✧･ﾟ: * thirty-three *:･ﾟ✧  

Later that night when Namjoon is asleep on the living room couch, Sage has gone home, and Taehyung is finishing up in the shower to change into his new pajamas, Madeline lays in her bed with the lights off, her mind filled thoughts she's too afraid to face. Thoughts of her mother, thoughts of officially saying goodbye. The idea that she's in her bed for the first night since her mother passed, in this house that she can barely occupy for long.

There's something serene and nostalgic about laying in the dark. As twisted as it sounds, she can almost picture herself a few years ago, blind yet hearing her mother's voice down the hall telling her about the new breakthrough in eye surgery technology. Giving her hope when Madeline had lost all of hers.

Then she's back to a few months ago, also blind, but her mother is the one with no faith, spending her day hitting the bottom of the bottle, smoking whatever she can scrounge up. It got so bad after Madeline' father died, a man she had never met, but supposedly he was helping Mom with the funds for everything. She lost motivation when she lost him, lost hope of her daughter ever seeing clearly. Lost hope in living.

Right when that hope had been regained... it was taken away.

It isn't fair. Her mother went through so much. Madeline had treated her so coldly when she fell off the end, instead of helping her like a responsible daughter should have. She shouldn't have given up on her so easily.

She's sucking in a breath, her eyes stinging when her door creaks open, Taehyung's figure in the doorway. She blinks quickly so as not to worry him, but he doesn't turn on the light. Tentatively, he makes his way over to her bed using the flashlight on his phone, but he doesn't shine it on her. The bed dips beside her as he lays down, turning off the light.

"Are you okay?"

His voice is so soft that a lump swells in her throat, and she physically cannot reply without the risk of crying.

Rather than replying with words, she rolls over and slides her arm over his waist, resting her cheek against his chest. She can smell the shampoo and body wash they bought earlier, the aroma so comforting she inhales it. Instantly, his arms are around her and the two are quiet, the only sounds being that of frogs croaking outside and light snores from the living room where Namjoon sleeps.

If she can just stay like this for the next six, seven years... or forever, that'd be nice.

He strokes her hair, making her eyes slowly get heavier. She isn't ready to go to sleep, though, so she blurts the first thing to mind if only to keep herself awake. "Her funeral is tomorrow."

His hand pauses and she panics, as if she said something he'd be disgusted by. "I-I don't expect you to come, obviously, a-and I know you probably aren't staying long--"

"Do you want me to go?" he asks, his voice deep as he speaks in a low tone.

Her arm tightens are him slightly. "Is it selfish to say yes?"

He kisses her forehead. "That is why I'm here, Maddie. For you."

"I know, but still..."

Rather than using words, his hand slides down her head to her cheek, his finger tracing her jawline until he reaches her chin, gently tipping her face upwards. Her heart stops beating for a full five seconds, she thinks, when his lips meet hers, stealing the breath from her lungs. It's still hard to comprehend that he's real. He's here.

With her.

She'll never understand what she did to deserve him, to even have the honor of coincidentally running into him in that subway station. Fate has always seemed overrated to her, something only hopeless romantics believe in but... Maybe she's starting to become one of those head-over-heels people where fate is the only way to describe her luck in finding him.

She doesn't know how long the two stay connected, but she isn't upset when Taehyung pulls away, their foreheads pressed together, his body hovering hers. She leans forward for one last peck, feeling his lips tug into a smile when she does so. She smiles back, unable to resist just one more kiss when the session suddenly starts all over again, both of them giggling like high school lovebirds.

It's nice to forget she was on the verge of tears barely ten minutes ago.

She doesn't want to let him go, her hands cupping his cheeks, stroking the soft skin with her thumbs. He places soft kisses along her cheekbones, forehead, jawline, and a final one on her nose. She curls back into him, a drowsiness taking over her as her lips continue to tingle from the feel of his.

"I love you," she whispers into his neck, closing her eyes as he begins to run his fingers through her hair again.

"I love you, jagiya," he murmurs against her hair, sending a chill down her spine.

For the first night since she left him, it's easy to fall asleep peacefully.

***

The next morning, the three go to a tux-rental place to get fitted for suits for the funeral. Madeline feels guilty that they feel obligated to go, however, Taehyung and Namjoon both assured her that they didn't mind. Sage had called too, confirming the place and time so she could be sure to make it.

Madeline is scared, if she's honest. Her mother hardly knew anyone, and those she did know she lost contact with when her father died. What if no one comes to pay her respect? Should that matter to Madeline as much as it does? Probably not. After all, her mother had told her before that she din't need a service, so long as her daughter was there when she passed.

