Pumasok ako kinabukasan. Midterm is approaching kaya mahirap na ang may maraming liban sa klase. I need to make it again. I need to get flat one.

I was writing on my notes the key words that I heard while my professor's discussing about the coverage of our midterm. Nakapokus lamang ako roon at nakikinig.

After our class ay dumiretso ako sa cafeteria. I ordered water and food. Nang makuha ko na ang order ko ay pumuwesto ako malapit sa upuan kung nasaan iyong transferee kuno.

Napakunot ako ng aking noo nang makita kong tinitigan iyon ni Sheryl. Isa sa mga barkada ko. Sheryl was with Clarence. Sa tingin ko ay may pinag-uusapan silang dalawa. But it seems like Clarence wasn't interested at all.

Hinayaan ko na lamang iyon at kumain na. Inilabas ko ang notebook ko kung saan ko isinulat ang mga dapat kong pag-aralan.

Uminom ako ng tubig na nasa plastic bottle bago sumubo ng kanin. I was reading my notes while eating when I remembered what happened this morning.

Kalalabas ko lamang mula sa kwarto ko nang agad binungad sa akin ang mukha ni Realtor. Nakatayo siya sa may hamba ng pinto sa kwarto ko habang nakayuko.

Nang makita ko siya kaninang umaga ay agad kong naalala ang nangyari kagabi. When he heard the click of the door of my room, he went straight. Tumayo siya ng tuwid sa harapan ko.

I just stared at him. Nakita ko kung paano maglikot ang kanyang mga mata nang titigan ko siya.

I was the one who talked first.

"Why are you standing here?" I didn't mean to sound rude, but the tone of my voice betrayed me.

Napatitig siya sa akin. I saw how uneasy he was.

"Ha? Ako?" Turo niya sa sarili niya. "Ano... Kase ano... Baka lang—"

"Was it fun?" Words suddenly left my mouth.

Bigla kong nakita kung paano sumeryuso ang kanyang mukha.

There. Please admit it now, Realtor...

He stared at me seriously. Kinabahan na rin ako.

"It wasn't funny. It was never been funny," seryusong aniya.

Talaga lang, ah?

"You seems to have fun. You really fond of Denver. Am I wrong?" kumunot ang noo niya sa naging tanong ko.

I know that I don't make any sense right now. But I want to slap it on his face. I want him to realize that what he did wasn't right. Maling-mali iyon.

He smirked. I shut my brows at him.

"And you're acting like you didn't heard it," what?!

Tinitigan ko siya. Tinitigan niya rin ako pabalik.

"Don't play around, Raquel. I saw you walking back last night."

What a reason, Realtor.

"And then?"

He stepped forward. Napaatras ako.

"I want you to stop acting like you didn't heard what I said because you do," he said seriously.

Ramdam ko ang agad na paglakas ng kabog ng puso dahil sa paraan ng pananalita niya. He probably don't want me to get rid of this.

Huminga ako ng malalim. I stared intently at him. He was just a few step away from me.

Ikinuyom ko ang mga palad ko.

"Why? Does it make you feel frustrated, Realtor? Does pretending make you feel upset?"

Hindi siya umimik. Nanatili lamang siyang nakatitig sa akin. But I saw how he clenched his jaw. Ngunit hindi pa rin siya nagsalita.

"Ano? Bakit hindi ka magsalita? Don't you even think of admitting that you're not a fucking gay, huh, Realtor?!" malakas na sigaw ko.

I'm getting mad now. Naiinis at nagagalit na ako. Bakit kase hindi niya na lang aminin ngayon sa akin? Why can't he admit it instead?!

He didn't even move a bit.

"You don't even know a thing about what I felt because of that fucking bullshits you've said! Tapos ngayon... Ngayon wala kang sasabihin?!"

Hindi ko alam ngunit naramdaman ko na lamang na umiiyak na ako. I'm so upset because of him! Then he's acting like it's even my fault that I acted that way towards him!

He should be saying his sorry for lying to me. That he did it only because he wanted me to stay. But why he's acting rude instead?!

"You know what..." Umiiyak na ani ko.

He used of wiping my tears everytime he saw me crying. But this time is different. He was just standing at my door and watching me.

Hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita. Ni hindi nga siya gumagalaw man lang.

"Mas mabuti na lang sana kung bakla ka talaga. At least, I can endure the fact that I'm crying because of that reason."

He stayed still. Not moving and talking.

Gustong-gusto ko siyang saktan ngayon sa harapan ko, but I know I'll just embarrass myself in front him. At bibigyan ko lamang siya ng rason kung bakit ganito ako umasta ngayon.

For years, I endured the pain that he caused. Ang bawat pag-iyak kong hindi niya alam ay tiniis ko. Only to find out that he's not what I thought he is.

"Realtor..." I almost called him in a whisper.

I didn't know why I suddenly felt upset awhile ago then now, para akong nanunuyo kung tawagin ko ang kanyang pangalan.

Bumuka ang kanyang labi ngunit hindi pa rin siya umimik.

Huminga ako ng malalim upang pigilan ang inis hindi sa kanya kung hindi sa aking sarili. I'm expecting him to say his sorry for pretending. Dahil agad ko iyong tatanggapin at patatawarin siya.

