This chapter was beta-read by: Sakura's Unicorn

Kakashi finishes the next chapter of his book as the sun recedes completely. It wouldn't do his eyes any favors to read in such dim lighting, and besides, it's time to find his squad now. They've been far too quiet. That usually means they're about to cause some kind of trouble, or in need of one of his timely entrances. The addition of the ostrich makes things even more complicated.

The thought has barely crossed his mind when an explosion rolls across the forest.

Kakashi drops his book and jumps to his feet, but the ensuing ripple of powerful chakra sends him staggering to his knees. A dizzy, lurching sensation takes over him, and it's several seconds before he can see straight again. Forcing himself to shrug it off, he stumbles to his feet and takes off in the direction of his genin squad.

I should have stuck with them, he berates himself. Forget being ready for the Chūnin Exams, they're not mature enough to gather firewood without getting into trouble.

He should really remember that.

As he runs, his mind races.

A spike of chakra that large might have something to do with Naruto. Fear needles at Kakashi; has something awful happened? There shouldn't have been any kind of danger on this bird mission. And Sasuke has never fought with the boy hard enough to bring the demon out of him - at least not yet. Barring the Uchiha boy's mood tonight, Kakashi never considered it would ever become something he'd have to worry about. He hopes it still isn't, and that Sakura hasn't gotten caught in any kind of crossfire -

He runs faster.

Minutes later, he finds his team. Any breath he had left abruptly gets caught in his throat.

All of them are lying prone in a clearing by an ancient, decrepit looking shrine. Even the bird is keeled over, unconscious.

Paying only passing attention to his surroundings, not wanting to be caught off-guard if anyone is lurking about, Kakashi hurriedly checks all three of his teammates.

Alive¸ he discovers, exhaling in relief. Unconscious, but definitely alive.

After doing a sweep of the area, trying to find out what exactly knocked them out, he returns and moves them. They will be easier to care for laid out alongside each other; for the ostrich, he simply reattaches the lead to the nearest tree and enforces the knot. The bird is too heavy to deal with, and he's not so concerned about it as much as his charges.

Besides, it's loud and annoying and has a mean streak.

As if it hears him, the ostrich begins to stir while he searches through his pouch for smelling salts.

The bird lurches drunkenly to its feet, making muddled and confused chuffing noises. Seconds after, however, it screeches a loud caw, and flaps its wings in agitation. Upon discovering it's tied to the tree, it becomes even more belligerent, directing its furious squawks at Kakashi.

He tries to ignore it, but when the bird makes a beeline for a still passed-out Naruto and snaps the line holding him, Kakashi is forced to deal with the growing nuisance.

With quick, economical movements, he seizes the bird and trusses it up to a nearby statue, wrapping rope thickly around its legs and body to keep it from breaking free again. All the while the bird tries to fight him, but it's clumsier than it was before, and none of its attempts to peck at him pay off.

One annoyance down, Kakashi returns to his students.

Even without distractions, it's an effort to get the kids to wake up. They are completely out cold and he needs to resort to every tactic he can think of.

It's only after another ten minutes that Sasuke begins to stir.

As he blinks blearily up at the sky in confusion, Kakashi tries not to let his relief show. The kid is a grumpy little bastard to get attached to, but Kakashi remains protective of him.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

Sasuke mutters something groggy and unintelligible and puzzled.

Kid must have been hit really hard by whatever happened.

"Just take it slow," he advises.

"Mm...Kakashi-sensei? What happened?" Sasuke mumbles softly...which is oddly polite for the boy, who is usually an irritable crank upon being woken. Still, Kakashi has seen him lose his usual prickliness when vulnerable.

"I was hoping you could tell me -"

Sasuke's eyes widen suddenly, and he rolls himself forward onto all fours, heaving and retching until he completely expels the contents of his stomach. Kakashi only just manages to dodge the spew of bile.

"- that," he finishes, wrinkling his nose.

Whatever happened, it must have been especially powerful to affect Sasuke like this. The boy has the constitution of a rhinoceros, and some days, Kakashi suspects he exists on spite alone. If Sasuke's body is reacting like this, the others might've suffered even more damage.

Well, Sakura, at least. Naruto will probably be fine.

Speaking of those two...

The other genin begin to stir, and Kakashi hopes that they will have a better idea of what happened to them. Even if they noticed some small detail, it might help him figure out how to proceed.

