Song: The Way You Look At Me - Ben&Ben

Talk

Napalunok ako at napaayos ng tayo matapos iyon. Nanatili ang ngisi ni Primo habang pinapanood ako.

What the hell is wrong with him? He's never been aggressive towards his feelings before. Parang dati—kahit halata na—pagtatakpan niya pa rin.

What has changed?

Dahil ba madalas na kaming nakakapag-usap, tingin niya ay oportunidad na ito? Or maybe he though I gave him sign to start making a move on me aggressively?

Why would I even do that?

"I'll just go to the washroom." Pagpapaalam ko at dali-dali siyang iniwan doon.

The smirk didn't leave his face when I turn to look at him again. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at saka pumasok sa washroom.

I quickly locked it and pressed my back against the door as I try to catch my breath. When I opened my eyes, that was where I saw how red I was in the mirror.

From my chest, my cheeks, my ears...they're all red! All because of that damn comment! Parang iyon lang, namula na ako nang ganito? Many people already complimented me tonight but nobody made me this damn red!

Why am I suddenly like this?

Do I like him?

What made me like him?

What do I even like about him?

Halos sabunutan ko na ang sarili ko dahil sa mga naiisip ko. I can't believe Primo managed to mess up my mind.

I was doing fine, really...but then he came and suddenly...it's a mess! I don't even know what's happening to me anymore!

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. I pepped talked myself.

"No...you don't like him." I calmly reminded myself. "Your mind is telling you you are but you're not, Theia! You're not!"

I tried to sound as convincing as possible but who am I even kidding? I can't even convince myself!

Oh, fuck.

Fine. I like him.

There you go. I finally admitted it to myself. I like him and I don't know the reason why.

I don't think I'm just overwhelmed by his presence or actions. I already got used to him. But I just don't know what's the reason why I like him.

I just know...that I like him...without any reason.

When I managed to freshen myself out, I went out of the washroom. Una kong nahagip si Primo na nakatingin na sa akin habang may kausap na isang kilalang business tycoon.

That man probably recognized him because of his late father. Primo was about to excuse himself but then I ran off to meet my family.

Mama smiled when I went back to them. Sinulyapan kong muli si Primo at napansin na hindi na niya tinangka pang lumapit sa akin.

I gasp when I heard Catalina whisper.

"Looks like you had fun back there." She teased meaningfully.

"Shut up!" I hissed. "Nothing happened."

Ngumuso lang siya at mukhang hindi kumbensido sa sinabi ko. Adela also returned to our family's table after talking to some boy her age.

"Wow! Look at you two! Occupied by boys tonight." Pang-aasar ni Catalina sa amin.

Napansin kong napasulyap si Mama sa amin nang dahil do'n. She eyed me suspiciously. I looked away and ignored Catalina.

"That's just my friend in school, Ate Cat." Paliwanag ni Adela.

"Whatever you say..."

Adela made a face. Nakatingin siya sa kapatid namin na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala sa lumalabas sa bibig nito.

What's up with her? Isn't she enjoying the party? I've seen her interact with some people a while ago. So, it's surprising that she's the first one to return to our table.

The party was a blast, to say the least. Everyone had fun, especially Papa. I could see in his eyes how grateful he was that a lot of people came to celebrate his special day with him.

At dahil napuyat ang lahat sa naging party, late na kaming nagising kinabukasan. It's a shame that I've only got days to spend here. Bukas babalik na naman ako ng Manila.

I haven't thought about my admission to law school so much. My parents are determined to send me abroad to study. I want that, too. But right now my focus is on graduating. Saka ko na lang siguro isipin kapag natapos na ang isa ko pang problema.

Adela was up earlier than I am when I went down. Naabutan ko siyang kumakain na ng brunch mag-isa. She smiled at me when I joined her at the table.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked when I noticed the bags under her eyes.

She sighed and shakes her head.

"Ate Catalina was wasted last night. Kuya Ali had to carry her to her room. I had to help dress her up. I constantly checked up on her because she kept vomiting."

My forehead creased. I didn't even know Catalina had too many drinks last night. I was probably with my parents to entertain some guests when it happened.

"Is she okay?"

Adela nodded her head. "Yeah. She's sleeping soundly right now."

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga. Catalina must've been excited to see some alcoholic drinks that she wasn't able to control herself. I'm pretty sure she's going to have a handful of words from our parents when she wakes up.

"Sila Papa at Mama? Kumain na rin ba?"

"I think so. They're out doing some business."

Papa didn't even let a day pass and he immediately went back to work. He could've spent this day resting from yesterday's festivities. But knowing him...of course, he's going to work as soon as he can.

After my brunch with Adela, I went back to my room to read a book. But then after an hour, I didn't feel like reading it so I decided to go to the stable and get my horse.

Kaso pagpasok ko ay naabutan ko si Primo roon na mag-isa. Natigilan ako at agad din kaming nagkatinginan. I gulped.

