vi.

when it's time for lunch, gina was first to be seated at the dining table, too hungry from her session at schmidt's stable. everyone eats only when everyone is seated at the dining table. though gina is treating herself as if she's at her family's house.

     mick on the other hand is embarrassed with his sister's behaviour. sure, he used to having lunches and dinners at your house, but that was several years ago. to be able to do this again feels like he's starting over with you and your family.

     or could it be with gina there he can get used to this sooner?

     everyone is doing their own part at the dining table. one asks questions. one answers the questions. one more person makes fun of the person who asked the question because she likes to make fun of her little brother. a late-30 woman is keeping an eye on an old man who is feeding himself slowly. for a moment, everything looks so perfect at the dining table until the old man stops eating, leaves the dining table and starts hunting for something.

     four of you stop eating immediately. everyone wears a worried look on their faces as you watch your father looking around the house for something. he stops in front of the tv where the coffee table sits. he upturns the rattan bowl, rummaging through its content scattering on the table. then he takes out everything inside the sofa remote holder. when he didn't find what he's looking for, he moves towards the tv cabinet.

     he opens the tv cabinet, takes out every cd, dvd, book, extension wire, more remote controls and dust. you hear him mumbling something, but he still hasn't found it.

     "dad, what are you looking for?"

     your dad doesn't answer you.

     "dad, do you need help?"

     "ma!" the old man calls. "where's my... where's my..."

     mick freezes. he knows you have no one except your father (except occasionally, though when you were little, diana the nanny was in the picture) and annie came only when your father was diagnosed with alzheimer's. your father's mother died before you even existed. maybe michael knew her but not you or mick or gina or annie. now it makes you wonder how far back his memory is deleted from his brain.

     but it seems that even by calling for help from his mother, he doesn't know what he's looking for. and the house is already a mess. it looks as if there was a thief. you leave the dining table and approach your dad.

     "dad, why don't you sit down for a minute. i'm sure it'll come back to you if you calm down."

     "no. i can't!" he says. "it's important!"

     "why don't you tell me what you're looking for and i'll help you find it?"

     "i--i don't remember what i'm looking for. i will know when i find it."

     frustrated, your dad starts hitting himself. it has happened a few times before. it's only been a year since your father was diagnosed but this disease is eating him way faster than the doctors claimed.

     while you try to stop him form beating himself (you getting beaten in the process), annie jumps out of her seat to get the seductive in her room while gina plays a soft, melancholy music in the background. once again, mick is left in horror as he watches everything unfolding itself in front of his eyes. what's more surprising is how his sister looks like she knows what she's doing.

     mick certainly doesn't know what to do in the situation and how to offer any help. it's hurting him to watch your father hitting himself just because he cannot remember what he's looking for. and seeing you gets beaten...

     by the time your father calms down, he watches you slumping onto the ground with a loud thud. your eyes are wet. you look tired despite the fact that you just had your lunch.

     gina helps annie carrying your father to his room while mick approaches you.

     "you okay?" mick asks as he crouches right in front of you. when you didn't answer, mick continues, "annie and gina already brought your father to bed. do you want to take a walk?"

     you nod your head weakly.

     "i'm sorry you have to see that," you finally speak after 30 minutes of walk. you're still too tired from tending your father but thanks to mick, he understood.

     "do you want to hear what i think?" mick inhales deeply. "your father doesn't bother me."

     you raise your eyebrow at mick. "what do you mean?"

     "i mean, your father doesn't bother me," mick repeats but before you could open your mouth to say anything, mick quickly adds, "look, how your father behaved just now may get out of hands and i need to learn how to help you--"

     "why--"

     "but the fact that gina knows about your father. not me. and the fact that she knows what to do when herr erberhardt starts misbehaving tells me that she knew for awhile."

     "i just didn't want you to worry about me."

     "by telling gina and not tell me?"

     you sigh. you hate to hear the irritation in mick's voice. you know you're wrong. he is your best friend. if augustine hadn't cross the road yesterday and you hadn't almost hit her, you probably was still not ready to tell mick about your father because you're just insecure about yourself now. you lost your dream job while mick is striving. no one can tell you that you're wrong to feel that.

     mick knows not to want to argue with you especially when you're tired, so he drops the topic.

     that's okay, he thinks. i can ask her next time i see her, he monologues. if it's not tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, i have next week. because i will be seeing her again next week when seb comes to visit me and my family. even if she didn't bring her father (i hope she will) because she's also close with seb. but either way, i know that i will want to keep seeing her for as long as i can work this out.

     when both of you get back to your house, gina is sitting at the front porch to wait for mick to get back home together. annie is nowhere to be seen but you bet she's inside, cleaning up the house after the hazard.

     "don't forget next week, okay? i'll ask mum to cook your favourite cheesecake," mick says while hugging you.

     "and tell us if you need anything. you know we're always ready help you whenever you need us."

     you nod your head and smile at gina. "i will. thanks."

     when the siblings are out of your vision, you turn around where your house is. the house that holds thousands of memories with one who doesn't remember them at all.