Song: Pero - Zack Tabudlo

Terrible

Agad kaming tumayo ni Jana nang matapos ang klase. She bitterly crossed her arms over her chest as we walk towards the exit.

"Sayang 'yung recitation points na 'yon. Sa akin na sana 'yon, e!" Reklamo niya.

I chuckled a bit. Kanina pa siya bitter dahil hindi sa kanya napunta 'yung recitation points dahil kulang ang sagot niya.

"At least you tried, Jana."

"Hmp!" She then stormed off outside our classroom.

Hindi ko mapigilan na matawa muli sa reaksyon niya. She was desperate for that recitation points because she felt like she will need it for her grades soon. Hindi pa naman matagal simula nang mag-umpisa ang semester pero iniisip niya na agad na babagsak siya.

Habang palabas ng classroom, naramdaman kong tumunog ang telepono ko kaya napatigil ako upang kunin 'yon sa loob ng aking bag. I immediately checked who left a message.

Primo:

Kumusta? Nakita ko nga pala kahapon si Catalina sa labas ng school nila. Mukhang may mga bago na siyang kaibigan.

I stared at his message for a moment. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas pagtutuunan ko ng pansin. Ang pangangamusta niya o ang mabilis na pag-a-adjust ni Catalina.

It's been weeks since I left Isla de Buenaventura. Ever since I gave him my number, he's been checking up on me constantly. I've been aware that he's going to do that but I did not expect that he's really going to do it every day!

Minsan hindi na ako nakakapag-reply dahil masyado akong abala sa iba't ibang bagay. I thought he was going to stop there, but he didn't! He kept on telling me so many random things that I don't even know how to respond to them sometimes.

Kahit pala hanggang sa text, madaldal siya.

If it were other people, I would immediately feel irritated. But with him...I suddenly felt appreciative. I don't know it's confusing.

I hate that he's been constantly bombing my inbox with many messages but at the same time...I like it. He constantly checks up on me, unlike my parents who only ask me whenever they want to.

I also like that he decides to share all these random things with me even if I don't reply to him.

Also...Catalina has new friends? I'm glad to know that she's doing well. She doesn't message often so I don't know what's happening to her. It's good to know that she's making new friends. I know she hated what happened but at least she's trying to adjust and make her stay worthwhile.

I also heard Adela is doing well in school. As expected from her. Siya ang madalas na kumo-contact sa akin kaya kahit papano alam ko pa ang nangyayari sa kanya.

Kung hindi pa ako siguro tinawag ni Jana, baka nanatili na lang akong nakatitig sa telepono ko.

"Something happened?" Tanong niya nang sabayan ko siya ng lakad.

Agad akong umiling at binalik muli ang telepono ko sa bag. I hope I'll remember to respond to that text.

Naging abala ako sa mga sumunod na oras dahil walang katapusan kong klase. Pagkatapos pa noon ay may inasikaso pa ako sa org kaya mas natagalan pa ako sa school.

Maggagabi na nang makauwi ako. I just ordered dinner and proceeded to work on my research after. That's how my day goes every day...

It's boring for some but it already became a routine for me which I somehow enjoy.

I'm not an outgoing type of person. I could just stay at home and do nothing and still call it fun. When I'm out, I feel so out of place so I'd rather just stay at home. Ayaw ko namang subukan ang mga bagay na alam kong hindi ako komportable para lang bumagay sa ibang tao.

Good thing that Jana doesn't force me to try the things she's used to doing every night. She understands when I don't want to come and she'll be glad when I decide to join her...which happens...rarely.

I was busy typing on my laptop when I received another text from Primo.

Primo:

It's the weekend. Do you have plans today?

Kung hindi pa siguro siya ulit nag-text, baka tuluyan ko nang nakalimutan na hindi nga pala ako nakapag-reply sa kanya kahapon.

I slapped my forehead lightly. Why do I keep forgetting? I hope he didn't wait for my reply all day.