Should I...

What the hell? Why should I leave? Parang pinapakita ko lang na awkward ako sa kanya dahil sa nangyari kagabi. At dahil na rin...naamin ko na sa sarili ko na...gusto ko siya.

Binitawan niya ang balde ng tubig na hawak niya at saka pinunasan ang kanyang kamay. Saka ko lang din napansin na ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito ang ayos.

He's wearing a white T-shirt and dark denim jeans compared to his usual work attire which is a maroon oversized long-sleeve and baggy pants.

His hair is a bit damp probably because of all the work he did this morning. The shirt gave a definition of his arms and broad chest. I looked away when I realized that I was staring too much at his physique.

Of course he's got a good body. He plays basketball. Madami rin siyang binubuhat dahil sa trabaho niya rito.

What's weird is I'm starting to notice every little thing about him. Ganito ba talaga 'yon? I've never been this conscious around him.

Am I being too obvious?

I pushed myself to come near. I don't want him to think that I'm starting to get conscious around him just because of what he did last night. Ayaw kong malaman niya na naging malaki ang epekto sa akin noon.

"Mangangabayo ka?" tanong niya.

"Uh...sana." Sagot ko.

"Wala pa 'yung kabayo mo rito, e. Makakapaghintay ka ba?"

"Oh! Uhm...uh...I guess so."

Damn it, Theia! Pull yourself together!

Tumango lang si Primo at bumalik na rin agad sa ginagawang trabaho. He glances at me once in a while. I kept noticing the ghost smile on his face every time he catches me looking away.

"Balita ko...pabalik ka na ulit ng Maynila bukas?"

"Uh-hmm."

"Ang bilis lang pala ng bakasyon mo 'no?"

"I went home for my father's birthday."

"I see..." he trailed off. "Oh, and about last night..."

My eyes widened a bit when he mentioned it. Agad na kumabog ang dibdib ko.

"I'm sorry if I was a bit...too much. Nadala lang din siguro ako."

"It's...fine," I whispered.

Was it? Was it, Theia? Halos mabaliw ka sa kaiisip nang dahil doon! Tuluyan mo ring naamin sa sarili mo na may gusto ka sa lalaking 'to nang dahil do'n!

How was it fine when I thought you didn't want complications? How was it fine when you didn't even plan on liking him but you still did?

"And I'm sorry for not texting you for weeks. I promise to make it up to you kapag nakabili na ako ng bagong phone. Kung...okay lang sa 'yo na i-text pa rin kita?"

I shrugged my shoulders, unable to answer directly. Primo smirked. Inilubay ko na naman muli ang tingin sa kanya.

We remained silent for a minute. Napaangat lang ako muli ng tingin sa kanya nang umayos siya ng tayo. Humarap siya sa akin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mapansin kong palapit siya sa akin.

My breathing hitched. What is he doing?

I moved back but he didn't stop moving forward. The ghost smile appeared on his lips again. Nang wala na akong maatrasan, saka lang siya tumigil.

We were so close. So close that I could feel his breath on my neck. I lowered myself down before he could even catch anything from me.

He chuckled before he grabbed the towel behind me. Napakurap ako dahil hindi ko naman inasahan na 'yon pala ang pakay niya.

"I'm just going to get the towel." Aniya nang may multong ngiti pa rin sa kanyang labi.

I almost glared at him. What is he even doing? Is he trying to play with me?

"You could've told me and I'll reach it for you."

I watched him as he wiped his hands clean. He ran his fingers through his hair before he moved again to bring the towel back to its place.

Lalayo na sana ako ulit kaso pinigilan niya ako. He held my wrist to stop me.

"W-what—" ni hindi ko magawang ituloy 'yon dahil sa pagkabigla.

"Hindi ko alam kung kailan ulit kita makakausap. It'll probably take a while before I can afford a new phone. But before you leave tomorrow...I just..." he paused. "I know it's no surprise. You know I like you, right?"

"What are you—"

He scoffed. "Oh, come on! I'm trying to make it obvious. Huwag mong sabihin na masyado nang malamig 'yang puso mo na hindi mo napapansin ang pagporma ko sa 'yo?"

I was...speechless.

I wish I could be that brave to tell him the same thing. I wish...I know how to voice my feelings.

Napailing siya, mukhang hindi makapaniwala.

"I know it'll be impossible for us because we live in a very different world now. Nasa taas ka, nasa ilalim ako. I wish we could've maintained our lifestyle before so I can easily...enter your world. You probably don't feel the same. Pero, Theia...handa kong patunayan ang sarili ko...kahit ganitong buhay na lang ang mayroon ako."

I stared at him in awe. He didn't need to prove himself...because I like him for the way he is. I like him even without their riches.

