tout ira bien.

That is a Spanish word means everything will be fine. My father always reminds me that word. At first, I don't know what it means but when I started learning new languages, I finally found out what it means.

That phrase will linger in my mind whenever I feel lost. Will it be really fine one day?

Nagulat ako nang naramdaman kong dumampi ang kamay ni Hayden sa pisngi ko. Napatitig ako sa kanya habang pinupunasan niya ang kung ano sa mukha ko.

"It's fine, Aingeal. Just cry," dahil sa sinabi niya ay sunod-sunod na pumatak ang mga luha ko. Lumipat siya ng pwesto at tumabi sa akin. Magaan niyang isinandal ang ulo ko sa balikat niya.

"If I could just take away your pains, I will." I heard him whispered and I can't help but to cry more. I'm in pain for how many years. No one dared to say those words to me.

I've met Hayden for almost three months now. Whenever I need someone to listen, he's there. Everytime I want to share things and my thoughts, he's there. Hayden, the man I didn't expect to come in my life.

How can he easily understand me even though I don't speak what's happening to me? Is he walking in the same way as me?

"Do I deserve this?" Biglaan kong tanong na hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit ko pa tinanong. Magaan na dumadampi ang kamay niya sa braso ko na parang sinasabing ayos lang.

Instead of answering directly my question, he left words that will surely hit me without him knowing.

"Life is like a battlefield, Aingeal. There are stances that you need to take a risk just to survive. There will be bullets that will hurt you. A lot of obstacles will be on your way. And of course, we need to fall in our knees and take the bullets for us to survive that battle. That will surely hurt us but it's not a battle if we didn't get any wounds and fall down."

He is now combing my hair that makes me calm. The words that coming from his lips are lingering in my mind.

"It's fine if you feel like you want to surrender already. But try to fight than regret not fighting later."

Natahimik kami pagkatapos. There's an urge inside me to tell him the things about me. This feeling may be new to me but I trust him. I trust Hayden the moment he listened to my silence.

"You know what..." I started as I am still leaning on his shoulder. He didn't let me go. Thankfully, we are sitting in the carpeted floor. We leaned our backs to the sofa behind us.

"I don't really know where to start," peke akong natawa sa sinabi ko na siya rin namang katotohanan.

"My classmates...they hate me. They hate me for being the candidate for summa cum laude. They said I don't deserve it since I'm just a scholar in their eyes. I'm just a mere teacher's pet and a cheap human being." I sighed heavily after I said that.

"But to be honest, I'm not a scholar Hayden. I'm not bragging but I really want to open up to you. I trust you Hayden," nabigla ito sa sinabi ko dahil naramdaman kong tumigil ang paghaplos nito sa buhok ko. Natawa naman ako pero ngayon ay totoo na.

"Do you know that I am the owner of SVL Corporation?" Doon na siya napatingin sa akin.

"For real?" Natatawang tumango ako.

"Ikaw lang ang pinagsabihan ko maliban sa mga shareholders. That scholar thing, the school just made it on their mind and I didn't dare correcting them." Huminga muli ako ng malalim bago naisipan na abutin ang dalawang gimbap. Isinubo ko ang isa kay Hayden na gulat pa ang reaksyon habang ang isa ay kinain ko bago nagpatuloy.

"Ever since, everyone is belittling me. They say I am not capable of excelling. They say I don't deserve being a president lister and a summa cum laude. I, then, slowly thinking that way too. I'm starting to lose the hope and positivity in me."

Habang iniisip ko ang mga bagay na iyan ay nanghihina ako. Susuko nalang ba ako habang malapit na ako sa pagsisimula ng panibagong yugto? Hindi ko alam.

"Pinaghirapan mo lahat ng mga natatamo mo, Aingeal. Don't think lowly to yourself. You are better than what they are saying. I know, you know what you really want. You're just affected by their contagious words. Their parts were just a mere side thoughts Aingeal. Focus on yourself. If you trust me, I trust you more than anyone else Aingeal."

I smiled with his words. Parang kinakapos ako ng hininga pero hindi dahil nasasaktan ako subalit sa ibang dahilan. Malakas ang tibok ng puso ko habang pinapakinggan ang sinasabi niya.

"I badly want to help you but curse this, it's against the rule," I heard him say. Humarap ako sa kanya kaya napatigil siya sa pagsuklay ng buhok ko gamit ang mga daliri niya. Nakakaantok na rin kasi ang ginagawa niya sa buhok ko.

"What do you mean?" Naguguluhang tanong ko habang nakatitig sa kanya. I saw him gulp and diverted his eyes.

"One day, I will be able to say it to you Aingeal. But today ain't that day since your are still troubled. But trust me, I will do everything to make you feel better again Aingeal. I trust you, you will make it one day."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at bigla na lamang siyang niyakap. Pati ako ay nagulat sa ginawa ko pero hinayaan ko nalang.

Hayden, thank you for your words and thank you for trusting me. You may not know but you just encourage me to go on and fight for tomorrow again.

Sana pagdating ng araw, narito ka pa rin sa tabi ko at sinasabi ang mga katagang iyan. Ikaw ang bukod tanging nakaaalam ng mga luha ko na siyang ikinukubli ko sa mundo. Ikaw ang siyang nanatili kahit nais kong mapag-isa. Ikaw ang naroon noong mga panahong kailangan ko ng masasandalan tuwing bumabalik ang mga masasamang panaginip ko.

Hayden, sama balang-araw ay masabi ko na rin sa iyo lahat. Pasensya na dahil kailangan ko pa ng maraming panahon para buksan muli ang pinto kung saan nakatago ang mga sikreto ko.

Hindi ko man kilala ng lubusan ang sarili ko ngayon pero alam ko na isang araw ay malalaman ko din kung sino ba talaga ako at kung ano ba talaga ang nangyari sa akin.