A/N What's this? Another update?
This chapter is a little different, I hope you enjoy it anyway!
Short little vid that goes with this chapter up ^^ there!

*UNEDITED*

*****
i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete 
i could light a whole city

and then
i want to have you

cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire

- Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey. 

*****

...Three months earlier...

Bellamy was terrified.

It wasn't often that he would willingly admit to the feeling, but in the current situation he felt it was necessary. Nothing else could describe the soul crushing fear that squeezed his chest tighter and tighter with every single breath he took.

He hated the way Brinley had cried out with each step as he'd carried her through the corridors towards the room that was already filled with so much pain and destruction. He'd hated the whispers that followed their hasty entrance, hated that he could hear Octavia's panicked cries from across the room, and most of all he hated the way people were looking at Brinley – as though she were already gone.

'Put her down Bellamy – carefully!' Clarke looked as worried as he felt.

No matter how hard Bellamy tried, there wasn't a way to put Brinley on the table without causing her some level of pain, and when he looked down at her as though to apologise, she was already staring up at him with half shut eyes.

'It's okay.' The words were quiet and slightly slurred but it was the push Bellamy needed to do what Clarke had instructed.

That didn't mean her pain filled cry didn't pierce through him like a blade.

Marcus Kane was hovering around Clarke, looking pale and worried, his eyes darting from Brinley to Bellamy and back again, as though he wasn't sure what to focus on.

Bellamy felt a gentle touch brush across his hand and when he looked down he found Brinley reaching for him, even in her half conscious state. Bellamy gripped her hand tightly, squeezing it reassuringly.

Bellamy looked up, spotting Octavia's tear stained face. His heart broke for his little sister who had been the one to find Brinley in such a vulnerable state. Octavia was strong – he knew that much – but Brinley was one of her only weaknesses, and Bellamy knew the two girls relied on each other more than they would admit.

'O, go find Monty and see if you can find out where Cage went.'

Octavia looked as though she wanted to argue, but one look at her brother's face and Brinley's contorted form had her nodding in understanding.

'Brin, it's going to hurt, I'm sorry.' Clarke looked at Brinley who didn't open her eyes when she spoke.

'Get it out.'

Clarke nodded, and Bellamy watched with idle fascination as Clarke dug one of the metal tools into Brinley's body.

Brinley's answering scream echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls and flowing out into the empty corridors before it cut off with a terrible choking sound. Bellamy was sure his heart stopped as he felt Brinley's hand go slack in his. Clarke must have seen the panicked look on his face because she immediately shook her head at him, her fingers pressing against a pulse point. 'She just passed out, she's alright Bellamy.'

Bellamy nodded sharply, though he wasn't sure he would have used alright to describe Brinley's current bloodied state. Alive seemed more appropriate.

Bellamy could feel eyes on him and more than once he wanted to make everyone else leave the room – he had to remind himself that everyone in that room had already been through so much, and that yelling at them in a moment of anger and panic wouldn't help. Everyone in that room cared about Brinley. Without her realising – Brinley had snuck her way into everyone's hearts with her quick wit and loyal nature.

But it appeared that their audience was also making someone else uneasy. Marcus spoke up, directing everyone else out of the room, leaving Miller's Father – who had some basic medical training thanks to his position as a member of the guard- in charge.

Minutes continued to pass, and Bellamy's worry began to grow. 'What's taking so long?'

Clarke looked frustrated. 'I'm trying Bellamy, the bullet is lodged deeper than I initially thought.'

'Well can you get it out?'

'Yes.' Clarke nodded, 'It's just going to take some time.'

'We don't have time.' Abby spoke up, looking incredibly tired and in a great deal of pain. 'She's lost too much blood.'

Clarke couldn't keep the slight waver out of her voice. 'I know.'

'Well what else can you do?' Bellamy asked, unable to keep the edge out of his voice.

'I have to get this bullet out, but she's lost too much blood, she needs a transfusion.'

'Then why aren't you doing it?' Marcus asked in exasperation. 'We're universal donors.'

'We don't have time to find Mount Weather's blood supply and everyone's already injured, if there's any slight degree of infection we risk making Brinley worse.' Clarke was sugar coating her words and Bellamy knew it.

'It would kill her.' Abby was direct, not skating around the truth like Clarke. 'Clarke, we need to hurry.'

Bellamy didn't hesitate. 'Clarke, I've barely got a scratch on me, let me do it.'

'Bellamy-'

'Clarke, I won't let her die.'