It's been a while since I last had someone who constantly texts me. Nung wala pa naman akong number ni Primo, kung hindi ang pamilya, org members, at si Jana ang laman ng inbox ko, puro deliveries naman. And I don't often reply to those things. That may be the reason why I keep on forgetting to reply to Primo.

Me:

I'm sorry I just realized I didn't respond to your last text. But I'm okay. I'm glad Catalina is adjusting and making some friends. I don't have plans today except on doing some school stuff.

I immediately put my phone down to start working on my paper again. Wala pang ilang minuto ay tumunog muli ito, hudyat na nakapag-reply na agad si Primo.

Primo:

It's okay. Talagang inisahang reply mo na lahat ha? Hahaha.

Sige na, Theia. Hindi na kita istorbohin. Baka busy ka. Hehe. Good luck sa school! Just reply when you can :)

I sighed. I'm glad that he's making an effort to really get close to me. I mean...I was the one who gave him my number. Isn't it right for me to make an effort as well?

I stared at my phone for a while. I contemplated if I should reply or not. Kung oo, ano naman ang sasabihin ko? Kung hindi, ano naman ang problema do'n? Siya rin naman ang nagsabi na mag-reply ako kung kailan ko gusto 'di ba?

This is why you don't have friends, Theia. Sila na nga 'tong nag-e-effort na kilalanin ka pero parang pinagtutulakan mo palayo palagi.

I groaned in frustration and picked up my phone again. What should I do? What should I say?

Me:

It's fine. I'll reply when I'm not busy.

I rolled my eyes. I doubt that day will come...

A month went by so fast. Sa ngayon, prelims naman ang pinaghahandaan ko kaya mas lalo akong naging abala. We also did some events for our org so I barely had time for outside school stuff.

For the next couple of months, I'll be very busy with my internship. Malapit ko na rin matapos ayusin ang paper ko. I spent many hours trying to perfect it, always checking if it needed to be revised. I just really want to do well and I hope it gets chosen to represent our school.

So far, my life in school is going so well. But outside of it? We're getting there.

I tried to work on going to night outs with Jana every after class on Fridays but it's really not for me. I went out twice for that and it never happened again.

Pakiramdam ko kasi na sayang lang sa oras. Sa halip na may nagagawa akong mas makahulugan, nandoon ako at ginagawa ang bagay na hindi ko naman nakasanayan.

So...to compensate for all the invitations I declined, I made it a habit to go on café dates with her on Sundays. That, I enjoy. I can just chill and appreciate the serene environment and I also get to squeeze in some work in between.

If I made that a habit, I also tried to make replying to Primo once in a while a habit as well. Maliit na bagay lang 'yon kung tutuosin. But he's been really appreciative of all the times I get to reply to his messages.

A lot of things happened in a month. I feel like it was the time when I let myself out of my comfort zone and tried to get close to someone back home. I felt like it was such an achievement!

Primo:

Malapit na rin ang prelims namin. Mabuti na lang at hindi gaano karami ang binibigay na trabaho sa akin. Naiintindihin din siguro nila na kailangan ko munang mag-focus. Haha.

Me:

Oh, you might be busy preparing for your exams. Why don't you focus on it first and talk to me later?

Ever since we started texting constantly, I noticed that when I'm busy, he's the one with free time. And when I'm not busy, he's the one who doesn't have free time. Pero kahit na ganoon, mabilis pa rin siyang nakakapag-reply sa akin.

Gaya na lang ngayon... Wala pang ilang segundo, nakapag-reply na agad.

Primo:

Uy! Hindi, okay lang! Minsan ka na lang makapag-reply agad sa akin kaya susulitin ko na. Break ko rin naman sa pagre-review ngayon kaya ayos lang. How are you by the way?

Me:

Are you sure? You should finish your things first. We can talk at night.

Primo:

Grabe ka naman, Madam! Parang ayaw mo na agad ako kausap ah? At isa pa, baka tulugan mo lang ako ulit, e. I'm taking every chance that I can get kaya okay lang talaga.