Naruto groans, and blinks away his unconsciousness. A moment later, he too is on all fours, violently throwing up. The vomiting subsides and he glances up, confused, and then makes an odd, choking, coughing noise.

Before Kakashi can ask if he's all right, Sakura shoots into a sitting position. She stares at Sasuke, who is wiping his mouth, then Kakashi, then back at Sasuke -

"What the hell is going on?" she demands, eyes trained on Sasuke. A dawning look of shock, horror, and suspicion blossoms across her face.

It's an expression Kakashi has never seen on her before, and he almost expects her to jump to her feet and attack. Except she remains frozen in place, working her mouth while Sasuke mirrors the same look. The boy then clears his throat, stares at his hands, and - if Kakashi isn't much mistaken - his breathing comes out in short gasps.

Like he's hyperventilating.

"What. The fuck. Is happening?" Sakura growls.

And right there, that's something worrisome. Because Kakashi has never heard Sakura swear before. Usually that's more Naruto or Sasuke, and -

And Sasuke is still gaping at Sakura as if his eyes might bulge out of its head. That look there is usually reserved for when Naruto has done something particularly clueless. But Kakashi isn't accustomed to seeing on Sasuke, who tends to favour utter contempt or sly arrogance when dealing with the Uzumaki boy.

"What's going on? What happened?" Sasuke murmurs breathlessly to himself. "Why am I... This isn't my... How did..." His voice gets steadily higher in confusion with each question.

At which point, Kakashi finally realises that things are not quite what they seem.

By the tree, the ostrich begins to go crazy again and Sasuke is now checking his body as though looking for damage. Meanwhile, Sakura stalks up to him until they're nose to nose, glowering furiously. "What the hell did you do?"

"M-m-me?!" the dark-eyed boy stutters, staggering away from her like he's worried for his life. "I didn't -"

"You did something!"

"I did not!"

"You broke that shrine thing, and now, we're like this!"

"That could be a coincidence!"

"That's highly unlikely," Naruto points out, his voice sounding strangely nasal. "Oh - oh, now, that's odd. Hello. Hel-lo. I sound like a fledgling. Or worse, a seagull." He shudders. "I thought hearing this voice was annoying, but it's a hundred times worse to use it..."

Sakura and Sasuke stare at Naruto in utter astonishment, and Kakashi's stomach clenches.

It's worse than he imagined.

ナルト

The hallmark of a true shinobi is the ability to acquire and process information without displaying any kind of emotion or reaction. Up until this moment, Sasuke believed he had perfected that particular skill.

As his borrowed eyes twitch and blood rushes to his face in anger, he tries to comfort himself with the notion that spontaneous body-swap is not something they write about in the Ninja Handbook.

From the limited interchange between them all, it appears that Naruto is no longer Naruto. Given how upset the damned ostrich is, Sasuke concludes the moron ended up trapped in the bird's body.

Which is sort of a relief, in a twisted way. I could have been stuck in the bird's body. Or worse, Naruto's. His thoughts echo oddly in this body - a lot louder than he is used to and sounding vaguely like Sakura. Only harsher.

Maybe now both of those knuckleheads will be easier to deal with...

Sasuke wants to shout back at - well, himself he supposes - that in no way is anything about this situation good. Whatever happened to them, he's somehow ended up in the body of their weakest team member. At least the bird has some kind of fighting ability.

Unless you count her right hook.

A wave of nausea hits his stomach. He managed to fight down the instinct to throw up upon waking, but it's back, and he hates it.

On a normal day, Sasuke would take another threatening step toward Sakura-in-his-body and intimidate her with a simple glare. Except with his luck and this body's clumsiness, he'd end up tripping and falling on her lips - er, his own.

He does not need that extra mental scarring.

Although, anything would be better than Naruto. Again.

Instead of snapping back at himself, he reaches out, grabs the high collar of his blue tunic and lifts the interloper in his body until her - his - feet dangle in the air.

Huh. Perhaps not so weak.

"Fix. This." His threatening tone is somewhat diminished by being several octaves higher than he's used to.

"What do you want me to do?" Sakura squeaks, panic making Sasuke's voice crack loudly. It's a sound he's been suppressing ever since his voice started to change, and reflexively, his eyes shoot over to Naruto.

