With no window and no watch, I quickly lose all sense of time. Daniel's so-called training drags on for hours while the few moments of respite I get in between seem to fly by in seconds. The stuff they feed me is mostly grits with fresh fruit and peanut-butter-and-jelly toast, which I develop a hate for. My loose pants bear witness to my weight loss. Yet the worst is the constant mental strain. Daniel hammers away at me without mercy and I wouldn't be surprised if I have a meltdown soon.

"How do you feel about your husband's death?"

I scrunch my nose. Another one of his questions I don't want to answer. "I'm sad, I suppose." The truth is that it hurts, though I can't even figure out why. Miguel beat me, raped me, mistrusted me every step of the way. He doesn't deserve my grief.

"Just sad?"

"Let's just say we didn't have the perfect marriage."

Daniel leans closer. "What types of problems did you have?"

He is taking this too far. "How does this have anything to do with my cover?" I hate how the words quiver as they leave my lips. A few times, he almost got me to cry and the mocking in his eyes was brutal. I don't want to show him this type of weakness.

"Just answer my question, Degray."

"Well, my answer is the same one Tomás will get. I don't want to talk about it."

"What about Felipe Gallega? What was your relationship with him?"

He was my first love, my first kiss, my first loss. The rising tears threaten to choke me. How will Daniel ever understand? He is just a jerk who likes to push my buttons. "I need a break."

"Tough. You won't be getting a break." He slams his fist on the table. "Do you think this is a fucking game?"

The table becomes blurry as I lose the battle with my tears. "No."

"Tomás Araya will not give you any breaks. He will ask questions he knows will hurt you because that's how people lose their composure. And when people are in a weak state, their deception level is at its minimum. He is a top-notch interrogator who will exploit even the smallest weakness. Do you realize what's at stake here?"

I nod, wiping my eyes.

"Then tell me about Felipe Gallega."

A few tears roll down my cheeks. "He was the first boy I kissed. It crushed me when he died and I can't even tell you why."

"And Miguel?"

"I loved him, just as much as I hated him." And I despise myself for feeling sad that he's gone. He was a terrible person. Why is it so hard to let go?

"Are you crying, Degray?"

I sniffle, wiping my face on my shirt as I shake my head.

"Because crying is for losers, Degray. It will get you killed. Crybabies have no place on this mission."

One more sniffle and I'm able to look him in the eyes again. "I understand, Sergeant Major."

"Good. Now back to your husband."

That night, I'm lying alone in the dark, fighting with tears of exhaustion. Although I'd love nothing more than to catch a few hours of sleep, my racing thoughts keep me awake. Daniel's questions tore open so many wounds, but I can't have him trip me up like this. And Tomás will be worse. He has always known how to get to me.

What is he doing in this very moment?

His kiss makes a sudden comeback and heat pools in my groin. Guilt brings me back to my senses. He is a married man. Daniel told me that he and Shauna had a little girl. Is Tomás still mistreating her? My mom has always claimed that children are a total game changer, so maybe they are working through their problems. They could've even discovered their love for each other and Tomás might not look at me twice.

The grief for the loss of my own child is stifling. It's one of the secrets I have successfully hidden from Daniel, always playing it off as if I'm mourning for Miguel. Maybe if I had given my husband an heir, we would've had our dream family.

Sudden scratching by the door has me sitting up straight in bed. The lights come on and I blink to adjust to the sudden brightness. It's Brody beaming at me with a goofy grin.

I groan. "Don't tell me it's already time for training."

"No, it's not. You looked so upset today, so I thought I'd stop by and cheer you up."

I force a small smile. Even though I'm sure he means well, nothing short of a miracle will tear me out of my sullen mood. "And how were you planning on doing that?"

His low chuckle brings out the sparkle in his eyes. "You wanna get out of here for a little while?"

"But Daniel said—"

"He doesn't need to know." He juts his chin at the door. "Come on. The weather is great tonight. No clouds and you can see tons of stars on the beach."

"There's a beach?" The excitement causes a small shockwave to run through my body. Not only am I going to catch a breath of fresh air, but it'll have a tinge of salt to it. Next to the mountains, I love the ocean best.

"This is Blount Island. Of course there's a beach."

The mischief in his eyes is catching. With racing hands, I get dressed and slip on my shoes. Clutching my hand over my mouth to suppress a snicker, I follow him outside. It's a mild night with a full moon that seems to laugh at us as we scurry along a small path. In the distance, waves crash to shore and a warm breeze caresses my bare arms. I fill my lungs to the brim, eager to flush the stuffy smell of my quarters out of my system. This is such a treat.

