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WALKING IN THE WIND
xiii. THE CHALLENGE OF FORGIVENESS

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  CHALLENGES NEVER INTIMIDATED EDMUND. He enjoyed all kinds of challenges: riddles, puzzles, duels, political disputes, stupid arguments with his siblings. They enticed him. Every time he successfully triumphed a challenge (which was more often than not), his confidence soared, and that encouraged him to confront more challenges as he matured. That being said, something perplexed him regarding the newest test Aslan threw at him. Hope Edwards was the greatest challenge Edmund Pevensie ever faced.

  Everything about her intrigued him. Something about her was so... addicting to him. Even when they first met, Edmund couldn't shake the encounter and secretly prayed he would see the girl who knocked him off his feet again.

  Yes, Hope was a fascinating girl, especially for a servant. He didn't mean that negatively. The thing Edmund always noticed about servants was that they never put themselves out there, never trying to be noticed. Hope, on the other hand, made herself noticed everywhere she went. He didn't think she intended to do so though, but every time she entered a room, Edmund's eyes went to her.

  When Edmund first met Hope, he was hooked by how she presented herself. She was genuine, unafraid to be honest, especially to Odette. He had to attribute that to their long friendship, but it was refreshing to witness after being around so many loyal servants who were wary of so much as joking around with him. He liked how she was loyal and kind, not to mention funny and witty. Sometimes, he'd find himself chuckling at something she said days ago amid a council. Even the mere thought of her made him smile.

  He liked that she wasn't a ditzy handmaid. She was admittedly talented with a sword, and she could hold such captivating philosophical conversations that he found himself recounting them every night for hours at a time. He liked how she challenged him to think more about things, taking original perspectives and shedding supplementary light on them. He thought it was interesting how she was a klutz when she thought too hard about what she was saying or doing, yet when she was relaxed, she managed to speak some of the wisest words he'd ever heard. He liked how sometimes, she managed to render him, of all people, speechless. It made him wonder if he finally met his match.

  Edmund also liked that Hope was always warm. Was that an odd way to describe someone? Sure, she was physically warm, but he meant she was always sunny. She wasn't the kind of warm that was blistering. Hope was warm like the first day of spring. She was the awakening of animals after a long hibernation, the blooming of flowers. She was a breath of fresh air.

  That being said, Edmund felt like an absolute dunce after realizing what he said to her.

  He didn't care about anyone's status or upbringing. He only cared about who they were as people. He knew that, yet he said such stupid words to a girl that was as sensitive as a cotton ball. Sure, she could hold herself together well enough, but one tug the wrong way and she crumbled.

  Edmund prayed that maybe she would forgive him in the hours they were apart. He distracted himself with the colors of his home and Odette's rambling. When they returned that evening and Hope couldn't even look him in the eye, he felt like he just kicked a puppy.

  Long story short, he knew he needed to apologize. He would've done it anyway, but for some reason, he felt like this was the end of the world. He didn't understand it either. The idea of upsetting her upset him in the process.

  The only problem was that she refused to talk to him. For the majority of the next day, she only spoke to him if necessary. Meanwhile, she would carry happy little conversations with his siblings right in front of him! Since when were all of them on a first-name basis?

  And to think, all of this started because his horse accused him of flirting.

  Why did the thought bother him so much?

  No, that wasn't the right way to word it. After he got over the initial shock, Edmund concluded that it didn't bother him. He liked it. He liked the thought of them being seen together like that. Of course, that could never happen, not with everything riding on his and Odette's marriage. He would deal with this the way he dealt with most things: he would ignore it until he forgot about it.

  The only problem was that he couldn't forget about it. Aslan, could he stop thinking about her for one minute? He had far more important things to worry about than a little misunderstanding between him and a friend.

  The only problem was, to him, their dispute seemed like the most important thing in the world.

