Hobi's Point Of View

*

We were in third grade when I felt something special in you. I don't know why, but my heart just keeps beating fast whenever I see you around. Maybe this is what they call as "puppy love".

I am so attracted to you, Momo, but I think you're not attracted to me at all since we're just friends.

I love playing with you because whenever we visit your family, I can always see you. Your face makes my lips curve into a smile. Your scent makes my heart go wild. Your smiles and giggles make my mind go crazy.

*

Sixth grade.

We're classmates and somehow, it tickled my heart. Knowing that we're in the same class made me smile. I became excited of going to school because of you. You're the reason why I'm inspired to go to school every single day.

Honestly, I am so afraid to approach you. I don't know how should I invite you over the family dinner because I am so damn afraid. It has been years since I last talked to you.

My friends have been helping me on how to talk to you. They're teasing me a lot because they knew that I like you. I like you a lot, Momo and I don't know why I can't find that courage to tell you. I can't find that bravery inside me to confess my feelings.

My friends told me to just act cool, but I don't know what has gotten into me because when I already approached you, my tone became cold. Maybe because I felt uncertain of talking to you again because I never really talked to you in the past years. I'm contented to see you from afar, silently gushing as my friends tease me.

To be honest, I always pray to be partners with you every activity and thankfully, we always become partners. I even begged our professor one time and gratefully, he answered a yes. I'm going nuts for you, Momo.

After a few months, I can't believe that we're going to graduate already. I am taking pictures with my friends when mom called me and when I glanced at you, I heard my heart shouting your name.

"What are your plans in the future?" Mom asked the two of us. I wanted to just avoid the question and stare into your face because you're so pretty.

"I would want to pursue my dream to become a doctor." You answered. I suddenly envied you for having a dream already while me? I'm uncertain of what will happen to me in the future. But the only thing I'm sure is, is that I want to be with you until we get old.

"How about you, Hoseok?" Your mom asked me and it took me a few moments before answering.

"Uh... a car racer?" I hesitantly answered. "Nah, come what may." I chuckled and when I stole a quick glance at you, I saw you giggle. How can you giggle so beautifully? "I have to go now. My friends are waiting for me." I decided to go because my heart is fluttering and my face is blushing. I don't want you to see me like that because I'm shy.

*

Seventh grade.

It's the first day of schools and I'm so nervous of going to school because most of my friends already transferred to a different school while me? I'm stuck in this university. I don't want to leave here, tho. It's because you're the reason why I'm still in this school.

Maybe destiny played us. I saw you infront of the classroom and you seem so nervous. You're fidgeting your hands on your lap while looking worried, so I decided to go to you. Maybe this is the right time.

"Why are you still outside?" I walked towards you and chuckled when you jumped on your place.

"U-Uh--"

"Let's go," I grabbed your wrist and entered the classroom with you. I can hear my heart pounding loudly as I hold your wrist.

We sat down beside each other because we're the only people who knows each other here.

"I thought you'll transfer?" I asked you.

You're a little shocked, but eventually, you recovered. "To SM U.?" You asked and I nodded. "I-I refused." It's cute how you stuttered. It made me smile for a split second.

"Why?"

"B-Because..." you trailed. "...someone is keeping me away from transferring." I wanted to hope that it's me, so I just ohh-ed and smiled.

"You didn't tell me that you're in love?" Smirking, I neared my face to yours, but you looked away and backed away from me.

"I-I am not. I just have a crush on someone." You lowered down your face and somehow, I felt my heart pinch. Maybe it's not me. I sighed in disappointment. I don't want to see you sad, so I just decided to support you.

"I don't believe you." I said and you eventually faced me. "You like him. You will not stay if you don't like him."

"I like him?" I wish I'm him.

I nodded, "Yes." I don't want you to like him, I want you to like me, Momo.

Suddenly, a girl entered our room and sat beside me. I decided to talk to her instead because I don't want to hear anything about your crush. It just breaks my heart.

*

I noticed that you're active in school, Momo. From being part of the school council, to joining different competitions. I am honestly proud of you though we're not talking anymore because I'm focused on Sowon more.

To be honest, I am starting to like her now because of her personality and everything. And then suddenly, she told me that she likes me, too. I felt appreciated and loved, so I just decided to go with her. I thought it's just a fling, but I didn't realize that it would lead into something deeper.

I fell for Sowon and I eventually forgot the feeling that I felt for you.

I thought everything is going okay now, but when I proposed to her, she left me. I was left broken. I don't know where should I go and what should I do after being left. I don't know how would I survive this.

This hurts, but it's not the kind of pain when you told me that you like another guy. It's different. That simple thing that you said before is more hurting. I don't know why.

*

Smoking and drinking alcohol becane my best friends when I got hurt and it's also the reason why I met my wife. She's a bartender at the place and she would always ask me what do I want to drink.

Just like other love stories, we became friends at first and eventually fell for each other. This time, I knew that she's the perfect girl for me; that we're soulmates. The funny this is that, she was the one who asked me to marry her. I knew that she really loves me because she's willing to commit.

I suddenly remembered you. This is not the future that I have been thinking of. She is not the girl that I wanted to marry when I was young. She's not the girl of my dreams because it's you, but I guess that some dreams will just stay as dreams.

We became a family and I could never ask for more. This is the genuine happiness that I wished for. I love my wife and my children.

If you ask me if I still love you, I would answer no. I don't love you anymore. It's not because I fell out of love. It's something else, but I won't ever forget you because you're my first love.

*

I am working as a waiter at a restaurant nearby and since it's my break time, I decided to go to the park and just hang out with myself. I lit my cigarette and started smoking at the area.

I looked around the area and sueprisingly, I saw you. Smilingly, I called out your name. I threw my cigarette away and walked up towards you.

You're still so pretty after so many years, Momo.

"Hey," I greeted and you just smiled. "How have you been?"

"Uhm... I'm doing fine." You answered, but I can sense that you're a little hesitant. After a few moments, you asked me: "May I ask what happened to you and Sowon?"

"She was getting married when I proposed to her." I chuckled.

"That's a bad fortune." I nodded. "But you have a family already, right?"

"Yeah." I smiled upon thinking my family. They're the reason why I'm happy and contented each and every day of my life. "How about you? Still single?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Why?" I honestly got confused when you said yes.

"Because I love you." I was stunned. I didn't know that you will have feelings for me. "Since third grade." So...I was the guy that you were talking about before? There's a part in my heart that flinched. The part where I know that I still loves you because you're my first love. First love never dies, anyway.

"Really?" I asked. I decided to tell you that I like you, too. "I liked you, too, on third grade." I can see that you look shocked after hearing my confession. I asked myself what would happen if either one of us confessed. Maybe we have a family of our own now, right?

"Hon!" We turned our heads to a lady that cried out "hon" and that lady turns our to be my beautiful wife.

"My wife is calling me. I gotta go now. Nice to meet you again, Momo." I gave you a one last smile and went to my wife. I kissed her forehead, "Let's go?"

"Isn't that your first love, hon?" She asked. I told her about you.

"Yeah." I nodded and just changed the topic.

*

After some time, I heard the news that you died. I was on your burial, Momo.

I shed so many buckets of tears when I knew that you died. My heart crushed into a million pieces, but what crushed it even more is when I saw these words carved on you niche:

"I died waiting."

I'm sorry if I made you wait, because I was just waiting as well.

--*

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