A/N: everyone go check out my new story "Ghost" please, and tell me what you think about it when you do! #shameless #self #promo

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ASHTON

In a way, I feel like every human being should have to experience war. Just the atmosphere of it, the terror that surrounds it. Everyone should be forced into that situation, but without getting hurt, without dying, because every single soldier learns one valuable lesson during their time on the battlefield, whether it be at the very beginning or at the very end.

Ordinary people, those who live their lives with smiles and lipstick stains on their cheeks, don't get that feeling, that realization, that life is one huge mass of energy and movement, and it will push along whether or not you are here for it.

To appreciate the world, you have to be able to imagine yourself not in it. And nobody can do that until you've been forced into painting the black picture inside your mind with blood coating your skin. It's not something you just commonly know, it's something you have to experience. It's like trying to imagine the sound of one hand clapping.

War destroys a lot of things in people's lives, but I think it destroys your mentality the most. Your outlook, the way your eyes perceive things. I see everything with black ink filling the insides like an ocean of oil, drowning anything and everything with a throbbing heartbeat.

I'm sitting on the couch, watching a shitty reality television show, when Luke bursts through the front doors of my house, clambering inside with his familiar limp as he hobbles toward me where I sit in the den.

"I can't fucking do anything!" Luke snaps, collapsing in a chair beside me as he runs his calloused hands over his face, where stubble has begun to grow along his jawline.

"What do you mean?" I ask tiredly, turning away from the show and curling my legs underneath me as I focus my attention on the frustrated boy beside me.

He looks exhausted, his cheeks red as his eyes clench shut, one hand pulling on the strands of his hair while the other rubs his face.

"I used to skateboard all the time, and I tried today, but I can't do shit because I have one fucking leg." Luke tells me, and I can't help but notice that it's the first time Luke has said anything negative about his amputation. He's always been passive about it, waving it off like it was a paper cut and not an amputated limb.

Luke huffs and continues, "And then a bunch of little kids laughed at me, so I took off my leg to scare them away."

"That would do it." I nod, and Luke frowns unhappily while he carefully inspects his leg for any scuffs. A comfortable silence fills the air as Luke rubs his thumb over a scuff mark on his prosthetic, and I continue watching the shitty television show.

After a moment, I release a sigh and glance back up at Luke. He looks a bit irritated due to his inability to get rid of the skid mark, and I wait until he's given up to get his attention.

"Do you ever feel bad? You know, about the war?" I ask, and Luke looks up, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What? About the war?" Luke clarifies, and I nod. Luke sets his jaw, thinking about it for a moment before shrugging halfheartedly, leaning back against the pillows.

"Yeah, I guess. Sometimes. Mainly just about Michael." He says. My heart sinks into my stomach. It's not the answer I'm particularly looking for, but I accept it anyway.

"It wasn't your fault." I say, more for formality's sake than anything else.

"Michael dying?"

"Yeah."

Luke grimaces. "He went out of the trench to get me, Ashton. That's how he was shot." Luke chews on his bottom lip, and I shift under his gaze. "There really isn't any use denying it. Not anymore."

"But that was his own decision. It wasn't like you asked to get shot in the leg, you know." I point out, and Luke shrugs again.

"I know."

I don't know how to convince Luke that he didn't cause Michael's death, but I'm beginning to suspect Luke will always believe it. He'll carry the weight of that guilt on his shoulders during his entire life, and it's almost painful to think about. Michael's death affected him so much more than I had thought it would. It scares me.

I take a deep breath. "I don't know, Luke." I play with my fingers while I talk. "So many people died out there, you know? Not just Michael. I just-- I'm confused as to why I survived."

Luke unhelpfully shrugs for the third time, clearly not in the mood for conversation. The mention of Michael seems to have dulled his good mood.

"Talk to Calum about it. You know I'm shit at advice." Luke says, and I can't deny that it's not true.

I stand up, handing Luke the remote on the way to the front door. I grab my keys from the chest in the foyer and glance back at Luke, who remains in the chair.

"I'll be back in a little while. Feel free to stay here, if you'd like." I say, and I see the top of Luke's blonde head nod.

I leave the house, unlocking the car and climbing behind the wheel. I hurriedly turn on the engine and turn up the air condition to clear out the humid air, thick with the promise of summer.

I drive the familiar route to Calum's, smiling slightly when I look around the streets around me. I didn't realize how much I missed Australia while I was away, not until I got back. I missed everything about it-- the bright skies and relentless hot air and the city lights that illuminate the sky at night. Little things that remained in my heart while I was gone.

I park in front of Calum's driveway once I reach his house, sending him a quick text that I'm coming in. I get out of the car, leaving the door unlocked, and make my way up the sidewalk leading to the front doors. I twist the doorknob, letting myself in without knocking, knowing that Calum wouldn't care.

Once I shut the door behind me, I hear booming voices screaming from the kitchen. I narrow my eyes, my hand still on the doorknob. I can remember Calum saying that his parents are still fighting every day, although I swear they have gotten worse. They didn't use to be this loud.

I step quietly towards the kitchen, my ears perking when I hear Calum's name in the mix of screaming. I forget about being quiet and push away from the wall, rounding the doorway of the kitchen.

