Dear Krist,

Happy birthday!

I told you, I will be more open to you. I will start with this letter, telling you what happened that day. I badly want to tell you this in person, but I couldn't control myself to break down in front of you.

You knew that Ohm was my best friend, right? We were always together, till he confessed his feelings for me. We were too young back then and doesn't know the difference between infatuation and love. Yes, he was happy and so was I, but not until he found this guy named, Nont.

Do you remember when we first met? Not in the beach house though, but when we were on a train. We didn't recognize each other till our first anniversary when Off brought up about the picture I took several years ago—I was running away from someone that time. 

Yeah, I'm brave enough to stand for myself and to protect Ohm from him, but not until I met you. My anxiety grew and I just couldn't handle how he manipulates my life while using someone I love the most. This is the reason why I didn't tell you the truth and just wanted to break up, to protect you from him.

Ohm and I broke up at the beach resort, that's the reason why I was so drunk that time, if you remember. I don't exactly know the reason why we broke up and why I let him go in the first place. Because he didn't want me to get involved with his personal life? Because we realized that what we had was only an infatuation? Whatever the reason was, I don't care anymore.

I don't exactly know what's the deal between Ohm and Nont. But I want to protect my best friend from the beast when I once saw him beat Ohm's almost lifeless body.

He was a psycho.

He's delusional.

He wants Ohm for himself, but when Ohm gave in, he would beat him. Ugh, I'm so frustrated one time when Ohm was rushed in the hospital for the third time. I confronted Nont and didn't expect what he had prepared for me.

Lots of pictures with a gun pointing at you. He's indeed a psycho! And that's when my anxiety went up, but it only reached my limit that I'm so afraid to look at him when he caused the fire at your old apartment. He was so angry at me for protecting Ohm and planning to hide my best friend from him.

When I had my six month hiatus. I went to a psychiatrist and locked up myself. I'm regretting it now when Nont sneaked a food poison on my food. I didn't realized that I'm afraid to be close with people (that's why I didn't tell you where I am) not because I will always see Nont in you, but because I'm afraid to lose you because of me.

I can't afford to lose you.

And I couldn't protect you when I'm out of control as well.

When I saw Nont after six months of my hiatus. I though I fought my anxiety, but I was wrong. He managed to ruin my life—