━━ ( 旋風 ; ☁️ ) ━━

"𝖂HERE did cassian go?"

"i am sorry, stellan," zhang mingxia could only reply. "siyu is with his relatives... in the east. we were in a hurry. they needed help."

a young stellan frowned, voice softening. "he couldn't even say goodbye?"

"he was unable to say so, to you and daiyu. i am so sorry, little one."

aether was in stellan's arms. it whimpered hearing the news. if anything, stellan could've whimpered, too. cassian just... disappeared. for no reason. he never even said anything about this! not even a few days ago! and in the next few days, it'd be cassian's tenth birthday already.

stellan wanted to cry, honestly. cassian was missing these normal days and his very own birthday. stellan had already collected crystals from circean village's neighboring hollow and cassian's favorite flowers to make him the best ever bracelet. but he couldn't give it to him anymore. and dai was so excited for the picnic she planned. she must've been devastated by now.

"but... know that he misses you, too." mingxia held a hand out, gesturing for a hug as she knelt to the boy's height. he did as done, leaning into her touch. "i'm certain he does."

"really?"

"really."

the embrace lingered, and stellan wished it would continue to do so. cassian was gone, just gone! even mingxia couldn't completely comfort him, and she was like the mother stellan never had. she was the mother stellan never had. and mothers are always calming! and just that great!

stellan was crestfallen, almost angry even. angry cassian couldn't say goodbye, angry that he was forced into this. it sounded selfish, but that was what he felt. for once, cassian wasn't by his side, and he wasn't by cassian's own. it felt wrong. unfamiliar. and it was out of stellan's control. an event he couldn't predict.

somehow, stellan ended up inside the zhangs' home. it was emptier. not just because of cassian's departure, but also because it seemed as if things were being packed away and clean. almost barren. aether jumped onto the stiff mattress in a corner of the home to take a seat, and so did stellan.

"stelly! brother stelly!" a jumpy little daiyu rushed into the room, almost out of breath. "there you are! i was scared that you disappeared, too!"

"so you know?" stellan's smile was rueful, yet daiyu was too focused on the fact that, yes, cassian was gone. she was never one to be cloudy and weep, but her vigor and passion still had her zealous about a good lot of things, sadly and happily.

she still had her moments of calmer frowns. "yes... yes i know, stelly. māmā told me. she told me that gēgē siyu had to go to our family back home. zhongguo."

"i'm sorry." daiyu climbed up onto the mattress, nestling next to stellan and aether. everyone was sad. cassian was gone. gone, gone, gone. "i wish he was here, too. i wish he stayed."

something that was worse than being sad yourself was sadness from others, something stellan learned from his family. cassian wasn't dead, but it still felt like worried mourning. not as bad as his mother's passing, but sad enough, because they missed cassian greatly.

daiyu murmured. "mā said yuyu will come back."

"is that so?" stellan raised an eyebrow.

"she said so, he won't be gone forever. so we'll wait for him here." daiyu shared the rueful smile that stellan held. "we have to be patient! and he will come back. i know it."

"good to hear, blossom."

"i'm gonna be the most patient little sister ever; as patient as you are, stelly."

due to a series of catastrophic events, though, daiyu was never able to keep her word. for in time, memories fade, and so do many names.

( ☁️ )

卂尺ㄖㄩ几ᗪ 10PM, arcane books was on the verge of closing for the night, offering time to talk with cassian. cassian zhang.

the sky wizard was still in denial. it couldn't be. siyu was supposed to have worked until his last breath, dying peacefully back in catthay, in zhongguo. why would he be involved with magic? fortuna? sure, he was related to lina, but from what she could recall, he was gone before she manifested her abilities. when stellan queried her when they first met, she didn't even remember or go by the name daiyu anymore. it was too early in her youth. stellan left her be in slight blissful ignorance after that. the only people walking with those memories was stellan and stellan alone.

the girl knew her mother's name, but not even her true own. not even her benevolent brother's. it broke stellan's heart even more than it already was. faded memories and faded names.