  Edmund sat in his private study, staring at a stack of scrolls before him with Hope lingering on his mind. He spent the last day and a half thinking about her, distracting him from all of his responsibilities. He glimpsed up at the clock that hung on the left-most wall. It was only a quarter to nine. 'Surely, she's still awake,' he thought while setting his quill down, splotches of ink smeared on the side of his hand. With a plan in mind, he exited the study.

  It wasn't until 20 minutes later when Edmund, his plan solidified, found Hope. This time, he didn't bump into her or sneak up behind her while she was deep in thought. She was merely wandering through the halls of Cair Paravel, her nose stuck in a book and giggles fleeing her. Edmund frowned a little bit. He wished he could've seen her reaction when she first walked into the library. But then, he smiled imagining it.

  Edmund approached her, a pep in his step, eagerness swimming through his veins. "Hope!" he called. He watched as she peered away from her book, her smile dropping. Without a word, she turned on her heel and walked the other way. He sighed and picked up the pace, soon walking alongside her. "Oh, come on, you can't ignore me forever!"

  "I'm not ignoring you, Your Majesty. I simply felt compelled to turn the other way," Hope reported, her eyes glued to her book again.

  The book was recommended to her by Susan, which was a recommendation from Edmund. Hope could attest to this because he scribbled all over the margins, and she knew it was him because he made jokes about his siblings in them every few chapters, comparing them to the characters. It was rather distracting. Funny, but distracting. It was why Hope was laughing at whatever she was reading a few seconds ago. Of course, he didn't know that.

  Edmund rolled his eyes, snatching the book out of her hand. "Hey!" she shouted.

  "And I felt compelled to do that," he sassed, holding the book above her head. It was nearly closed, his fingers wedged between the pages, acting as a temporary placeholder.

  Hope pursed her lips. "...Is there something I can help you with?" she politely asked.

  She was still upset with what he said yesterday, not to mention he was distracting her from a very intriguing part in the book (and by book, she meant his humorous side-comments scribbled in the page margins).

  Donning a crooked grin, Edmund reported, "As a matter of fact, yes, there is." He withdrew a handkerchief from his pocket, shoved it in the book, and placed it on a nearby table. Then, he grabbed her hand and started to pull her away.

  "Wh—Edmund, what are you doing?"

  "Oh, so now, it's Edmund," he remarked. "Come on, midget, I want to show you something."

  She narrowed her eyes at him, desperately trying to ignore how her stomach felt like a cage to a bunch of hyperactive butterflies as he held her hand. "I'm taller than both of your sisters, you know," she remarked.

  "Which is kinda like being the tallest dwarf."

  Hope couldn't help but laugh at his joke. "Fine, show me whatever you're so excited about. Not like I have a choice," she mumbled.

  Edmund glanced back at her, bantering, "I knew I liked you for a reason, dove."

  "You mean you like the fact that I'm obligated as a servant to do whatever you want?" she mumbled as he pulled her toward a winding flight of stairs. He didn't let her hand go for a second.

  He made a face, almost as though her words cut through him. Of course, she knew he was just pulling her leg because he was still smiling at her. "Ouch. You know, I'm trying to apologize, but you're ruining the surprise of it all," he joked.

  He smirked when Hope, for once, didn't have anything to say. Or, maybe she did. That was the thing with her. She always had something to say, whether she said it or not.

  Reaching the top of the staircase after a few more retorts, Edmund pushed open the door to reveal the castle's rooftop. It was one of the few regions of the roof that was flat enough for them to walk upon. Hope's jaw fell agape as she walked forward, pulling their hands apart. She looked up at the stars in awe. Was this really the first time Hope bothered stargazing in Narnia? She peered back at Edmund, and it was then when she noticed his eyes were on her. She thought it was odd. The sky was filled with diamonds, yet he was staring at her.

  She folded her arms over her chest, suddenly self-conscious. Then, she admitted, "I don't understand. You brought me here because... you're apologizing?"

  Edmund didn't exactly have a speech planned. He was always good with his words, a talent he picked up after spending many hours entertaining political debates. But then she looked at him and all of the words in the world were suddenly foreign to him.

