xii.

you see sebastian's car at schumacher's front yard. they're back. good. because you cannot wait to go home and lock yourself in your room and cry until your eyes bleed. and to hell with your car and mick because you open the car door even before mick pulled the car to a halt. you hop you, ignoring mick's shout behind you.

     "dad!" you practically run towards the schumacher's house. "dad, it's getting late. we need get home. now."

     "catherine! catherine, please, stop running." mick chases after you until he gets a hold of your wrist for the hundredth times today. you struggle, try to make mick let go of your hand but you ended up hurting yourself. "catherine, please, listen to me first. catherine, stop. please!"

     "no. let me go!" you continue to struggle.

     "catherine, i'm sorry," mick says at the top of his lungs. he sounds different. angry. frustrated. soft, but still frustrated. "i didn't know you would freak out."

     "who says i freaked out?" you yell back at mick. "i didn't freak out. you–!" tired, you stop struggling from mick and turn towards the house. "dad! no, stop it, mick! dad! where are you? c'mon. let's–"

     "you certainly did," mick presses in front of your face. "catherine, i'm really sorry. i just– i thought– i wanted to give you a hint, but i just can't keep it from you anymore."

     you shake your head as a stream of your tears fall onto your cheeks. mick's grip around you loosen, but still firm. you're not sure how to respond. all you can do right now is stare into mick's eyes and wish this doesn't happen.

     "look, i'm sorry. i know it's not the right time. but i just– i can't– i don't think i can wait anymore, catherine. it didn't happen two days ago. but i've been waiting for you, for this moment, for years."

     "mick, it's late. i need to get my father home." you start moving away but mick pulls you back. "what?"

     "catherine, please."

     "please, what? what else do you want to hear?" you know you're contradicting yourself now. you admitted it yourself that you love him, that you want him. you said yourself that you want to be with him and live in the dream. but look at what you're doing now? what is wrong with you?

     "no. i want you to hear me." mick steps closwer towards you. you raise your eyebrow at him, nervously waiting. "like i said, this might not be the right time, i need you to know that i see you. it's been years, catherine. years since i realised that i love you more than anything else. but i know i treated you bad for the past years and i know i don't deserve–"

     "mick–"

     "no, listen to me!" mick's grip around wrist retightens.

     "i am listening! and i listened to you. i listened to your mum. i listened to gina. but i can't, okay? i. can't." 

     but mick is mick. he's not one to give up easily. he doesn't care that the sky is getting dark and that you have to get home, but he can't let you leave yet. "i can't lose you again. i can't let myself let you go because i want you. i want us. i know what you've missed, catherine, and i can take you. please, catherine. at least, let me know what you feel about me, too."

     "you don't, mick–"

     "just say it!"

     "fine! yes!" you raise your voice at mick. just like mick, you can't keep it to yourself anymore. but by now, you don't care if he doesn't even want you. "the feeling's mutual. i love you. i have. always. but i– i don't know, something is wrong with me. probably. so i–"

     "catherine–"

     "oh, my god! you're driving me crazy!" you pull your hand from mick's grip. and finally, you succeeded this time! "what else do you want to hear? that i've been in love with you since we were children? that i was still in love with you when you had that relationship with justine? you're the first person to ever broke my heart, mick. but what can i do now, huh?"

     "do you still love me?"

     "i told you, i am!"

     "oh man, i'm sorry." mick sighs as if something finally clicks in him. "i'm sorry i didn't realise it sooner. you're everything i want now, catherine. please, give me a chance."

     "but why me?" you shout like a crazy person. you don't care the neighbours hear you. let them hear. let them know what mick had done to you. all you want now is to express and this to be over soon. "why not back with justine? why not someone on the grid? they have better life than me! they're prettier. they have more money. they can be there for you and support you. from the vvip room. i don't have anything–"

     mick shakes his head, disagreeing with you. "you have everything i wanted. every time i look at you, i remember what we had when we were kids. paddock life isn't as great as it used to be when you stopped visiting."

     "that's bullshit, mick!" it's not the first time, but not like he always hears you curse. "you were just driven by the old memories, mick. who i am now is not who i used to be. i don't have anything that you want. i don't have the look. i don't have the money. i'm constantly stressed with my life."

     "no, don't say that." mick's voice is soft now as he approaches you. he cups your face with his palm, wiping the tears on your cheeks with his thumbs. "i know you're scared, but you know i will always be there for you."

     "no. you won't, mick!" you raise you voice once again and push mick. "you won't always be there for me and we both know it. you have enough water in your cup. you don't need me to overflow."

     "no, catherine. nothing is overflowing. if anything, you're making my world perfect," mick promised. "we can work this out together, okay? as long as you give us a chance."

     somehow, that brought you calm. everything starts to make sense and you know mick was right. you have to give you and mick a chance, just like how you have always dreamed about.

     you stand still as mick approaches you again and wraps his arms around you, rocking you side to side and whispeting soothing coos beside your ear. as you burry your head against mick's chest, you follow mick's breathing rythm and hear his racing heart beat.

     there's something so intimate about this that makes you suddenly blush. and suddenly, you're aware of how hot his body feels against you; how taught his muscles are against your fingertips though through his t-shirt; how big his hands are on your back, caressing you.

     you and mick stay like that until another hurricane comes.

     "catherine. it's about karl."