A/N: I'M SORRY.

"When souls find comfort in one another, separation is not possible".

~N. R. Hart

Hunter

I opened my eyes to see that I was alone in bed. Confused, I stood up and walked out of my room, in search of where Alex was. He was right there just moments ago. The sun hadn't risen yet, everything still covered in darkness. Light was only coming from the bathroom, from the ajar door. Was he puking again? Why hadn't he waken me up if he didn't feel good?

"Alex...?" I called out and uneasy feeling engulfing me. Slowly, I pushed to door open.

No. No. No. I couldn't breathe, my lungs were on fire. I couldn't move, my legs were heavy and numb. I couldn't scream, my throat being choked by invisible hands. Despite the horror I felt, I couldn't bring myself to take away my eyes. A sob escaped me and my knees hit the ground. Another sob followed, louder this time and another one all until the sobs turned into screams. Tears fell down my eyes just like blood was falling down from his veins.

No. Not him. Not again.

I opened my eyes to see that Alex was still in my arms. I was breathing fast, cold sweat running down my back. Bringing up my hand I realized that my cheeks were wet. Had I cried myself awake? It was just a nightmare. A goddamn nightmare. I exhaled, happier than ever to wake up with a drunk guy in my bed. I placed a hard kiss on top of his head and pulled him closer to me.

Alex was still deep asleep, too tired to even notice that I had woken up. Reaching out behind me I brought my phone to see that it was only seven in the morning. Realizing that Alex wouldn't be up for the next three hours, I decided to fall back to sleep. If I could.

When I woke up again, some light did shine in my room –though it wasn't as much as it should have been-. Inching away from Alex, I stood up to see that gray clouds covered the sky. Would it be raining today? As quietly as I could I walked out of my room, trying not to wake Alex up, and I closed the door behind me. I went to the kitchen where I filled up two glasses with water –one for me and one for Alex, even though he was still asleep-. I set aside his glass and placed next to it a bottle of painkillers, all while drinking up my glass.

At once I began preparing breakfast. It was almost eleven in the morning, so I imagined Alex would be up in half an hour or so. He needed his rest, but he had told me once that he couldn't sleep for more than seven hours a night. I fixed up some pancake batter and then hoped that the sizzling of the pan wasn't loud enough to wake him up.

From the small window which lay just above the sink to my right, I could see that it was raining outside. The drops of rain were still small, but they were still depressing. My mind wandered back to the nightmare I had seen.

I didn't see nightmares often anymore. Or at least, I didn't remember them as vividly as last night's. My skin still crawled by remembering the image I had seen. I understood why my subconscious had put together that twisted kind of dream, seeing Alex's state from yesterday; it brought back bad memories. Memories from times when my mother would have a manic episode or from when she got depressed and just lay in bed.

"Are you sad because of me?" Alex asked, making me jump as I hadn't heard him get out of my room. He was leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen, with puffy eyes and a hazy expression.

"I'm not sad," I told him and pointed toward the table, where the painkillers and water were, with my spatula. "Have one if you're having a headache," I said and flipped the final pancake. "Why did you think I was sad?"

He went to take a pill and then crouched down to pet Philip who was wiggling his tail at us. "You were making those, all melancholically. I figured you were upset about seeing me like that yesterday..." he said and sat down at the table. I shook my head.

"I was thinking," I started and turned off the stove, "I was just thinking about this dream I saw last night".

"Dream?" he questioned as I went to sit down at the head of the table, bringing the plate with the pancakes in front of us.

"A nightmare actually..."

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" I was skeptical for a couple of moments, as I pushed a piece of the fluffy pancake in my mouth. 

"You were in it. And um, I saw... I saw that I woke up this morning and I found you in the bathroom," I said slowly.

"You found me in the bathroom?" he asked, not understanding what I meant while stuffing his face.

