xix.

as you have expected, mick originally wanted to take you on a ride with him. hence, his motorbike and two helmets, but both of you ended up walking and having some fresh air around the town because you refused to travel too far away from home. you're so worried about your father and he understands.

     mick is eerily quiet today. not like he's one to talk a lot (that usually you and gina) but when something is bothering mick's mind, he is eerily quiet. like you could feel as if he's about to murder you. but you let him have his time. at least, for 15-20 minutes? you understand that it is not easy to talk to someone especially after what happened yesterday, though you think it should be who's having a quiet moment.

     finally, after buying a gelato from the parlour, you open your mouth.

     "you okay, mick?"

     mick raises his eyebrow at you as if he didn't understand where did that question come from. "yeah. i am."

     "look, mick, i don't really know why you wanted to see me today, but i'm sorry about yesterday," you begin, thinking about how you almost left him at the bookstore after his small confession. it must be embarrassing for him to let the public eyes to witness he's chasing after a selfish woman. "i was being inconsiderate of your feelings. i shouldn't have run away from you."

     it took mick a few second to realise that you were talking about the bookstore scene. "what? no! i'm not mad at you. though, i admit, it was embarrassing but no, i'm not mad at you."

     you sigh heavily as if a ton of bricks lifted from your shoulders. "oh thank god. i was starting to think that you didn't want to be my friend anymore because of that. really. i'm really, really sorry," you plead him.

     mick just shrugs and gives you an assuring smile that didn't reach his eyes.

     "and don't worry about my father, okay? he's fine. and i'm not mad at you or sebastian for losing him yesterday. i'm just... maybe i was wrong for thinking that people could take care of him as good as annie. but the thing is, annie was taught for any circumstances. not people like us."

     mick keeps quiet. his eyes on the pebbled pavement.

     "isn't that what you wanted to talk about?"

     "um..."

     "hey!" you push mick gently to get his attention. and it was supposed to be a joke, one that you and mick used to do. but mick merely pulls a disgusted look and suddenly, something pops in your mind. something that causes you to freeze in the middle of the pavement. your knees goe weak. your eyes water. "you... have a flight scheduled tonight, aren't you?" you ask.

     and instead of looking surprised that you figured it out, mick finally raises up his head, turns to face ashamed. "i'm sorry, catherine."

     "but you just got home." your voice cracks.

     "they needed me to do a photoshoot or something."

     "will you be back after that?"

     mick shakes his head. "i'll fly for the next race."

     your heart drops with the schedule. you know it's not his fault that he has to fly tonight and straight to the next race after, but it's just cruel. his manager cannot steal his time for work like this.

     "and i wanted to talk about us, actually," mick says, breaking your daze. "about what i said yesterday."

     you feel like your face hot. as much as it made you shy now, but you've done your part yesterday and you can't take it back. even if you could, you wouldn't. "i hope you're not joking yesterday, mick."

     mick frowns. "no. i will never joke about that, catherine. honestly, i've been thinking about you a lot for these past few years, catherine. i thought i was only missing my best friend, but after we met again earlier this month? i–i realise i miss you.

     "catherine, after meeting you again, meeting your family again and after seeing how you treat your father, i begin to realise what i've been missing. and thinking back everything you've done for me, i begin to realise that i want you by my side as more than just a friend."

     you're speechless. butterflies in your stomach. but after what happened to your father, you're afraid. with mick confessing to you right now, makes you feel like recording him so that you can replay it again in the future. because... what if mick is the next person closest to you start to forget you? or what if it's the other way round?

     "you're my bestfriend, catherine. you must understand what i'm feeling right now. i know it's hard for you to accept me again, but if you could give us a chance, i promise i'll make you the happiest person on earth."

     you doubt mick will ever make you sad despite what you've gone through all these years with him and your family. he is literally everything you ever wanted. his presence beside is enough to make you the happiest, never mind those paddock passes and the luxury lifestyle.

     "i thought it will ruin our friendship if i tell you. but when i think again, i actually have ruined it when i was with justine. so like i said, i understand if you don't want a relationship with me, but–" mick sucks in a breath as if he has something else to say but stops himself. "i have a flight to catch tonight. i don't want to sit on the plane and regret not making you know what i've been feeling this whole time."

     three seconds feel so long for a person who's waiting, isn't it?

     mick chuckles nervously as he watches you staring at him with jaws hung low. his heart is racing as he waits for your answer. "catherine? could you– could you say something, please?"

     "i– i don't know what to say, mick."

     "do you want to be my girlfriend?" mick smiles sheepishly.

     "no."

     mick's face falls.

     "but it's not like that."

     mick's face brights up again.

     "i don't have anything against your relationship with justine. even though i don't like to see justine still hanging out with you and your family, but it was in the past. and... it's not like i don't want a relationship with you, mick. i've been imagining this since we were children and those time we spent in the paddock–" you blush as soon as you realise what you've said.

     mick blushes. "go on. i think i love that story."

     you roll your eyes at mick, shaking your head with a shy smile. "anyway, it's not about you, mick. it's about me."

     "tell me," mick says. he sounds serious. "tell me what's wrong with you? let me help fix it."

     "everything about me is wrong, mick. i am not rich. and if you haven't realised, to watch you race in another countries involve money, and i don't have those. but then again, like i can because i need to take care of my father.

     "and i am not pretty. your pictures are going to look wrong with me by your side when those photographers snap us on the paddock. so no. no one can fix it."

     "when did you feel insecure about how you look? i remember when were were in secondary school, and you were confident with how you represent yourself. the boys always wanted to date you. juniors and seniors. and you were one of the coolest girls that everybody wanted to be friends with."

     you sucks a breath. "you remember those?" your voice was soft. touched.

     "i cannot forget them even if i wanted to. you were a part of my life. unless i got sick or something happened to my brain, i will never forget you. and i will never forgive myself because i didn't see you sooner when my mum and gina told me about your father. i should've visited you."

     "it was not your fault. i shut people out. if gina weren't so stubborn, i wouldn't be talking to her either. but the fact that my neighbour still has same the horse barn and it's like a second home to gina, my house is like her third home, if you know what i mean."

     "please, give us a chance. i promise i will show you everything is going to be alright."

     mick wants nothing but to see you smile again. like how you used to even when you're having a rough time. he misses your laughs. he likes your company. he loves how he can be comfortable sitting in silence with you. your presence, before and after work, makes his day better. and the fact that you care more about him as mick, rather than as michael schumacher's son, makes him want show you to the world.

     "by the way, why did you still invite justine to your house? is it like justine still have feelings for you? did you owe her anything? or–"

     before you could finish your sentence, mick closes the distance between you and him. without any warning, he connects his lips with yours. every mischievous, devilish little thing playing in your mind to annoy mick disappears. all you can think of right now is how perfect mick's lips are on yours.

     this is not how you imagined how your first kiss with mick would be like. you thought it would be at one of his races, when he won an f1 race for the first time, and the first thing that he looks for after hopping out of his car is you. you imagined him confessing his love towards you, thanking you for all your supports. but here, today, is amazing, anyway. the kiss caught you by surprise but you love it, anyway.

     by the time mick breaks the kiss, both of you are panting. there are smiles on both of your faces. happy, content, full. you feel full with the kiss. after all, it's all what you wanted.