"there you are." cassian leaned on the wall of the alleyway by the bookstore. he watched stellan walk over, not with his familiar this time ( bit unfortunate, really. he missed the pup ). "thought you'd stand me up."

stellan chuckled. "i had no reason to. and i'm curious as to why you're here. who are you?"

"you know me," said cassian.

"not anymore," said stellan. "understand that it's been years. give me an update."

cassian sighed. "okay, fine. what do you want? a name? a résumé?"

"how are you still alive?"

the question felt as if it pierced through cassian's heart, he'd almost forgotten how his family and friend felt after he left. what'd his mother and father tell daiyu? stellan? the village? did they tell them the truth?

the zhang hesitated. his parents were confusing creatures. "...what did mā even tell you?"

"oh. um, well, she said you were in zhongguo again, to help your relatives with farm labor and the war," the madoc replied.

stellan was too worried about the actual events behind cassian's supposed demise, and cassian could see it. painted on his face in subtle marks, same expressions he made as a child. the familiarity had his heart ache.

cassian was never in zhongguo. he was imprisoned under gods, no control over his life whatsoever. he was sold. he was property. separated from the people he loved.

he'd been gone for so long. stellan had been alone for so long, without him, without his family either. cassian had heard of morgana's murders, including the deaths of klaus and saoirse madoc. cassian loved a lonely man, one who had been wandering the world with only a childhood familiar by his side and skies to watch.

cassian was angry. how could he not be? everyone was hurt, gone, betrayed. so he spat. "she committed crimes, stellan. she traded me to spare her own life. blood for blood. the stories baba would tell us about stupid war and flame."

he watched subtle disbelief cross stellan, eyes widened just enough for cassian to notice. so he hadn't known all this time? cassian wanted to take back his words, to spare him from even more of this. but he deserved to learn the truth, right?

"i'm so sorry. i don't know what to say."

"don't be, please. we've been through enough. a wizard and champion... we know that mistakes have their dues."

the conversation was interrupted by the cloudy skies thundering, and as soon as they did, the sky wizard summoned an umbrella betwixt his fingers, opened and set over the two. he had grieved for ages. now that he found himself in recollection, his mourning would grow. heartrending was the word. truth could do that. memories could do that.

and if there was anything stellan hated, it was the pain nostalgia could bring. he was never the nostalgic sort.

the two stood there in silence for a minute. raindrops pattered on the bookstore's windows, walls - drops emphasized as the silence grew. they had a bit to think about, of course they did.

a mother with more that met the eye, a son made to be an instrument of war, a daughter with a mind clouded in smoke. a lot to bear on one's shoulders. stellan couldn't help but feel a bitter pride for cassian. he did that, he survived. he was standing right in front of him.

he still couldn't believe it. zhang siyu was right there. the spontaneous sprite of a childhood friend turned into a cynical, cold sort of creature. luckily, he was open enough to stellan. the wizard was eternally grateful for that. he feared he wouldn't get through to him easily, especially considering how it had been not a century, but nine. nine slow centuries of wandering and waiting.

a thought came to mind. "do you mind if i call you siyu, sometimes? i know it'll slip off the tongue."

"uh, i don't mind at all... if it's no trouble, anyway," cassian replied, a bit awkward as he was taken aback. "you remember my name? i'm surprised."

"how could i forget? why doubt?"

"well, daiyu forgot everything. mā even changed her name so she wouldn't get targeted, you know that." it was almost refreshing to have someone refer to lina by her real name. a sad refreshment, but one nonetheless. cassian still remembered her. "i just wanna be known as myself, for once."

the wizard chuckled, rueful. he knew the feeling. "alright, siyu. let's start again, shall we?"

a hint of a smile trailed on siyu's lips. barely, just for a second. he was opening up already and he couldn't help it. how could he? this was stellan of all people. stellan was always full of soft smiles and sunlight when at the right moment. and to be honest, the zhang missed it. while he was prone to tensing up a conversation, stellan was there to have it at ease, always some source of placidity that people really needed.

siyu felt lucky to have found him again.

