Content Warnings:

•Season 4 part 2 Spoilers
•Season 2 Spoilers
•Strong Language
•Explosions
•Choking
•Demons
•Ghosts
•Blood
•Injury
•Fire

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Flashback

You had been a very lonely child before you met your best friend, Katsumi. There was no doubt about it. You never knew how to socialize with girls because all you did was shadow your older brothers who liked to wrestle or play outside. So, that's what you spent a majority of your time doing, rather than exploring little girl activities.

With lots of trials and only errors, your father began losing hope on making you feminine, accepting the fact that you were going to do whatever interested you the most, anyway. For that reason, he had an even worse time coming up with an idea on how to get you to make any friends. He hardly knew anyone who would willingly climb a tree with you, besides the boys in the neighborhood. That, and, the boys had enough of a problem letting you join them when they hung out.

You always felt defeated when no one paid you any mind, so, you would retreat back home after another day of rejection. This all started to turn around when your father accidentally stumbled across a stray dog, no more than a year old, wandering the street one day when he was out on a delivery run. What made him take the dog home was a bit of a mystery but you had your guesses. He probably pitied the poor mutt because she/he reminded him of you and all your loneliness, he felt bad. It seemed like the most logical reason.

The entire ride home was him debating on whether he should keep her/him or not but the second he got home and you laid your eyes on her/him, it was game over. Not wanting to tell you no, your father played it off and said that she/he was in fact a surprise for you, and not the fact that he spontaneously saved it without a plan in mind.

From then on, you and (dog's name) were inseparable, always attached at the hip, no matter where you went. When the neighborhood boys realized the dog belonged to you, they were a bit more open to letting you hang out but they were still hesitant, and not very open. Nor, did they talk to you much, anyway. Either way, you would take whatever you got, even if they only liked you for your dog. You weren't used to socializing, anyway, so you did not have a care in the world for whatever their intentions were. You were just happy enough to be around kids your age that weren't your brothers, for once.

Flashback End

In your shared bedroom, you dust off the few surfaces after being away from base for so long. Your squad had just gotten back from another month long trip to the port to help with its progress. While mindlessly tidying up, you hear a knock on the doorframe behind you, subconsciously looking over your shoulder. "Oh, hey, Conny." You wave, setting down the rag in your left/right hand. "Hey, Y/n. So... we know its kind of late but we have something for you." The short-haired boy rubs the back of his neck, stepping out of the way as Sasha appears beside him. "What do you mean?" You curl your brows in curiosity. "No more questions, just follow us!" The brunette girl jumps into your room to grip your wrist and pull you out.

"Hey, where are we going?" You nearly get the air knocked out of your lungs from the abrupt yank. "You'll see!" Sasha chimes as she quickly drags you down the hall with Conny. Deciding to just wait and find out, you can only chuckle at her behavior and allow her to lead you to wherever this "something" is. Arriving at the doors of the dining hall, you become even more curious, and confused. What are they planning? Or what did they plan? While Sasha continues to hold your wrist, Conny steps ahead to push the doors open, allowing you to enter. As soon as you get past the entrance, you scan the room and notice the rest of your squad sitting at one of the tables, waving you over.

"What's all of this about? Did I get led into an intervention?" You ask Sasha, turning your head in order to look up/down/straight at her. "Nooo, silly! Come sit with us!" She laughs, pulling you again as you approach the table. "Now, you may be confused as to why we summoned you." Conny begins, sitting down in an empty spot between Jean, and now Sasha, as she takes her own seat. "Nice pun there." You sigh, referencing the fact he used the word "summoned." As Conny snickers to himself about the joke, Armin speaks up to finish for him. "Well... you've been through a lot during your time here and we remembered you said you always wanted to help others." The blonde starts, his sky-blue eyes meeting yours.

"Yeah, that's right." You nod, finally taking a seat at the head of the table where Sasha pats. "So, we figured with the little time we do have off, we could make your dream kind of come true." Armin grins sheepishly. "Wait..." You pause, trying to put the pieces together. "Sorry, I'm a bit lost... still." You chuckle awkwardly, glancing between the faces at the table. "You've already talked to Jean and I about our past loved ones, we figured you could do the same for everyone else here. If that's okay, that is!" Armin quickly adds to the end, hoping he didn't get the wrong message. Your (color) eyes widen a fraction, finally understanding what they set up for you. "You guys did all of this for me?" You ask, stunned. They all nod in confirmation and you immediately rise from your seat to properly address them. "Thank you but you didn't have to do that!" You explain, utterly flattered but the smile on your face only grows wider, and wider.