The blond boy appears utterly uninterested, picking at his jacket and examining the zipper on his fly as if it's the most fascinating contraption he's ever seen. On the other hand, the bird is eyeing him beadily, and if avian beaks were capable of it, Sasuke would imagine a smirk there.

So, Naruto noticed after all. Damn.

"Sasuke, stop manhandling...Sakura," Kakashi orders, his usual lazy directive somewhat undermined by his own confusion with the situation. "It's not going to fix what's happened."

"What has happened?" he snaps, not releasing his hold right away. He glowers at Sakura-in-his-body, concentrating harder than usual because her eyes aren't as sharp as his. In fact -

Hold on.

She wears contacts?

Sasuke blinks at the unfamiliar feel of pressure on his eyes, as if there are extra tears welling up there.

So not only did I get stuck in a body where I can barely form a fist, but I might as well be legally blind!

How did he not realise she wore contacts?

Then again, it's not as if he spends an inordinate amount of time staring into Sakura's eyes, so it makes sense. Still, it's something he should have at least noticed on away-missions when they all sleep in close quarters.

Which raises an interesting idea - either Sakura is better at doing things unnoticed, or he's not as observant as he thinks he is.

He's not sure which bothers him more.

"I'd say it's obvious what's happened," Kakashi points out. "I'm more interested in the how and the why. And before you blame Sakura again, why don't you all take me through what happened, and we'll figure it out together?"

Sasuke doesn't reply, instead he shoots a dirty look at the girl inhabiting his skin. She is hunched over, posture uncertain and worried; it's body language that he would never display, and the sight of himself appearing so vulnerable makes him grit his teeth.

"Sakura?" Kakashi prompts, having to check himself as he first directs the question to Sasuke, and then has to glance over at Sasuke's body. She turns to meet his gaze, and Sasuke tenses.

Damn it! Naruto was right about the back of my head!

As if he didn't have more important things to worry about right now, apparently his hair resembles poultry.

Which doesn't matter right now! Focus!

For whatever reason, keeping his thoughts on the situation at hand is a lot harder than usual. He keeps noticing and reacting to things instantly, unable to filter away the attached emotions the way he has long become accustomed to.

And his head feels really crowded.

He doesn't like it.

Perhaps due to this frustration, he cuts off Sakura's mumbling explanation and, with a more forceful non sequitur than he intended, demands, "Why are you still you?"

He is, of course, referring to his teacher's apparent unscathed, un-switched condition,

Kakashi scratches his chin, frowning in concentration - and then shrugs, his visible eye crinkling. "No idea."

Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto-the-ostrich groan; the bird in Naruto's body snorts derisively.

"Perhaps I was outside the radius of...whatever hit you three and Mr. Ostrich."

"I have a name, you know," the nasal version of Naruto's voice pipes up indignantly. "Humans! Always so rude and speciesist and more than a little bit condescending!"

"Sorry," Sakura apologises, appearing contrite. Sasuke suspects he will soon grow tired of seeing that expression on his face. "What is your name?"

Naruto's body is forced into what the bird clearly thinks is a dramatic pose: legs spread and hands on hips. "I am Condor -"

"That's a weird name for an ostrich."

"- raised from an egg as a pet for the ridiculously wealthy, I have dreamed of nothing but my freedom since I was a hatchling!" he announces. "I managed to escape the shackles of my enslavement through courage and craftiness! But you four philistines appear intent to return me there! But now, the joke's on you because your idiot friend is bound to experience the indignities of captivity...while...I..."

He trails off, a look of comprehension passing over his features.

"I'm free," he realises. A moment later, he barks out a bawdy chuckle. "Oh, my goodness! It's true. I am, aren't I? Well, what am I still doing here?"

As he makes his realisation, Condor abruptly makes a break for it. Instantly, Kakashi snaps his hand out and grabs him by the scruff of the neck.

"You're not going anywhere until we figure this out," he declares. "And if I have to tie you to a post - well, it wouldn't be the first time."

"How rude," Condor sniffs.

The bird is either still getting used to walking around in a human body, or has no idea how to tap into Naruto's natural evasive abilities because he doesn't even put up a fight.

Naruto - without a voice but still loudmouthed and annoying as usual - caws angrily.

"Oh, yes, it's not fun being unable to communicate, is it?" Condor mocks him.

