xi.

"hey," you greet mick, who is sitting at the porch with a book in his hand. "i thought you'd follow seb and my dad."

     mick smiles at you. "nah. i'd rather let them spend some time together."

     "yeah, you're probably right." you smile at mick. you stare at a family ahead, where a father is playing bubbles with his two girls. you wonder if that was how it looked like when you were little playing with your father.

     suddenly, at the corner of your eyes, you see mick standing up. you turn. your eyes follow his movement. you frown when he suddenly offers his hand to you. "where are we going?"

     "to the bookstore," mick simply answers.

     "why?"

     "what? you want to stay here until seb and your father come back?" you shrug as if to tell mick that that was your initial plan. "you can't be serious. there's nothing you can do here. come on."

     after a few more seconds of rethinking your decision, you finally link your hands with mick. a blush immediately creeps up from your neck to your cheeks to your whole face. you have always had a crush on mick. you have always loves mick. but to be in the situation right now feels like a dream to you. a good dream. a dream that you are willing to live forever.

     the smell of books enters your nose before you even entered the bookstore. it feels so familiar to you. as if you're home. as if you've worked here for years previously. excited, you let mick's hand go and you walk faster into the bookstore. it's as if you're a little girl walking to a candy store.

     "oh. it feels so good to be here," you mumble as you walk straight towards your favourite section of the bookstore. it's where the adult books are, the science-fiction, the young adult, the fantasy, the general fiction. they're surrounding you.

     "calm down, catherine," mick says beside you. you were fast, but mick is faster. "not like the bookstore is going to move by itself." mick's smile lingers on his face while watching you ogling the books.

     you smile sheepishly at mick. "you know the books makes me excited."

     oh, yeah, mick knows, alright. mick knows. mick understands. just like how you understand him when he gets excited over limited edition nike or jordan.

     "are you looking for anything particular?"

     you look at mick funnily. "me? i thought you wanted to buy something here."

     "me? no. i just know that you love books so– hey, look at this."

     you watch as mick quickly grabs a book. you watch as his forehead scrunch into million lines as he pretends reading the synopsis at the back of the book. a knowing, shy smile appears on your lips. there's something about him bringing you to the bookstore because he knows how much you loved books makes your heart flutters.

     yeah, he'd done this for you before. he'd bring you to the bookstore when you're sad with your father. he'd bring you to the bookstore when you finished reading your previous books. he'd bring you here many times for nothing, but never holding your hands before.

     "scary," mick say once he is finished with the synopsis.

     you were distracted with mick's sudden change of behaviour towards you you were also quick to recover. "what is it about?"

     "i think it's about a human poltergeist disturbing his family for revenge," mick says. "it says here that laura needs to discover the truth behind the house's strange behaviour, but we all know it's not a ghost. someone is living behind the walls and making nuisance. sounds like the boy."

     "you watched that movie?"

     "a few years ago, yeah. with the boys."

     that answer was so much better than hearing him saying justine's name. relieving even.

     mick follows you as you enter their sci-fi section. it always interesting here. you see more blue and purple instead of black here. it's like the world has set those two colours as sci-fi colours like the blue and pink for boy and girl.

     "oh. wow! i like this book," you hear mick says behind you.

     you turn, looking over mick's side to read the book synopsis as if you could. "what is it about?"

     "a dystopian world about a human... falling in love with robots." there is a sudden change of voice octave when mick speaks the last few sentence.

     it's the disappointment that almost makes you laugh. "aw, isn't that beautiful?" truthfully, you're not sure what else to expect from a sci-fi book.

     "really? love between a robot and a human is beautiful?" mick raises his eyebrows. he clearly doesn't agree with you. "robots do not have feelings. they're created to follow our instructions."

     "so you don't believe that one day robots are going to have feelings?"

     "no."

     "so if you were given a chance to write that kind of novel," you start, "what would you write about them?"

     "well, if it was me," mick pauses for a few seconds, putting a lot of thoughts on this imaginary book he is writing. "there would be two humans. both of them have a robot each. the human fall in love with each other. the robots help them build their dream house."

     "that's it? two people fall in love. and their robots build them a beautiful house?" you raise an eyebrow. you can see more about that story. you see you and mick and your robots building your dream house and mick does nothing but loves the house too. "c'mon. they must have a conflict. things that keep them apart at first, but together at the end. or maybe a plot twist."

     "a plot twist?"

     "yeah. a plot twist." your smile gets big. "like maybe it's just an experiment. like none of them actually exist."

     "well, that's so sad."

     you shrug. "yeah, not everything in this world needs to have a happy ending."

     "well, i beg to differ," mick says. serious.

