*****
if the hurt comes

so will the happiness

- be patient.
(Milk and Honey, Rupi Kaur.)

*****

Bellamy hadn't turned her in.

Or atleast, Brinley assumed he hadn't. She'd re-joined the general populace of Arkadia after Abby and Marcus had slid the panel shut behind Octavia and Clarke, falling into step with Miller, who welcomed her with a warm smile. Even though Miller was familiar and comforting, Brinley was tense, waiting for Bellamy, or another of Pike's lackeys, to come marching towards her and whisk her away to the holding cells.

But it never happened, and Brinley was left feeling both relieved and confused by Bellamy's actions, unsure of his motivation.

In hushed tones, Brinley explained all that had happened with Bellamy, Octavia and Clarke, to Miller, whose face clouded with anger and disappointment once Brinley finally stopped speaking.

Brinley knew she could trust Miller, and after a short talk with Abby, both women decided to assign Miller the task of delivering medicine to the holding cells – to Lincoln – on the sly.

Brinley wryly told him to throw out a few snarky comments at Lincoln and the other grounders so as not to raise suspicion with the other guards on duty. Miller had smirked and told her that wouldn't be a problem.

Miller could be a troublemaker when he wanted to.

Brinley had left him to his task, coming across her Father who had a determined look on his face that immediately set Brinley on edge even further.

'What happened?

Marcus looked at his daughter, worry lines seeming to deepen as he did so. 'Octavia radioed. Pike's up to something.'

Marcus and Brinley worked together to come up with a way to listen in on Pike, Brinley for the first time realising that she might have inherited her intelligence from her Father. If there was one thing Brinley was thankful for, it was her growing relationship with Marcus; it was easy to see how much the man had changed and grown as a person.

After all, the ground had changed everyone - for better or for worse.

By the time Brinley had sneakily secured what her Father needed from the growing tech supply with her quick fingers, Miller had found her and immediately wanted in on any sort of plans against Pike. It seemed that seeing the grounders caged like animals had made Miller angrier, more determined to make things right. Miller had a deep distrust of Pike and he hated the way Bryan seemed to worship the very ground he walked on.

The three hoped they didn't look suspicious as they walked towards the Chancellor's office. Brinley had toned down her entire getup, taking off the intense eye makeup she favoured and leaving her hair down in waves, hoping that in doing so she'd blend in with the rest of the Arkadians.

Because with Pike in charge no attention was good attention.

'You two step aside incase someone answers.' Marcus glanced at Miller and Brinley briefly from the corner of his eyes.

'I told you, no one's home.' Miller reminded him.

Marcus knocked on the door anyway, Miller and Brinley pressing themselves back and against the cool metal walls. Miller gave her a smug look and snickered as he glanced at Marcus, and Brinley couldn't help the smile that lit her face at Miller's childish action.

'What?' Marcus frowned in confusion.

'Bet you didn't think that we'd be breaking the law together when you arrested me on the Ark, huh?'

Brinley snickered under her breath, the quiet sound cutting off short when Marcus reached out and grabbed the front of Miller's uniform, commanding attention.

'This isn't a game, Nate.' Marcus' voice was serious. 'If we don't find out what Pike's up to, more people will die.'

Miller nodded, the childish gleam in his eyes gone. 'Then let's not get caught

Marcus entered the code to the office, Pike had evidently not thought to change the codes yet, and almost immediately a voice drifted towards them.

'Chancellor Pike, good to see you!'

Brinley cursed. 'I'll hold them off.'

'Brinley – Brinley-' Marcus swore as Brinley rushed away.

Brinley hurried down the corridor, hair fanning out behind her. Her eyes were drawn to Pike and Bellamy. Brinley cursed internally, if Bellamy wanted to turn her in, this would be his chance to do so.

Bellamy gave her a hard stare, but said nothing.

Before Brinley had the chance to say anything to Pike, he spoke first. 'Miss Kane, any reason you're hiding down here?'

Brinley shrugged innocently, tossing her hair over one shoulder. 'I went to see you but no one was home.'

Beside Pike, Brinley's words caught Bellamy's attention; his eyes narrowing in suspicion at the innocent look on her face. He'd seen that look before, and it meant trouble.

'How can I help you?' Pike seemed impatient, but Brinley's words had made him curious.

'I'd like to continue our discussion from the other day.' It was a blatant lie, but it was the only thing she could think of.

'Really? What changed your mind?' Pike's eyes narrowed slightly.

'I can't exactly make a solid decision without looking at a situation from all sides now, can I?'