Clarke looked hesitant, looking to Abby whose eyes were already scanning over Bellamy for signs of injury. 'He looks fine, Clarke.'

Clarke nodded. 'Bellamy, are you sure?'

Bellamy nodded.

'Alright then.' There was some relief in Clarke's expression.

'You don't want to do a proper examination first?' Marcus asked, worry lining his face.

Clarke shook her head, glancing at Bellamy. 'There's no way Bellamy would put Brinley's life in danger by lying.'

It didn't take long for Clarke to get Bellamy and Brinley set up, Bellamy barely felt the pinch of the needle tapping into his vein, and Brinley was still unconscious, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

Clarke seemed less troubled the moment she was sure the transfusion was working, immediately diving back into pulling out the bullet, and not ten minutes later there was a loud clang as Clarke dropped the bullet on the tray next to her.

'That's one less thing to worry about.' Clarke whispered to herself as she began cleaning the wound. 'You okay Bellamy?'

Truthfully, Bellamy was feeling slightly lightheaded but he nodded anyway. 'Fine.'

Clarke got to stitching the wound shut neatly. While she did this, Bellamy leant forward, resting his head lightly against Brinley's hand – still entwined with his own.

Bellamy wasn't sure how much more time passed, but eventually he felt Clarke's gentle hand touch his shoulder. She disconnected the tubing spanning from Bellamy's arm to Brinley's, flashing a relieved smile at Bellamy. 'I think she's going to be okay.'

Bellamy breathed out a sigh of relief.

'Are you going to tell her what you just did?' Clarke asked quietly.

Bellamy paused. He hadn't thought about it up until that moment and he quickly decided on an answer. 'Not unless she asks.'

Clarke nodded, leaving the room to check on everyone else and let them know that Brinley was doing okay.

Bellamy was acutely aware of Marcus and Abby's eyes on him, but he ignored them entirely, watching as Brinley's cheeks began to colour again and her breathing started to even out.

Brinley was alive, and at that moment – that was all that mattered.

*****

Brinley hated feeling weak.

More than that, she hated having to rely on other people to help her with the most basic tasks. Even though she was perfectly capable of walking around on her own, moving fast, bending down or reaching for things above eye level was proving to be difficult. The stitches were still new and because they hadn't settled, her skin twisted and pulled in an uncomfortable way every time she moved.

She was counting down the minutes until she could pull them out.

'You alright there sweetheart?'

Bellamy had just entered their shared quarters and already he was shrugging off the guard's jacket he'd been given by Marcus only hours earlier. Brinley already missed it; the jacket and the privileges suited Bellamy just fine, atleast in her opinion, and even though Brinley technically had her own room - the two preferred to be as close as possible.

There had been too many moments spent apart already.

For the most part, life was going back to normal after Mount Weather. Clarke was gone and all of them were a little damaged but all things considering – they were doing okay.

That is – if you didn't count Brinley amongst the general populace, because truthfully she was barely coping.

'I'm fine.'

Bellamy sighed, coming up behind her quietly. Without saying anything, he reached up to the highest shelf, pulling down exactly what Brinley had been looking for.

Murphy's jacket.

Brinley said nothing as Bellamy watched her slip the jacket on, playing with the fraying sleeves idly.

'There's nothing wrong with asking for help Brin.' Bellamy reminded her gently.

'I don't like relying on anyone else.' Brinley shrugged, stepping towards Bellamy.

'Asking for help is better than tearing open those stitches.' Bellamy reminded her with a raised eyebrow. 'Then you'll have to wait twice as long.'

'Mhmm.' Brinley hummed as she reached up, placing a chaste kiss on Bellamy's mouth.

Bellamy's lips twitched as he fought off a smile, watching her move towards the bed, curling up neatly on one side. 'Tired?'

Brinley started to say no but was cut off by a yawn.

Bellamy kicked off his shoes, taking his place beside her. Brinley positioned herself immediately, being careful not to move to fast or at odd angles.

Brinley felt Bellamy's arms wind around her gently, and she smiled to herself. It never failed to amaze her how much the dynamic between them had changed since their very first encounter on the ground. Never in a million years had she thought then that they'd end up being friends – let alone more.

Bellamy's hands started playing with Brinley's hair, a soft sigh leaving her lips as her body relaxed and her eyes closed...

'Go to sleep.' Bellamy's voice was low and quiet. 'I'll be here.'

So Brinley let herself drift off, comforted by Bellamy's warm embrace and his promise to be there when the nightmares undoubtedly came.

And come they did.

