For @notyourservant. Spottedsnow is a re-do of Spottedpelt. Sorry to keep you waiting, but Jadegaze will be the next oc.

Name: Spottedsnow

I like this name a lot! It fits her pelt perfectly, because (I think) calicos are white with patches (spots) of color. This name is wonderful! It fits PERFECT!

Gender: she-cat

Of course .....

Appearance: small calico she-cat with golden-green eyes

Love this!! Sounds just like my kitty so I can't criticize this, it is great. Golden-green isn't a common eye color, so good job on that.

Clan: FireClan

Pretty overused, but it's cool.

Rank: Deputy

Ok

Personality : swift, determined, clumsy, can be annoying at times

This is good. Good and bad personality traits, they even it out. She's got a good personality, I wouldn't change anything, really.

Backstory: Spottedsnow was born to a FireClan couple, but it wasn't known. Their mother, Dappledcloud, left the clan when it was noticeable she was pregnant. Dappledcloud's mate, Deerfoot, often visited her. Once Spottedsnow and her sister, Rosebush, were born, Dappledcloud left them and returned to clan life. Spottedsnow and Rosebush lived off of goat feed in an abandoned barn before they were old enough to travel beyond their home, they set off to the clans. Rosebush went to StormClan, which broke Spottedsnow's heart, since she was going to FireClan. Rosebush reunited with her mother and met a mate, Stripedoak. Nearly twelve moons later, Rosebush ran into the FireClan camp with tufts of fur missing from her pelt. Rosebush was taken in and took Frostedtoe as a mate. Now, Spottedsnow happily serves her clan as deputy, helping her sister with her two kits.

Cute, but I have a few problems.. Why did her mother leave the Clan in the first place? Why did she leave them? Why did Rosebush and Spottedsnow go to different Clans? What happened that made Rosebush leave StormClan? Sorry to be so picky, but I like this character, and I want to know this stuff :l

Mate: Stripedoak(brown tabby tom with a gray spot over one of his Amber eyes)

Neat name! You don't see -oak as a suffix often. I also like the appearance.

Kits: none....yet

Ok that's alright

·~*OVERALL*~·
9/10. The only issues I have are with her backstory, as I said before. It's kind of hard to understand it fully when so much is left out. I'm sure you're trying to make it shorter, but I don't mind if it's very long. Just don't make it like 10 pages...

But yeah, good oc. I love this a lot.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Name: Deadstar( warrior name was Deadclaw)

Seems like a pretty generic evil guy name, but she isn't evil. I like that; she isn't really how I expected her to he upon hearing her name. People don't use Dead- for ocs often, so I like this.

Gender: she-cat

Of course..

Clan: FireClan

^^^

Rank: Leader

Really I never guessed

Personality: loyal, stubborn, sometimes easy to convince if she's in a good mood

Good leadership qualities, for the most part. I like that she doesn't let her disability get to her, even tho you didn't mention that here, it's a good part of her personality. I might give her a few more flaws, like, she's bad at fighting or insecure or something like that.

Appearance: hairless black coat with many scars, green eyes.

I haven't seen a hairless oc before, so this is awesome! Great job for originality. Green eyes are somewhat overused, but at least they aren't blue!

Backstory: Deadstar grew up all her life in FireClan, loving to play a good game with her littermates, but one day when her father- Barefur- offered her a badger ride, she unsheathed her tiny claws to get on, well, at least she tried, she found out that she couldn't unsheathe her front right paw and back left paw, which left her questioning. Deadstar never let her disability get to her, making sure to sharpen her working class every day. One day, Deadstar left camp for a while, she went to meet up with a loner that she knew. The loner, named Lily, dropped two small she-kits in front of Deadstar, only saying the words, 'take care of them, they're different.' Before walking away. Deadstar took Sharpclaw and Strongclaw in, grateful for the help of her loyal nursery queen, Briarrose, to nurse them. Deadstar later figured out what lily had meant, the tow she-cats had powers, Sharpclaw could teleport, and Strongpaw could levitate.

Why are they riding badgers? That's alarming.

Lol but anyway, this backstory is cool. She lived a pretty simple life despite her disability, and the taking in kits thing is cool. A bit overused, but cool.

Mate: none

*sad music playing in the distance*

Kits: Strongclaw (adopted) Sharpclaw (adopted)

I like the matching names. I'm pretty sure that Sharpclaw is canon, actually, he's the deputy of SkyClan if I remember correctly..

·~*OVERALL*~·
Almost the same as before, 9.5/10. Like I said earlier, just add a few flaws, and you got yourself a perfect oc!