Pike laughed, almost in surprise. 'That's very true. I tell you what-'

'There you are!' Marcus' voice echoed from behind Brinley, his eyes on Pike. Brinley kept her expression neutral, hoping to give nothing away.

'Two Kane's in one day, can't say I expected that.' Pike commented.

'I like to keep it interesting.' Brinley commented, not once glancing at her Father. Pike's eyes went back and forth between them and Brinley hoped that he was reading the tension in their shoulders as tension between them.

'We need to talk about these things Jaha's distributing-' Marcus started.

Bellamy saw an opportunity and he took it. Pike's attention had turned to Marcus and in turn, Bellamy turned his attention to Brinley.

Brinley felt his eyes on her, but she refused to meet his gaze. Instead, she stepped away from Pike and her Father slightly, Bellamy echoing her movements with his own.

'What do you think you're playing at?' Bellamy's voice was low, but Brinley could still hear the underlying notes of anger.

'You'll have to be more specific, Blake. We both know how much I like games.'

A muscle in Bellamy's jaw twitched slightly.

'You and I both know you would never willingly approach the Chancellor to talk about his opinion. So what the hell are you up to?'

Brinley turned her gaze on him, her dark eyes wide with innocence. 'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

'-Public opinion is a funny thing, Charles.' Brinley heard her Father's voice trail off as Miller walked past, drawing no attention to himself.

'My job is to keep us safe, not to be liked.' Pike shrugged before he turned to Brinley with a questioning gaze.

'I can see you're busy.' Brinley shrugged. 'To be continued.'

Pike nodded as he turned to walk away, Bellamy following behind obediently.

Brinley immediately turned to face her Father; completely missing the look Bellamy gave her over his shoulder.

*****

Brinley, Miller and Marcus were stationed in one of the unoccupied rooms, listening intently, the small device Miller had placed in Pike's office working effectively. Octavia, still outside their camp, was also listening in to the conversation.

Pike's voice came through first. 'Okay. Let's get this meeting started.'

'Here we go.' Miller commented.

'Welcome Farm Station's own, Monty Green, and factory girl Zoe Monroe, as we begin our next crucial phase.'

Brinley's heart sank at the familiar names. Monty had been expected, she knew Hannah put all of her faith into Pike and in turn so would Monty, but hearing Monroe grouped in with him had been a blow none of them were expecting, and she could see the surprise written all over Miller and Marcus' faces.

'- expansion and salvation, and this will lead the way.'

'Dirt?' Brinley could hear the confusion and scepticism in Monroe's voice.

'Soil.' Pike corrected. 'Fertile, arable soil. Vastly more rich than anything we've found since landing. We'll clear the tree's and plant within the month.' Pike explained.

'We start with soybeans and corn. They grow the fastest.' Hannah's voice came through, sounding almost excited.

There was a moment of silence and some shuffling.

'What's wrong, Monty? Don't like corn?'

Miller tensed as Bryan's voice came through the speaker and Brinley reached out, squeezing his hand gently. Miller shot her a grateful look, tinged with sadness at the realisation that, if it came down to it, he and Bryan would be fighting on different sides.

'I've never had corn, actually.' Came Monty's quick reply. 'Is this where we're going?'

'That's right.' Pike confirmed.

'There's a village here. What about the people who live there?'

'Sector four. We talked about this, the people there are not a threat.' Bellamy's voice came through, sounding much more like the leader both Brinley and Miller had come to know.

'We need that land.' Pike answered simply. 'With the loss of Mount Weather's resources, Arkadia will be starving in less than a year.'

Marcus traded wary looks with both Brinley and Miller, feeling a sense of dread at what was being implied.

'With all due respect sir, you still haven't answered Monty's question.' Bellamy's voice came through again.

'You know the answer.' There was no remorse in Pike's voice. 'Every field must be clear of stones before it's tilled.'

'We were spotted by a child, so they'll be expecting us, but they lost their fighters when we took out the army. We don't expect resistance.' Hannah explained.

Brinley rolled her eyes at the naïve statement.

'They're grounders. They'll resist.' Monty spoke Brinley's own thoughts aloud.

'Even if they don't, the Commanders message was clear. Blood must not have blood, that doesn't mean we can start taking...' Brinley felt a flash of hope at Bellamy's words. Maybe he wasn't as far gone as she'd originally thought.

'What would you prefer?' Pike interrupted. 'Die fighting for your home? Or starve to death?'

There was silence.

'Will you do what needs to be done for your people to survive, or not?'

Brinley held her breath as she waited for the answer to Pike's question, the tense atmosphere in the small room increasing tenfold as the silence stretched on.