But Madeline hadn't been there, and it seemed disrespectful to not give the woman of her world a ceremony to send her to the other side.

Albeit she can't really afford it...

She's getting her mother's life insurance, but Madeline doesn't think her mother would've wanted her to use that money on a funeral; a funeral she didn't even want.

Taehyung gives her shoulder a squeeze with a soft smile.

Such a little gesture is so comforting that she's able to relax a bit.

The tux place has dresses too, which Madeline takes upon herself to browse through while the boys get fitted. There's wedding dressings, bridal dresses, prom dresses--pretty much any kind of formal wear a person would need. She runs her hand down the different fabrics, admiring the silk and scrunching her nose at those that would most likely be itchy as hell.

"Big day coming up?" a man suddenly asks, appearing next to her.

She jumps slightly, then waves her hand quickly. "Oh, no, no. I'm just looking while I wait," she says, nodding her head over to the boys where another worker is currently measuring Taehyung's shoulder width.

The man raises his eyebrows. "So his big day is coming up?"

Madeline gives him a bitter-sweet smile. "Actually, a funeral."

His eyes bulge. "O-oh, m-my apologies. I d-d-didn't mean any--"

"It's okay."

He clears his throat, cheeks red. "Just, um. Let me know if you need help finding anything."

She purses her lips with a curt nod and he hastily ducks away.

Her phone rings, Sage's ID popping up. "Hello?"

"So, you see--"

"What did you do?"

"I may have invited the dance club and... a few others...."

Madeline sighs. "Sage. Did you forget K-pop idols? Low-key? The whole mall shebacle yesterday?"

"Shebacle?"

"I'm being serious."

"Me too. I've heard of debacle, but a shebacle, that's a new one."

She huffs. "It's a word, and it's also not the point."

"I think it's just a made up word. You know, like one you'd see on Urban Dictionary and two southerners just forced shebang and debacle together and--you're right. Not the point, sorry." Sage clicks her tongue on the other end. "I know you didn't want it to be big, but everyone at the club cares about you, Maddie. They all want to be there for you."

"Okay, but I'm pretty sure they'll all forget about me when two idols that they look up to are in the same room."

"They saw the video from the mall yesterday. They know that Taehyung and Namjoon are there."

"Is that supposed to make it better?"

"Yes, because I have threatened all of their lives if they make this ceremony about them."

Madeline frowns. "I just want her to have a respectful goodbye. I don't want anyone showing up just because two famous stars are here."

"Don't worry," Sage assures. "I have a ticket system that is guaranteed to only allow genuine patrons inside. I'll have a stun gun, so--"

"Sage! It's a church. Don't you think a stun gun is dramatic?"

"Just leave it to me, okay? Gotta go check off my list. See you soon!"

Sage hangs up before Madeline can even muster a response. She groans, rubbing her temples.

Please, just please don't let anyone ruin this.

Mentally, she doesn't think she'd be able to handle that.

Her eyes meet Taehyung's across the room and she smiles the best she can, but she's sure he's already seen through it. She traipses over to them, her hands shoved into her sweater pockets as they seem to be finishing up. Both of them now adorned in suits, she can't help but to gawk for a split second, thoroughly impressed.

She peers down at her own outfit, some black dress pants and a maroon colored shirt she forgot she owned, topped off with her sweater and small black heels because of the nippy weather. She doesn't own a black dress, or anything close enough to funeral attire, truthfully. She scrounged up what she thought could be acceptable, and now she feels completely guilty and underdressed after seeing the boys.

It'll be fine, she tells herself. Clothes should be the least important factor when mourning someone. It isn't like she's walking in with a mini skirt and a crop top. She tried. She can't afford new clothes, so either way this would have to do.

"You guys should wear suits more often," she remarks. "Under better circumstances."

Namjoon gives her a sad smile while Taehyung furrows his eyebrows in confusion, making sense of what she said.

"Don't worry about it," she tells him with a light-hearted chuckle, then asking if they're ready to go.

Sage picks them up at the rental place, however, the smile on Sage's face makes Madeline pause mid-step, questioning her friend with a frown. Sage shrugs a little, appearing very guilty now as her eyes dart to the backseat.

"We'll take the backseat, Maddie," Namjoon says kindly as Taehyung opens the passenger door for her.

Hesitantly, she gets in, dreading that look over her shoulder and yet she forces herself to check anyways.

Fuck.

It's Sage's brother, Darren.

She gives Sage a wide-eyed "what the hell were you thinking" look.

Sage offers a meek, nervous laugh in reply.

Namjoon climbs in first, noticing Darren and politely saying, "Oh, hey. I'm Namjoon," while offering his hand

Darren shakes it, though his eyes stay on Madeline, almost angrily. "Darren."

