I need to think

Carefully when I write these words

Not because I can't or won't

And not because I've already forgiven you

But because I want to make sure

I write them correctly

For my mind's sake

You know who you are

You

You

The one who lives in the office

The one who acts like a hormonal

15 year old boy

Instead of a mature 65 year old man

Your biggest problem?

Self-importance

Ego

The size of Texas

And from what?

Sitting on the computer

Bitching about politics

Or being verbally stroked

By some fake women

Who want nothing more than

To come to this country

Where they can use and dump you

Are you really that blind?

I guess your ego

Would make you that blind

And dumb

And old

You're old

Not because you're 65

But because of how you act

Like you're better than others

You've had this superiority complex

Before I ever became ill

And you had it all the time during

Which begs the question

How are you even alive without emotions?

Other than jealousy, envy, and nastiness

You remind me of Stamford High School

When I was there

We had these boys

These teenage boys

Whenever the teacher would call them out

Their first reaction?

"I didn't do nothin'!"

That is identical to you

You're first impulse is to say no

You didn't do anything

Even if there's clear proof you had

Is it so hard to say

"I'm sorry"

For real

Is your

Ego so fragile

And huge that

Something so simple

Is dangerous

An apology for you seems

Worse than death

Like carrying boulders up a hill

On your shoulders

You'd rather insult someone

Then say sorry

Because for you apologizing

Means you're weak

When in reality

That's what makes

A person strong

A human good

A soul rich

But no, it's always someone

Else's fault when you screw up

Because you're too fragile

To ever be held responsible for your actions

Guess what?

A real man takes that responsibility

Without being reminded

Of it

A real man never makes someone

Else feel crazy over his own mistakes

A real man

Doesn't hide a bottle of vodka in the garage

Because otherwise it may prove

He has alcohol issues

A real man stands up

Admits his wrongs

Tries to make them right

Works on himself

Grows

Knows how to say

I'm sorry

Doesn't run away from the phrase

Like it's a plague

Doesn't hide on the internet because

That's where his "real friends" are

Other keyboard warriors like himself

That stroke each other's

Egos

Because they can't do

Shit in real life

Pathetic really

On paper, it says that you are my father

DNA doesn't lie I suppose

Spiritually I chose both you and mom

As a human vessel I can also choose

Whom not to be around anymore

I disowned your family

4 years ago when the real diagnosis

Came down the pike

I haven't spoken to them since

Just because I have forgiven you

Doesn't mean I have forgotten

I did it for myself not for you

And it also doesn't mean

I need or want you in my life

Everyday your attitude proves more

And more to me

That it's time for a change

Especially now that I'm getting well

These crossroads are huge

Frankly I am tired of it

Maybe because I am a woman

Maybe because I'm a fighter and a survivor

Maybe because you're full of shit

And

Definitely because I am ready to move on!

And I am not the only one

Wonder if you will even care

What you're going to lose

But hey at least you won't have to say

You're sorry!

Because it's been all about you

And not hurting your precious feelings

Your fragile ego

Your standing in the society of the internet

Sound pathetic yet?

Because it does to real men

And real women

Real people

You're not real

You're a complete Chinatown fake

And that will never change

So hopefully soon, we'll be without you

Because we prefer Gucci

In the soul!!!