     "go on."

     mick clicks his tongue. "i mean, sure the story can have conflicts and a plot twist, but it should have a happy ending."

     "like how?"

     "well, i'm going to say that the guy has a father. he is ill. got it from an accident, let's say. not able to talk after his tragic accident and they're trying to find a formula to help his brain works again."

     "interesting." you nod your head in agreement. "what about the girl?"

     mick looks away as he begins talking about the girl character of his imaginary novel. "the girl's father is amnesiac. they develop a chip that help the girl's dad getting back his memories again."

     you stare at mick as you stand there frozen. the story sound so familiar. so you. so mick. but you didn't dare to ask him anything so you stare at him again and again, watching mick scratching at the back of his head guiltily as if he knows what you know.

     you gulp. "you must be kidding, right?"

     "what? it's my book. i can write anything i want," mick answers with a shrug.

     fine. you let it drop. you turn to face the other way so mick is back facing you. your face is hot, but is it true that mick has a feeling towards you too? does corinna know? is this why corinna said what she said back at the schumacher's just now?

     finally at the different section, you grab one book that caught your attention.

     "you've reached sam," mick reads the title from behind your shoulder. his hot breath fanning your ears. "what is it about?"

     you turn over the book and reads the summary together, but in silent.

     "wow. i can't imagine losing someone i love," mick says that makes your heart beats faster that fast.

     you quickly put the book back on the shelf as soon as the thought of your father dying crosses your mind. the heart that is pounding in your chest feels different now. it's no longer because you're nervous being this close with mick. it's about something else.

     all thoughts coming into your mind then. from loving to be near mick, to being afraid losing your father, to mick indirectly saying he likes you but you're still not sure, to the thought about mick inviting justine, to mick is using you to get over justine, to contradicting yourself back because you know mick is good guy and he will never hurt you except that time when he's in a realtionship with justine.

     that are so much thought.

     not wanting to overthink again, you move on to another shelf with the same genre, skimming through the books and lazily read the sypnosis knowing that they would always end up the same way. you've left, though you're not guilty to do it. and as if nothing happened, mick returned beside you.

     "hey, hey. look what i found."

     your fingers grazed with mick's when you grab the book from mick's hand. you take your time to read the synopsis at the back of the book, to see what is it about that makes mick excited. mick's breath fans the top of your head while he's keeping his eye on you as if waiting for your reaction.

     "beautiful." you hand back the book to mick, feeling a bile in your throat.

     it's a story about a girl who just lost a family member. and since then, she always feels like she doesn't belong to the world despite having all the family's assets she legally inherited. the hundreds and thousands of amounts of money she has in her bank account doesn't make her happy when the only person she cared and loved the most is dead.

     as the lead character struggles to find herself back and to accept that her family is gone, a guy comes into her life. he is willing to do just anything for her. he could be in london today and new york tomorrow, but he will pick up the girl's call. he could be in asia today and be at the front step of the girl's house tomorrow to see her.

     you already can imagine how it ends.

     "isn't it." mick reclaims the book from your hand. "kind of reminds me of us."

     suddenly, you feel like the world around you stops. blood rushes to your and head. mick has been giving you hints today, but– "us?"

     "you know." mick shrugs, tyring to make it a casual. "your dad having alzheimer's and you have to give up your life in the city centre. you come back here and i'm in the picture."

     "as for what?" you found yourself asking.

     "as someone more than just your best friend."

     you breath stuck in your throat. for a few seconds, as you stand, you saw nothing but mick's bright blue eyes that bore into yours as if giving you hope. hope, faith and chance. you lost them once upon a time. it could be mick bringing you back to believe them. but– "let's go home."

     you turn around, start walking towards where you came in when mick stops you by grabbing your wrist. mick pauses for a few seconds. he's waiting for you to turn around to face him. but you didn't. you didn't want to. your eyes are wet. you don't want mick to see.

     mick rounds you. you hide yourself behind a curtain of your hair. now, all you see is mick's shoes pointing towards you. until you fee mick's hand cupping your cheek and pull your face to look up to him. "are you okay?"

     "take me home. could you please, mick?"

     mick sighs. he doesn't understand what's happening. he thought he was doing it right with you. call him pathetic for using the same tactic he did with justine. no, don't get him wrong. he didn't confess to justine in the bookstore. he took justine to her favourite place and opened up to her. he thought it would work with you when he brought you to your favourite place: the bookstore.

     on the way home, both of you keep quiet. nothing comes out of your mouth. the car is also silent because you turned the radio off when mick turned it on. both of you are consumed with your thoughts. though you see at the corner of your eyes, mick tries to communicate with you.