045.
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.*・。. WAITING FOR SUPERMAN .*・。.
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045.
GETTING BACK TO
NORMAL.
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——
Things hadn't been the same, since that night.
"How are you, Lois?"
That was a question that Lois didn't know how to answer. She didn't know what to say; she wasn't doing badly, but she wasn't doing the best, either. Spring-break hadn't been what she had expected it to be — well, not what she hoped it would be. It was definitely what she had expected.
She hadn't known how to act, after her father and Melissa found out that the supernatural existed. They had witnessed the kanima attacking and they had watched Derek and Scott transform into werewolves. The two parental figures had watched their children be held at gunpoint, by a twisted teenager who had gotten in too far above his head. Lois' father had discovered why she had been acting so weird lately, why she was so different, and why she had been lying to him for months. It finally made sense.
It had been awkward.
While her father didn't hate her for lying to him about her life lately, he hadn't exactly been thrilled. Lois hadn't seen much of him over spring-break, but she wasn't surprised: his job had meant that he would be covering the case with Stilinski, as they tried to tie up loose ends and piece together why Matt had done what he had done. Stiles' father had gotten his title of sheriff back and together, the two men were trying to fix the mess that had been made to the best of their ability. Matthew Lane hadn't mentioned any details to Lois, only that Scott's identity would be kept out of it, unless it was about the hostage situation, itself.
Lois had understood it as a sign that he would keep the kanima and werewolves to himself, and she had been grateful.
She had been having dreams again. Vivid ones. But, they were different now. They weren't all memories haunting her from that night, but amalgamations of falling into the pool at Lydia's party and being trapped inside the police station. Now, they were snippets of all three traumatic events. Lois hadn't been sleeping very well because of the dreams, but that wasn't anything new.
Drowning wasn't always what greeted her at the end of her nightmares, anymore. The cause of death would vary. Drowning, being shot in the head, or even having her throat ripped out by the kanima. It was always different, but had the same result: death.
It didn't help that the bullet wound on her biceps had started to scar. The hospital had told her that she had been lucky that the bullet had grazed her skin rather than penetrated it, otherwise she could have bled out after being stuck that long without medical attention, or it could have hit a nerve and she would have lost the feeling in her arm completely. While getting shot at by the Argents hadn't been the highlight of her day, at least there was an upside, of sorts. Lois was still physically healthy, lucky to have gotten out of that station alive.
She didn't feel very lucky, but then again — who did?
Matt, however, hadn't been so lucky. The police had found his body in the river by the station the next morning, and he had been pronounced dead on the scene. It made Lois's stomach stir.
There was something so bitterly ironic about his death. The boy that had been scared of water, after a traumatic event that had taken place in his childhood, had died at the hands of his own phobia: water. Matt had drowned.
There hadn't been much word on what had happened to him, though her father seemed sure that it wasn't an accident, judging by the couple of things that she'd heard him discussing with Noah.
Derek and his betas had gone into hiding. They hadn't seen or heard from them, since that night at the station. It wasn't a shock; seeing as the Argents wanted to kill them all, Lois half expected to never see Derek, Isaac, Erica and Boyd ever again. Allison had also gone off the grid, Stiles and Luna were barely able to function anymore, and Scott wasn't doing so well, either.
One by one, they were falling apart.
Lois had spent most of her break cooped up in her room, half hiding from the world, and half being too lonely to head outside.
She had stared out of her window and contemplated life; she had thought about things that she hadn't been able to think about for a long time. Lois had thought about her mother and how much she missed her, and she had thought about Derek thinking that she was the kanima's master, only to save her life when Matt was ready to shoot her dead.
And she had thought about how little time she got to spend with Lydia lately, and where she had gone after her party, and why she had even vanished. Lois had thought about Allison and Scott's relationship falling apart at the seams, whether she should try and speak to Allison about her mother, having known what it felt like to lose one. The brunette had also spent a lot of her time thinking about Isaac Lahey; where he was, if he knew about what his father had done, whether he had been upset that Lois hadn't been the one controlling Jackson and thus unable to kill her. Thoughts of his lips upon hers had crept up in her mind, only once or twice, but Lois had immediately shook them off.
She had told him not to kiss her, but he had. Twice.
She wanted him to.
After the night at the station, Lois' father had asked how she would feel about going back to a counsellor. Not necessarily the same sort of therapy she had received after her mother's death, but some sessions with the school counsellor once a week. Stiles had been to see her once or twice, and Matthew had wondered if it might have been good for his daughter to talk to someone that would understand better than he did. Lois had agreed.