But then, he didn't even utter a word.

"Paano kaya kung hindi ko nga 'yon narinig kagabi?" I asked after a couple of minute.

Alam kong tinitimbang niya lamang ang bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig ko. He was keeping his eyes on me.

"Aamin ka kaya, Realtor? If I didn't heard accidentally what you were talking last night, would you be honest?"

Still, he didn't speak.

Tumalikod na lamang ako mula sa gawi niya. Wala rin naman patutunguhan ang usapan naming ito lalo na at hindi rin siya nagsasalita.

"You're not even talking so... it's better if you'll just leave my room, Realtor. May pasok pa ako at maliligo na rin," malamig na ani ko.

Nawalan ako ng gana.

Humakbang na ako paatras sa kanya nang bigla na lamang akong mapatigil nang magsalita na siya.

"What do you want me to do then? Sabihin mo lang at gagawin ko, Raquel."

Really?

What he said is quiet tempting. But I know he can't do the thing I want him to do.

"I know that I am at fault for acting to be someone I am not. But can you blame me if I only did that because I want you to stay with me?"

No, it's not. It's not that, I could blame him. Dahil sa totoo lang, I like his reason but not his ways.

"Kasalanan ko ba kung gusto kong nasa akin ka, Raquel?" tanong niya sa akin.

I couldn't tell which is right and which is not. Kung saan ang parting kasalanan niya at hindi. Gayung sa rason lamang na ibinigay niya kay Dwight kagabi at ngayon sa akin ay gusto ko.

"So fucking tell me, what should I do now? Huh?" he asked me as if thinking about it makes him feel frustrated.

Diretso sa mata ko siyang tinitigan.

He's serious and... Sincere....

"Kiss me then," I ordered him firmly.

I didn't know why I decided to say it. Kung sa dami ng puwedi kong maisip ay ang halikan niya pa ako ang napili ko.

His forehead creased.

"W-what?!" hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya.

"Why? You can't do it?" naghahamon na tanong ko.

"Hindi madali ang gusto mong gawin ko, Raquel," mariing saad niya.

Sarkastiko akong tumawa.

I knew it!

Alam kong hindi niya iyon gagawin sa akin. Because kissing me can be the hardest thing for him. It can't be easy.

Kung ang halikan nga lang ako ay hindi niya magawa, paano pa kaya kung sabihin ko sa kanyang mahalin niya ako? I'm sure he'll say that I'm insane.

"Hmmm, I see. Go now. Umalis ka na sa kwarto ko," I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice when I told him to leave.

Paatras siyang humakbang palabas ng kwarto ko. Nang makalabas na siya ay agad akong lumapit sa may pintuan. I held the door handle. Hinintay kong marinig ang mga yabag niya palayo sa kwarto ko.

When I heard that he's not there anymore, I swift the door handle. But I didn't close it and decided to leave it open.

"How did I ended up loving you when you couldn't even kiss me?" I asked myself.

Nagtungo na lamang ako sa kabinet at namili ng isususot ko. I was busy looking for the dresses when I felt his presence on my back. I turned my body to face him.

He was staring intently at me. Kinabahan ako sa uri ng tingin niyang iyon.

I acted normal and remain compose.

"Why did you come back? I told yo—" I froze.

My eyes went wide when I suddenly felt his lips pressed against mine.

Hindi ako makagalaw dahil sa sobrang gulat. Ang nanlalaki kong mga mata ay nakatuon sa kanyang mukha. Nabitawan ko ang damit na hawak ko at napakuyom ng mga palad ko.

He held my shoulder and pull me closer to him. Mas lalo lamang akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko.

I wasn't really expecting him to do it.

My heart was beating so loud that I can even feel the pain because of too much beating. I saw him closing his eyes while kissing me. Mas lalo lamang lumakas ang kabog ng puso ko nang makita kong nakapikit ang kanyang mga mata.

He moved his lips. Urging me to open my mouth but I kept it in a thin line. I just don't know how should I react because of what he's doing.

Tumagal siya ng mahigit dalawang minuto bago kusang lumayo sa akin. Hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw. I just keep on staring at him shocked.

Binasa niya ng kanyang dila ang kanyang mga labi. My heart went wild.

"I don't want to kiss you not because I can't do it. Ayaw ko lang gawin dahil hindi ko kayang kontrolin ang sarili ko na huwag lumagpas."

That was his words before leaving me in my room.

Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko dahil sa pangyayaring iyon kaninang umaga. Tinapos ko na lang ang kinakain ko at uminom ng tubig bago isarado ang notebook na binabasa ko.

I left the cafeteria and decided to go to the restroom. I was walking my way at the hallway when I stopped.

Nakatayo si Realtor sa gilid habang nakayukong nakapamulsa.

I looked at him.

Habang nakatingin ako sa kanya ay bigla na lamang siyang lumingon sa gawi ko. Napakislot ako. Agad ko na namang naramdaman ang mabilis na tibok ng puso ko.

Palihim akong huminga ng malalim habang nakatitig pa rin sa kanya.

My eyes darted at his lips. Wala sa sarili kong hinawakan ang labi ko habang sa kanya nakatuon ang aking mga mata. I saw him smirked.

Goodness gracious...