Even before becoming ill

I had a high tolerance for pain

It started when I was younger

Whatever the situation was

Dental needles

Horrible ear piercings

Stitch removal

Cortisone shot into ankle

And so forth

My brain would tuck away

Each experience

Into a little cabinet

In the back of my head

Which I have come to call the

Rolodex of pain

When diagnosed with M.E.

Still not understanding

That I didn't have Lyme disease

Doctors tried

All different things

I was their guinea pig

They were my masters

Had a spinal tap done

It went wrong

Leaked spinal fluid

Caused excruciating headaches

Needed a blood patch

To fix

My brain locked away

The experience

And it still wasn't the most

Painful thing I'd gone through

Rocket fuel

The bicillan LA

Antibiotic for Lyme

That felt like someone

Was shoving

Cement made out of

Lava into my body

That too was categorized

And tucked away into the

Rolodex of pain

It hurt but it wasn't the worst ever

Years have progressed

I'm in recovery

But I still have that important tool

That helps assess the damage

And understand whether I can take it or not

I've been through a lot

But I can take it

I'm a warrior

A fighter

Most importantly,

A survivor

What's the purpose of getting that ill?

Nearly dying?

Who knows

Maybe someday I will

Just not right now