*****

The first night Bellamy had realised that Brinley wasn't coping as well as she claimed was the night he discovered the nightmares.

He'd fallen asleep much earlier than normal, exhausted from all the work he'd been putting in to getting the camp back to normal. They'd only been back for a few days and while there was some level of order in the camp, there was still much more disarray and chaos.

Brinley had entered the room after spending the afternoon with Octavia and Lincoln, who so far were the only ones aside from Bellamy treating her entirely normally. Brinley had seen Monty's pitying looks, and Jasper – well Jasper was consumed in his own grief and anger at the death of Maya, the shock having finally worn off.

Brinley shut the door quietly, eyes adjusting to the dimness of the room. Her gaze immediately fell on Bellamy, sprawled across one side of the bed, eyes shut and breathing deeply. Brinley caught herself staring for a moment, amazed by how young he seemed in sleep, all the worry and stress washed away.

Brinley pulled off her jacket and changed into some sleep pants, leaving her hair down because it hurt too much to lift her arms to tie it into a simple ponytail.

Bellamy had been the one tying her hair up lately, much to her amusement.

Brinley moved to her side of the bed, rolling onto her side. Brinley matched her breathing to Bellamy's, slipping comfortably into sleep.

At first, Bellamy wasn't sure what had woken him from sleep, but it didn't take him long to figure it out.

Brinley was thrashing around, her hair twisting wildly around her face as short sharp gasps escaped her lips.

'Brin? Brinley, wake up!' Bellamy gripped her shoulders, shaking her from sleep lightly.

It took a few shakes but eventually Brinley's eyes shot open, wide and panicked as she struggled against his grip. Brinley choked on the panic clawing it's way up her throat and stopped fighting when she realised that Bellamy was the person hovering over her, worrying filling his face and his hair in disarray.

Her nightmares were getting worse - she'd never woken him before.

Bellamy watched as Brinley fell apart, her hands covering her face as though to hide herself from him, putting up the walls that he hated so much, distancing herself from him.

Bellamy gently tugged her hands away from her face, pulling her into his lap, his hands rubbing soothing circles into her back as her body shook with the effort of not crying out.

Bellamy didn't say anything and neither did Brinley. The two sat there quietly until Brinley calmed down. Eventually Bellamy broke the silence that had settled over the room.

'Are you alright?'

Brinley nodded her head against his chest.

'What were you dreaming about?'

'Nothing important.'

Bellamy sighed, hearing the lie in her words, but he didn't push the subject, knowing that when she was pushed – Brinley fought back.

So Bellamy just pulled her against him, bringing them both down to rest against the mattress. 'I'm here when you want to talk.'

'Okay.'

'Try and get some sleep.' Bellamy suggested quietly. 'I'm here.'

Neither of them slept that night.

*****

Two weeks.

Two weeks she'd been back at camp and things weren't getting better. In fact, they were only getting worse.

She'd hoped the nightmares would go away, that she would be able to go to sleep and wake up in the morning like a normal person, but it seemed that Mount Weather had done more damage than she'd originally thought. She could pretend to be fine all she wanted, but the truth came out every night when she awoke, sweating and panting in terror as the nightmares faded away.

Even though she could pretend to be okay around Octavia and Lincoln, or her Father and Abby, she couldn't hide the truth from Bellamy – atleast not while she was sleeping by his side every single night.

She knew that he was as tired as she was, her nightmares spilling over into his own precious hours of sleep. Bellamy rarely slept through the night anymore - how could he when Brinley thrashed about, tangling herself in the sheets?

After the first few nightmares, Bellamy had tried to get her to open up – to tell him what was bothering her so that he could help her fix it. But Brinley couldn't tell him – couldn't let him see how emotionally scarred she was from all that had been done to her on the Ark, and in Mount Weather, so she changed the subject and closed herself off to him.

Bellamy had hoped the nightmares would go away when Brinley adjusted to being safe back at the camp – but they didn't. If anything, they got worse. Bellamy was made aware of this one night when, for the first time, Brinley had screamed herself awake, stirring Bellamy from a light sleep with her panic induced scream.

Bellamy had tried talking to her, coaxing her into opening up to him, he'd even threatened to tell Abby what was going on, but Brinley fought back, reminding him that he couldn't make decisions for her.

Brinley's unwillingness to be honest with Bellamy was driving a wedge between them, and even though the two still spent many moments together, Bellamy could see the distance Brinley was putting between them, and though he'd never admit it aloud – it worried him.