So, all in all, Lois was alright. She was sleep-deprived, her relationship with her father had turned awkward and sour, and she had a scar that would live with her, forever. But, she was alright.
"I'm good," she eventually answered, "Better."
"You went through a pretty nasty experience," Ms Morrell had spoke calmly, noticing the way that Lois' leg bounced up and down. "I'd understand if you were still recovering from it, that sort of thing isn't easy to get over."
Lois nodded her head slowly, "I know, but I've had to get over things, before. I know that it's survivable."
"Of course," the woman agreed softly, "You're good at pushing on, Lois."
"Yeah— well, it's something that I've had to do, a lot." Lois shrugged her shoulders and started to fiddle with the loose thread on her jacket. She felt the urge to ask for some scissors so that she could cut it off, part of her wanting to wrap it round her fingers and yanked it violently so it would snap, but she refrained herself from doing both. "You get used to it."
"Do you think that Matt managed to push on?"
The teenager looked back up at Ms Morrell and pursed her lips tightly, sitting in silence as she thought about how to answer. It was obvious, to her, that the boy hadn't been able to move on from what had happened to him — Lois hadn't moved on from what things happened to her, either — but was that the same as pushing on?
"I think he managed to live his life everyday, even when it weighed him down." Lois told her, "I think that he was able to push on because he had no choice."
"I see that." Ms Morrell hummed lightly, "He had no choice."
It was silent in the office again, before the guidance counsellor continued, "He liked you, didn't he?"
Lois felt her body stiffen up at the comment, avoiding all eye contact as she returned to playing with the loose thread. She shrugged her shoulders and puckered her lips, trying not to think back to what he had said to her that night. She should have given him a chance. He was in love with her. If he couldn't have her, no one could. It sent a shiver down her spine, his voice playing in her head so clearly, so profound, repeating over and over, just like a broken record. It made her gut twist.
"He also liked killing people," she answered, bluntly.
"Matt was troubled—"
"Matt was a psychopath." Lois interrupted quickly, her voice sharp. Ms Morrell looked surprised at the time the girl had taken, but she didn't say anything. It had come from a place of anger and pent-up anxiety, "I don't feel sorry for him."
"Right," Ms Morrell nodded her head in understanding, "Can you feel sorry for the nine year old Matt, who drowned?"
Lois frowned.
"Just because those kids dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim, doesn't really give him the right to go off, killing them one by one. Does it?"
Feeling that there was more to come, Ms Morrell leant back in her chair and listened closely.
"My dad told me that they found pictures of me on Matt's computer. Allison had already told me about his camera, but it got worse." The girl ran her tongue across her teeth in frustration, her heart racing as she thought about what she had been told. "And not just of me, of other girls too. He photoshopped himself into a lot of them, stuff like us holding hands or kissing. It was like he had built this whole fake relationship."
"He thought that I would understand him, that I was the only person that could ever understand. He wasn't wrong, but he was obsessed." She sighed, "Maybe drowning when he was nine was what sent him off the rails, but I think that he was always riding the crazy train."
"Your friends weren't impressed?" The question was more of a statement. Lois shook her head, Stiles had been raging. But Ms Morrell already knew about that.
"Have you talked to your friends at all, lately? Since that night?"
"Not as much." Lois wrinkled her nose, "I mean— Stiles has his own problems to deal with, so does Scott. Him and his mother are trying to work through it."
She thought about her other friends, "Luna is stuck to Stiles like glue, and I don't think anyone's really talked to Allison. But that is her choice, you know? Her mom dying hit her really hard, even though I guess it brought her and her dad closer." Lois shrugged again and shrunk down in her seat, "I can't really blame her for shutting herself off, from the world."
"What about Jackson?"
"Jackson?" Lois echoed, "I'm not really friends with Jackson, but he hasn't really been himself, either."
"Actually—" the Lane girl thought about her strawberry blonde friend and smiled lightly, almost able to find humour in her next words. "—it's kind of weird, but Lydia is the one who seems the most normal, right now. She's not the only headcase, anymore. I bet she's enjoying that."
Ms Morrell moved the conversation on, "What about the game, tonight? Are you excited about that? Word on the street is that Stiles might be playing."
"He's the resident bench-sitter," Lois snorted.
