chapter thirteen: we can't be friends

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   Charlotte Wentworth was no stranger to scandal. She was no stranger to being the center of a scandal. Which was why the morning after the almost wedding between her sister and Viscount Bridgerton did not seem such a big deal to her. Thus setting her apart from everyone else around her.

   A peaceful night's rest came to the young woman after only a couple tosses and turns, much to her surprise. She suspected her sleep would come without much fit due to her conscience being clear for the most part. And though it was far easier to fall asleep compared to most nights since coming to London, what plagued her dreams made her never want to wake up.

   Flashes of skin and soft lips invaded her senses as all she could think about throughout the night was Anthony Bridgerton and him alone. His hands resting on the small of her back, his eyes gazing into hers, their lips coming together in perfect harmony. Every moment was repeating in Charlotte's mind, and she did not know if she wanted it to end.

Charlotte had never experienced a kiss such as the one she shared with the viscount. One filled with such passion, such care. A kiss shared between two people who felt the same way between each other. It felt refreshing. It felt right. It felt like something the young woman wanted to experience over and over again.

If only Charlotte could express such feelings out in the open. Walk arm in arm with him down the streets of London on a warm Summer's day or dance with him during Lady Danbury's ball. Tell other ladies of the season their fleeting looks of lust held no influence over him because she knew his gaze was already locked onto hers and vice versa. Tell everyone over her balcony in London that her heart beat for Anthony Bridgerton and him alone.

   But she could not.

   Instead, Charlotte had to pretend as though nothing had happened. Pretend Amelia did not run out of her own wedding because she discovered her betrothed and older sister had feelings for one another. Pretend she and her family did not make an absolute mess of themselves in front of the entire English ton, including the Queen. Pretend she did not hide in a storage closet for hours on end. Pretend she did not finally find the courage in herself to act upon her feelings for the viscount she had felt for months. Pretend she and the man she could see herself falling in love with did not, in fact, kiss.

   And it was not just her family's reputation on the line, it was the Bridgertons as well, believe it or not. When Lady Danbury caught the siblings up to speed on the ton's gossip the morning after the almost wedding, Charlotte was shocked to hear the gossip surrounding the viscount and his family, seeing as the Bridgertons were the most respected family in London. Lady Danbury explained to them how imperative it was for both families to band together as a united, but separate, front to remind the ton just how unbothered but strong the families were. Charlotte thought the entire charade was anything but see through. 

   Lady Danbury explained to the siblings the best way to pretend like nothing has happened was a family promenade. Promenade was a stroll through the public, simply, but Charlotte knew better in this instance, and so did her siblings. They knew exactly why they had to take this very public and calculated public outing the same time as the Bridgertons the day after a failed wedding. It is to show the ton that nothing is astray. And while that is indeed the truth inside and out, Charlotte had the sneaking suspicion that even getting a word in with the viscount in public was going to be difficult.

   But that did not mean she was not going to try.

   Clutching the book she brought to her chest, Charlotte walked between her siblings with the slightest ounce of apprehension in her step. Though her plan was foolproof, she was worried somehow it would go wrong and backfire in her face. So far, she had been doing well with keeping her face as neutral as possible compared to the people around her, gawking at her family as though they were exotic animals about to flip around in cages they paid to see solely for their amusement. People of the English ton truly had nothing better to do but talk about other people's lives. It was absolutely astounding to her.

"Straight into the fire," Lady Danbury exclaimed as they all walked together in the park, her head held high, "a favorite pastime of mine. Now, remember, it was a mutual understanding about a private matter between Miss Amelia and the viscount. That is all we are to say on the subject."

Charlotte did not understand why anyone had to say anything about the matter in public at all. Frankly, it was not anybody's business. In her eyes, especially, she did not have anything else to lose. A reputation was already following her as the hard headed older sister or the spinster who ruined her sister's life with schemes and sabotages.

   "Is this truly our plan? Simply to pretend nothing has happened," Amelia asked in pure skepticism, glancing around the park nervously as she avoided as many eyes on her as possible. She felt as though she had the most to lose in this situation as anyone. Everyone wanted to hear from her as to why she chose to run away from the most eligible bachelor in all of London.

"We are not pretending nothing has happened," Charlotte looped her arm with her sister's as the book remained nestled in her side, "we are choosing to deal with it in private, on our own time. Scandals may cast a shadow on our reputations, but they do not obligate us to answer to anyone."