He knew his feelings for her were strong – stronger than anything he'd ever felt before and the thought of her no longer wanting anything to do with him scared him. He hadn't realised how much he needed her until there was a possibility she wouldn't be around anymore.

Bellamy knew that Brinley felt as though she relied on him too much, but in truth Bellamy relied on her just as much as she relied on him. In a world full of so much uncertainty the one thing Bellamy could count on was Brinley being there, waiting for him. Every single day she was there- even waiting patiently for him when he finished working for the day.

And then the visits began to stop.

Brinley had waited for him as usual, relaying her check up with Abby to him when prompted. But when Bellamy had shrugged off his jacket and made his way to their bed with a yawn, Brinley hadn't moved, and Bellamy glanced at her in confusion.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing.' Brinley smiled lightly, though the expression didn't reach her eyes. 'I'm going to stay in my room tonight.'

Bellamy's eyebrows knit together in confusion. 'Why?'

Brinley shrugged.

'Okay then.' Bellamy was still confused but he wouldn't stop her. 'Are you sure you're okay?'

'Positive.' Brinley kissed him quickly, flashing him a small smile. 'Goodnight hot shot.'

Bellamy smiled slightly at the familiar nickname as she left the room, shutting the door behind her. Once the door shut, the smile slipped away and worry creased Bellamy's forehead again.

Brinley hoped that her being away would allow Bellamy to rest peacefully, but in truth Bellamy was more restless than ever wondering if Brinley could handle her nightmares on her own.

*****

For two nights Brinley stayed in her own room, for two nights she managed to sleep for a mere two hours before her subconscious had her screaming into reality.

Brinley was tired and completely fed up with not being able to function like a normal person. She missed Clarke, she missed Murphy and she missed Bellamy.

Which was ridiculous. Bellamy's room was only a few corridors over, why would she miss him?

But she did. She had become dependant on Bellamy's presence, even more so in the last few weeks. Brinley hated it and loved it at the same time, because even though having someone she could depend on was nice, on the ground there was no guarantee that that person would always be around – or that Bellamy would always want her around.

Her nightmares were making it hard to give Bellamy the attention he deserved, her tired mind turning his face into theirs. The Mount Weather guard's intentions and advances had bought up things from her past that she'd hoped would remain buried. The night she'd eaten the nuts and hallucinated Christian and his friends she thought she'd finally faced what had happened to her – accepted it so she could move on.

She thought she was stronger than that.

Bellamy had been surprised to find Brinley in his room on what would be that last night, he'd worried when she hadn't come looking for him during the day like she normally would. She looked up as he entered the room, a small smile on her tired face.

'Can I stay here?'

Bellamy nodded without hesitation, surprised when she moved towards him, hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her, revelling in the warmth between them, feeling the way his heart sped up at the gesture.

They spent hours talking about everything and nothing at all, maintaining contact at all times. Bellamy didn't mention the dark circles under her eyes or the paleness of her skin and Brinley didn't mention the worry that seemed permanently etched into his face every time he looked at her. Instead they just took a moment to enjoy each other's company.

Bellamy began to yawn, and though he tried to hide it, Brinley knew he was tired. He spent his days organising, planning and helping Marcus wherever needed. Bellamy was dedicated to their people and Brinley admired him for it.

Brinley moved her hand to his face, stroking her thumb over his tanned skin gently, watching the way his lips turned up into a smile as she ran his fingers over them, memorising every inch of the face she loved so much.

Brinley pulled him down to her, kissing him deeply, pouring every ounce of affection she held for him into it, hoping he could understand what she was trying to say without words.

Bellamy was taken aback by the intensity of the kiss, not that he was complaining. For the first time in awhile, Bellamy saw that fiery spark Brinley had been missing since he'd watched her walk away in the corridors of Mount Weather.

The next time he'd seen her she was fighting to stay awake, her head lying in Octavia's lap.

Brinley broke the kiss only when she was out of breath. Bellamy was always careful not to cross any unspoken lines, and her heart gave a painful lurch as she realised that though he would think otherwise, the man in front of her was far too good for her.

'What was that for?' Bellamy smirked.

'That was for being you.' Brinley kissed him again quickly.

'Feel free to thank me anytime.' Bellamy grinned.

'Don't get cocky, Blake.' Brinley teased lightly, enjoying seeing the humour light his expression. 

Bellamy laughed. 'A little late for that sweetheart.'

Brinley ran her fingers through Bellamy's curls, smiling slightly at the gentle sigh that escaped his lips. Brinley continued her actions long after Bellamy had eventually fallen asleep, feeling her lower lip tremble at the thought of leaving him.