The idea of her best friend being out on the field during their championships game was very far-fetched, it was immensely so.
"But one of his teammates is dead and another's missing—so, who knows?"
"You're talking about Isaac, one of the three runaways." The counsellor noted, "You haven't heard from any of them?"
"Why would I?" She rose a brow, "We're not friends."
"I heard that you went to the party with Isaac," Ms Morrell related the information and picked up her pen, slowly spinning it between her fingers and passing it from hand to hand. "It sounded like you two had a lot of fun, that night. Dancing, being teenagers. From what I heard, it sounded like you two might have been more than friends."
Lois immediately denied it, "We aren't."
"Did you go with Isaac to avoid going with Matt?" The woman gently pried, receiving a brief nod. She felt like there was more to it than that, but she didn't push her.
"How about we get back to you, Lois?"
"Like I told you, I'm fine." Lois said, "I mean— I don't really sleep anymore, but I guess I never really did to start with. And I hardly speak to my dad, and I haven't seen my friends in a while, which is pretty lonely. My arms been recovering well, and even though I can't spend a single minute of the day without feeling like something bad is going to happen, I'm still alive, right?"
"Hyper-vigilance," Ms Morrell explained, "The persistent feeling of being under threat."
"It's not just a feeling," the girl responded, even though there was no way that she could truly explain what she had meant by it. Lois didn't just feel like she was under threat, Lois was constantly under threat. "Can it be a feeling when you're almost drowning?"
Morrell hummed, "Aquaphobia is a common fear, Lois."
"I know," she nodded.
"Usually it's triggered by a traumatic experience, which was what happened to Matt." With a moments silence, the counsellor carried on. "Did something happen to you, Lois?"
Lois hesitated.
Then, in the spur of the moment, she caved.
"My mom drowned."
Ms Morrell gave her the time to decided if she wanted to say anything else, not forcing or prying further than that, but Lois felt the need to say more. Everyone knew that she was scared of water, by now, it was just a limited amount of people that knew exactly why. After falling in Lydia's pool, perhaps it would have been good to tell someone why.
"I almost drowned, too." Lois bit her lip, "I was young, and I didn't go swimming often, so it freaked me out of water."
"That's understandable," Morrell spoke, "It's scary."
Lois sucked in a deep breath and clenched her fists, trying to stop her hands from trembling and her eyes from growing watery. She didn't like to talk about her mother, and even stating what had happened plagued her mind with memories.
"But I know I'm not the only one."
Lois stood from her seat and grabbed her bag, already heading towards the door in hopes of finding fresh air to breathe, "Can I go?"
The woman seemed hesitant but soon nodded.
"Sure," Ms Morrell smiled, "Have fun at the game, Lois."
Nodding her head and forcing a smile back, Lois existed the guidance office and shut the door behind her. She leant back on the wall beside it, head tilted towards as she tried to suck in as much oxygen as she could. She had started to feel cramped in there, and the talking had made her feel light headed.
It had been a while since Lois had spoken to anyone about her problems, so it had been a bit much. It was another reminder of her childhood that suffocated her daily, and she had just needed to get out of there. Lois had needed a moment to breathe.
• • •
Instead of spending her whole afternoon being sat alone in her room, telling Lydia that she didn't want to go shopping today, and having yet another awkward encounter with her father, Lois had found herself spending the time inside the Beacon Hills Animal Clinic with Scott and his boss.
Scott had asked if they could talk, needing to update her on the event of the night prior. He had originally rung Lois to tell her the news, having done the same with Luna and Stiles, but she had jumped at the opportunity to meet him in person. She needed to get out of the house and stop moping about, and hearing about her friend getting an unexpected visit from Gerard Argent and the kanima was the perfect distraction. She had learnt that Gerard was now the one that was in control of Jackson, and that he had threatened Scott by almost strangling Melissa. It seemed that whenever their problems felt the biggest they had ever been, even bigger ones appeared.
Another plus to talking to Scott in person, was the opportunity to be around the animals in the vets. While she didn't work there or have any animal experience, Deaton trusted Lois enough to help look after the sick puppies and kittens.
Lois helped to feed them, fill up their water-bowls, even just sit with them and assuring them that they would be alright. She may not have been a shapeshifter or half-animal, but she had enough common-sense to know when an animal was feeling down. They also seemed to know when Lois was feeling down, and most of the afternoon had been spent with puppies gravitating towards her, as is it was instinct. It had helped to make her feel better, too.