We make our way to the beach. I take off my sneakers and the soft sand tickles my toes. I plop down onto the ground next to Brody. Hugging my knees, I stare onto the sparkling surface of the ocean. When I turn my gaze toward the sky, I gasp. He was right. I haven't seen this many stars since the night I spent with Miguel out by the river with the board swing. It's absolutely amazing.

With a sigh, I turn to Brody. "Thank you for this."

"I know you think that Daniel is being hard on you, but he's trying to prepare you for this mission. Believe it or not, you're in good hands."

"I know. It's just really hard sometimes."

"Remember, we all play on the same team. Ultimately, he's doing this for your own benefit."

It certainly doesn't feel that way. "Do you know how much longer the training will last?"

"You're halfway there. Just keep pushing."

Halfway, that means two weeks. This will put me right . . . "Wait, what date is today?"

"November twelfth."

That's my birthday. I drop back into the soft sand to fight the sudden hitch in my throat. Last year, the day was spoiled when Miguel barely acknowledged it after we returned from Colombia. The only nice thing was my trip with Tomás to the market where we bought the horoscope-sign bracelet. It's one of the few possessions I wish I hadn't had to leave behind in Malaguay.

"There's another reason why I wanted to bring you out here. I figured it's sort of like a present. Happy birthday, Stacy."

I smile. "How did you know?"

"I saw it in your file."

Turning my head, I look at him. The moonlight reflects in his eyes, making them appear like glowing pearls. "Thank you, Brody. I can't tell you how much this means to me."

"You're welcome. Maybe we can sneak away again sometime."

I suck in a deep breath, indulging in the tingle of salt in my nose. "I'd really like that."

"We just have to make sure Daniel doesn't find out."

"Sure." I snicker at a sudden idea. "Do you think you could get me a cheeseburger the next time? You know, kind of like a delayed birthday present."

"Now you're pushing it."

"I know."

