"Tavish Degroot, why on earth are ya' sittin' there on your lazy bum when you need to be out THERE being a DEMOMAN for our family's sake!" Cried Tavish Degroot's (The RED Demoman) mother. "For heaven's sake ma', it's me mornin' off for crying out loud!" Yelled Tavish.

"Sigh, Tavish, do you really need me to talk about ye' ol' pa' again?" Grumbled Tavish's mother. "Ma', we live in a mansion, I made a million dollars last year and I have 3 JOBS for the last time!" Exclaimed Tavish. "Tavish, I understand you made a million dollars and we're living a good life but about your jobs...YOUR PA' (God rest him) HAD 26 JOBS TAVISH, AND MOST OF THEM PAID FOR ONLY A NICKEL!" "Sorry ma'," Tavish apologized, "I know you miss him ma', but I don't understand how you can complain if we're livin' a life of luxu-" DING DONG! "Bloody hell, my 1 MORNIN' OFF for crying out loud...." Tavish stood up and went to answer the door of his mansion.

"Mr. Degroot?" said the calm voice.  "Yes?" Tavish answered as he opened the door, "Hey, you're Miss Pauling, the one who works for that crazy lady who screams at us while we fight!" " Yes, you could say that..." Miss Pauling replied, "And I'm also going to be the one that hires you to kill  your best friend for this." As she said that, she pulled a rectangular crate off the van she drove in and plonked it down in front of Tavish.

"You're going ta' give me a WEAPON to kill me best ma-" He was cut off at the sight of what was underneath the cover. It was a stainless steel sword. Miss Pauling took it and held it up. "This, is the Eyelander, " Miss Pauling said as she gave it to Tavish, "pattern-wielded Damacus steel, harmonically balanced, slow-forged for generations in the bowels of captured English kings." 

headsheadsheadsheadsheads, the sword kept on emitting those whispers...Tavish suddenly felt the urge to chop off the head of the statue in the garden and this he did so. "It's haunted too." Miss Pauling added.

"Blast ye', woman, making a Degroot choose between his best mate and a sword..." Tavish muttered, "Ach, no, I couldn't, Soldier's my friend." "It's okay Mr. Degroot, I'll give you some time to think about it and I'll also leave them here." Miss Pauling suggested and she turned around. "'Them'?" Tavish asked. Miss Pauling didn't turn around again but she pointed at a few more crates labeled 'Chargin' Targe' and Mann. Co and 'Scottish Resistance' as she walked towards her van. "And Mr. Degroot?" Miss Pauling said, "His employers gave him the same offer. He said yes."