Naruto hisses.

"Well, of course I understand what you're saying, you rotten little brat. You're speaking my native tongue," he dismisses. "And rather rudely, too. I would never use such language in the presence of a lady."

He shoots Sasuke a look of would-be charm and chivalry.

"Watch it, bird, or I will cook you," Sasuke spits, while Sakura snaps, "Hey, don't get any ideas with my body!"

Kakashi makes a strangled noise like he's trying to hold back his laughter, and Naruto manages to free himself enough to peck the bird on the head.

Yes! Payback! the voice in Sasuke's head cheers.

"All right, all of you, enough," Kakashi finally says, clearing his throat and trying to recover his role as the responsible one. "Let's all concentrate and figure out what happened here. Maybe there're some clues around here that'll help us reverse all of this."

"Yes, please!" Sakura chirps eagerly.

Sasuke winces and shoots her a pained looked. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" her eyes - his - widen innocently.

"That. Stop it."

"Stop what?" She bites her - his - lip, unsure and anxious, and Sasuke wants to scream in frustration.

"That! Stop making me look like that!" he snaps. "Just...stop talking, stop - stop looking at me like that - and...find something."

He whirls around, refusing to imagine what kind of expression she must be putting on his face now, and glares at Kakashi. His sensei is clearly pretending not to smile beneath his mask, while Naruto is making a sputtering noise that might be the bird version of laughter.

I'm going to set you all on fire...

For the first time, he and the new voice in his head are in agreement.

ナルト

As Team 7 sets about investigating the clearing with determined intent, Naruto reflects that he has never been so focussed in his entire life.

Not surprising, considering he's trapped in an ostrich's body. There is nothing more important right now than fixing what's happened to him - not even his love of Ichiraku ramen or his dream of becoming Hokage. In fact, if he's ever going to get back to his training in order to actually become Hokage, he needs to get back into his own damn skin!

That need is driven home even more forcefully every single time he attempts to make some shadow clones to help in the search, only to realise he can't because he can't form the signs.

"Damn it!" he yells in frustration the third time, even though to his ears (and likely everyone else's), it comes out as nothing more than frantic squawking.

"Kind of hard to maneuver without fingers, isn't it?" Condor taunts. Of the group, he is the only one not looking around, and true to Kakashi's word, is tied up and being dragged around on a lead by the irritated jōnin.

"Shut up, you!" Naruto snaps.

"And, thus, the one-trick pony loses his only decent ability," Condor sighs dramatically. "It's tragic, really."

"You know, there are animals that can use ninjutsu," Kakashi points out.

"Yeah!" Naruto agrees, feeling buoyed by the rare vote of confidence from his sensei. "I'll figure it out - believe it!"

"Hah! Even if this knucklehead could, it takes years of practice for an animal to learn ninja arts," Condor retorts, sticking his tongue out at Naruto. "You've barely got any talent as a human, you think you can figure it out in my body?"

Naruto hisses again and lashes out with his conveniently clawed feet; Condor ducks and blows a raspberry at him.

"Naruto, knock it off!" Sakura-in-Sasuke's body makes a face. It's weird to hear the whiny tone in Sasuke's voice, and Naruto really wants to laugh again, except his predicament is a hundred times worse. She continues in a more measured voice, "Condor, please stop bothering Naruto."

"Hey! Why do you yell at me, but with him it's all, 'Oh, please be nice, Mr. Condor.'" Naruto demands, the question earning only a puzzled stare.

"Because, unlike you, some people understand that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar," Condor answers for her.

"Who the hell would want to catch flies anyway?"

"Have you found anything yet, Kakashi?" Sasuke asks, interrupting the argument with an air of great frustration.

Naruto notices that the jōnin is standing by the old shrine, bent close to the frame of the front door.

"This," Kakashi replies, indicating a small raised surface in upper corner of the entrance. "There's a family seal."

Sakura examines it, raising her eyebrows; the gesture gives Sasuke's face more expression than any of them are used to seeing. "Yamanaka? Ino's family?"

"Yes. But this building is ancient. Judging from the style - and the general state of the clearing and statues here - I'd say it predates Konoha. The Yamanaka only came to the village fifteen generations ago, so this must be at least that old."

"So, what happened to us could be a variation of their clan's Mind-Body Technique," Sasuke observes.