Pero kung gusto mo ng late night talks...g pa rin naman ako. Joke lang!

Umangat ang kilay ko habang binabasa ang mensahe niya. Late night talks pa gusto niya. Nakalimutan niya atang tamad mag-reply ang kausap niya.

Me:

I don't stay up late so that's not possible.

Primo:

Kaya nga hahaha. Lagi mo nga akong tinutulugan, e. Pero okay lang! Basta ikaw.

Napangisi ako sa text niya. This guy is really terrible at making a move.

Primo:

I'm sorry for the corny jokes. I'm really terrible at this. I just want to keep the conversation going. Please understand.

Me:

I do understand! I'm also terrible at this but I'm trying.

Parang sa reply ko ata na 'yon siya natagalan sumagot. I kept on seeing him try to type a reply but he'll eventually erase it and type another.

I waited for another minute but none came. Baka na-busy na siya o...na-speechless sa sinabi ko kaya 'di na nakapag-reply.

I was about to put my phone down and continue the movie that I'm watching when he finally replied.

Primo:

Thank you for trying. I really appreciate it.

I was taken aback by his reply. It's not his usual lengthy texts. And... all that? For my 4 minutes of waiting?

Napairap ako sa kawalan. Teka...bakit ako nagrereklamo? Ano naman kung 4 minutes niyang tin-ype 'yang message na 'yan? Ganito rin naman ako mag-reply sa kanya pero hindi siya nagreklamo.

Ako naman itong hindi alam ang ire-reply ngayon. What do you usually reply to that?

I shrugged my shoulders and just replied what's on top of my head.

Me:

You're welcome.

There's nothing wrong with what I replied, right? He said he's thankful so what do people usually reply after thank you's? You're welcome, right? I only did the right thing.

Primo:

Bagay siguro talaga tayo 'no? We're both terrible at things.

Me:

What? Paanong naging bagay 'yon? Someone has to be good at something one is terrible at. That's how it'll work.

Primo:

Why can't both be terrible at something? Hindi ba mas okay 'yon para sabay din nilang matutunan?

Me:

In business, you can't hire newbies without a supervisor. Someone has to teach so someone can learn.

Primo:

But didn't supervisors start from being newbies as well?

My mouth parted a little. Well, he's got a point but...

Me:

Yes, but someone still thought them to be good at things they were not before. And they worked on it that's why they're in that position now.

Primo:

Everyone started at being newbies, Theia. Normal naman na wala tayong alam sa umpisa. Kaya nga madaming sumusugal kahit 'di pa sigurado, e. Kasi alam mong pupwede kang matuto sa bagay na 'yon. At hindi naman pupwedeng iasa nalang palagi sa supervisor ang mga bagay na dapat mong matutunan. Why don't you try and work it yourself?

The side of my lips rose. I shrugged and still typed my reply.

Me:

You can't just gamble all the time, Primo. Baka naman malugi ka sa kakasugal mo. Anyway, why are we even talking about this?

Primo:

'Di ko alam. Ikaw kasi, e.

Me:

Me?! Paanong ako pa ang may kasalanan? I just stated my point tapos kinontra mo.

I rolled my eyes.

Primo:

Ah...that's what we need to work on. I like that our opinions clash. I learn from you and you learn from me. But what I'm saying...this isn't business, Theia. This is life.

Say this, for example, love. I'm terrible at it. You're terrible at it. So, why can't we try and learn it together?

Oh...

And he's got time to think of that.

Napailing ako habang natatawa sa sinabi niya. Umayos ako ng upo. This is probably going to be my last reply since he still needs to study.

Me:

I'll let you know when I'm interested.

Primo replied seconds after.

Primo:

I've got all the time in the world to wait for you to be interested in my business, Madam.

I smirked and typed in my reply.

Me:

Make sure that has a lot of benefits. Ayaw kong malugi.

Primo:

Oh, it has lots!

Me:

Now go study!

Primo:

Hahaha. I surely will. Salamat sa oras, Theia! :)