'We'll do what needs to be done.'

Brinley felt that small spark of hope in her chest flicker, and go out as Bellamy's rough voice finally answered.

Brinley cursed, switching the speaker off as Pike's office went silent. 'Octavia-'

'I know.' Octavia's voice crackled through the other radio. 'I'm already on my way. I'm going to need a horse.'

'I can get you one.' Miller's voice was low.

'I'm coming with you-' Brinley tried.

'No.' Octavia denied immediately. 'I'm sorry Brin, but if they see you there-'

'They'll assume the worst.' Brinley sighed, knowing Octavia was right. 'Okay O, it's up to you.'

'I'm headed towards the cave, you know which one I'm talking about Miller?'

Miller rolled his eyes. 'Yes, Octavia.'

'Good. Hurry.'

*****

Brinley made her way to the garage, her only objective being to stall Pike's mission as long as possible to give Octavia enough time to reach the grounder village and warn them of the approaching attack.

Marcus wasn't far behind his daughter, leaving enough time between their entrances so that their arrival would look like coincidence rather than planned.

Everyone was already in motion when Brinley walked inside, she caught a glimpse of Monroe and Bryan chatting casually as they loaded guns, seemingly unworried about what the next few hours would bring.

'Hey Brinley!' Bryan waved to her, a smile on his face. Brinley liked Bryan so far, and she knew Miller loved him, it was just an unfortunate twist of fate that he was siding with Pike, - though admittedly Brinley could see why he would make that decision.

After all, Pike had kept the surviving members of Farm Station alive against all odds, and she could see why people like Bryan would feel indebted to the man.

It didn't mean she liked it though.

Brinley smiled kindly at Bryan, waving at him slightly. The expression on the boy's face brightened at her friendly behaviour. Beside him, Zoe Monroe was watching Brinley warily, knowing all too well how Brinley would feel about Pike's plan if she knew.

But of course – Brinley already knew.

Brinley's eyes shifted to Monroe, the friendly smile still in place. Even from afar, Brinley could see the guilty expression flash across the girl's features.

'What are you doing?'

The voice came from behind her, and Brinley didn't have to turn around to know immediately whom it was. 'Came to see what all the noise was about.'

Brinley turned around to face Bellamy, noting the distrustful expression on his face. 'Uh huh. Well now you've done that, you can leave.'

'What? Don't like having me around?' Brinley's voice was teasing, but there was an edge that Bellamy didn't miss.

Bellamy shrugged. 'Your presence has no effect on my life at all.' His voice was hard, shoulders tight with tension.

'And why's that?' Brinley knew she was testing his patience, but she couldn't help herself. Pushing people's buttons was something she was good at – and Bellamy was an easy target.

'Because as far as I'm concerned, you're no longer a part of it.'

Ouch. Brinley felt the words hit her right in the chest. Even though she knew how to push buttons – Bellamy knew how to truly hit someone where it hurt. But still she kept her expression neutral, even as the blood drained from her face and Bellamy began to turn to walk away.

'You're lying you know.' Her words stopped Bellamy in his tracks. 'The fact that you came over here just to talk to me means that whether you like it or not, I am a part of your life, just like you're a part of mine.'

As she finished speaking, Bellamy squared his shoulders and continued his walk towards the Rover that Bryan and Monroe were standing beside. Brinley watched him for a moment before her eyes were drawn to movement by the main door, and she wasn't surprised to see her Father stroll in, and not far behind him – Miller.

Brinley hurriedly moved towards Miller, falling into step with him. 'Well?'

'We've done all we can, now we just have to wait.'

Brinley nodded, watching Miller's cool expression falter as his gaze found Bryan. 'You gonna talk to him?'

'Yeah. You okay? You look a little pale.' Miller once again proved how observant he could be.

Brinley nodded. 'I'm fine. Go talk to Bryan.'

Miller nodded as he walked away, and Brinley saw an opportunity present itself in the form of Zoe Monroe who, without Bryan by her side, seemed to withdraw into herself.

'Hey Monroe.'

Monroe tensed slightly, but she still smiled at Brinley as she approached. 'Hey Brinley.'

'Looks like you're in for a dangerous mission.' Brinley nodded to the ammunition boxes beside her.

'I... I guess so.' Monroe shrugged.

'Are you okay? You seem nervous.'

'I'm... I...' Monroe sighed. 'I know you're pissed at me for working with Chancellor Pike.'

Brinley raised an eyebrow. 'I'm not pissed at you.'

'You're not?' Monroe seemed sceptical.

'No, I'm just confused is all. I don't understand why you'd choose to follow Pike so quickly.' Brinley shrugged as though it were no big deal.

