xxii.

you've lost count of years since you last visited any of the f1 race, but this is definitely the first since the last one and it feels as if this is your first ever grand prix. everything in the paddock has changed. it's definitely busier as there are more people in the paddock. more media and photographers are allowed to get a pass. there are more guests in the paddock that you barely recognise. there are certainly more colours in the paddock (literally colours). the motorhomes was mostly black and white back then but now, there are different shades of blue, red and yellow, pink, bright orange.

     a total different.

     before arriving yas marina circuit, you thought you would blend in immediately especially thinking about seeing the same faces again. the thought of seeing your father's old crew members made you excited, and the thought of to be able to talk to them in the same language again made you over the moon. but oh, how it makes your heart crushed when you realise there is no one in the paddock that you knew (at least, so far).

     not knowing where to go, you let gina leads you in the paddock. your mind is busy registering your surrounding and what those and that people do. the boss of every team definitely needs to hire more people into the team, as there are more tasks to be done within only four days. there is a group of crews of a tv production, mindlessly crosses you while filming a team principal. you coward away (good thing you didn't trip) before catching gina laughing at you.

     "it's not funny." you look at her in annoyance.

     "you look like a lost puppy."

     "what happened to the paddock?"

     the cameras are good for promotion. it's one of the best ways to attract more fans world wide especially with the power of social media nowadays, but if you're given a chance to work with them now, you would have to think again. you're not sure if you liked these cameras. these attention. and the thought of having to act a certain way in front of the cameras tire you before you're even in the field.

     gina smiles at you sadly. growing up in the same environment, she understood your hatred towards the current paddock.

     "it goes with the era, cathie. it's not just about the fans wanting to know what these people do behind the scenes. now, everybody is competiting who is the best on social media. who had the most followers. i think it's crazy, if you asked me."

     "gosh, don't they ever take a break?" you grumble when you're pushed out of the way by one of the photographers. something in you ticks until you realise who it was that they were trying to film. it's lewis hamilton. "of course."

     ignoring the photographers and the mercedes-amg petronas f1 driver, you and gina walk as fast as both of you could towards haas hospitality. you would've wanted to see mick first after a hell of the journey to get here, but acknowledging him still having interviews, you decided to have some food first.

     after one hour, you still hasn't seen mick around the hospitality with his crew members. with nothing else to do, your mind reminds you back when you're little, when michael was still driving and your father was still working for ferrari, where you always had your father and his mates to keep you entertained. you always had mick to play cards, portable games, and hide and seek with around the paddock.

     but here is where another thing changed. mick is now working in the f1 paddock instead of attending the race to watch his hero racing. and your father isn't around to keep you company and updating you with everything that is happening in the garage. not that gina isn't a good company but sometimes, you want something different.

     good thing gina had suggested to meet sebastian's family at aston martin's motorhome. and good thing, they are exactly where you wanted them to be with norbert vettel. and for the rest of two hours, you are around the aston martin's motorhome, joking around with sebastian's kids and talking with hanna vettel.

     "how are you, catherine?" mick asks when you are finally able to meet him at the garage. you really thought you could have some time alone with mick in his driver's room but you guess, the garage is fine.

     "why didn't you tell me that everything is different at the paddock?" you scowl. "it was... scary, you know? with the cameras and the tv productions. i got pushed away few times."

     "any of them recognises you?"

     "seriously? out of the many things that you could ask, you asked me that?"

     mick laughs. "okay, okay. i'm sorry i didn't tell you the changes over the years in the paddock. i just thought you knew based on how much you spend your time watching f1 tv. but i guess, they didn't let you see that much, huh?"

     "well, yeah!" you snorted in annoyance. "i knew there would be a lot of people at the paddock but i didn't imagine as big as that! like it was so crowded that–"

     "you got pushed away a few times."

     how could mick jokes around in a situation like this? can't he see you uncomfortable with the changes? why didn't he tell any of this beforehand? before you got pushed away by the photographers and the media?

     "i need to get ready." mick kisses your forehead. "see you later."

     when mick is off for his work, you and gina head for the vip room above the garage, making conversation with new faces and make sure that you're near the glass wall when mick's team call him for tyre changing. and with every second that pass in the pitstop, you find yourself holding your breath. and you're only breathing normally again when mick is released safely after approximately two seconds.

     soon, there are fireworks. you see the fans cheering and waving the flags on the grandstand and honestly, you can hear them cheering even from behind the thick glass wall. a broad smile plastered on your face, understanding the feeling because you were one of them back then.

     and then you check on the drivers' standing on the screen. sebastian manages to finish his last race in 10th position. a point for himself and his team. mick ends up in 14th, which is still better than his last race. proud and happy for both of the men, you and gina quickly leave the vip room and enter the paddock to meet mick and sebastian.

     mick was quick to find you and his sister near the haas garage. and the first thing he does after taking off his helmet and his driving gloves is kissing you. you were slightly taken aback by his action but how could you complain when this is your dream before he kissed you six months ago.

     you know mick would want to go public somewhere in the relationship, but you didn't think it was this soon even though both of you have already known each other since forever. you were caught up with mick's lips on yours that you didn't even realise the cameras flashing around you.

     the kiss was short. it's like mick is trying to say thank you for sticking through with him, for coming tonight despite worrying about home, and that his last race was for you even though he didn't do much.

     towards the end of the night, you, gina and mick ended up being bundled together with sebastian's family. all of you together near the aston martin motorhome while waiting for sebastian to finish his interviews and meet and greets.

     "you think you're fast like your father?" you threaten the vettels kids. "i'm still going to catch you!" the kids run in every direction but you chase after the smallest one first knowing it's easier to catch him.

     "catherine! here!" the oldest one provoke while you're panting for dear life. "come on, chase me if you can!"

     "i sure can!" the elderlies are having a good conversation. hanna doesn't seem to mind you chasing after her kids in the dark with thousands of people passing. she trusts you so much that she didn't have to keep an eye on you and them while you're all playing.

     then, you feel something is vibrating in your pocket. you were confused, at first. you have forgotten that you brought your phone with you. only to realise that annie is calling you and she has been doing that for 12 times.

     "oh my god!" your hands are trembling as you pick annie's phone call.

     "catherine! finally!" you hear annie's exasperated voice on the other side of the line.

     "why, why, annie? why?" you're yelling into the phone. the fireworks are still exploding and somewhere in the paddock, someone is playing a music too loud. "what's wrong? what's happening?"

     "it's your dad. catherine, i need you to get home now. please."

     "annie, tell me. what happened?" your voice was shaky. you feel like the world is spinning. annie hasn't told you what happened to your father yet you know, something bad had happened.

     "catherine, i've got to go." a nurse called her. "you have get home fast, okay? your dad doesn't have much time."

     and that was the last thing you heard from annie.