  "I..." He watched as the gentle breeze tousled her hair, the moonlight striking her features. She was ethereal. "W-Well, I..."

  To his surprise, Hope smirked. "Cat got your tongue, Your Majesty?" she kidded. She shook her head. "It's okay, you don't have to apologize. I was being sensitive. I knew what you meant. Besides, you're a king."

  "Just because I'm a king doesn't mean I'm exempt from all of my faults," he argued. "I wish you didn't think of me only as a king or you as a handmaid. I'm so much more than that, you're so much more than that. I never intended to hurt you, Hope. I... I don't know what came over me, but that's not an excuse. I'm deeply sorry about what I said."

  She hesitated. "It's okay—"

  "It's not," Edmund interrupted. "I hurt your feelings." She was quiet. "You're always so quick to forgive others, but I think you only do that because you think you're beneath them. And can I be blunt?" Silence. "I think you deserve better. So, if it's alright with you, I don't want you to forgive me just yet."

  Bewilderment entangled her as she inquired, "I beg your pardon? Did you hit your head?"

  Chuckling, he denied, "No, I just think you need to learn to forgive people on your terms. Not because of a stupid crown or title. You deserve just as much respect as you give us, you know."

  He sauntered past her, standing near the ledge and staring out at the dark horizon. In the distance, he could see the many villages. Some were sleeping, others were lively with nighttime activity. He smiled, pondering all of the things the Narnians were up to that evening.

  He glanced back at Hope, who looked like she was still processing his words. He thought it was strange that she didn't understand what he meant by, "Hey, you should respect yourself as much as you respect your kings and queens."

  Edmund shattered the silence with a sudden question. "Do you trust me?"

  Hope blinked twice, pulling herself out of her thoughts. "What?"

  "Do you trust me?" he repeated, this time a little more firmly.

  "I... I suppose? Why are you asking—?" But before she finished her sentence, Edmund leaned back and fell from the edge of the roof. A sharp gasp pierced the air as Hope sprinted forward, shouting, "EDMUND!"

  Suddenly, a large feathered creature known as a griffin flew skyward. On its back was the Just King, who was laughing almost maniacally. The griffin lowered itself beside the rooftop, allowing him to speak to her properly again. Hope placed a hand over her racing heart and screeched, "ARE YOU DEMENTED?!"

  Edmund just taunted, "I thought you trusted me!"

  Distress was stamped across her face. "I think I saw my life flash before my eyes," she confessed.

  "You know, I don't think that's how it works if you're the bystander."

  "Are you seriously sassing me right now?!" she cried, running a hand through her hair. "What, do you think you can win my forgiveness by... by being flashy?!"

  This time, Edmund's smile dropped. "Huh? No! No, no, I just... I want to show you something!"

  "Are you going to try to kill yourself again?!"

  "I wasn't trying to kill myself!"

  "Well, are you going to try and kill me again?" she corrected. "Heart attacks are a leading cause of death, you know!" She shook her head. "I-I don't understand. Are you trying to scare me into forgiving you? Or threaten me? Or-or manipulate me? Because I'm a lot smarter than that, Edmund. I know you might not think that, but—"

  "Whoa, whoa, slow down!" insisted Edmund. "I don't think that at all! Hope, I think you're amazing!"

  She stared at him, stunned. "...You do?"

  He sighed. "Will you please come with me?" he begged.

  Hope bit the inside of her cheek. She felt like she understood him as a person fairly well, but this... this she didn't understand. Why did he care so much? What was his point? Why did he want to fight for her forgiveness? Honestly, he could've just said, "Whoops, my bad!" and Hope would've accepted it as an apology.

  ...Maybe he was onto something about how she didn't think she deserved much respect.

  Reluctantly, she gave in.

  Hope didn't want to talk about the process of her getting on the griffin's back. Part of her was afraid it would fly away before she could properly mount it and she'd go SPLAT! But Edmund was nice about helping her on, excluding a few jokes he couldn't keep to himself, and soon, she was sitting with her arms tightly wrapped around his torso. Together, they took off into the night.

