Dawnmist plodded behind Lightningstrike. She had been tasked by Goldenperch to look after Lightningstrike. She kept instinctively looking at the nursery for Spark's kits, but they were never there.

"Dawn! Dawn!" little voices snapped her out of her head.

"Hello, Skykit, Stormkit," she greeted Lightningstrike's kits.

Dawnmist tried to be happy, but the kits just reminded her of Spark.

"Dawnmist, you need to talk to someone," Lightningstrike's voice was sympathetic. "You're sad every day, I can see it."

"I'm not," Dawnmist argued feebly but it wasn't true.

"Go talk to someone," Lightningstrike encouraged.

"Thanks, but I can't." Dawnmist lay down unhappily.

Skykit scrambled onto her nose, squeaking, while Stormkit struggled. Lightningstrike purred as she lifted Skykit off. "Find a mate," she recommended. "You need your mind off the past."

Dawnmist's heart ached as she thought about her life. It was empty and the space seemed to swallow her up. First Demonclaw, then Foxclaw. Then Spark and finally, Salem.

She's right, her heart whispered, but her mind denied it. You don't need to love! You're a strong cat!

Love! Hate! Love! Hate!

"I can't take it!" Dawnmist cried out.

"Go take a break," Lightningstrike offered.

Dawnmist dipped her head and left the queen alone. A cat hurried towards her. It was Duskpelt.

"Dawnmist, you're telling me whats wrong right now!" she growled.

"I'm lonely. ThunderClan doesn't seem like...ThunderClan anymore." Dawnmist admitted.

It was a bit strange talking to her instead of Salem, but she appreciated it all the same.

"I think you need a break," Duskpelt said seriously.

"That's what Lightningstrike said!" Dawnmist hissed.

"No, an actual break. I think you need time away from the Clan." Duskpelt regarded her through piercing yellow eyes.

A break from the Clan?

"I guess I did consider leaving for a while, but I'd miss you all too much!" Dawnmist burst out.

"I see," Duskpelt said calmly. "I know what's wrong with you."

Tell me!

"You're heart sick." She said wisely.

Heart sick. Am I? Have I really been that grouchy?

"Goldenperch!" Duskpelt yowled across the camp. "Luckystar!"

"No!" Dawnmist protested but the damage was done.

Both leader and deputy came over questioningly.

"What is it?" Luckystar asked.

"Dawnmist needs to talk to you," Duskpelt hissed.

"I'm heart sick." Dawnmist confided in them.

"Oh, Dawnmist," Goldenperch seemed to understand immediately. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I couldn't! You'd think badly of me!" Dawnmist spilled out every emotion. "I've been feeling like fox-dung for ages, I've thought about a cat from another Clan and I've loved, and still love, dead cats!"

"Dawnmist, you can tell us," Luckystar mewed.

"I have to work so hard," Dawnmist took a breath before looking at Duskpelt. "You make it seem like I must be perfect, you've never said that you're proud of me, and you've never understood or talked to me, and you ask why I don't talk to you!"

"Dawnmist, I'm sorry," Duskpelt ducked her head, but she wasn't finished.

"It's been so hard to stop everyone from seeing that I love Demonclaw since he joined DarkClan, when he was exiled I had to cover up to stop it from showing, I had to put my love aside for the good of the Clan and I hated it. I hated having to wait and be patient and wait and be more patient, I hated having to see my first mate join the dark side. I thought I found love again when I met Foxclaw, but then Demonclaw came back and then he-he..."

Dawnmist stopped, gasping for breath. "He killed Foxclaw."

"I had no idea..." Luckystar breathed.

"I had to watch; do you understand? I had to watch Foxclaw be brutally murdered! I still have nightmares about that night. I keep seeing Demonclaw's claws in mine, and I keep wondering if I'm like him since I loved him. I keep wondering if I'm good, and whether I should leave for the good of the Clan, since I love ThunderClan! It's my birth Clan, but it's not anymore. I mated with Foxclaw; you know? I mated with him, I loved him, and when he died, my terror and fury made me birth early. You don't remember, you wouldn't, but I birthed one kit who was born a runt and it died."

"You haven't had your first mate exiled and turned evil, you haven't had your second mate murdered, you haven't had your kit killed by your first mate, I've had enough! This stress, this pressure is killing me! I can't handle it anymore, I can't handle anything anymore! I'm a coward, I know it, but it'll probably be better for you if I leave. And I am going to leave. This Clan is not right for me anymore and I don't want to be a burden. I can't hunt without seeing Demonclaw's eyes, I can't patrol without hearing Demonclaw's purrs and I can't sleep without seeing Foxclaw as he died."

"And that's why I'm telling you to be sorry, since I'm leaving. I've had too much grief in my life, and my heart can't take it, so from this moment on, I vow that I will never take another mate, I will never have kits and I will never let myself succumb to grief again!"

The words burst out of her mouth without any stopping, and she paused, catching her breath.

"Tell them that I've gone. Tell them that I left. And tell them why. Let them all know." Dawnmist held her head tall and strode out of the camp, her tail tucked between her legs. 

Longer than chapter 7 but yeah still kinda short sorry