"Darren wanted to come pay his respects," Sage murmurs, sheepishly hunching her shoulders as she drives, eyes unwavering from the road.

Madeline says nothing, chewing the inside of her cheek. She can still feel his eyes on her.

"Taehyung," the male's voice says softly, and Madeline can see their hands shaking in her peripheral. "Maddie's boyfriend."

Her breath falters. Was that... protectiveness she heard in his tone? Can he sense the tension in the vehicle? Certainly he must, because Madeline feels like she's suffocating in it. A small smile makes its way onto her lips, a hundred percent proud and just a little giddy, like a schoolgirl hearing her crush call her "babe" for the first time.

Darren folds his arms across his chest, his eyes finally leaving Madeline's figure to glare out the window. Sage actually snorts in amusement, but tries to cover it up with a cough, biting her lip to keep herself from laughing.

When they eventually pull up to the church, it begins to settle onto Madeline's chest exactly what she's here to do. She inhales a deep breath before stepping out the car, squaring her shoulders as if she's preparing for a battle. Taehyung is automatically there, his hand slipping into hers, already helping her nerves ease.

The whole dance club is, in fact, piled in the church the moment the group walks in. Sage makes eye contact with each of them, it seems, but no one dares speak out of. There's a fair amount of staring and awe-struck gazes, but Madeline can't fault them for that.

A few people come up to her, those she's spoken to on numerous occasions, offering their condolences and asking if there's anything they can do. Madeline knows it's the polite thing, of course, yet she can't help but to find it annoying. Obviously there isn't anything they can do; none of them are even close enough to her to come over and hang out like Sage is. Maybe it's just her grief starting to get to her, but she wishes everyone would just sit down and leave her alone.

Madeline doesn't know when she starts crying, but it's the silent kind where she merely lets the tears roll down her cheeks, having a small sniffle every now and then. It helps to have Taehyung there, his arm around her, Sage on the other side with a friendly hand on her knee. It's nice to not feel alone when you've lost one of the most important people in your life.

"If there is anyone," the priest says, "that would like to come up and say a few words, please do so now."

Madeline had written out a speech six times over, but she doesn't have the strength to stand and speak it. She crumbles the paper in her hand, reciting the words in her head to send them up to her mother directly instead.

Taehyung suddenly leans over and whispers, "I want to sing to you, to your mother but... it is Korean."

She blinks at him. "Really? You want to sing?"

He nods. "With Namjoon-hyung."

Namjoon pokes his head around. "Huh?"

"Is Korean okay?" he asks her, looking genuinely concerned as if she would ever say no to the idea of him singing, especially a tribute to her mother.

"Of course," she says, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

Taehyung smiles, standing right when the priest is about to move on. He nods his head to Namjoon, who hesitantly gets to his feet and follows the younger up to the podium. There's an obvious rush of excitement through the crowd, considering majority of the people in here are K-pop fanatics. Madeline doesn't think about that, though.

Instead, she sees a boy she's in love with willing to sing a song in her mother's honor.

Namjoon and Taehyung exchange some words, Namjoon seeming surprised before he finally succumbs and says, "This is a song Taehyung and I have been working on, and he'd like to dedicate it to Maddie's mother."

Taehyung had been on his phone while Namjoon spoke, then he sets it in front of the microphone. The priest offers them both two spare microphones, and abruptly there's a soft melody ringing through the church, along with Taehyung's deep voice.

She isn't going to lie...

She's crying a lot now.

She doesn't have to understand the lyrics to hear how sincere, how heartfelt, how emotional it is. She can feel it in Taehyung's voice, the way it causes goosebumps to rise on her skin, how it makes her chest swell with warmth.

Sage is crying too, now, but Madeline isn't sure if it's from the meaningful song, or the fact that Namjoon made eye contact with her.

Could be both.

She's speechless the entire time, wiping her eyes every now and then but mostly just focused intently on his voice, his integrity. Namjoon too. The both of them combined have the entire church silent, attentive, enthralled. No one quite wants it to end, but when it does there's a round of applause, multiple cheers that would be deemed inappropriate in any other funeral. Madeline can't bring herself to care though.

She meets Taehyung halfway on his way down, throwing her arms around his neck. She catches Namjoon's jacket sleeve before he can walk off, tugging him to her. She kisses Taehyung's cheek, then pulls back to properly smile at them both.

"Thank you," she whispers.

The two bow their heads politely in reply.

Madeline can say confidently that her mother is content above, her soul at peace, and maybe, just maybe, she's grinning down at her daughter, grateful she isn't alone after all.