"Very possibly."

Finally! A clue! Except -

"Except there was no one there to cast it on us," Naruto points out, at the same time Sakura says, "Are you sure? There was no one around to perform it when we got knocked out."

"That's what I just said!"

"If I were to guess, I'd say there were some kind of wards placed at strategic points around this shrine," Kakashi theorises. "Easily done, really. Fill a trap with chakra, and then, when someone steps on it, or near it, it activates."

Sakura's borrowed cheeks flood with colour, and an expression of guilt and embarrassment appears.

If Naruto weren't a bird right now, he'd be enjoying himself hugely at the sight of his rival looking so uncomfortable. As it is, the jerk's habitual scowl is pasted across Sakura's face, making her look kind of...constipated, actually.

"B-but what would the point be?" Sakura asks, clearly pretending not to notice Sasuke's attention.

"Disorientation," Sasuke bites out, obviously trying to pretend he is unaffected by their current circumstances. "Confuse your enemies long enough to capture and interrogate them. If there was anyone around us, we'd all be dead a few times over."

"So, did they just forget they set this up and moved to the village without stopping it?" Naruto asks. "That's stupid!"

"Why would they leave something so dangerous around?" Sakura asks. "If there weren't any guards to take advantage of it, I mean?"

"Stop stealing my ideas!"

"Oh, do shut up..."

"Hey!" Sakura cries, frowning at Condor, her hands on her hips. ""You don't have to be mean!"

Naruto cackles and Kakashi snorts, the tableau that she presents too amusing to ignore: Sasuke: face screwed up into a pout that on Sakura would be cute, but the Uchiha boy's dark features form an expression Naruto can only describe using the words 'bitch face'.

"Sakura..." Sasuke begins, a vein in his borrowed temple twitching. It looks like he's trying to hold back from hitting her - whether because he doesn't want to attack Sakura or damage his own body, Naruto isn't completely sure.

"I wasn't talking to you," Condor informs her. "The knucklehead is annoyed that his attempts to be clever are going ignored. Although, from what I've seen, that isn't much different from the norm -"

A sudden, hot arc of pain blasts through Naruto's body, and the smell of burning ozone fills the air. Blue-white light fills his vision, and he feels like someone's punched him hard in the back of the head. When his awareness comes back to him, he sees Sakura, Sasuke, and Condor all wearing stunned expressions similar to the one he feels on his face.

Slowly, everyone turns to Kakashi who wiggles his still sparking fingers, single visible eye narrowed in impatience. "Focus."

"Hey, what's the big idea?!" Naruto yells, his head spinning from the shock. "You coulda killed us!"

"Was that entirely necessary?" Condor puffs.

"Hn."

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei."

"To answer your question, Sas - Sakura, it's possible the builders of this shrine weren't worried about people entering it, as much as they were worried about something getting out."

Everyone glances at the ruined building again; the door hanging off the hinges reveals the dank interior.

"Like what?"

Their sensei points to the altar located all the way at the back. "Sometimes people or objects are buried in shrines. Sometimes, they get imprisoned there."

Sasuke scoffs. "There's got to be a more serious theory than that. And even if there isn't, we shouldn't be spending so much time on this. We just need to reverse what happened, not chase down ghost stories."

"Yeah, that makes no sense," Sakura agrees.

"Just because you humans are too stunned to notice them, doesn't mean they're not there," Condor disparages.

Sakura looks stricken, and she squeaks, "Wait a minute! Are you saying ghosts are real?!"

The last word ends on a cracking high note that has Naruto roaring with laughter - or at least as much as someone with avian vocal chords can manage.

"Stop. Talking!" Sasuke commands, his eye twitching properly now.

"Stop getting mad at me!" Sakura cries back, frustration edging out her usual anxiety about Sasuke being angry with her. "It's not my fault your voice is cracking! That's just biology! You can't expect me to know when it's going to - Wait." She peers at him. "Is that why you don't talk to us very much? You're embarrassed that your voice is going to -?"

Naruto roars with laughter again, the situation made even better by the embarrassed flush overtaking Sasuke's borrowed face. Clearly, he has no idea how to control his emotions in that body, and it shows.

"This needs to end," Sasuke tells Kakashi through gritted teeth. "Now."

Sakura nods rapidly, and even Naruto, once he catches his breath, agrees.