"Well, it wasn't just our idea." Jean speaks up, leaning his cheek against his knuckles. "What do you mean?" You look over at the sandy-brunette. Glancing past you, the cocky horse-faced male smirks when he locks eyes with you again. "Captain Levi allowed it. He even suggested it in the first place." Jean explains nonchalantly. Now, your eyes are double in size, incredibly dumbfounded by this information. The man who is rumored to be completely soulless had the idea to set this up to make you feel better?

Finally turning around, very slowly, you spot the Captain in question near the dining hall entrance, peering inside. Ignoring how eerie it looks, you push all other thoughts out the window to approach the man. Neither of you knowing what is to come next, you quickly stop yourself from flinging onto him, knowing how much he despises physical touch, and most people. Standing idly in front of him, a foot between you two, you purse your lips for a moment before speaking. "Thank you, Captain. I'm very appreciative of your efforts." You say calmly with a grin, looking up/down/straight at him. Simply nodding once, the man unfolds his arms from his chest. "Its the least I could do for a member of my squad. The last thing I need is for them to not be at 100 percent." Captain Levi states, taking his leave soon after.

Still standing at the door for a moment longer after his departure, you eventually return to your seat, failing to notice a warmth to your cheeks after the encounter. Clearing your throat after scooting your seat in closer to the table, you glance around your comrades. "So... where should I start?" You openly ask, waiting for some sort of direction. "Wherever makes you comfortable." Sasha smiles, laying a hand over your own. Gently nodding, you do another once over around the table, waiting for someone to make an appearance.

Almost immediately, you start to get a sign, quickly shifting your attention to the incoming spirit who wants to communicate. Eyes shifting up and to the right a bit, almost as if they are in that spot, you nod your head in acknowledgment as you listen. Fascination begins to grow around the table, everyone quietly studying you as you get information from the spirit. "I'm seeing..." Your voice trails off as you continue to stare at nothing. Then, your lips turn upward as you let out a small chuckle, causing the others to become more curious. "Sorry," You hum, still smiling. "Its just... she looks so much like you." Your eyes fall onto Eren, everyone else's doing the same after you say his name. In a bit of bewilderment, the boy sits up, almost hesitant to speak. "My mom...?" He quietly questions. You nod, still smiling as you hear the woman talking in your other ear. "You're identical." You laugh softly.

The turquoise-eyed boy's jaw hangs momentarily as he searches for the right words to say, or any. Finally coming to his senses, he drops his head a bit, completely vulnerable. "I hope she's doing okay." He mumbles, eyes closed as he processes the situation. Pushing yourself up from your seat, you round the corner of the table to stand behind him, laying a hand on his left shoulder. "She's okay, Eren. When souls become spirits, they're perfectly healthy again. They can rest and thrive without a care in the world. I promise you that she is wonderful without suffering." You explain gently, watching him. Slowly sitting up straight again, Eren looks over his shoulder to nod with a weak grin. "Thank you for telling me." He whispers to you.

The longer you look at him without responding, the louder a second voice becomes. Finally recognizing the owner as Eren's late father, you also sense a burning question within Eren as he quietly watches you space-out. "Is my dad there?" You hear him mentally ask. Coming back to the real world, you blink twice, adjusting yourself before continuing. You don't know if it would be appropriate to bring up Dr. Yeager at a time like this, so you decide to play it off in a way that Eren would understand. "Of course. If you ever want to reach out, you can always come to me." You grin, hinting at the idea of talking about his father where you can have more privacy. Eren picks up on your hint drop and nods, thanking you again for sharing.

"Before she goes, she does want me to tell you something." You bring up before returning to your seat. "What's that?" Eren faces you, waiting for the answer. Reaching out, you tug on his ear while he whines, trying to swat you away. "She said "don't lose your determination and stay humble," while tugging my ear just like this." You grin, finally releasing his ear. Eren cups his red ear, watching as you sit back down. "She would do that." You hear him mutter to Mikasa as she grins softly.

Refocusing on your energy as you allow more spirits to come forward, a sudden pinch to the right side of your neck and shoulder causes you to flinch, jerking your shoulder up towards your head. Startling yourself and the others, you grab the right side of your neck, silently looking at them after. "What was that?" Conny asks, making a funny face. "Did you just have a spasm?" Jean chortles, verbally poking at you. "No, I didn't." You sigh, rolling your eyes at the comment. Then, your gaze lands on Mikasa, and she immediately knows as soon as your eyes lock. "Your mother is relieved to be here, right now." You state, dropping your hand from your neck. "The more open you are, the easier it is for me to pick up on spirits. If we did this almost two years ago, she wouldn't have come through as easily." You explain.