Lady Danbury nodded in complete agreement, impressed by the older sister's maturity in the situation, "besides, the ton has a remarkably short memory. With any luck, by this time next week, there will be a bigger story for them to sink their rapacious teeth into. We may find you a husband this season still, Miss Amelia."

   "I give credit to your imagination, Lady Danbury. A bigger story I cannot foresee," Daniel sighed pessimistically, narrowing his eyes at those who passed his family with wandering eyes coupled without shame.

The four of them stopped walking once the grounds became a bit too crowded for them to walk seamlessly all together. Looking around the park, Charlotte had the unnerving sense of familiarity. Eyes following her every move, heads leaning into waiting ears saying God knows what about her and her family. She had experienced it all before. Only this time, she refused to let it get to her.

"I agree with you there, brother," Charlotte nodded, her heart beating out of her chest once she set her sights on the person she was hoping to see all morning, "we might as well give them all more to talk about then."

Before her siblings or Lady Danbury could respond, the young woman walked swiftly down the path ahead of her and toward the respected family before her, who were watching her in surprise, and a bit of panic at her actions no one had seen coming. Though Charlotte was keeping her chin up and shoulders back, exuding a level of confidence she had not felt in a while, that did not stop the flips she felt in her stomach knowing everyone was watching her walk directly to Lord Bridgerton and his family.

Something she was told explicitly not to do.

"Good morning, Lady Bridgerton," Charlotte greeted the woman with a curtsy first with the utmost respect and kindly, "I hope you and your family are doing well today."

After getting over the initial shock of the young woman's boldness, and braveness, Violet Bridgerton smiled back, her hand squeezing her eldest son's arm, "thank you, my dear, we are, indeed. I hope you and your siblings are, as well. If you three need anything, do not hesitate to come by."

"That means so much to hear, Lady Bridgerton," Charlotte ignored the eyes following her every move across from her, pulling the book she brought out in front of her, "Colin, I wanted to say thank you for lending me this book. It was a splendid read—enticing, even. It was riveting to read about such adventures. If you have anything else like this you must tell me where I might find them."

Colin Bridgerton glanced at his family in surprise, his brow raising, though he was not naive to what she was doing. They all knew. He grabbed the book from her grasp, "you can come by anytime and pick from my collection. It's been a pleasure conversing with someone else who understands the true underlying meaning of travel."

"It is not always about the destination," Charlotte nodded, her eyes naturally drifting to the viscount in front of her, his hues already watching her since she placed herself in front of him, "it is about what or who you discover along the way."

As soon as they locked eyes, it was as if the entire world faded. No lurking mamas looking for gossip, no jealous debutants wanting to see if they still had a shot at the viscount's hand, no prowling unwed men hungry for a wife, no damages to reputations, no lurking husbands, no lies, no secrets, no false hopes. Just two people who care for each other with absolutely nothing in between.

   "Is this not a surprise, to see you out in public, Lady Bridgerton, so soon?"

   Charlotte and the viscount were brought out of their moment once hearing a certain voice call from behind them address the family. It was no secret families, specifically the mamas, were relishing in the fact that the Bridgertons were being knocked down a few pegs, some were being more subtle about it than others. Lady Featherington was not included in that bunch.

Violet Bridgerton tilted her head at such a question, though kept her composure, "Lady Featherington, it is not as though we are in mourning."

The Bridgertons stayed in their original spot as the other family trekked toward them. Charlotte had yet to formally introduce herself or her siblings to the Featherington family, and she had no urge to from what she heard about the mama of the family through the grapevine of the ton. She did not mind seeing the viscount take a small step in front of her to block the family's view of her, not wanting them to make a spectacle of her given the chance.

"No one understands the pain of a broken engagement better than myself," Lady Featherington explained with feigned sympathy oozing from her words, "I never thought we would recover after Mr. Bridgerton and Miss Thompson's falling out, and yet here we are. Miss Thompson now Lady Crane, Philippa now Mrs. Finch, and Prudence now engaged."

Lady Bridgerton stayed tight to her eldest son's side as she kept her composure, "yes. It is rather amusing how things work themselves out, is it not?"

"Indeed. I do wish you good fortune with all of your things, Lady Bridgerton," before Lady Featherington dismissed herself and her family, she could not help but bring her attention to the young woman keeping to herself behind the group, "you as well, Miss Wentworth. It must be so unfortunate to be in the center of a scandal after such a short time of being in London."

