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Chapter Quote:
“Staring at the wreckage of the life we could have had, I knew it wasn't about love… It was about sacrifice and redemption, loss that could have new meaning.”
~Calla Tor
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Chapter 20: Chestnut Rose

Arya 

Muffled arguing was the first thing she heard.  She recognized the voices as Shiloh and Loren, but what they were arguing about, she couldn’t decipher.  Arya’s eyes fluttered open.  Her room was dark, but she sensed it was day outside.

“Arya?  Please tell me you’re awake,” a girl’s voice queried hopefully.

“Casey?” Arya murmured.

“Carrie and Melinda are here too.”

“Hey y’all.”

“How are you feeling?” Melinda asked softly.

“Crappy, but all right nonetheless.  Has Ren…” Arya trailed off, unable to finish the question.  There were so many things about him she wanted to know, like whether he’d gotten his memory back, whether or not he was better, whether or not he had visited her, whether or not he hated her or not, whether or not there was any chance she’d ever be able to get back with him.

“He’s okay.  His memory is still shot, but the healers at the academy are trying to fix that,” Carrie informed.

“So while he’s been waiting for the healers, he’s spent a lot of time up here with you,” Casey said. “Even without his memory, he’s completely enraptured with you.  Do you want me to go get him?”

“No!” Arya protested weakly. “No, don’t force him to come to me.”

“Don’t you want to see him?” Carrie remarked curiously.

“Of course, but I don’t even know what I’d say to him.  The best thing I can do for him is to give him space and let him come to me on his own terms.  Now can someone explain to me why Loren and Shiloh are arguing?” Arya demanded, struggling to sit up.

“No, no, no, you lay back down.  Otherwise we’ll quit talking,” Casey warned.

Melinda snorted. “If we quit talking, she’ll get up and go find out herself, even if she has to crawl to do it.”

“Always was stubborn,” Casey laughed.

“That has not changed,” Carrie added.

“What are they arguing about?” Arya repeated.

“Um, Melinda, why don’t you explain?” Carrie suggested.

“Yeah, throw the heat on me why don’t you?”

“You have a very calming effect.”

“Yeah, sure that’s it.”

“Melinda, tell me,” Arya ordered.

Melinda sighed. “So, except for me, Carrie, and Casey, there’s a bit of turmoil between your packs.  Shiloh and Loren have been at each other’s throats since you’ve been out.”

“How long have I been out?”

“Five days.”

“What?!”

“Lumine stabbed you with a knife dipped in poison.  It was supposed to slowly kill you but we’ve been giving you so much blood that it overrode the poison.  You’ll still be weak for a few more days, but you’re going to live thank god.  Anyways, they’re arguing about who’s your pack and who’s not.  Shiloh is saying your old pack isn’t your pack anymore and Loren is saying that we are simply their replacements and that you’ll revert back to being their alpha.  Ren’s been trying to stop it but he’s not doing well either.”

“What do you mean?” Arya shot up into sitting position.  She regretted it immediately as her world spun.

“We told you not to sit up,” Carrie groaned.

“What’s wrong with Ren?” Arya questioned worriedly.

“He’s becoming more and more upset over his lost memory.  He’s been going AWOL for long periods of time.  We don’t know where he goes; he’s never told us.  He’s not sleeping.  He has horrible bags under his eyes.  But on the bright side, at least he’s still alive,” Casey chirped.

Arya started disentangling herself from the sheets trapping her.

“What are you doing?” Carrie inquired, trying to cover her alpha back up.

“I’m going to shut Shiloh and Loren up.  Either help me or get out of my way.” Arya’s pack decided to help her since they apparently decided she didn’t have the strength to do it herself.  With their aid, she was able to hobble out of her room and down the stairs.  Loren and Shiloh were in the living room, shouting at each other.

“Enough!” Arya barked, swaying unsteadily on her feet.  Loren and Shiloh fell silent immediately.

“Thank god you’re up,” Shiloh breathed, walking up to her.  Loren followed.  She held up her hand to stop them.

“What the hell is going on here?”

“Too much testosterone,” Loren said.

“No sarcasm.”

“Who are you going to choose, Arya?” Shiloh asked quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Which pack are you going to choose?  Us or them?”

“Shiloh, you can’t possibly expect me to make a decision like that.”

“I can.  They’re your original pack.  We replaced them.  It’s a legitimate question.”

Arya stared at her second, trying to come up with an answer.  She’d been hoping that the two packs would get along so they could combine, but she knew it’d never happen, no matter how much she wished for it to.

“Shiloh, for God’s sake, she just woke up.  Give her some time,” Carrie chastised.

“No, it’s fine.  He’s right.”

“So what is it going to be?”

How could she choose?  Even after a decade, Arya still deeply cared for her old pack and she felt it was her responsibility to make sure they were all right.  But her new pack, she couldn’t abandon them.  She didn’t want to.  They were her family.  How could she choose?  Couldn’t there be some way the two could combine?  No matter which pack she chose, she’d lose the other one and Arya couldn’t bear the mere thought of losing either one, let alone having it actually happen.

“Arya!” Melinda shouted.  Arya turned to her omega, looking at her curiously.  Suddenly she realized either she’d shrunk to Tinkerbell-size or she’d collapsed onto the ground because the furniture was taller than her.

“What happened?” Arya questioned, utterly confused.

“You had a panic attack because of these two idiots,” Melinda said, sending a snarl towards Loren and Shiloh. “You’re still not well.  Will you please go back upstairs and rest up?  You’ll be a lot stronger in a few hours.”

“No, no, I’ll be fine,” Arya insisted. “Help me up.”

Shiloh and Loren made moves to do so but a growl from Melinda stopped them. “You’ve helped her enough, don’t you think?” she snapped.  The two boys stared at the omega in surprise.