"It might be a while," Kakashi admits. "A few days before we know for sure -"

"A few days?" Sakura shrieks while Sasuke snarls, "What the hell do you mean, a few days?!"

"I can't do this for another few hours, forget days!"

"We have to fix this, now!"

"What happens when we have to go to the bathroom? Or bathe?" Sakura demands.

Immediately, everyone freezes.

Naruto desperately wishes she hadn't brought that up, even though it's actually an intelligent and - possibly - pressing concern.

Sakura and Sasuke stare at each other as if they are both going to be sick, and for the first time since it happened, Naruto is actually glad he's a bird. He's got it fairly simple, compared to his teammates who are going to have to figure out how to deal with -

Hey, wait a minute. Hold on, he interrupts his own thoughts. He's an ostrich now, and that has its own issues. But he'll have to eat like an ostrich now, won't he? And they eat the weirdest stuff like leaves, and seeds, and bugs, and rodents, and -

"Oh, no way!" he cries. "We have to fix this fast! Kakashi-sensei, you need to do something! I'm getting my body back, even if I have to tear this place apart until this beak of yours bleeds!"

"Yes, thank you for that imagery," Condor huffs, rubbing his temple. "Is that what spending so much time with a fox in your head does? If so, I'd like to get out of here as soon as possible."

Naruto blinks. "Huh?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. He's locked away, but anyone with halfway decent perception can feel him seething in here."

For several seconds, Naruto has absolutely no idea what Condor is talking about. And then he freezes up. A memory - something he tries to push from his daily thoughts - hits him.

'The decree is no one can tell you the Nine-Tailed Fox is inside you!'

'Eh?!'

'The fox spirit that killed Iruka's parents and destroyed our village has taken over your body! You are the Nine-Tailed Fox!'

'Stop it!'

'They've all been sneaking around, hiding things from you you're whole life! Didn't you think it was strange how they treated you? Like dirt! Like they hated you for just being alive!'

'No! No, no, no, NO!'

'Naruto -'

Every day of his life, he does his best to avoid thinking too closely about the thing inside of him. He is determined to show the entire village that, even with this evil thing inside of him, he is still a good, strong shinobi - one who will one day be worthy of respect and the title of Hokage.

He wanted to be free of the Nine Tails, but this isn't exactly how he pictured it.

Nor did he expect the thing to start talking to the ostrich. That's a bit creepy, especially considering he's never had to worry about it. More concerning, however, is that Condor is talking out loud about the whole thing as if it's common knowledge.

'That's why you will never be accepted in this village! Even your beloved sensei hates your guts!'

Mizuki's words echo in Naruto's head, and he shoots a panicked glance at his teammates who are eyeing Condor like he's crazy. If he can't shut the bird up, it's only a matter of time before those eyes turn hard, the way they used to be before they were on the same team.

"Hey! Keep it down!" Naruto hisses at the bird.

At the same time, Kakashi warns, "Condor, now isn't the time."

"It certainly is the time," the snide-voiced interloper retorts. "You're not hearing what it's saying it's going to do to me."

"Really, Condor, we can discuss this later," Kakashi insists, looking tense.

It takes Naruto a moment to realise why. And then he wants to kick himself, because it shouldn't surprise him that his teacher knows of his condition. It's just, the man never said anything, so...

"You have a voice in your head, too?" Sakura asks, surprised. "I thought I was the only one that happened to."

"Hold on. You do have a voice in your head?" Sasuke interrupts, something like relief washing over him. "I thought I was losing my mind..."

"Well, considering we've all spontaneously switched bodies, I wouldn't exactly rule that possibility out."

"Would you two stop your incessant nattering and focus on the matter at hand?" Condor snaps. "I have a fox in my head and it wants to eat me! Get some perspective, for goodness sake!"

"Shut up!" Naruto yells, but to his dismay his teammates have returned their attention to the ostrich in his body.

"A fox in your head?" Sasuke repeats, skeptical. "Do you think that's what got out of the shrine?"

"Of course it didn't get out of the shrine, It's been in here the whole time," Condor protests. "Why do you think I kept attacking the boy? He smells like a predator!"

"Condor -" Kakashi's voice is dangerous in warning, but no one seems to notice.

"He smelled like a predator before?" Sakura questions.

