xvi.

"...karl."

     you suck a deep breath. your father's name is like an alarm to your brain. your focus and attention, even though you were sleeping one second ago, you would be awake one second after.

     "what?"

     "it's about karl."

     and you keeps quiet, giving sebastian his time to tell you what has happened. he looks pale and worried and concern. he feels guilty for letting karl slipping out of his hand just like that.

     "i'm sorry, catherine. i understand if you can't trust me again after today, but i swear i didn't mean to lose him."

     "no, seb. it's okay," you try to stay calm. "really, it's okay."

     no, truthfully, it's not okay even though this is not the first time you or annie or anyone else lost your father. anything could happen to him when no one's there with him. but after hundreds of time losing him like this, you became better at staying calm in the situation.

     "catherine–" you look up at the aston martin f1's driver. sebastian's heart skips a bit when your eyes meet him. "i know i won't be able to sleep tonight if i don't say this so just listen to me, okay?"

     sebastian prepared himself with the curses that you're going to throw at him, or meanful things you'd shout at sebastian to let the neighbours know how the fourth-time world champion is useless at taking care of an ill person. knowing you, you might even do more than these but it surprised him when nothing of what he expected came. instead, he sees calmness in your tired eyes. your lips looks like they're ready to give him a smile to make him calm down.

     "i'm sorry."

     "stop it, sebastian. i'm not mad at you." you give sebastian a serious look, a firm nod, telling him that you don't want any bullshit right now. "now i'm going to make a few calls. i'm going to tell annie and the police. and then we're going to look for him, okay?"

     both sebastian and mick watch you making some phone calls silently. neither of the men speaks any word while waiting for you to finish. they're just as anxious as you are so no matter how hard they tried to move their tongues to speak, they just can't.

     after both annie and the police are notified, you return to sebastian and mick.

     "alright. we should split up," you say still calm. "maybe sebastian can go back to the workshop and see if my father's there. mick can cover the park. i'll try look for him at the church."

     both you and your father rarely go to the church but there's a cemetery behind the church compound and there, your father's mother was burried. you never knew her but there were several times where you'd follow your father visiting her grave when you were little. no visit as you grew older but after getting alzheimer's, you found him at the grave on several occassions. people in the neighbourhood too. and they'd be the one who would bring your father home if not to the police station.

     "no way we're splitting."

     "no. it's too risky," sebastian agrees. "it's getting dark. we should look for him together."

     sebastian was right. and it's better to be safe than sorry so you agree with sebastian's suggestion. all three of you hop into your car with you driving.

     should you start with the farthest? sure, but marc or franco would probably call you, or sebastian, if they found your father at the workshop. should you start a little closer like the church? he might know how to go to the church from your home but not from mick's house. your father didn't even recognise the street, the trees and the mick's house itself. should you just get home then? because what if your father somehow knew his way home from mick's?

     no, no, no. that would be impossible even though it could happen. you father doesn't even know the way home from the police station or from the park or from the church or the cemetery.

     the car is silent as you drive slowly around the neighbourhood, keeping an eye on every man that you see even though he doesn't look like karl erberhardt from behind. mick at the back is trying his best to do the same thing as you with his blue eyes but once in a while, you would catch him looking at you through the rear-view mirror. meanwhile beside you, keeping the windows down, sebastian's lips are moving. you know he's praying.

     "come on, dad," you whisper under your breath, but you know that with the silence in the car, both of the men can hear you. "where are you?"

     you thought of turning around and driving back towards the karting club, but it's too late now, does it? the sky is already dark. the temperature has dropped. there's no way you could see in the dark with only your mobile phone's torchlight. all hope of finding your father nearby fades. but then your phone rings. you quickly reaches for your phone in the cup holder and sees the familiar telephone number on the screen. it's the local police station.

     "catherine?" the same woman who picked up your call just now calls you. "we found your father."

     the heavy sigh that escape your lips caught mick and sebastian's attention. two sets of eyes are on you. two sets of ears are focused on you. they're waiting for the answer. you put your phone on loud speaker.

     "where?"

     "the station."

     "the station?" you wonder. "you found my father at the police station?"

     "he came here by himself."

     pressing the acceleration paddle harder, you drive towards the police station above the speed limit but what do you care. you need to see your father before your body explodes. by the time you reach there, a policeman already opens the door for you and when you enter the police station, you see your father is sitting on one of the many chairs in front of the report counter. there are another two policemen in the room–one behind the counter and the other sitting beside your father.