  She kept her face pressed against his muscular back, blushing at how close they were. Her eyes were tightly shut as she thought about how terrible it would be if she accidentally let go and fell to her doom. The wind sang in their ears. It was cold and sent endless shivers down her spine. She focused on Edmund and the warmth of his body against hers.

  The flight was over before she knew it, and it was then when she realized she missed all of it. Disappointed in herself, she made a mental note to actually enjoy the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity next time. Or was it twice-in-a-lifetime? You know, considering they had to fly back to Cair Paravel at some point.

  Edmund stepped off of the griffin's back first before helping Hope down. He chuckled at the awestruck look on her face, almost like she wasn't processing what just happened. He figured this must've been the first time she flew on a griffin's back.

  She ran her fingers through her disheveled hair, taming her fiery locks as she stammered, "That... That was amazing! I didn't know people just... flew for fun!"

  Edmund's smile grew. "Well, I'm glad you enjoyed that, dove, but we're not done yet," he revealed.

  She stared at him, astonished. "...We're not?"

  Edmund lightly nudged her, teasing, "Don't sound so disappointed." He glanced back at the griffin. "Lillith, will you be alright here?" The creature nodded, mumbling some words of reassurance. Then, he turned back to Hope. "You ready?"

  Hope stared at him, almost squinting through the darkness of the night. "How am I supposed to be ready when I have no idea what you're about to spring on me next?" she returned. She glanced back at the world around her. Trees encased them in a clearing as they stood in the forest. "Why are we out here anyway?"

  Edmund snickered. "Where's the fun in knowing everything?"

  Hope sighed. "If I die—"

  "You won't die!"

  "That's exactly what a serial killer would say!"

  "You read too much!"

  "Says you!"

  As they bantered back and forth, he led her down a dirt path. It was a trodden trail, one with jagged and almost instinct edges. Hope recalled that the Pevensies traveled through Narnia to visit their people from time to time, whether it was as a family unit or individually. Noise rumbled in the near-distance, growing louder and louder and louder.

  Edmund seamlessly deflected every single one of Hope's curious questions as they walked together. Despite her endless queries, he sensed she liked surprises. Maybe that was why she enjoyed reading so much. The unknown was enthralling and stories all have countless surprises embedded in them, whether they're obvious or not. He suspected this because he felt the same way.

  Finally, they arrived at a small village. There were lanterns lit in every corner, some even hanging close to the sky, each one embellishing a different color and Narnia's emblem: a crimson lion. Countless Narnians were gathered. Some were playing instruments, others were singing folksongs, and many were dancing freely. Children ran wildly, tweeting with giggles and shouts. It was beautiful.

  Hope turned back to him, starstruck. "What... What is this?" she softly wondered.

  Edmund hummed, peering back at the lively village. "I figured you've seen enough of those castle walls for a lifetime. I can't exactly summon Aslan like you've always dreamed of, but I can show you his creation."

  Hope could've cried right then and there.

  She was soundless for a moment as she took it all in. Then, she spoke again, "You... did all of this just because you felt bad about what you said?" She stifled a laugh. "Gee, I'd hate to see what you'll do when you upset Odette someday."

  "Well, to be fair, I didn't actually do anything. I just brought you here," he corrected. "And what makes you think I'll upset her one day? I'm a gentleman!"

  "You laughed when I nearly fell off the roof trying to get on Lillith's back!"

  "Details, details."

  Before Hope could say anything else, a swarm of children shouted Edmund's name. They charged toward the Just King, cheering and squealing over one another. Some jumped at his legs, others at his arms, hugging him as tight as their little bodies could allow.

  "Edmund, Edmund, you're here!"

  "Move over, Freya! I wanna hug him, too!"

  "You're late!"

  "Yeah, you said you'd be here sooner!"