Monroe seemed conflicted for a moment before she spoke again. 'What Bellamy said the other night, about always having done what's best for us... it's true. I trust Bellamy to keep us safe, and if he thinks that what Pike's doing is the best way to do that, then I want to be able to say I did my part too.'

Brinley already knew how much the members of the original one hundred looked up to both Bellamy and Clarke, but it seemed that in the blonde's continued absence that all of their faith was put into Bellamy's ability to lead and make decisions. There would no doubt be more people who would follow Monroe and join Pike and his grounder-hating agenda.

'I understand.' Brinley uttered quietly, much to Monroe's surprise. 'But Monroe, sometimes you have to ignore what everyone else says and listen to your gut, because if something doesn't feel one hundred percent right, then it probably isn't.'

Monroe avoided Brinley's gaze and nodded.

'Just be careful, okay?' Brinley gave the girl a small smile as she walked away.

*****

Hours later, Brinley jerked awake.

'What...' She blinked the sleep from her eyes. 'Miller?'

'I didn't want to wake you, but Bryan and the others got back a little while ago.'

Brinley stared at Miller, noting the defeated tone in his voice. 'Did Octavia get there in time?'

Miller nodded. 'She did, but the grounders didn't leave and they poisoned the soil. There were two casualties. ' Miller rubbed at his eyes tiredly.

'Who?' Brinley was wide awake now.

'One of Pike's guys – Lacroix I think, and...Brin...Monroe's dead.'

Brinley's heart sank. 'Oh my god.'

Miller nodded, sitting beside her with a blank look on his face. 'Yep. More dead friends.'

*****

'You wanted to see me sir?'

'How you holding up?'

Bellamy was avoiding Pike's eyes as much as possible. Monroe's death had hit him harder than he'd initially expected. He hadn't been overly close with her, but she'd proven to be a loyal friend - so loyal that she'd let him unknowingly lead her to her death.

More blood on his hands.

'I've been better.' Bellamy's voice was tight.

'Yeah, we all have.' Pike agreed before he sighed. 'We need to talk about your sister.'

Bellamy's heart rate increased.

'Two of our people died today because of her, not to mention the ash poisoned soil making the land useless.'

'The grounders did that.' Bellamy interrupted. 'Octavia tried to warn us-'

'Yes, after she warned them.' Pike finished, and Bellamy nodded slightly because it was true – Octavia had warned the grounders.

'Someone in this camp is giving her information.' Pike commented. 'I need to know who.'

'We both know who.' Bellamy commented roughly.

Pike nodded. 'Kane. We have no proof, you need to find me some.'

Bellamy nodded. 'Yes sir.'

'Look.' Pike sighed as Bellamy waited to be dismissed. 'I don't know what your relationship with Brinley Kane is, but I need you to find out what she knows.'

Bellamy swallowed. 'Yes sir.'

'You're dismissed.'

With a heavy heart, Bellamy left Pike's office.

*****

Brinley found herself quietly sitting at one of the many tables that surrounded the makeshift bar. There weren't many people around and Miller had gone to find Bryan, leaving Brinley alone – atleast for a short while.

'Brin?'

Brinley glanced up, meeting the tired gaze of Monty Green.

'Hey, Mon.' Brinley gestured to the empty seat beside her. 'Want to sit?'

Monty nodded, seemingly grateful that she had asked. Brinley could see the sadness in Monty's expression, and after a few moments of silence she finally asked, 'How're you holding up?'

Monty shook his head. 'It happened so quickly... I .... I tried to save her, Brin. I really tried.'

Brinley frowned, laying her hand on Monty's gently. 'I'm sure you did, but sometimes fate has other plans. Once Monroe breathed in that smoke it was already too late, there was nothing you could have done.' Her voice softened as she spoke.

'I know.' Monty agreed. 'I know that... it doesn't make me feel any better though.'

Brinley wrapped her arm around Monty, pulling him into a side hug, which he returned immediately, his shoulders relaxing at the comforting gesture.

'Things will get better Monty... they have to.'

Monty nodded and they stayed like that for a moment before he looked at her almost warily. 'Brin... we never talked about what happened at Mount Weather.'

Brinley paled as she pulled away from their hug slightly. 'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Is that... is what I saw on the cameras why you left?' Monty looked concerned for her now.

Brinley pursed her lips. 'Part of the motivation, but not the entire reason. I had a lot of crap to sort through – and a lot of demons to deal with.' Brinley shrugged as though it didn't matter, causing Monty's worried expression to deepen.

'Did it work? Leaving?'