He gazes down on me with the goofy grin that is slowly becoming familiar. "Let me see what I can do."

~~~~

With our nightly excursions, the training becomes bearable. It's as if I get to recharge my batteries in order to withstand the mental pressure. Daniel and I work on more details around my cover and he insists that I stick to as many true facts as I can.

"The little things are what will trip you up if you have to retell the same story over and over again in a different order. Guys who are trained in interrogation techniques will really dig into every minute detail to catch you in a lie."

I nod. It's one of the few things that actually makes sense.

"So let's take this from the top. What did you do when you came down the steps during the ambush on the mansion?"

I close my eyes to concentrate. The horrible pictures of Miguel as he lay dead on the ground replay in my mind. "I went into Santino's study."

"Was that before you discovered the body of your husband?"

"Yes, before—no, after."

"What is it, Degray? You can't afford to stumble here."

The memories burn like a scorching torch in my mind. "What I mean is that I saw a man go down after he was shot, but I didn't know that it was Miguel at the time. I also wasn't sure if the man was dead or not." I omit that I had to step over the lifeless body to get to Santino's office. It's too gruesome to imagine without losing my composure.

"Then how did you discover he was your husband?"

"The moonlight. After I opened the door to the study, it shined on him. That's when I realized it was Miguel."

"And what did you do?"

I swallow hard to fight the sudden lump in my throat. "I checked whether he was really dead."

"And what happened then?"

I shift in my chair to focus. Though this whole incident occurred almost ten months ago, it has always haunted me like a ghost refusing to let go. Totally banishing those memories was the only way I could cope and reliving that night is painful. "There were gun shots. I feared for my life and wanted to get a weapon from Santino's gun closet. That's when I went back into the office." My body had run on autopilot with my survival instinct being the driving force.

"And?"

"You know what happened next. I was captured."

"How were you captured?"

My gaze flicks to Brody. He had knocked me out by almost suffocating me. "Should I admit that I was attacked?"

Daniel sighs. "Yes, Degray. Stick to as many true details as possible."

"Okay, I was attacked and knocked out. When I woke up, I was in an airplane."

"Except for the last part, your story is pretty decent. Now we need to fine-tune it with much more detail. Let's start from when you first woke up—"

The opening door cuts him off. Devon appears on the threshold. Good timing since I could really use a break.

"Do you mind giving us the room, Sergeant Major?"

Daniel's smile can't hide the annoyance in his eyes. "No problem, sir." He signals Brody to follow him.

Devon closes the door behind them. He is alone today with no sign of the woman who's usually with him. "Good news, Stacy. Your training will be done in a few days and we'll transport you to Malaguay."

"Well, did you figure out the rest of the plan?"

He drops into the chair across from me. "I spoke to the analysts responsible for profiling Tomás. They agree that the respect angle might work."

"So you want me to rejoin the Malaguian Army?"

"We actually came up with something better. Since Miguel's death, Tomás has been heavily involved in funding. You told me that Miguel had started to include you more in the business side of things, so you should insist that it's your right as his widow to take a piece of the pie. Malaguay is big on inheritance rights, especially among the leading families. As a woman, you are technically your husband's property, but his rights are automatically bestowed on you upon his death. Granted, that usually only applies to real estate, but it's something you might be able to leverage."

I'm not sure if this is something I could pour my heart into. In my mind, I've always envisioned myself as a soldier. That's the only thing I've ever been good at, a fact acknowledged by Tomás. If I now insist on playing drug lord, he won't take me seriously. "I don't know, Devon. I think that's a stretch."

"The analysts are certain that a role in the military will not be enough to gain his trust. You need more, and the funding business is the only other option."

If they are so certain, maybe I should give it a try. If Tomás shoots down the idea, I can still rejoin the army. "Okay, I'll try."

"Great. Then I'll let Huxley know we are ready to move out the end of the week."

"Not so fast. There're only a few days left to Thanksgiving and I want to spend the holidays with my family before I go to Malaguay."

He shakes his head. "Impossible. Like I told you before, no contact with your family until this is over."

I suck in a deep breath, trying to keep my cool. "I don't think you understood me correctly. This is not a request. I already had to spend my twentieth birthday on my own and I'm telling you that Thanksgiving with my family is a must or the deal is off."

"You can't just back out."

"Oh no?" I smirk. "How are you gonna stop me?"

"If you refuse to return to Malaguay, I can guarantee you there'll be repercussions." He waves his finger in front of my eyes. "It's not too late to charge you as a hostile combatant and revoke your citizenship. Don't go stubborn on me, girl, or I swear you'll regret it."

"You can't do anything to me." I'm unable to hide the triumph from my voice. "I spoke to JAG and they told me you can't just revoke the citizenship of a natural-born American. There needs to be actual intent that I wanted to renounce it, and joining a foreign army is just one of the criteria. The JAG guy said that he doubted my situation was enough to bring a revocation case since Malaguay's military doesn't harbor terrorists. Then he checked and confirmed that the State Department had never even heard of me."

His jaw drops. "You went to JAG?"

"They actually came to me a few days ago. Apparently, as this is a joint mission with the military, they needed a waiver that I wouldn't sue the armed forces in case I get hurt. As I see it, you lied to me about everything, Devon, just so I'd cooperate."

"Damn." He drops his head into his hands. "Are you gonna bail out?"

"No. You got me back home and I owe you, so I'll go through with this but be prepared to play by some of my rules." I omit that this mission has also given me a purpose that my boring life in Indiana had been desperately lacking. Though it's risky, I'm actually itching to get back to Malaguay. "But I'm not that scared little girl anymore that you met in the Malaguian warehouse and whom you can intimidate into being your lackey. There are limitations on what I'm willing to do and there'll be some demands."

Devon sighs. "Okay. You can spend Thanksgiving at home"—his hand stops my victorious grin in its tracks—"as long as Brody goes with you."

This will be fun. Just last night during one of our strolls on the beach, Brody confessed that he hadn't had a decent Thanksgiving meal in years. It'll be a nice treat for him. "It's fine if he comes. Is he also gonna be the babysitter this Smith guy was referring to?"

Although I still don't know Brody well, having him by my side would be a huge relief. For the moment, he's the only one I trust.

"Yes. And before you complain, there's no way around it. That order came from all the way at the top. Trust me, you don't want to mess with someone like Smith."

I doubt Smith is even his real name. "Who is he?"

"Someone who can make us both disappear and erase any record of our existence."

My brows arch. "I guess I'd better stay on his good side then."

A feeble smile is all I get.

I grin. At least I set Devon straight and set some ground rules. It feels good to have a little bit of control for a change. "There's one last thing. Santino won't be amicable to a daughter-in-law who just reappears and makes demands. He might even be suspicious that I leaked information after all those drug busts. How do I get around this?"

"Don't worry, that's set. You won't be showing up empty-handed. You'll bring him his heir, so that should tip the scale in your favor."

I frown. "What heir?" As far as I know, Miguel had been an only child.

"His and Naiara's son."

The wrinkle on my forehead deepens. "I don't understand."

"Naiara was captured during the raid on the mansion. We brought her here to the States. After she gave birth to her son, Luca, she turned him over to us. He has been in foster care since."

That doesn't sound like Naiara. When she found out she was carrying Santino's child, she was beyond excited. "She just turned him over?"

Devon rolls his eyes. "You ask too many questions, Stacy."

"I just want to know—"

"Matters of national security are not always meant for your ears. Let's leave it at that, all right?" He has this stubborn expression that suggests this point is nonnegotiable.

I'll let it go for now but intend to ask him about Naiara later. She had always been genuinely nice to me and I'd really like to know what happened to her. "Then let's wrap up this training so I can get home."

~~~~

© Sal Mason 2016

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