"So, the more I believe, basically?" Mikasa questions, sitting completely still. "Yes, correct. I struggle to read very closed-minded people or private people in general." You confirm, seeing her mother's warm smile. "She's missed you a lot but feels as if you don't need her guidance, anymore. You've done a great job without it, Mikasa. She's very proud of your strength. Your dad, too." You grin as she takes it in. As the ravenette comprehends, she only nods in understanding. "Thank you." She then whispers respectfully.

"So... you can't read the Captain's mind?" Conny asks out of curiosity, leaning back in his chair. "Yeah, I can't probe him that much." You chuckle. "I mean... I can sense some things but not flat out hear his thoughts." You add, noticing a few of the others stiffen up. "Like what?" Mikasa asks before anyone else can speak. "Mmm..." You hum for a moment while you think of a time. "I guess when something feels off. That's mainly when I pick up on it. Or if he's nearby." You answer, almost feeling that sense right now.

"You're telling me you can read all our minds and I'm just finding this out?" Jean steps in, hazel eyes wide. "I'm sure I told you, already." You lift a brow, searching for a memory. Instead, you only hear Jean's panicking thoughts. "She better not always be eavesdropping." He comments, making you snicker. "I don't always do it, Jean, calm down." You shake your head but his eyes only get wider. "Wait! What am I thinking about?" Conny interrupts, pinching his eyes shut to concentrate on something. Without having to take too much time, you already know what's on his mind. "Specifically, the time Sasha stole meat from the officer's pantry." You answer without batting an eye, meanwhile, Conny raises his voice. "That's insane!" He gasps.

Then, you start to sense a message coming through. Somewhere outside, you see a field but your focus is mainly on the bright sun. "Did..." You pause to ponder, still confused on what its trying to say. Was it his hometown? Why would it only focus on the sun, though? The others stay quiet while you figure out whatever is going on in your head. "Something about the sun or... a field, a sunny field?" You question, furrowing your brows. Conny sits still while he pieces together your puzzle, then suddenly, it clicks. "My sister Sunny?" He asks, looking over at you. As soon as Conny says that, a little girl's face appears, making complete sense. "Yes, that's her!" You nod, relieved to get the answer.

You watch as the young girl shows you a memory from her point of view, a few years ago. You see Conny about to leave his home, while his family stood outside to send him off. "Please become an amazing soldier that protects everyone!" Sunny exclaimed as she waved to her older brother. You smile at the short interaction as it slowly fades away, back to reality. "She's so proud to have you as a brother, Conny. You really shone a light on your village for joining the Scouts." You mention, making him grin. "I'm glad she thinks so." He nods.

"I think we should call it a night, Y/n looks like she's about to knock out." Sasha notices your drooping eyes. "Oh, do I?" You ask, not realizing how tired you actually are now. You always forget how draining it is to communicate with the other side. "Yeah, maybe we can do it again some time." Armin gets up from his seat, along with the others. "Thank you for sharing with us, though!" He adds, coming over to your side. "No worries. Thank you for inviting me." You smile up at everyone before getting up from your own chair.

As the last one to leave the dining hall, you feel an all-too-familiar presence lurking by. Stopping in place after shutting the doors, you drop your hands back to your sides. "You sure like to stalk me, Captain." You call out, never being caught off guard by his appearance. When you turn around, the older male comes around a corner, eyes barely showing his surprise. "I came here for tea, not to stalk you, cadet." He crosses his arms over his chest but you don't buy the excuse. "You might as well just say it, sir. I don't mind questions." You shrug, not feeling any intimidation from him.

The man simply releases a breath, stepping forward to brush past you, and open the door into the dining hall. Pivoting in place, you watch him enter and hold the door open as he also stands still. Lifting a brow in curiosity, the Captain looks over his shoulder, his metallic irises piercing yours. "Are you the one stalking, now?" He comments, somewhat expecting you to leave. "No." You shake your head. "Just thinking, sir. I used to be scared of just looking at you but its funny, now." You say but the man cuts you off at the end. "How is it funny?" He narrows his eyes. "That I'm not, anymore. You're just another guy and I'm more comfortable around them, so, I got used to you." You answer. Luckily, he never takes your informality too seriously.