I suck in a breath when I see David Hood yelling straight at Calum, whose small body is pressed up against the counter. With every syllable of David's voice, Calum flinches, turning his head away and shrinking slightly, curling in on himself helplessly. It's clear his father has been going at it for a while, long enough for Calum to have broken down. His pretty brown eyes are bloodshot and puffy from crying, squeezed shut to try and block away some of the tension.

I rush forward, lifting my hands in front of me to push David back, pulling Calum close and hugging him to my chest. Calum releases a choked cry, melting into my chest with relief.

I cup my hand over the back of Calum's head, keeping him pressed close to me as I snarl at David.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I snap, careful not to raise my voice with Calum so close.

David narrows his eyes and says, "Trying to teach my fuck up of a son a bit of discipline."

Calum turns his head, just enough to make eye contact with his father. "I'm not a fuck up." He says softly. I rub his back supportively, feeling Calum flinch when David's eyes flash.

"Did I ask you to speak?" David snaps at his son, and I notice the ripple of muscles in his arm shift, know exactly what's about to happen before it can.

I throw my arm out in front of Calum's tear-stroked face, immediately blocking the fist that was spiraling down to Calum's cheek. I quickly place Calum to the side, making sure he is safely out of his father's way before grabbing David's fists, preventing him from hitting my jaw. David struggles against my grip, looking slightly surprised at my experience with hand-on-hand combat.

I turn towards Calum, seeing how broken and small he is against the cabinets. "Calum, baby, go get in my car."

Calum begins to protest. "Ashton--"

"Calum. Car. Okay? No one is going to get hurt. Just wait for me in the car, alright?" I say, softening my voice. Calum releases a small sigh, unhappily obliging. He quickly moves out of the kitchen and to the front door. I wait until I hear the door open and close before shoving David aside, pushing him against the wall.

David brushes himself off, narrowing his eyes at me angrily. "Shouldn't you be dead by now?"

I clench my jaw, seeing flashes of Calum's terrified eyes that nearly drive me insane. I have the urge to slam my fist against David's scruffy jaw. If there is one think I have learned from serving in the army, though, it is to treat everyone with respect. So that is what I do.

"Yeah, yes sir. I probably should be," I begin, "but I'm not."

David crosses his arms. I take a shuddering breath, struggling to keep my composure as I think of how much pain and torture this man has caused in Calum's life. I lift a trembling finger towards the door, bones shaking from pent up rage.

"You don't deserve him. You don't deserve a son like Calum." I say, and I watch as David rolls his eyes. "And Calum most certainly doesn't deserve a shit father like you."

David snarls. "Don't tell me what I do and don't deserve."

I step closer, realizing with a slight satisfaction that I'm taller. David doesn't seem bothered, leaning almost comfortably against the wall. "Calum deserves the world, and you have broken him. You and all your fucking ignorance and fucking fights and--"

"Listen kid." David interrupts. "You don't know shit about this family."

"This isn't a family." I say. David ignores me.

"Besides, Calum needs to grow some thicker skin. He's pathetic. If he can't handle a few hits, how is he going to mature through life, huh?" He says.

"He shouldn't have to! He should grow up being loved, and then continue life with someone who makes him happy." I argue, struggling to keep my voice steady.

"Who would wanna spend their life with Calum?" David grumbles almost inaudibly.

"I would." I say firmly. "I do."

David just rolls his eyes and says, "Yeah, okay. Just keep him out of my sight."

I really want to smash his head against the cabinets, but I don't. I just turn and leave the house, slamming the door shut behind me and going back out to my car in the driveway. I hurry and get into the front seat, looking to my left to find Calum curled up in the passenger seat, his head leaning against the window, lips turned into a frown.

I sigh, rubbing my face with my hand before leaning towards the small boy beside me, not saying anything but giving him a kiss on the cheek. I taste the salty tears on my lip, and I frown unhappily. I intertwine my fingers with Calum's as I turn on the car, beginning the drive back to my house, letting silence fill the car other than a few sincere apologizes leaving my tongue.

When I pull into my driveway, I can sense that Calum's still upset, his eyes sleepily closing in drowsiness from the day's events. I gently unbuckle his seatbelt for him, picking him up bridal style in my arms. Calum sniffles and nuzzles his nose into my neck, curling his small hands to his chest. I press kisses to his nose, red from crying. I carry him up to the front door, opening it with a bit of struggle.

Inside, Luke glances up and starts to say something, but stops when he sees Calum in my arms. I shake my head slightly, cutting off any concerned questions Luke has to say. Walking down the hallway, I turn into my bedroom, stepping over the clothes strewn on the ground to lay Calum gently on my bed. I quietly take off his shoes, and then I watch as Calum climbs under the covers, burying his face into one of the pillows. His light brown eyes blink sleepily, glancing at the empty spot next to him, as if asking me to fill the empty void beside him.

I oblige, taking off my shoes and lying down next to the small tan boy. Calum scoots over, resting his head on my chest and wrapping his arms around my broad frame. He shuts his eyes and releases a tiny sigh, and I pull Calum's body even closer, intertwining our legs. I press a final kiss to his cheek, whispering gently to him as he falls asleep.

"I'm here, love. Everything will be okay."

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A/N why am i so depressing

anyways are you planning on going to the SLFL tour??

i want to but it depends on if i'm able to rake up some money by like thursday lol

i love you guys so much and thank you for reading! please vote and comment your thoughts, and i will see you in the next chapter. have a good day.

bye