  Edmund chuckled as he crouched to meet the children at eye level. "Oh, come on, you're not mad at me, are you?" he greeted. "I got caught up trying to convince my friend to join us this evening." He nodded toward Hope, causing all eyes to fall on her. She awkwardly waved at them.

  Hope was feeling extremely conflicted at that moment. Since when did children greet their superiors like that? Whatever happened to "Your Majesty" and curtseying and bowing? And since when was Edmund good with children? She saw how he acted with his siblings, and excluding a few sweet moments with Lucy when he thought no one was watching, he was a bit of an ass. He wasn't terrible, of course. He was mature, sure, but he loved being a little shit and annoying them. All that to say, Hope never would've expected him to get along with children so well. She thought it was sweet.

  One of the children glanced back at Edmund and queried, "Is that your friend?" When he just nodded, the same child leaned toward his ear and whispered, "She's very pretty."

  Hope didn't know what the child said to make Edmund smile like that, but she hoped it was nice. A fuzzy feeling overtook her when he looked at her.

  Edmund turned to the child and agreed, "I think so, too. But she's quite shy. So will you all do me a favor and treat our guest with kindness and respect? For me?"

  The children didn't need to hear another word. They ran toward Hope, chatting over one another. They shouted their names and random questions they had for her. Luckily, she adored children. Plus, being Odette's caretaker was sort of like taking care of an oversized child at times, so how bad could a dozen little Odettes be anyway?

  Famous last words.

  Alright, it wasn't that bad.

  The children welcomed her with open arms. It took her a moment to adjust to children fiercely yelling at her — something she hadn't experienced in around two weeks. They were all so keen to befriend her, excited to show her their village. They asked her countless questions: what her favorite color was, how she met Edmund. Some even wondered if she was a princess, which made her laugh until she realized they were serious.

  The children loved her. They loved her the minute she started speaking to them. That was Hope's little secret. Her greatest tip when it came to dealing with children. Never treat them like they're children. Instead, treat them like your equal. That's the quickest way to befriend them. It was the same rule of thumb Edmund picked up over time, maybe not as quickly as her though.

  Speaking of the Just, Edmund watched from the sidelines, chatting with a few of the older Narnians. They noticed how his eyes were locked on the girl he brought to their village, smiling with content. He watched in awe as she immersed herself in Narnian culture right away, delighted to learn and experience life as the natives did. She fit in well, Edmund noted, like a missing puzzle piece. She was perfect.

  When Hope eventually found her way back to Edmund's side, the first thing he asked her was, "So, what do you think?"

  She paused. "It's alright," she coolly said, but he saw through her. As he chuckled, they looked out at the village again. "Did you show Odette all of this today? She didn't mention anything about the people and the villages."

  He shook his head. "Not to this extent. Most of our guests that visit Narnia aren't too interested in the people and their lives. But I had a feeling you'd want to see all of this." Hope prayed he couldn't see how she blushed. How he remembered so much about her was beyond her. "I take it the children like you?"

  "I think so," she proudly confirmed. "I love kids. They're so... innocent. The world is so colorful to them. It's refreshing."

  "They're the lucky ones," he agreed.

  She peered back at him. Then, she paused, her face falling. "I don't understand," she confessed. "Why do you care so much about my forgiveness? It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but to you, it is. You went above and beyond for practically no reason. I just don't get it."

  Edmund raised a brow as he glanced back at her. Her expression was twisted, troubled. How did she still not understand?

  "Because we're friends," he firmly told her. "It's what you deserve. And don't bother arguing because I know you would do the same for me or anyone else if the roles were switched."

  Hope had to bite her tongue. He was right.

  She didn't have to say anything. He didn't expect her to. He just prayed she would heed his words. He prayed she'd finally understand that they were equals and that she should be treated as such instead of an inferior.

  Maybe she wouldn't understand it today, but sometime soon.

  A little smile tugged at her lips. "You're forgiven, Ed."

  That was all he could ask for.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

the way ed is teaching hope self-worth and self-assurance and confidence and that she deserves respect just as much as he does - i am crying