"Still waiting for the punchline." The raven man sighs, losing his patience but he keeps his cool. "All I'm saying is, I'm not trying to change your opinion, sir. If you want to ask me stuff, you can. However, it is easier for me if you allow yourself to be vulnerable about it." You bounce between his eyes, wanting to get an ounce of his thoughts. Fully turning around, the Captain holds the door open with his right foot. "That's not what I was suggesting at all, Y/n. Wipe that idea from your head. The past is the past." He states firmly.

Disregarding his comment, you decide to ask something else. "How much of our conversation did you hear, sir?" You have to hold back a small smirk. The question is not at all what he was expecting, so, you feel a sense of vulnerability as he thinks of an answer. "Over half." The both of you say at the same time, shocking each other. Captain Levi is quick to hide his subtle expression, only glaring at you harder. "I guess there is a part of you that's intrigued." You joke, shifting your body to take your leave.

Before you can even do so, Captain Levi stops you. "I meant it when I told you to be careful with this information." He murmurs, tone very low. "They're my friends, though. I trust them." You refer to your comrades, wondering why he would say that. Wasn't it his idea to tell the squad, anyway? "Its not about them. I mean the others. We don't need your information leaking any further and into the wrong hands." His concern makes you purse your lips, thinking the problem over. "I don't think the Marleyan volunteers would care. They surrendered to our side, right?" You furrow your brows. "Yes but that doesn't mean anything. They could still very well warn their homeland. Who knows what would happen, then. Plus, this dilly-dallying wears you out, you need to stop wasting so much energy." The Captain sighs, surprised you're still standing up-right.

Not having anything else to say, you continue your way to leave, and go to bed. "Okay. Good night, Captain. I'll stop bothering you, now." You wave, heading back down the hall before he can reply to your finishing statement. The man only stands there for a moment longer before shutting the door, leaving a small echo in the hall you accompany back to your room.

Beyond exhausted after the long day, you enter your room, failing to notice another presence in the small quarters. Immediately heading towards your bed, you already begin to strip from your uniform, shrugging off your jacket, and tossing it atop your dresser. Completely in your own little world, the presence behind you grows closer, almost mocking your oblivion. As you work your way unbuckling the various belts, a sudden jerk snaps your attention, startling you like no other. Quickly looking over your shoulder, your wide eyes meet those of previous laurel-green ones, now hazed a tad blue, above/below/straight (at) you, with a menacing glare.

Before you can manage to open your mouth, the lanky male wraps his right arm around your neck, leaving you in a headlock. Trying to grasp his forearm and bicep, you thrash in his grip, throwing yourself around but to no avail, he somehow overpowers you. "Give it up! You will all die!" He threatens, not getting past your ears, though. "L-Let go!" You still struggle against him, wiggling beneath his forceful arm. "They will all know, eventually! Its just a matter of time! Submit and die, already!" He pleads, sliding his arm to a chokehold, now pressurizing your windpipe. Gasping, your nails try to dig into his flesh but alas, there is none to penetrate, for he is only a demon, tormenting you. Tilting your head the most that you can, you don't understand what he means.

Who are they? What will they know?

Face turning bright red from the lack of oxygen, you try a few final attempts to wean him off by thrusting your hips backwards into his. However, this does not work, considering he has no physical body, continuing to add more pressure to your throat, instead. "Submit! Submit!" He cries, reaching his other hand around to cover your nose and mouth. His demonic eyes pierce your own, unable to stand looking at them. Pinching your eyes shut as you struggle to breathe, you almost near unconsciousness but then, the opening of the door causes everything to quickly come to a stop. Dropping to your knees, your upper body catches the side of your bed, coughing as you take sharp inhales of air.

"Y/n?" Mikasa's concerned voice echos as she rushes to your side, laying a hand on your trembling back. "What happened?" She then questions, forcing you to turn a bit, and noticing the large red mark on your neck. Lifting your head up slightly, eyes half-lidded, you whisper, "B... erth... oldt." You continue to take deep breaths until you're properly stable again. "Bertholdt?" The ravenette lifts a brow, more concerned about the wound than a past comrade-turned-enemy's appearance. Nodding ever so slightly, you sigh afterward. "Wants... us to die." You mumble, lifting a weak hand to wipe your face.

