xiii.

f1 four-time world's champion. all done with the same team. he was fierce during his dominant years. while being young, all he wanted was title, money, and fame. at least, that's how people see him. what people didn't see him was how he would do anything for his family. in which includes your family.

     sebastian vettel  would do anything to bring the karl's memories back–from the moment he met karl through michael, to when they start hanging out, to when they have a casual midnight stroll at the paddock even though he was still too young follow the adults. he doesn't care if it takes weeks or months or even years. he won't give up.

     he might look unaffected with karl's disease because he thought he needed to be strong for you. but truth to be told, he is crying and heartbroken inside. he hates seeing that distant look every time karl looks at him. he hates the stutter every time he asks karl if he remembered the moments. he hates how karl feels like a stranger to his stories now.

     once both of them reached the karting club where you and mick used to be a part of, sebastian had stories in his mind. he had mentally prepared and organised those precious stories he will tell. it's about how michael scolded a kid because he pushed mick to the wall and got disqualified. it's about how you often beat mick in karting and he came home sulking and how it didn't help when he tried to find comfort from gina because she supported you. it's about between the dads–about how karl being the typical dad with michael, standing too close beside the circuit, watching the kids racing with a bottle of beer in their hands. people would think that michael and karl would obey the rules as audiences since both of them were a part of the f1 team, but sometimes, they're just someone's dads.

     "i don't think they were allowed to have an alcohol at an event full with kids but you and michael never mind the rules. it's like both of you were a couple of high school seniors that even the principals cannot touch." sebastian chuckles. "and sometimes, michael would be the honour to hand the trophies to the winners. he would pass his beer to you before taking it back soon after the ceremony ends."

     your father doesn't understand why sebastian is laughing. he could not imagine what sebastian is telling him about. the story... the story about him and this michael guy who was his best friend seems close to his heart, but too far to reach at the same time. he doesn't remember meeting this michael guy. he doesn't remember having a friend named michael. he doesn't remember working with michael.

     "oh and did i tell you that your daughter was in a karting club?"

     i have a daughter? karl thought.

     karl slowly shakes his head. he looks disappointed at himself for not knowing this new character in sebastian's story. but he caught sebastian saying the word 'daughter' as if he was reminding him that he's married and has a kid. but when did he marry andrea? and where is andrea now? if they have a daughter together, andrea must know and she would want to hear this story too, right? karl doesn't want to believe sebastian, but the daughter's name sounds familiar to his ears. it's the kind of name he would want to name his daughter one day.

     "yeah. she was a member of a karting club. but it was mick who introduced it to her."

     "how was she?"

     "she was amazing! she picked up fast. it only took a few months for her to race against mick even though they're in the same team." the image of little you and mick racing side by side in the kart circuit flashes behind sebastian's mind as if it only happened yesterday. "she beat mick few times. and when she does, mick would sulk and ask your daughter to play other games with him as if catherine is bad at other games too."

     "she sounds like a tough girl." karl smiles at the thought of his future daughter.

     "back then, you and michael used play bets on catherine and mick." sebastian laughs again. when he first found that out, sebastian yelled at the dads. he remembers preaching in front of michael and karl, telling them how it's not nice to play bets on their children. "but you guys claimed that you will keep the bet money in the kid's college fund. it sounded like a good idea. like another way to save up, but i personally would never do that to my kids."

     if it weren't because of karl, sebastian didn't know that he still remembers these at all.

     "so what happened then? did she stop?"

     it takes a few seconds for sebastian to realise that your father is talking about you.

     "she said that racing isn't for her. she pursued engineering instead." sebastian smiles, proud of you as if you're his own child. "but she was good at what she was doing. you must be proud of her."

     "only if i remember," karl says under his breath, didn't miss the grammar sebastian used.

     was. karl wonders what happens to his so-called daughter. why was it a 'was' instead of 'is'? did something happen that made her change career? did she left her family? did she die?

     the sadness in karl's voice makes sebastian wants to tear up. he thinks karl doesn't deserve this illness. if this disease is due to him not using his brain that much, sebastian would accuse the doctor for being a liar. because as far as he knows, karl was one of the people who used his brain a lot when he was healthy. his brain worked like a computer, like it's programmed to store things with personalised tricks and cheat codes. he always knew how to fix a car. he was always precise with his work, never left things almost done. he rarely made mistakes in the garage. so why, god, why, and what did he do to get this ugly punishment?

     and then there is you that crosses sebastian's mind and cannot help feeling sorry for you too. even though he hadn't known you since you were born like mick, but it definitely feels as if. he knows how close you are with your father. after all, there weren't anyone in your life except you two (though occasionally with your nanny). no mother. no other siblings. no aunts and uncles. one world and there's you and karl making memories together as you grow up.

     but now, you didn't only lose your hero but also your dreams. you had to give up your dreams. you had to give up that thousands of grands job. you had to give up the tall windows, high ceiling, gray-painted walls apartment. you had to give up the lifestyle that you began to love while living in the heart of switzerland. you have to give up everything.

     "karl." sebastian smiles. one that doesn't reach his eyes. "i know you won't remember me or catherine or michael. and you don't remember anything we did together, but i want you to know that you and catherine are always in my prayers."

     karl's heart warms. he doesn't know what he did to be given such a kind-hearted man in front of him. he doesn't even remember catherine or me or michael.

     he feels like saying something, but he doesn't know if that's the right option to do now because he might ruin the moment. instead, he keeps quiet, stares at the younger man.

     "and it's okay if you don't remember."

     karl's heart feels like to explode. again. what did he do to be granted with such human being?

     "it's tough on us," sebastian continues. "tougher on catherine, i imagine, but she loves you still."

     if karl could do anything right now, he would want to meet this catherine girl and tell her that everything will be fine. that he is fine and that he loves her too.