"yeah. let's start again, stellan."

siyu suggested to walk stellan to his apartment, after that. he'd go back to the bookstore alone. they remained comfortable silence, albeit bitter, but at least they made an acquaintance out of each other.

"you can stay here for the time being," said lina, opening up one of the bookstore's bottom storage rooms. "i'm still mad at you, though."

the room was surprisingly expansive enough for a small mattress and set of bins ( which cassian used as a place for his belongings. they weren't much, but they were enough ). there was even a small light and a few outlets. it was plain, but actually manageable.

"luxurious," cassian muttered, and yet, he meant it, unfortunately. besides ingrid's state of care, he could never find any luxury other than rotting caves and alleyways. being a champion of the order and a forgotten lost cause really did have its damn perks.

even after lina left to go back upstairs, cassian couldn't shake the unsettling feeling of being forgotten by his own sister, though. they'd make honey noodles with their mother in the morning, stretching the dough and watching her heat up the pot. they'd wander through evenere's rivers, speaking to the river spirits and finding whatever treasure they found valuable. he'd recite stories to her by nightfall in mandarin so she remembered her speech, and then helped her fall asleep.

that daiyu was bright, fiery, and spontaneous; forever loving and curious. this lina was calmer, wary, and pessimistic; hard to read, although easy to crack. he expected her to change, as change is inevitable, but the fact that she didn't even remember her given name broke his heart. he'd never admit it, but it did.

siyu spent all these years, wandering and waiting, to remember and see his family again. and not even daiyu could remember him. but he didn't forget about stellan... thank the gods stellan didn't forget either. he was eternally grateful for him either way, but the fact that he remembered warmed his heart. oh, and the hound, too.

he'd never admit that he missed them either.

he took off his jacket, hanging it up on the door, which was slightly ajar. stellan still remained circling through his mind. he was still processing the fact that the wizard, too, was alive. he wasn't alone, and it was... oddly nice to think about? he found the thoughts to be bothersome.

yet mingxia and altan altered the reality and gravity of the situation. they dismissed siyu's departure as temporary. as a necessity for family in a different light. and yet, it was a necessity for different purposes.

overjoyed to see his friend alive, infuriated to hear of his parents lies. crestfallen to the losses gained, confused to how it all ended up here. his anxieties were running rampant in under a minute.

rummaging through the bins, he found incense sticks. nostalgia hit him. to purify the air around them and find connection with the gods and spirits, mingxia would burn them during prayers while the father and children sat together by the altar. reminded him of home.

he bought and brought these around at times, but rarely burned them unless the night needed assurance.

tonight definitely needed assurance of some kind. so he burned them, relieved. few things could calm him. meditating was one of them.

he didn't have much of an altar other than the incense jar. the gods wouldn't mind.

"shing chu yuan ming wu nie..." he muttered an old mantra to himself, relaxing his breathing. he could hear his heartbeat begin to slow down. ( the mind is a pearl that runs smoothly with no obstacle. altan's favorite, and probably siyu's, which he missed. )

focusing on his breathing always helped. ba always made sure he did so in battle. mā constantly worried about his training with ba the whole time.

his heart practically ached.

nostalgia really was a bitch. he wasn't sure if he should've been grateful or not, but at least he knew. and that was enough for him.

the two wanderers were never the best with nostalgia. aether also slept through all of this. he dreamt of flying through the skies on silver wings, dusted with stardust. how the two would wish for that eternity instead.

ha, missing him ? that's gay ( happy pride month!!!! loveu all <3 us queer asians are winning tbh like look @ us go bro from aapi 2 lgbt ! let's goooo ! ).

misery business will probably get more updates over the summer holiday bc. summer holiday. and i just miss these two idiots okay :,)

hope you enjoyed !

<3, baiqiao