She glances over at Naruto, brow furrowed thoughtfully.

"Hey, I don't know what he's talking about - he's making it up!" Naruto protests, even though it won't do any good. No one can understand him. He shoots an accusing glare at Condor. "And that's not cool! Attacking me for something that's not my fault! I never did anything to you!"

"Don't blame me, blame biology. Like Chicken-Head's voice, I can't control how I react to a carnivore. It'd be one thing if it was just a regular, annoying little scavenger, but this one's huge." Condor shudders. "Honestly, who needs that many tails?"

ナルト

Everyone in the clearing stands in frozen silence as the severity of what Condor has just revealed sets in.

Sakura goes over the information she's just received. For whatever reason, it's taking her longer than usual to make the connections. Not much longer, but the lag is noticeable to her.

Months of unanswered questions begin to resolve themselves, forming a picture in her head and filling in the blanks with information she has grown up knowing.

And it all points to one conclusion.

Somehow, the Nine-Tailed Fox is inside Naruto.

Sakura blinks, glancing left and right to see if the others have made the same connection. Kakashi's visible eye is narrowed and he seems tense, but Sasuke is staring at Naruto with a look of calculation, as if he's going through the same mental list of oddities and quirks that Sakura keeps about Naruto.

Meanwhile, their teammate's ostrich form is tense. Although its difficult to understand the facial permutations of an animal, Sakura gets a sense of abject misery and resignation radiating off Naruto in waves. The black eyes dart from face to face, the panic there on par with a creature that has just been corned by a hunter.

Somehow, Sakura knows that if Naruto were still in his body, the look would be exactly the same.

He clearly expects them to react badly to this news.

And in a way - at the back of her mind - he's right to.

Sakura grew up on stories of the night the Nine-Tails nearly destroyed the village. She knows other children whose parents or siblings or friends were lost that night. Even the adults speak of it in hushed whispers, in horror; her own parents always go quiet when the event is mentioned.

To know that that evil, destructive, killing force is inside one of her teammates - one of the people she has to rely on at all times - makes her feel a little sick.

But on the tail of that unease, she also can't reconcile that image with Naruto.

Stupid, silly, brash, goofy Naruto.

Who wants to be Hokage.

Who throws himself into danger at the mere idea that his friends might be in trouble.

Who even when he's being a total pain in the butt, still manages to make her smile.

Just remember that. This is Naruto - even if he's stuck in a bird right now. And even if he has that...thing inside him.

"That...makes so much sense," she says slowly, making sure she meets Naruto's gaze. She tries to project some kind of comfort or reassurance into her words. "I could never figure it out. When we were guarding Tazuna, and you - you should have died, but you..."

She trails off, swallowing the sudden lump in her throat. She doesn't like to think back to that day, where she very nearly lost her teammates right in front of her.

Naruto's borrowed form relaxes and the black eyes soften in something like gratitude.

Until Sasuke snorts. "It figures. You're not actually anything special. You just have a demon in you."

Sakura's face falls into her palm with an audible smack.

That's about as close to a vote of confidence that Sasuke is capable of. She just wishes it wasn't her mouth that said it.

There's a beat where Naruto processes what the Uchiha boy just said, and then he lets loose an unintelligible steam of noises that can only be curses. He darts forward and unleashes a flurry of vicious pecks, obviously forgetting that that body doesn't belong to his rival; without his speed, Sasuke can't get out of the way fast enough.

"Hey!" Sakura moves forward before she is completely away, grabbing hold of the long-necked bird. "Don't you dare, Naruto! That's my body you're attacking!"

He makes one last attempt to snap at Sasuke - who continues to look unrepentant, despite his clumsy dodging - then lets Sakura pull him away.

"Don't listen to him. He's not as calm as he's trying to pretend," Sakura assures Naruto. She shoots a glare at the imposter in her body (the gesture is so natural with this body that she does it before she even wants to). "I know that face better than anyone else, after all."

And she tries to not to reflect on how much of a nightmare that truth is.

She always wanted to know what Sasuke was thinking, but this is beyond how she imagined she'd do it!

"Sasuke, you should know that doesn't mean anything," Kakashi reprimands. "You don't appreciate the chakra reserves it takes to keep the Nine-Tails at bay. The seal placed on him by the Fourth Hokage only works because of those reserves. Naruto probably has more chakra available to him than either you or Sakura will ever have."