"I found you in the bathroom. Where you had killed yourself". He immediately froze and brought up his face to look at me. I couldn't keep his gaze, not for long. "You don't have to say anything. I know you wouldn't do it. But you scared me yesterday. Must have been translated horribly in my subconscious," I went on, sniffling.

A few moments of silence passed, in which I knew he was trying to think of how to respond. Finally, he didn't say anything. Not that I wanted him to. I only wanted to forget the whole damn thing happened.

"You were right yesterday..." he muttered, several minutes later, when the rain had grown louder.

"About?" I asked, pushing away my plate, as I had had enough.

"About my 'friends'," he replied, making quotation marks with his fingers. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the movement. "Can we go to the living room? I have to tell you something about last night and I want to tell you when we're sitting closer to each other".

I didn't object, even though he did worry me. I had figured out something worse than him smoking had occurred, but seeing the state he was in I hadn't cared. After both of us sat down on the couch, with our legs tangled together, and Alex resting against the couch's handle, he took a deep breath.

"I shouldn't have gone to that party. I should have listened to you. I know that now, but fuck... I was upset. When I got to the party, I couldn't stop thinking about you and about what you said..."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have said that about your friends," I began, but he cut me off with a wave of his hands.

"You were right. You are right. But that's not... that's not what I want to talk about. As I was saying, I was upset. So, I didn't say no when Matt offered me pot. And, shit I don't remember how much I smoked, but at some point, I remember seeing just smoke. Anyway," he sighed rubbing his forehead. "Okay, no. There's no excuse for what happened. And I understand if you're angry at me. If you want to kick me out or I don't know, break up with me –" he mumbled, his voice breaking and tears filling up his eyes.

"Wow, Alex. Calm down, I won't break up with you. No matter what happened. You know you can tell me," I said hurriedly. His expression of frustration and the mess of words that left his lip had me freaking out.

"I would break up with me," he said and lowered his face. "Beth pulled me to the dance floor. And I kept on thinking she was you. I needed her to be you. So, I didn't pull back when she kissed me".

I couldn't help but flinch back. Beth kissed him. Beth? His best friend's soulmate? With a frown, I urged him to go on with a soft shake of my head.

"And I didn't stop her when she pulled me in a bedroom and gave me a blowjob. I pulled away as soon as I realized she wasn't you, and nothing else happened". I opened my mouth to say something, but immediately he interrupted me, speaking very fast. "I'm so sorry. As I said, I completely understand if you are angry with me..."

"Alex, shut up. I'm not angry at you. Sure, I'm in shock, but I can't blame you completely. You were in no condition to consent to that," I cut him off with a sharp exhale. "So, nothing else happened?" I asked, still not feeling as if he was revealing everything that had happened.

"Don was there too..."

"When Beth gave you...?" I asked with a disgusted expression.

"Yeah, they... um, they wanted to have a threesome with me. And he thought I had a crush on him and because I am bisexual that I would be on board with it. I don't know, it was all too much for me to handle so I ran here," he said and I shook my head.

"Your friends are fucked up," I muttered. "Wait, so is this why you want to tell people about us?" I questioned, leaning towards him.

"I guess partially it is. But what I said last night is true too. I want people to know because I love you and you are my world. And I guess I also want people to know that I'm taken; forever," he replied and reached out to cup my cheek with one of his hands.

"Forever does sound nice," I said with a smile and leaned into his touch.

"Can I asked you something?" he asked, his voice getting sadder again. I nodded with a warm smile, urging him to ask. "How are you so good at taking care of drunk people? I can't imagine Calla or Noah ever getting that shitfaced". I laughed at his question.

It was true. Neither Calla nor Noah had ever gotten to the point of drunkenness of which Alex had displayed. I had picked up my "skill" from taking care of someone else. As I got ready to reply to Alex I took a deep breath, the laughter dying out and my smile leaving my face.