"Its been a year... why?" Mikasa asks while helping you back up to your feet. "I don't know why now after all this time." You gently rub your irritated throat, shaking your head. "Thanks for scaring him off, though. He probably would have killed me." You lightly joke, looking up/down/straight at Mikasa. "Oh, no problem." The ravenette shakes her head, not realizing she had been of help in the situation. "We should get some sleep after all this excitement. We have a big day tomorrow." You mention, referencing the arrival of a family known as the Azumabitos from outside the Walls.
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"Help... m-me..." A sad woman's voice whispers in your ear. "I-I'm sorry..." She speaks again, through tears. You subconsciously recall hearing this voice from before but where? In total darkness, your mind shifts elsewhere, forgetting about the stranger's voice. Your mind shows you an image of a baby, much smaller than usual. Even this baby looks familiar to you but your memory fails, refusing to work in the moment.

Realizing you're in a dream, you force yourself forward but you struggle to move at a quick pace. Feeling as if you're walking through thick mud, a scream startles you, sending you to the ground while you cover your ears. When the scream ceases, you slowly uncover your ears, lifting your head up to inspect your surroundings. Tall and lavish buildings surround you as you crouch in the middle of a stone street, somewhere in Wall Sina. Slowly rising back up, you begin getting shoved by strangers as their shoulders knock into you, passing by. Without a care in the world or acknowledging you, they all head towards the center of town, eyes focused straight ahead.

Creeping beside them as you follow, the scent of burning hay catches your attention. The closer you get, the stronger the fumes become, almost making you choke. However, the citizens around you are not at all bothered by it. Squinting past the clouds of smoke, you spot the silhouette of a post, dead center in the middle of the fire. Before you can even get relatively close, a sudden explosion throws you back to the ground, civilians flying back as well, a few landing on top of you. Head throbbing from the impact, a hot sensation blossoms at the crown of your skull, leaking onto the stone path beneath you. As the blood pours, your eyes become heavy, and hazy until finally falling shut.

Eventually, you feel a tight grasp around your wrist, being roughly pulled. Your body has no strength, whatsoever, so you're left allowing this entity to control you. When your eyes do flutter open, you meet a bright space, unfamiliar to you. The same hand finally releases its grip on you, moving to lift your head up. Gently turning to the side, your eyes land on a young girl. With caramel-brown eyes, (color) skin, and (texture) black hair, she forms a petite smile while she gazes at you.

"Who are you...?" You whisper, furrowing your eyebrows at the child. The girl simply leans forward and wraps her arms around your torso, leaving you confused. You feel frozen in the moment, not knowing what to do or even who this child is. Yet... she feels so familiar.

"Please... tell me who you are." Your voice is quiet, almost afraid to know the answer. Not wanting to let go, the little girl, looking about five-years-old, subtly shakes her head against your chest. Before you can plead again, the girl turns to face you again with her doe-like appearance. "Thank you." Is all she says, smile never leaving her angelic visage. "What?" A million questions race throughout your mind, needing answers. Then, the atmosphere gradually becomes dust, stealing everything in its occupancy, including the child.

"Wait-! Come back!" You shout, as her body begins to vanish. "I didn't get your name!" Your words fail as it seems you are yelling underwater, unable to be heard by anyone or anything. When the last few specks of dust become nothing, you watch as your very own hands follow the same fate, gracefully disintegrating. Reaching your vanishing arm up, your world disappears as if it never seemed to exist in the first place.

Waking up on your back/stomach/left/right (side), you begin processing the events of your dream. Quickly pushing yourself up, you reach over to your nightstand to grab a journal and pencil to write down everything you can remember. Lately, you've been keeping track of any dream you can remember, as recommended by Hange, in case you ever get any visions of the future during your slumber.

Most of what you can recall, are crowds of people hoarding the streets, shoving you around. You can still almost feel their roughness as you acted like an abandoned doll, dropped by some little kid as they fled their home. What an awful feeling to endure, even in a state of a calm, orderly fashion.

As you haphazardly jot down everything that comes to mind, you suddenly remember the presence of a little girl. Pausing in place, charcoal pencil pressing against the paper, you see snippets of her face again. Brown eyes, (color) skin, her black hair was (texture), and about shoulder-length. As the details come together, they form her exact face in your memory. After writing that down, you write the words "thank you" on the page as well, still wondering what she meant by that. "Thank you... thank you... thank you..." You mumble to yourself, almost trying to figure out the puzzle on your own. Then, out of nowhere, a different memory pops into your head, causing your eyes to widen in realization.

I saw Esme again.

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Words: 4,738

03/05/22
Hello there.
A shorter chapter compared to the last one and a little squad interaction before shit hits the fan soon if y'know what I mean, ope.

Spring break is approaching and I can't wait to get more writing done then! I hope you all enjoyed reading!

~AlpineBreadStick