Hope

This can't be happening.

Daryl has to be alive. He can't be this still, this cold, draped in my arms like this.

"Wake up," I croak, my voice lost in the hail of gunfire. "Wake up, Daryl, please."

Theo keeps wailing, kicking and punching at my chest as his cheeks flush red. He's alive, but Daryl...Daryl...

Someone's calling my name. I keep staring at Daryl's blank, ashen face. Am I crying? I feel tears, my throat is constricting, but I can't hear a thing. The world could be breaking beneath my feet and I wouldn't know.

"This is all a dream," I whisper, reaching out to brush Daryl's bangs from his eyes. "Wake me when it's all over, okay?" I lean down, ghosting my nose against his as my arm moves to hold Theo to my chest. Tears splash against his face, tracking dirt. I croak out a bitter, dying, "Please?"

----------

I made sure that Daryl wouldn't turn. After that, we kept moving.

Theo stays with the others a lot in the next few days. Rick wants to find out who the rogues were, whether they belong to a group or not, but I honestly can't remember. I zone out most of the time and conversations go in one ear and out the other. It's not like anybody else is chipper either.

Daryl's vest, big as it is, covers my shirt and I force myself to carry his crossbow even as my shoulders ache. I head off into the woods often, leaving only a passing mention to Maggie and Glenn about coming back. Maggie doesn't question me or pester me. I'm grateful to her.

The sky is far too grey today.

Twigs snap beneath my feet.

Why is it all so blank?

A squirrel scampers across my path and up a tree trunk. I stop without a moment of hesitation and watch. I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for an arrow. Any second now, an arrow will fly out of nowhere and impale it right through the eye.

Nothing happens.

A cold, ghostly knife stabs me through and everything aches again. I turn around, still waiting for him to walk out from behind a tree, but nothing comes.

Daryl is gone.

I sit down on the forest floor and hug the vest close to me, tears starting to roll down my face again. When will it stop? I think I'm fine and then I think I see him out of the corner of my eye. I think it's all good and then I swear that I hear his voice on the breeze. I try to shoot the crossbow, fail, and then I can almost feel him behind me, guiding my arms.

He's gone, I tell myself. Gone, gone, gone, goNE, GONE.

I sit for as long as I need before wiping my tears away and getting to my feet, brushing off the vest. I notice for the first time that there's a pocket on the chest. Funny, I never noticed. I dig my hand into it and freeze when my fingers brush something.

I pull it out and see my name written in messy handwriting on a little piece of paper. Tears come to my eyes. I know that writing. I unfold it, my hands starting to shake. The words blur a million times from my tears as I read.

Hope; my angel, my girl, the love of my life, my entire universe,

If you're reading this, I'm gone and you're wearing my vest, the one with the wings. I know it's your favourite. Don't worry, I'm more than fine with you having it.

It hit me one day. We were in Alexandria...good days, those were. I realized that I may not get the chance to say everything I want to say to you. I could die at any moment, and then you'd be left without any last words from me. So I wrote this letter, tucked it into my pocket, and carried it with me. I can only hope you find it.

I'm a shitty writer, but...maybe my heart speaks louder than words ever could. Maybe my heart is a good writer. Here goes...

I didn't want to leave you. Never. You know that? I would give my right arm to hold you close to me again, to kiss you, to feel your heart beating, but I don't regret my decisions, not one.

I've said it a million times, and even now, it's still true. I love you, I love you so damn much it hurts. I still love you, and I will keep loving you until I see you again. Hell, I'll love you after I see you again too, and every day after that.

I never could've imagined that I would meet a girl like you. I never told you this story, but I saw a little girl when I was around ten. She saw my house burning down. She asked one of my buddies if I was okay, but then she had to leave before I could talk to her. She ran away, but I kept watching. Why would a random stranger care about me? That little girl...she reminds me of you. Even if it wasn't, you're the closest thing I ever got to finding her again.

That day when I came storming out of the woods at the quarry camp? That was the best day of my life. It was the day I met you, and I didn't know it then, but you would fuck my life up in the best way. You were just a girl who I had to share my tent with.

Every day after that, my heart grew more and more fond. I didn't have a chance. You had caught me in the best trap possible. You had me smiling, you had me feeling wanted...and you had me ready to save you at any possible moment. At first, I thought you'd just be another burden...but you proved yourself to me. You have a heart, but you survived. That's pretty damn impressive.

That damn gunshot accident during the time with Sophia... I sat holding your hand while I begged you to live. I remember thinking that I didn't want you to die because I didn't get enough time to get to know you. I needed more time to learn to love you.

That wish was granted.

When I proposed to you, I told you that you tore down every wall I put up and that I was okay with it. Having those walls fall down was also one of the best things to ever happen to me.

It was all good. Every moment, every quarrel, every single damn second that I spent near you was worth any time it took up. At any moment I expected you to tell me that it's over. After Beth, after Grady, when I was a complete asshole again, you never left. You just wanted me to be okay again. That was all I needed. I needed you.

Never think that I spent a moment not loving you, or not thinking that you are the most beautiful woman on this fucked up planet. And you love me. Me.

Like...damn.

There must be a God for that to happen.

See? You made me almost religious. Good thing too, since I'm meeting with the man upstairs right now.

Tell Theo or Melody or Taylor or whatever their name turns out to be about his or her daddy. Hopefully I gave you good things to tell them about. Raise our little Dixon right, okay? I know you will. I'm writing this when you're...I dunno, a few months along? You're out for a walk with Elliot and Lightning right now. Stretch those legs, darling.

Also...you were craving noodles this morning. The instant kind from Japan where it comes in a block. You wanted it with sprinkles. I fucking love you.

If you find someone else, make sure he's worth your time. Don't settle for anyone less than you deserve. If he treats you badly, I'm coming back to haunt his ass. I know Elliot's your friend, so let him care for you. I trust him.

Thank you, Hope. Thank you for giving me a shot when no one else did. Thank you for loving someone as screwed up as me. Thank you for never giving up.

You were my guardian angel in this life, now I'll be yours for the rest of your time on the earth. I'm waiting for you, angel. I'm a hunter, I've learned to be patient. Take your time.

Your husband, your redneck asshole, Daryl Dixon

I cover my mouth, my chest constricting as I squeeze my eyes shut.

I met him, once, before this all started. It was his house that I saw burn to the ground when I was five or six. He was the boy with sky blue eyes. 

I look up to the sky just as a cloud opens, letting a single ray of sunlight shine to the ground. I force myself back to my feet and try to put on a game face. He wouldn't have wanted me to mope.

Warmth envelopes me like a blanket and I shut my eyes. Maybe his new wings are surrounding me.

"Okay," I whisper, and single tear rolling down my cheek. "For you, Daryl."