Brinley sighed. 'I'm still trying to work that out.'

'Does Bellamy know-'

'Monty.'

Brinley tensed as a new voice joined the conversation, coming from just over her shoulder. She could feel someone gripping the back of her chair, their hands coming to rest on the jacket she'd carelessly flung over it.

Monty's expression didn't change. 'Bellamy.'

'Are you alright?'

Monty nodded, shooting a short glance Brinley's way. 'I'll be okay.'

Bellamy nodded. 'Good.' There was a pause. 'Can we talk?'

It took Brinley a moment, and a gentle shove from Monty, to realise that Bellamy was talking to her. She turned around slightly, taking in the serious expression on Bellamy's face. 'You want to talk?'

Bellamy stayed silent, eyes still on her.

'Fine.' Brinley worked to hide the tension in her shoulders as the short reply left her mouth.

'I'm gonna go find Jasper.' Monty shot a curious glance between the two before he hugged Brinley one more time, and left the room.

Bellamy didn't take Monty's empty seat, choosing instead to sit directly across from Brinley, the serious expression still on his face.

'You wanted to talk, so talk.' Brinley prompted after a moment of uncomfortable silence. The tension in the air was tangible as Brinley avoided Bellamy's eyes.

'I wanted to apologise.' Bellamy's tone was serious. 'What I said earlier today... you were right.'

Brinley didn't know what she had been expecting, but an apology wasn't it. 'What?'

Bellamy felt a flash of amusement. Brinley Kane was so rarely left speechless that the sight was almost funny, and the fact that he'd been the one to make her that way-

Bellamy cut the thought off. He wasn't there to be friendly towards the woman who'd once been the centre of his universe; he had a job to do.

'You heard what I said.'

Brinley rolled her eyes at Bellamy's reply. 'Never thought I'd see the day you'd willingly admit to me that you were wrong.'

Bellamy shrugged. 'You were right. No matter how hard we try or how much we want to forget it, we'll always have a history – we'll always be a part of each others lives.'

Brinley nodded, swallowing the lump forming in her throat as she did so, though something about the words struck her as odd. 'What bought this on?'

Bellamy sighed. 'You already know that Monroe was killed today. We lost another friend to the grounders, Brinley. How many more do we have to lose before this all stops?'

Brinley stayed silent because she had no answers for the questions he was asking.

'Somebody told Octavia where we were headed. Somehow, someone listened in to a confidential conversation in Pike's office and relayed that information to my sister.'

Under the table, Brinley's hands balled into fists, hearing the unspoken question in his voice. 'What are you asking me, Bellamy?'

'I'm not asking you anything.' Bellamy denied. 'I'm giving you a chance.'

Brinley fought hard to keep her expression neutral. 'A chance to what?'

Bellamy didn't hesitate. 'To join the right side.'

Brinley felt a hot flush of anger at Bellamy's overconfidence. 'And what side would that be?'

Bellamy stared at her. 'You already know what I'm going to say.'

Brinley unclenched her fists and pushed her seat away from the table, shrugging on her jacket. 'You're right. I do know.'

Brinley made to walk past Bellamy to the exit, but was stopped by a hand around her wrist.

Bellamy clenched his jaw, it had been somewhat of an automatic reaction to stop her from running away, something he'd done on multiple occasions before, but he could tell from the look on her face that she hadn't been expecting it. There had been minimal physical interaction between them since she'd arrived back at the camp – and Bellamy had forgotten how much the slightest contact from her could immediately set him on edge.

'You always know more than you're willing to admit, Brinley. It makes you a powerful ally, but it also makes you dangerous. You don't want us as an enemy.' Bellamy's tone was warning, his fingers tightening around Brinley's wrist again slightly.

Brinley jerked her arm out of his grip. 'Us? My god, are you even listening to yourself? The Bellamy I knew would have never let somebody like Pike tell him what to do.'

His dark eyes met her own, and immediately Bellamy felt small. He could see the burning disappointment in her eyes and hear it in the fierceness of her voice. The interaction wasn't going as Bellamy had planned – but then he supposed he shouldn't have expected any less.

Brinley watched as Bellamy stood up to face her, standing so close that their chests were almost touching. 'When you come to your senses, you know where to find me.'

Brinley laughed without humour. 'You know where to find me when you come to yours.'

Bellamy watched Brinley storm away, obviously angry, and even though the conversation hadn't gone the way he'd planned – it had been a win overall, even if that win had made guilt settle heavily in his stomach.

Because Brinley Kane had stormed out of that room completely unaware of the listening device now sitting concealed inside her jacket.