"After my mother died, Dad was a mess. He couldn't sleep in their bed. He blamed himself. And he drank a lot in his effort to forget. I spent a lot of nights taking care of him. And a lot of mornings dealing with the hangover and the regret. A lot of those days Aurora would stay over at my grandparents' places. He didn't want me around either, hated how I had to see him like that, but I insisted. And I don't regret insisting. I loved taking care of him, still do, no matter how much he complains and then apologizes for it. But yeah..."

"You're too good for me". The words fell softly from Alex's lips and I snapped to look at him, as throughout my answer I had lost my focus on him.

"No, I'm not," I assured him.

"Are you serious? You had to take care of your father, which you loved to do and which you don't hold against him. You are the most amazing older brother I have ever seen. You are a wonderful artist with a kind heart and a gentle soul. You forgive all my mistakes and stupid decisions. You are not angry with the fact that I practically cheated on you. How can you even imply that I deserve you?"

"Easily," I replied, reaching out and grabbing his chin so he stared me in the eyes. "We are soulmates. We are made for each other. You are forgetting, Alex, that you're also a wonderful artist with a kind heart and a gentle soul. You are also forgiving and caring and the way you treat Auro and Alexa is indescribable. You and I... we deserve each other. We belong to each other. Understood?"

He gave me the smallest of nods and with a smile, I went to give him a kiss. It was still hard for me to completely understand everything that had happened last night... my mind couldn't wrap around the things Alex had told me. Beth and Don...

Even though I wasn't angry with him –how could I be? He was a mess last night-, I couldn't help but feel a chaos of emotions. Shock was more prominent than any other emotion. But I also felt frustration, about how Don and Beth had assumed things about my Alex just from his sexuality. Somewhere in that mess, I was sure I felt a sting of insecurity.

"So, what do you want to do today?" I asked him, taking a deep breath and trying to sort out everything I felt.

"Well, firstly, I want you to put on a shirt because this," he began, waving his hand in front of my bare chest, "is absolutely distracting". I couldn't help but laugh, as I sat up and went to dress up.

"Alex," I called out from the bedroom, while I put on my shirt, "I plugged in your phone because it had died. It's fully charged now. Do you want me to bring it to you?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied. I returned wearing a baseball shirt with the pride flag printed on it. "I was thinking we can watch something. I can't stay for long though..."

"Why not?" I asked and sat down next to him, opening the TV.

"My parents and Chris will come back around five in the afternoon and I want to be home a little earlier just in case. I don't want to use Don as a cover today and I don't want them to worry," he said as he opened his phone. The sudden and continuous buzz from his phone surprised us both. "Damn, I have like nineteen missed calls and thirty-eight texts..."

"Who are they from?" I asked with an amused frown. He cleared his throat and changed the way he sat so I could also see the screen of his phone.

Three of the calls were from Vicky. Two were from Matt and three from Beth. The other eleven were from Don. The texts –with one being from his mother asking him if he woke up- were from his friends, asking where he was, if he was alive and if he was feeling better.

"Wanna call them?" I asked him, nudging him with my elbow. He shook his head.

"I'm not ready to talk to them yet. I'll text them," he replied and went on to write in their group chat. "Why don't we binge watch some 'Joy of Painting'?" he said as he typed.

"Are you serious?" I asked him with a wide smile.

"Yeah, Ross relaxes me and we both need some relaxation right about now," he said and set aside his phone.

Around half a season later both of us had focused our interest on each other. We were laying on the couch, Alex was on top of me, lazily kissing, almost falling asleep on each other. I was playing with his hair, while my lips were on his neck, grazing over a new mark I had left on him. As he brought his lips to my collarbone his phone buzzed with an alarm he had set so he wouldn't get carried away and he would remember to go back home.

I felt kinda bad that he had to leave, but it was time. I offered to drive him home, but he refused, muttering something about having to completely clear his head before having to face his family. The rain had let up finally, but dark clouds were still covering the sky. So far this weekend had been a mess and I couldn't help, but hope that from now on we would only see the rainbows after the rain.