   Charlotte only scoffed under her breath at the dig, not wanting to waste a petty response in return as she watched the Featheringtons walk past them. Staying rooted in her spot with the Bridgertons, it was clear the mess they made was not going away any time soon. Something had to be done. She was simply anxious to discover what the solution would be.

❦

"After everything that happened with his scullery maid last season, and Lord Cho cuts me?"

Her tea was growing cold. Or at least, Charlotte thought it was because all she had been doing with the cup since receiving it was stare at it sitting on her lap, especially when Lady Danbury started her rant about the ton giving her the cold shoulder.

Lady Danbury and Lady Bridgerton had had enough glares and stares for one promenade and made the executive decision to have a meeting of sorts back at the former's manor to come up with ideas to resolve the scandal once and for all. Ideas that would create a positive outcome for all parties involved. And although Charlotte wanted the same thing, she could not help but ask herself—at what cost?

"We know what we are to deal with, at least," Lady Bridgerton said before perking up, not wanting to count them out quite yet, "but we shall not remove ourselves from this fight. All will be lost if we run now."

   "Every day that goes by without our altering the ton-shared sentiment will harden it. And we cannot change course with another story as to why things ended because we have already started telling one," Lady Danbury expressed her thoughts, her gaze not shying away from the silent pair sitting before her, who were avoiding all eye contact from everyone in the room.

Charlotte had unconsciously started to bounce her leg softly under her dress as she watched the two women lead the conversation, "if we cannot speak about the reasons, might we at least act as though they are of no consequence to us?"

"A ball."

"Yes," Lady Bridgerton beamed at her friend's idea, while everyone else in the room seemed to deflate, "together. We prove to the ton that our story is true. It was indeed a mutual decision between all interested parties, and there is no scandal or ill will between our families at all."

Daniel cleared his throat slightly, shifting in his seat, "a ball would give Amelia another chance to find a suitor."

Though he understood the idea to have a ball to show face, the reasonings behind it were fleeting to him. There was no ill will between the families involved—at least to his knowledge. And by one glance at his sister, she thought the same thing only a moment ago.

"Another ball," Lord Bridgerton spoke up for the first time since his arrival, his tone harsh, "so that the ton might inspect me and Miss Wentworth with an even closer eye?"

Charlotte glanced at him, "Anthony..."

   Before anyone could get another word out, a small but mighty bark sounded from the doorway as Angel pranced into the room and went straight up to the viscount, getting up onto her hind legs, begging for him to pick her up.

   "Angel, darling," Charlotte set her tea down and got up from her seat, not noticing the man next to her had done the same, "my apologies. Angel, out, please."

   "Angel, out."

   "Out, darling."

   The dog ran out of the room, tail still wagging, as the pair straightened their backs to come face to face with each other. As soon as Charlotte met his brown hues, the permanent frown had ticked up into a small smile as he looked down at her with softened features. It seemed in any situation, no matter where she was, who was in the room, she could not hide how she felt for him. And that scared her to death.

   "Wow, I truly was blind, wasn't I," Amelia leaned against the wall behind her, crossing her arms as she watched her sister and her former betrothed with narrowed eyes in utter fascination, "were they always this obvious?"

   "If this plan is to work... I suggest the two of you stay on the opposite sides of the room at all times," Lady Danbury used her cane to wiggle her way in between them, causing the pair to jump apart slightly.

   "Lady Danbury!"

   "All we need would be for someone to witness something untoward—"

   "I beg your pardon, Lady Danbury," the viscount interrupted sharply, not liking what she was insinuating, "I do not know what you mean to say."

   Lady Bridgerton walked over to her son to calm him slightly, "what she means to say, is that those of us in this room at present are the only ones who know the full truth of the matter."

   "And we would prefer to keep it that way," Lady Danbury firmly spoke, keeping her firm eyes on the pair before her, mainly on the young woman, who looked uneasy, "as should you. If there is so much as a passing look between the two of you, then this plan of ours will be for nothing. Are we all in agreement?"

   "Of course."

   After a moment, a long one, Lord Bridgerton conceded, nodding his head respectably, "quite, Lady Danbury."

   Lady Danbury's eyes moved to the young woman next to the Bridgertons, who had not contributed much to the conversation, "Miss Wentworth? Are we in agreement?"