It was something she had to do. Before she could truly open herself up to him she had to first deal with her demons on her own, she refused to spend the rest of her life relying on someone else for security and happiness.

Brinley Kane needed time to heal, and she couldn't do that with her every move being monitored and picked apart, no matter how good the intentions were.

'I'm sorry.' The words seemed to echo in the still room, the only thing hearing the way her voice cracked on the words were the four walls that surrounded her. Brinley pressed her lips to Bellamy's curls one last time as she moved, being careful not to wake him as she did so.

Bellamy stayed asleep, his body adjusting unconsciously.

Brinley left the room, closing the door softly behind her. She wiped her wet cheeks as she made her way to her own room, only opening the door enough to retrieve the bag she'd packed from inside the doorway, filled with just enough to get herself established. The stitches in her torso wouldn't be a problem – Brinley could remove them herself.

'Brin?'

Brinley froze slightly at the familiar voice. It was late and she'd hoped that everyone was in their rooms for the night.

Octavia hadn't been able to sleep and had decided a walk might help to clear her head, but instead she'd found another thing to worry about – Brinley, dressed and holding a full pack in her hands.

'O.' Brinley's voice was strong but the redness of her eyes gave her true emotions away.

'Where are you going?' Octavia asked warily. 'And please don't lie to me.'

Brinley couldn't meet Octavia's eyes. 'I gotta get away for awhile, O.'

Octavia didn't seem surprised. Truthfully, she'd been waiting for something like this for days now. 'Where are you going to go?'

'I don't know.' Brinley shrugged. 'I guess I'll find out.'

Octavia nodded. 'I won't stop you, I'll miss you like hell though.'

Brinley laughed lightly. 'I'll miss you too.'

Octavia hesitated. 'Does Bellamy know?'

Brinley's silence was all the answer Octavia needed.

'I didn't think so.' She sighed.

'Why do you say that?'

'Because there's no way Bellamy would willingly let you leave.' Octavia frowned.

Brinley sighed and nodded. 'Don't tell him you saw me, please O.'

Octavia looked conflicted for a moment before she nodded. 'I won't tell him anything... if you promise you'll come back when you're ready.'

Brinley nodded.

'Good.' And then Octavia threw herself at Brinley in a display of affection she hadn't been expecting. 'Don't get killed.'

Brinley smiled slightly. 'Have a little faith.'

Octavia pulled away from their embrace. 'May we meet again.'

Brinley's lip trembled as she looked at Octavia. 'Don't worry, we will.'

*****

Bellamy woke the next morning feeling well rested for the first time in awhile. His initial good mood deflated as he reached out, feeling the space next to him empty and cold.

He blinked the sleep from his eyes, figuring that Brinley had gone back to her own room for the night. Bellamy dressed and readied himself for the day, deciding to stop by Brinley's room before he did anything.

He knocked at the door and waited, after receiving no answer a frown made it's way to his face as he unlocked the door with the key she'd given him. His eyes went immediately to the neatly made bed, his frown deepening as he realised she wasn't there.

'Bell?'

Bellamy turned and faced his sister who was standing in the doorway with a blank expression.

'O, have you seen Brinley this morning?'

Octavia shook her head. 'No, I haven't.'

Bellamy nodded as he left the room, locking it behind him. Octavia watched his actions with guilty eyes.

'You okay, O?' Bellamy asked in concern, seeing the odd look on her face.

'Yeah.' Octavia nodded. 'You should get going – Abby and Kane have a whole list of things that need doing today.'

Bellamy nodded. He supposed he'd see Brinley later in the day; she'd probably gone to breakfast early, or to find Monty, Miller and Jasper.

But as the day progressed the doubt that had planted itself in Bellamy's head grew into worry when Brinley hadn't appeared once. He tried to convince himself that she'd find him when she was ready but truthfully Bellamy had known the moment he'd seen her empty room that Brinley was already long gone.

Hours without her turned into days and people began to ask questions he didn't know the answer to, and eventually days turned to weeks with every patrol Kane sent out coming back empty handed.

The answer was obvious; Brinley didn't want to be found.

When he looked back at the last time he'd seen her, Bellamy began to see the signs, the distance, and the way she'd looked at him on that final night. By the third week he'd lost hope entirely, and after a month he'd closed himself off completely – no longer mentioning her name and trying his hardest not to think of her.

No one said it aloud, but they all knew that Bellamy Blake was heartbroken.