Performance #5
Location: County Fair Strip Mall Opening
Date: September 10, 2005

The new school year starts off with a bang, as there's a new strip mall on the east side of Curling Blue, right where near the Meijer has sat for years. According to August, the Meijer has literally sat in the middle of a field for decades, and just now the land finally got sold and this strip mall got built. Dad knows the owners, and there's going to be a ceremony, and so he talks them into letting us play.

We get there super early, and Dad sets us up. He takes a lot of pride in running around, getting us set up, plugged in, pink-noising the board, and then running the board while we perform. I suppose it's better than the alternative. He's been playing around town, too, with a couple of local bands, filling in for people as needed. He plays in bars, which we can't do, but it's started bringing in some serious side money.

We make way too much now to just stay in our apartment, but we both agreed that we don't want a house right now. Not after everything that's happened. We had a house. Emphasis on had. Dad eventually said that he would get a house after I left Curling Blue, and I agreed.

Jaewon's parents actually show up to this gig, but they don't make any motion of paying attention. Jaewon ignores them as much as he can, preferring to talk with August. "They can't see me talking to you for too long," he reminds Amber and me, "or else they will think I'm flirting with you. God forbid I flirt with a girl, let alone date them. The only romance I'm familiar with is the one between Inuyasha and Kagome. And all they do is fight!"

"Have you ever been in love, Jaewon?" Amber asks, nonchalant.

"Not even with myself," he says as he plugs his equipment in, then does a test strum.

There's a small stage set up in front of the strip mall. A mayor who looks to be older than dirt stands on a podium and gives a speech. It may be the most boring thing I've had to sit through yet. I would take one of Mrs. Luster's long drawn lectures over this, though since I'm starting my senior year, I'm done with my language arts requirements. I don't want to go back to school just yet, but it's not like I don't have my future planned out already; all I have to do is audition in February for Curling Blue State University's music program and I'm set. No counseling, no essays, and I only have to take the SAT once and not worry about my score. I guess if I go back to school, then it's only a matter of time before our little band breaks up. After all, it won't be feasible to continue once everybody goes their separate ways.

Thankfully the mayor ends his little speech without much fanfare, and we get on stage. August takes the microphone as we launch into a relatively safe for little ears setlist, starting with Welcome To My Life and going to Dare You To Move before launching into a new song that August, of course, heard on iTunes. The lyrics are spooky and depressing, but they're also too vague for most people to know what we're talking about (especially Jaewon's parents, hopefully).

No sleep, no sleep until I'm done with finding the answer
Won't stop, won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes I feel like going down I'm so disconnected
Somehow I know that I am haunted to be wanted
I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching, I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
In the shadows
In the shadows

We finish with Freedom Fighters and Bring Me To Life before we head out. "That was the most boring gig of all time," August whines. "Can we go somewhere interesting?"

I sit in silence while Dad takes home the equipment and Amber drives most of us to Steak and Shake, since we don't really have anywhere else to go. Jaewon's parents have already taken him home, probably to have a discussion about the rest of the lyrics of that last song. I hate that they're always up his butt about stuff, getting in the way. Jaewon's always letting loose during rehearsal, swaying with a smile on his face, but whenever we're on stage, I can tell he isn't himself. It doesn't matter if his parents are there or not. It's like he's always scared they'll hear about something he does on stage.

J.P. orders more of those 7X7 burger things for us, and we all settle into a food coma. My dad catches up with us, and he brings a flyer. "They posted this at the university. It looks like they're having bands from around the area come in to do a contest. It's all ages, and there's no alcohol on premises, so you're totally allowed to do it. It's the weekend of Halloween, though, so I hope you're up for playing in costume."

"That is the news I have been waiting to hear," August says, putting his milkshake down just long enough to respond and then sipping on it again. He's eaten so much food, he's probably trying to eat away his problems. Not that that food goes anywhere.

"I think that will be fun," J.P. says. He's been getting more vocal slowly, which is a good thing. When August has tried to talk over him, I've butted in and told him that he's not allowed to talk until J.P. is done. At first, we really butted heads over it. But slowly, J.P. has come into his own. Just the other day he was talking about new guitar licks for a new song, and then coming up with ideas on places to play. It's hard for a band of high schoolers to get gigs, man. Never mind that we have an expiration date.

Dad takes the flyer with him and says he will make sure we're signed up. I walk in the door, get on the computer, and notice Jaewon has left me a message. His parents stalk his phone, but they have no clue how computers work, so he's free there. I finish logging into AOL and message him back.

rockerchick624: you were saying?
paperwayt: oh yeah, just that I'm grounded. Again.
rockerchick624: nooooooooooo!
rockerchick624: *cries*
paperwayt: why you so sad?
rockerchick624: because I like hanging out with you outside of school?

I type it before I can think to censor myself. At this point, I know I've got a major crush on Jaewon. But nothing will ever happen of it. While I'm going to CBSU after graduation, he'll be headed across country to some Bible school courtesy of his parents. They've already got him admission and everything; I think they donated a crapton of money in Jesus' name.

paperwayt: then we should hang out sometime
paperwayt: let me worry about my parents. they like your dad
rockerchick624: they seem to like it when we all go over to JP's house
paperwayt: no I mean like
paperwayt: I wanna hang out with just you
paperwayt: if that's ok

...wait. Is this a date?

rockerchick624: seriously dude how are you gonna pull that off?
paperwayt: jp's gonna cover for me and I'll just come over to your place instead.
paperwayt: I don't have a cell phone so they can't randomly call me to check in
paperwayt: and if they call jp's house he'll say I'm on the toilet or something lol
rockerchick624: you sure this is gonna work?
paperwayt: I think so
paperwayt: as long as I keep feeding them this lie about being a worship leader in college
rockerchick624: are you really gonna go to school and do what they want you to do?

He never answers.

What he does do is come over, first that Friday, and then every Friday after that. I start keeping his Inuyasha manga collection at home, and we read and reread through the manga while watching the anime when it's on. We don't do anything but that, and we get into deep discussions about what the characters are doing, and magic, and surprisingly the era of Japan that it takes place during.

And when the new volumes come out, we trek across town to the mall, where Jaewon's parents wouldn't be seen dead, so we're safe. We get Taco Bell and go to Waldenbooks, and when we sit in the food court, it kind of feels like a date. I'm obviously not in love, but I might as well enjoy this feeling while I can. J.P. knows about Jaewon's schedule, and there are a couple of times where he has to leave early and go over to J.P.'s to keep up the ruse, but we haven't been found out yet.

I have to ignore the fact that it will all crash down someday, that it's futile to entertain this more than a crush.