   As every eye turned to her in the room, every word, every thought left Charlotte's mind as soon as she was about to answer. There was so much she wanted to say. The solution did not feel like one. It felt like she was hiding underneath a blanket after covering herself with another for so long. The feelings she tried to suppress could no longer be suppressed. She could ruin everything with one glance at him. Charlotte could end up right where she started from. Pining, yearning, wishing. Watching him from afar just wanting to hear his voice or feel his touch. Months of pure torture just to start from the beginning again.

   Yet, she still nodded.

   And as Charlotte watched the viscount leave, she hoped she was not making a grave mistake in agreeing to hide once again.

❦

   Charlotte was successful in avoiding everyone up until it was time to go into town for the gallery walkthrough the next day. Lady Danbury and Lady Bridgerton thought the event would not only be the perfect opportunity to spread the word of the ball both families would be throwing together, but show the ton just how perfectly well everyone was getting along. Which was never the problem in the first place.

Keeping to herself before the showing to society was imperative in her mind. Charlotte needed time to prepare before having to parade around like a figure being shown at the art gallery herself. Everyone watching her every move. Questioning why she was walking with her sister and not her brother. If walking with Lady Bridgerton was a sign of good faith or troubled tension between the two. It all began to remind her of public outings back home.

   Every time she would leave the little comfort she had in the home she shared with William and her siblings, Charlotte felt as though she was being watched everywhere she went. And William made sure she knew that if anything were to happen in front of those watchful eyes, consequences would follow.

   Furthermore, she wished to not discuss her thoughts and feelings with anyone about her past or current behavior. Charlotte simply just wanted to feel without having to explain herself. Having a walk around the grounds with Angel unchaperoned and a late night reading to Lady Danbury's library was privy enough for her to center herself while also avoiding everyone successfully.

   The carriage ride to the art gallery was peaceful, to which Charlotte was thankful for. She knew her siblings were wondering why she enclosed herself away from them since yesterday but she was grateful they did not outwardly question her. Ever since she had been completely honest with them, getting the space she needed came easier in situations like these.

Charlotte accepted Daniel's helping hand as she descended from the carriage at the same time Lord and Lady Bridgerton arrived at the exhibit, just as they discussed the previous day. As soon as she saw the viscount, it seemed, Charlotte had no clue on how to act. Could she look at him? Say hello? What was she allowed to do?

"Lady Danbury," the viscount nodded in greeting once they all stood before the front doors of the gallery entrance. He then turned to the Wentworth siblings, small bouquets of flowers in hand, "Mr. Wentworth. Miss Wentworth. Miss Amelia."

Charlotte and Amelia both took the flowers graciously, both silently thanking him for the kind gesture before passing them to their footman for safe keeping inside the carriage.

"How thoughtful of you, Lord Bridgerton," Lady Danbury commented, to which he only responded with a nod, his eyes only on one woman in particular, who seemed nervous to meet his gaze.

"Now, remember, before we are to send out our invitations, we must act as if the wedding is nothing but the past, yes," Lady Bridgerton received affirmed nods of agreement before she reverted everyone inside, "shall we?"

One by one everyone ventured inside the large gallery where the rest of the ton awaited them, Charlotte letting her sister go ahead of her out of habit. As she made her way past the viscount, her sweet scent of vanilla stopped him dead in his tracks. Lord Bridgerton closed his eyes, his senses invaded completely in only every bit of what he could only describe as the most enticing and intoxicating scent he had ever encountered. It entranced him in a spell he could not wake himself up from.

The loud, pointed sound of a throat clearing whisked him away from his blissful escape. The viscount snapped his eyes open to find Charlotte gone, only to be replaced with Lady Danbury staring at him with a disapproved glare. He sighed deeply before making his way into the gallery, the woman following his lead closely behind.

Walking the halls of the gallery, the two families and Lady Danbury stuck close together, eyes following them as they walked or landing on them as soon as they entered a room. Charlotte tried to actually enjoy the artwork before her, but her attempts were fleeting. It was hard to enjoy something when every few moments she made accidental eye contact with someone already staring at her.

"Do not be deterred," Lady Bridgerton encouraged, "if we can put the wedding behind us, so can they."