Unable to keep his features smooth, Sasuke at least has the decency to look chastised. Noting this, Naruto preens smugly.

"Hold on - Kakashi-sensei, does this mean you knew?" Sakura asks.

"Of course he knew. Why else do you think he was assigned this team?" Sasuke retorts, trying to save face. "He's the most skilled jōnin in Konoha. They needed someone who could keep an eye on the moron here -"

Naruto growls.

"- which would be useless if he didn't know."

"Huh," Sakura considers. "I always thought he was put on the team because he could teach you Sharingan tricks."

Sasuke scowls. "They're not tricks -"

"I know that, I just meant -"

"You're both right," Kakashi interrupts. "But there's no time to talk about that- nor would this be the place to do it. Right now, we need answers. And those might just be in Konoha."

"Yeah, we can ask Ino's family," Sakura agrees. "They'll have a better idea of how to fix this, right?"

"And maybe there's something in the archives," Sasuke adds. "If the Yamanaka joined fifteen generations ago, maybe one of the previous Hokage might have left information behind on them."

Amazing how a sudden crisis has suddenly turned him positively chatty.

He must really hate being stuck in my body...

Kakashi nods, and then continues.

"That brings me to the next bit - this situation has changed the parameters of our mission. Either I can head back alone to update Lord Hokage and you four can lie low here to wait for me to return with an escort. I'll leave one of my dogs to keep you out of trouble -"

"No way!"

"No!"

"Caw!"

"How irresponsible!"

"- or we can head back to Konoha together," Kakashi finishes.

"I'm pretty sure you have your answer," Sakura points out.

"I'm not waiting here any longer than I have to," Sasuke agrees. "Especially with the village so close by."

"Fine. But aside from the practical concerns, we still have somewhat larger problems," Kakashi tells them. He fixes her, Sasuke, and Condor with a look that is equal parts warning and expectation. "First of all, Naruto's...status."

Everyone exchanges glances.

"For obvious reasons, none of you are supposed to know it," he continues, his tone becoming cold and forbidding. "Normal protocol in this instance would be to eliminate anyone who stumbled on the secret."

Sasuke tenses, and Sakura gulps at this revelation. A moment later, Kakashi's eye crinkles and he cheerfully concludes, "So keep it quiet, hey?"

Naruto squawks indignantly and Condor guffaws, "That's it? Well. Pride of the ninja corps, you are."

"Don't worry. We won't say anything," Sakura promises. "We're a team!" She smiles at Kakashi. "And it's like you said, sensei: 'Those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash'. So, it'd be pretty bad if we blabbed about Naruto, right?"

She beams again.

Then she notices everyone staring at her with varying degrees of disbelief, surprise, thoughtfulness, and shock.

"What?" she asks.

"It's just..." Kakashi begins, "...I don't think I've ever seen Sasuke smile."

"It is a tad jarring," Condor agrees while Naruto shudders.

Sasuke scowls. "Shut up."

Sakura is immediately torn between wanting to find the nearest reflective surface to glimpse what it looks like when Sasuke smiles - and the temptation to panic. Because once more, she has remembered that she is in Sasuke's body.

Kakashi clears his throat.

"And, on that note, stubborn as Condor is - and I'm sure you could probably rival Naruto for pigheadedness -"

"Hey!"

"Caw!"

"- without Naruto's mind conscious in his body, there will be the constant danger of freeing the fox spirit. If that happens, Naruto would die." Naruto shifts uncomfortably, ruffling his borrowed wings in agitation. Sakura gasps in dismay, and even Sasuke looks uneasy at this revelation. "So it goes without saying that you have to be very careful."

Condor huffs. "I'm not stupid, you know. I have enough presence of mind not to interact with a predator. Even if it's somewhere inside this thick head, I don't intend to get eaten by a fox."

"That means you're going to have to stay with us as long as it takes to reverse the process," Kakashi concludes.

"Well, that's fine with me," Condor says, grinning. "There are several aspects of human life I've been curious about. I wish to try karaoke."

Everyone winces at that.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Sasuke says, to no one in particular.

"Caw," Naruto agrees.

I don't know why, but for some reason, despite having watched the anime in English and in Japanese, Condor insists on sounding British. I can't even explain that...

つづく