"I like you too much, Theia..." he said breathlessly. "I can prove that I can also enter your world like how you entered mine. I will...prove myself to your parents...if you give me a chance."

I want to tell him the same thing. I want to tell him that didn't need to do that because I accept whatever he is and whatever he can offer. But then my voice betrayed me.

It was the first time I felt this way towards a person. Pakiramdam ko sasabog ang dibdib ko. I can't even explain what I'm feeling. I don't know if I'm happy, excited, or scared.

Primo's eyes went down to my lips. Nanatili ang tingin niya roon. I gulped.

Do something, Theia! Please fucking do something!

But instead of listening to my inner thoughts, nanatili lang akong nakatayo roon. Hinihintay ang susunod niyang gagawin.

He moved his face closer. I braced myself for what was going to happen. I anticipated for it to happen.

Primo closed his eyes and sighed. Napailing siya at saka lumayo sa akin. My mouth parted.

"I'm sorry. I..."

He held his head like he just made a stupid decision. Kumunot ang noo ko. Tumalikod siya sa akin.

"Sorry. Uh...kunin ko lang ang kabayo mo. Baka pwede na."

Tinangka niyang iwan ako mag-isa roon para gawin ang sinabi niya. Ngunit bago pa siya tuluyang makalayo sa akin ay hinila ko siya pabalik sa akin.

I pulled the nape of his neck and without any ado, I pressed my lips to his. Agad na namilog ang mga mata niya sa gulat. Pero hindi rin naman nagtagal ay agad siyang nakabawi at humalik sa akin pabalik.

His hand slips through my cheek to keep my head in place so he could kiss me better. He opened his mouth and from that then on, all I could hear was our lips meeting each other.

Kaso...

Biglang tumigil si Primo sa paghalik sa akin. I drunkenly looked at him. Nakahawak pa rin siya sa pisngi ko pero ang tingin niya ay nasa labas ng kuwadra.

Doon ko lang din nadinig ang iilang boses na palapit. Nagkatinginan kami ni Primo. We shouldn't be caught in this state! He looks so flushed! This can't be!

Inalis ko ang kamay niya sa pisngi ko. Tinangka kong umalis na kaso bigla akong hinila ni Primo patungo sa dulong kulungan. He locked us in.

Hindi pa ako nakakaanggal ay bigla niya nang siniil ng halik ang labi ko. I almost sat on the hay because of how aggressive his kisses were.

Oh...we weren't finished yet.

The voices became louder now. Mukhang mga kasamahan ni Primo sa trabaho iyon.

"Ay! Nalinisan na pala ni Primo. Kunin ko lang mga gamit ko." Ani ng isa sa kanila.

Halos mapadaing ako mang bumaba ang halik niya sa leeg ko. He was quick enough to cover my mouth so they won't hear me. Kinagat ko ang labi ko habang dinadama ang halik niya sa leeg ko.

How come...he kisses so good? Nakailang halik na siya sa ibang babae? He seems experienced.

"Tara na! Ang dami ko pang kailangang gawin."

Nang tuluyan na silang umalis saka lang din natigil si Primo sa paghalik sa akin. He rests his head on my shoulders. I gasp for air.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away."

"Stop apologizing," I said.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. I raised a brow. Bumaba saglit ang tingin niya sa labi ko bago niya binalik sa mga mata ko.

"So...what is this? What are—"

Umayos ako ng tayo, dahilan kung bakit naputol ang sasabihin niya. To be honest, I wasn't half done yet. I wanted to feel it again. I wanted it again. So bad.

"We'll talk about us..." nakatalikod ako sa kanya nang sinabi ko iyon. Inayos ko ang buhok ko dahil pakiramdam ko nagulo iyon dahil sa marahan niyang paghaplos sa akin kanina.

"When I get back." I continued.

"So, you'll still think about it?" He asked. Napalingon ako sa kanya.

"Yes. I will think about it."

Tumango siya at binasa ang pang-ibabang labi. I almost glared at him.

He shouldn't have done that! It's so...tempting.

"When are you coming back?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know yet..." sagot ko sa mababang boses. Lumapit akong muli sa kanya. Primo raised a brow. "But I promise. We'll talk."

"Do I have a chance?"

Natawa ako sa tanong niya. Nahalikan na niya ako tapos magtatanong pa siya ng ganyan? Why would I even let him claim my first kiss if he doesn't have a chance?

Maybe I just need time. I need time to sort my feelings out and when I'm ready, I'll tell him.

"A chance? Mukha pa bang wala kang pag-asa sa ginawa natin?"

"It wasn't quite convincing."

I look at him unbelievably. Ngumisi siya. Napailing ako at tinulak siya paupo sa mga dayami.

Damn you, Primo! Damn you!

"Will this convince you then?"

I lowered myself down and straddled him. I reached for his lips again and continued our unfinished business. Primo was quick enough to respond.

You asked for this, Primo Miguel. Now deal with it.