She had been stroking a puppies head while he was being given shots to help with his pain, when the door to the clinic had chimed in sign that it had opened.
"Would you mind seeing who that is?" Deaton asked Scott, who nodded and rounded the table.
The teen wolf frowned when the air filled with barks of dogs, howls and yaps, and he rose an eyebrow at his boss. Lois stayed with the puppy while they ventured into the front of the clinic to find out how had come in, her attention solely focused on the animal laying before her. The puppy whined and she pouted her lips, gently scratching behind his ear.
"It's okay, Isaac."
Lois' head popped up when she heard Deaton say his name, the amount of barks slowing. She pursed her lips and turned back to the dog, running a finger lightly between his eyebrows while Dearon ushered Isaac inside, "We're open."
Lois didn't say anything, when he entered the room. She could feel him looking at her but she resisted the urge to look back, not sure that she could stomach facing him, right about now.
While he hadn't killed her and she had begrudgingly forgiven Derek for thinking that she was the one controlling the kanima, Lois was still angry that Isaac had only agreed to the fake date to keep an eye on her. She thought that he had done her a favour and they had had a pretty good time in the end, only for her to find out that it was even more fake than she had anticipated. Just when Lois had thought that maybe she and the beta could have a chance of getting along, he had ruined it. Now, they were back to square one. Perhaps her and Isaac weren't supposed to get along, ever — maybe they clashed too much to have a proper, grown-up conversation without something going wrong.
She wondered if they would ever get along.
"Why does it smell, like that?" Isaac wrinkled his nose as he leaned against the surgical table.
Lois rose an eyebrow, unsure of what he had meant and unable to smell anything with her human senses, watching as Scott and Deaton shared a look.
Isaac noticed too, "What?"
"Scott said almost the same thing to me, a few months ago. One day, he could somehow tell the difference between which animals were getting better, and which were not." Deaton explained the story as Scott nodded. It was a memory and event that Scott had never mentioned to his friends, but Lois understood why. It wasn't exactly cheerful.
"He's not getting better, is he?" Isaac peered down at the little dog on the table, pity in his eyes as the animal whined. He snuck a glance at Lois as she stroked the puppy gently and then looked away again, "Is it cancer?"
"Osteosarcoma." Deaton corrected, "It has a very distinct scent, doesn't it?"
The beta nodded his head, agreeing with the statement. He let himself watch the puppy for a little longer, almost mesmerised by the way that the little guy wreaked of pain, but was still going.
Lois allowed her eyes to travel away from the animal and up to the teenage boy that watch the dog intently with pursed his lips, evidently upset about the inevitable fate it had. Deaton gave the dog another shot, Isaac's eyes widening when the puppy whined in pain, then popped its head back down onto its paws. She may not have been able to read minds, but Lois could tell that Isaac already cared about the animal without even knowing it. It was something that she could relate to.
"Come here," Deaton gently beckoned Isaac over to him and the boy complied, shuffling to stand by the veterinarian's left side, "I know you're well aware of what your new abilities can do for you. Improved strength, speed, and healing. But have you ever wonder what it could do for others?"
Isaac shook his head, and Deaton smiled.
"Give me your hand."
Although he seemed hesitant, Isaac did as interjected and placed in his wrist in Deaton's grip. Deaton slowly guided his hand down to the puppy's side, gesturing for him to pet the animal with soft encouragement, "Go on."
His veins darkness, turning black as pain travelled through his fingers and up his arm. Isaac pulled up his sleeve and watched the darkness move, slowly disappearing right in front of his eyes. He glanced back up at Scott and Deaton, worried about what had just happened to him. Lois had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling at how terrified he looked, not knowing that what he had just done had been good. It had been very good, in fact.
"What did I do?"
Scott smiled, "You took some of his pain, away."
"Only a little bit," Deaton added, "But sometimes a little can make quite a difference."
"It's okay," Scott assured him gently, watching as Isaac brought his hand to his mouth and blinked harshly, his breathing a little unsteady. He chuckled, "First time he showed me, I cried, too."
Isaac let out a light laugh, pulling away from his hand with tears eyes. He smiled at the omega and then at the pup, his heart now shining with pride. It felt good to take the pain away from someone else, especially when you couldn't take away your own. It made him feel better about living this kind of life.
Again, Isaac glanced at Lois.
He knew that she was in pain.
——
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