The group then separated into smaller factions to explore the gallery, leaving Charlotte to study more pieces on her own while Daniel ventured on with Anthony and Amelia walked around with Lady Bridgerton and Lady Danbury. The young woman did not mind walking around aimlessly by herself. It gave her time to think, and actually appreciate the artwork in front of her even more. Some more than others.

The pieces were tragically romantic in Charlotte's eyes. Sculptures of people who touched but only so close to where they did not kiss or remained apart for the rest of their lives. And while some were beautiful and captured moments of love and dedication she could only dream of, some captured the torture and pain she would never wish on anyone. Paintings of men towering over women as they cower on their knees before him. Charlotte swallowed the harsh lump in her throat at the large painting in front of her as she found herself in an unoccupied room. A man only dressed in a cloth to cover his genitals stood on a mountain top accepting praise from his subjects as he used a woman with no clothing to cover her as a stepping stool to proclaim victory over his enemies.

She could hear voices fleeting from other rooms, but in passing. It was as if she were underwater, and everyone else was swimming above her without a care in the world. Slowly, the sound of footsteps started to echo through the piercing silence of the room, letting Charlotte's ears adjust to the sudden change.

"Beautiful, is it not?"

Charlotte froze. Every bone in her body instantly turned to ice. The world around her seemed to blur, the edges of her vision darkening as her mind raced, yet her body remained still. Every instinct screamed at her to run, to scream, to do anything but stand there, yet she could not summon the strength to move even a muscle. The cold grip of fear held her captive, an invisible force rendering her utterly powerless in the face of the impending danger.

"The shadows, the color. The unmistakable evil lurking in his eye. I always had an appreciation for art. Something we have in common, you and me. Paintings, sculptures... to manipulate the mind through the eyes is a fascinating thing," William Cuttingham walked closer to his wife, closing in on her now shaking figure from behind, "you have had your fun, my dear, but my patience has run out. It is time for you to come home, with me, where you belong."

Charlotte shuttered as she felt him brushed her hair back from behind her shoulders, tears sliding down her cheeks silently, "W-William, please—"

"I thought I was doing you a kindness, sending you my notes. I thought you would be glad to see me reaching out to you—to show you I have found you, to bring you home to me—only to see you have fallen for someone else. Someone who only settled for you because your sister could not provide him with what he desires, I could only guess," his words sent daggers into her heart, but he did not care to see how they were affecting her, "here is what's going to happen, my dear. By daybreak tomorrow, if you are not with me by the stables of your sponsor's home, your precious viscount and his family will not live to see another season. Do you understand?"

Charlotte could barely get her lips to part, let alone be able to speak. It was only when she could feel herself nod did she slowly feel his presence leave the room in a matter of moments before completely collapsing into herself. Her heart continually pounded erratically in her chest, each beat a thunderous echo in the oppressive silence.

However, even through the shock, she knew what she had to do.

Collecting herself as best as she could, Charlotte walked back into one of the main rooms where she saw her siblings walking about and admiring the pieces scattered around the room. Before entering, she remembered to wipe her cheeks, fix her hair and straighten her dress. The basics that usually did the trick. Although those tricks did not help her overall unsettled state.

   She found herself in front of a random sculpture, to which she tried to admire, but found herself staring at the ground in a purely unfocused haze instead.

   "Miss Wentworth," a familiar, deep voice sounded from in front of her. Charlotte looked up slightly to see the viscount standing diagonally across from her, trying to seem as casual as possible, "I've been wishing for a moment to be alone with you. To speak."

   Charlotte barely shook her head, not meeting his eye, "there is nothing to speak about, my lord."

   The viscount furrowed his brow at the sudden change of title reference, but blamed it on the fact that they were in public, "we kissed."

   "We did not. Nothing happened between us," Charlotte finally met his eyes as strongly as she could as she continued to spew the harsh lies from her lips, "how could it? You were my sister's intended. There is no world in which we could kiss or have any sort of feelings for each other."

   Lord Bridgerton watched her in complete bewilderment, "are you quite serious?"

   The Wentworth let herself stare at him for just a moment longer before inhaling sharply, "enjoy the rest of the gallery, my lord."

   They say if you love someone, let them go. As soon as Charlotte made the decision to leave Lord Bridgerton that day in the gallery, turning her back to him, forcing him to watch her go, was her deciding she would do anything it took to protect him and his family. Even if it meant leaving with William, leaving everything, and everyone behind. 

   Even if it cost her her freedom.

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edited: june 2024