“It’s fine Melinda.  Calm down,” Arya consoled as she stood up. “Really, I’m fine.  I just need some fresh air.  Do y’all want to go on a small walk in the woods?”

“Are you sure you’re up to it?” Carrie inquired.

“Positive.  The fresh air will do me good.  As for you two-” Arya turned to Shiloh and Loren “- stop arguing.  We’ll decide what’s going to happen to our pack when the time comes.  For now, let’s focus on one thing at a time.  That thing is helping Ren get his memory back in whatever way we can and helping him feel like he’s part of our pack.  My role is slightly different with him but I don’t feel like explaining it.  Furthermore, Calla and Shay are being nice enough to let us stay here.  I expect you to help them whenever they need it.  Understood?” The two boys nodded. “Good.  I’ll see you later.  Behave.”
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Ren 

He walked slowly around the main house of the Lightwood compound.  His scent and Arya’s was all over it, but it was faint from months of not being there.  Ren decided to go upstairs and find the master bedroom.  It was easy to find.  There were pictures of him and Arya all over the place.  A king-sized bed with a dark blue duvet cover was against one wall, a flat screen TV was straight across from it.  They had a walk in closet big enough to have an island in the middle of the room.  Their bathroom was made of stone and tile and they had a jet bathtub and a shower where the water could come from all directions.  There were his and hers sinks.  Ren immediately recognized his side, mainly because all his stuff was there.  He glanced up to look at himself in the mirror.  Ren stared at the slowly disappearing scar lines from Lumine’s knife.  By tomorrow, the only reminder he’d have of that torture would be in his mind.  The scars would be fully gone tomorrow.

Leaving the master bedroom, Ren went downstairs.  There were more pictures down here, but they consisted more of the pack.  He went into the kitchen.  He checked the fridge.  There wasn’t any food in there.  The same went for the freezer and the pantry.  The deserted house gave an eerie feeling, but Ren still felt at home here.  He went and sat at the breakfast table to gather his thoughts about everything.  He wanted the healers to hurry up with the potion.  He wanted his memory back.  He wanted to help his pack.  He needed to help Arya.  At the thought of her, Ren’s thoughts traveled to whether or not she’d woken up and had found out about her two packs and how much they were arguing.  Arya loved both her packs; she wouldn’t be able to choose.  Ren fully believed she’d rather leave both than leave one.

“What the- Ren?” A girl stated.

He turned around in surprise, believing him to be the only one here.  But he wasn’t.  Melinda was there, watching him curiously.

“Sorry, I just… wanted some alone time.  Hard to do when there are thirty Guardians where you’re staying,” Ren commented, giving a slightly humorous smile.

“Don’t blame you.  Sorry for interrupting.  I just wanted to let you know Arya’s awake.  Actually, she’s awake and pissed.”

“Pissed?  At what?”

“Shiloh and Loren.  She’s mad at them for arguing.”

“Is she okay though?”

“Relatively.  She’s still weak, and overthinking anything causes her to have a panic attack.”

“I’m going to kill them,” he growled.

Melinda smiled. “It’ll all work out.  Anyways, I’m just here to grab another coat for Arya.  Hers got damaged in the fight with Lumine.  Do you want to come back with me or do you want me to tell Adne to come back later?”

“Nah, I’ll just come with you.” Ren waited patiently for Melinda to grab a coat for Arya before returning to the Nightshade compound with her.

“So that’s where you’ve been,” Neville remarked when he saw his old alpha.

“I had reasons,” Ren replied.

“I wasn’t going to prod.”

“I wouldn’t have let you.”

A small laugh drew Ren’s attention from Neville to the stairwell.  Carrie and Casey came charging down the stairs, apparently racing each other.  They grinned from ear to ear when they finished.  Arya trailed behind them walking slowly down the stairs, obviously in pain still.  Ren wanted to help her, but he knew she didn’t want it.  If there was anything about her he knew, it was that she was very independent.

Arya wore jeans and a long sleeve tee shirt.  Her hair had been thrown up into a ponytail and she wore enough makeup to hide her paleness.  Ren heard Adne snicker so he looked down to see why.

“You look love-struck staring at her,” she whispered.

He made a face at her but cleared his throat and asked, “Arya.  How are you feeling?”

The Lightwood alpha turned her head in his direction, surprise evident on her face. “Ren,” she breathed. “I’m glad you’re okay.  I’m fine.  Just making sure these two don’t injure themselves.” She nodded towards Carrie and Casey.

“At least we’re getting along,” Casey pointed out.

“We’re working on the others.  It’s slowly working.  The girls are getting along better than the guys.  You know with all that testosterone, it’s more difficult,” Carrie added.

“If the guys cause any problems, let me know.  Just because I don’t remember them doesn’t mean I won’t still be their alpha if need be,” Ren said.

“Thanks.  I’ll let you know,” Arya replied with a smile. “Well we’re going to head out for dinner so I guess I’ll see you later?”

“I won’t be going anywhere so yeah, you will.”

Arya nodded and finished walked down the stairs.  Ren disapproved of her going out this early after waking up but who was he to stop her?  He couldn’t even remember he’d known her.  He had to be told.

As the girls disappeared outside, Adne came to stand by Ren. “What’s on your mind?” she queried.

“I just wish I remembered her.  It’s like I know I know her but I don’t know where from.  I feel like it’s deeper than what everyone’s telling me.”

“Well the healers are working on that memory potion.  You’ll have it back in no time.  For now, why don’t you go hang out with the guys?  They need something to distract them.”

“Yeah… listen, you go hang out with Connor.  I’ve been hogging you.  I’ll talk to you later okay?” Ren kissed his sister’s head and walked out of the compound, wondering if there really was a cure for his memory loss.
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