouldn't make you so nervous if it wasn't something... or someone, that you cared about so much?"

After my friend finished off her words, I could tell that she was staring intently back at me, waiting for some sort of reply, but I certainly wasn't going to be able to give her one for the moment. I had already broken my gaze from the she-cat's once again, and was staring ahead as I plummeted into my own thoughts.

Snowstorm seemed to quickly notice this, purring with amusement and giving a single nod before beginning to back away. "Alright, well... I think I may have another go at trying to sleep," she breathed just before turning around and padding towards the den entrance. "I'll see you tomorrow, Swiftflight."

I continued to try and gather my thoughts as the white she-cat then vanished back into the warriors den. I mean, I was blown away by everything that my friend had just said.

But she was completely right. Completely right in every single thing she had said. Everything.

I let out a sigh as I eventually forced myself to stand up and shake out my fur. Ashfur's influence has stuck with me more than I could have ever thought possible, hasn't it? I thought to myself, completely astonished by how blind I'd been to my own thoughts and tendencies. I really have been just focused on my image and gaining my Clanmate's trust. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's not all there is to being a warrior, is it?

I then turned around, deciding that I would also have a go at trying to fall asleep in my nest. And, for the first time in a while, I felt at ease. Snowstorm is right, I repeated to myself as I lied down in my moss bed. I'm allowed to be a cat, too.

I then felt my stomach twist up into a knot and fill with butterflies as I lowered my head. And I will let myself be just that, I told myself. It will be scary, and hard... but I'm going to try. Soon.