Billie came to sit next to me in silence, handing me a bottle of water. She opened another and sat down on the dock, her red lipstick smearing the rim of the bottle. I watched her as she hugged her knees to her chest and rested her arms on top. Surely, she knows what she's doing? Who looks like that by accident?

She did...

I thought she was far away again; lost in places I couldn't reach. I gave myself permission to stare at her a little longer. To take her in and convince myself she was real. That I was real. That we were there together.

She nudged me, smiling.

"Only serial killers stare at people for that long."

"Sorry."

"What is it?" she asked, her face implying she knew exactly what it was. "Do I have something in my teeth?"

"No." I smiled, shaking my head. I know what you're doing.

"Then what were you thinking?" I don't care. I'm doing it anyway.

"I wasn't thinking. Just looking."

"There's a lake right there." She gestured to the water; the surface turning white in the sun. "Why are you looking at me?"

"This view is better..."

Our eyes met and then drifted to the floor. It was all fun and games until we had to follow through.

"It was always here..." she said, her voice a hum in the quiet air. I looked at her. She wanted an explanation I didn't know how to give. I panicked, choosing defense.

"And... Did you notice me? Before the other night?"

She rolled her eyes.

"What?" I asked, irritation brewing in my chest.

"Everyone notices Joe Eliot."

I snapped my head towards the water, watching a pair of geese trudge across the opposite bank. I concentrated on them, trying to quiet my racing thoughts.

"Most people would take that as compliment..." Billie said. I could feel her eyes on me. She didn't understand. She was trying to be nice. Trying to inflate my ego. She didn't know that her even thinking I wanted that sent me into a rage. Did I really come across so two-dimensional?

"Maybe they would."

I picked a weed from between the panels of wood and threw it into the water.

"But not you..."

She was saying what she was seeing and nothing more. She was giving me the space, letting me come back down. I appreciated her for it. I appreciated the way she could see me. Could backtrack from her mistakes. Could read me so well already.

To let her know all of this, I shook my head.

"People know me because my parents go away. They love the parties...That I play on the football team."

I shrugged.

"It gets tiring."

I looked at Billie. It was her turn to stare across the water, the summer breeze ruffling her hair. She said nothing, taking in my words. The silence felt nice. It showed she was listening. That she understood how important that was to me.

"Your parents..." she said. "They're back tomorrow?"

I felt my jaw clench.

"They won't stay for long.."

"Oh?"

"They never do."

"Huh..."

I looked at her and she looked at me. With a sad smile, she reached out and touched my arm. I didn't move away. We turned red, embarrassed by it all, but neither of us stopped.

We stayed that way for a few minutes watching a pair of damselflies hover over the lake, their emerald and sapphire bodies flashing in the sun.

"It's hot..." Billie said, her voice hoarse. It was as if we hadn't spoken for years, the sudden return of our voices causing us both to wake up.

"It is..." I smiled.

She stood up, pulling off her Gucci belt and throwing it on the dock, the metal clattering against the wood.

"What are you doing?"

"It's hot," she said again.

I watched her undo the back of her jumpsuit and pull it down to her waist.

"You're going in the water," I said, addressing the air in front of me.

"Yes." She paused. Was she waiting for me to look at her? I swallowed, the back of my neck burning hot. "Are you coming?"

When I finally got brave enough to look up, I saw her standing in her matching red underwear that barely concealed her body, her skin tanned and smooth all over. I looked away again fast.

I jammed my mouth shut, stopping my stupidity from escaping. She looked at me, her head cocked to the side. I must have looked like an idiot, mute and frozen, my arms wrapped around my knees, my jaw clenched like I was in pain. Whatever, she expected me to do, it wasn't this.

Words were out, so I jumped up instead. Heart racing, I pulled off my t-shirt and shrugged out of my shorts.

"Ta-da," I said, stretching out my arms. An attempt to defuse the situation.

She laughed, clapping her hands together.

"You're so embarrassed."

My face turned red hot as I looked down at the deck, spluttering an awkward response. My words were still not functioning, but she had taken my embarrassment away. She had made it okay somehow. I looked up, pulling myself together.

"Hi," she said, acknowledging the shift. Like we were starting again.

"Hi." I stepped towards her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. I put my hands on her hips, guiding her body toward mine. Her skin was warm as we pressed together. I wondered if she could hear my heart pounding through my chest. I didn't want to, but maybe I had no choice. My body responded to her without my consent. There was nothing I could do. Nowhere to hide.

For a moment, I thought it was going to happen right there on the dock. I was kissing her and she was kissing me, my mouth finding her neck and her throat, and then her mouth again. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't do things like this. With Ingrid, it was all very regimented and proper. The right amount of passion, the right amount of awkwardness and nerves. This was something else.

Billie's hands spread across my back, pulling me closer. There we were, not even ten yards from the road, risking being seen or stumbled upon. Any one of my neighbours could have driven past on their way to our line of houses. But even the thought Mr McCutcheon, a man who had scared me with his thick eyebrows and gruff voice childhood, couldn't stop me now.

It was Billie that stopped me, stepping away and jumping in the water with a look that said, 'try again later'.

I nearly melted on the dock.

I followed her into the lake, wincing as my head went under. I came to the surface and wiped my eyes, blinking. The sun beat down on my back, the water slapped me with its cold sting. Pleasure and pain. Billie opening me up then stepping away... I would do anything for her. Anything to feel her skin against mine again.

Did she pull away because she didn't want me or because she was nervous?

I felt it was the latter. It's all fun and games until we have to follow through.

We splashed around in the water, chasing each other, dragging each other, racing to the dock. Billie climbed on my back, wrapping her legs around me and then falling off with a scream. Each second brought us closer to the end of our performance.

Can't hide forever.

I followed Billie out of the lake, the smell of the water clinging to our skin and our hair, and dressed with her on the dock. I offered her my t-shirt ('more comfortable than that thing you're wearing') and pulled up my shorts, leaving my damp torso exposed. I picked up her jumpsuit (I had known the name for it all along – just wanted to make her laugh) and threw it over my shoulder. With a soft smile, I stepped into the road, leading her back to the house where we would have to decide how far our courage would take us.

When we got back, we sat on the patio, stretching our legs and enjoying the last of the afternoon sun. I brought us drinks - two ciders with ice- and we sipped and talked, our conversation rolling along with the end of the daylight hours.

As the sun began to drop, I could see her shivering. Panic fluttered in my chest. Soon, we would have to go inside, and then it would be night time and I would have to ask if she was staying and where she was staying and if she was staying because of me or because it was too late to go home. I would have to offer her a spare room and hope she didn't take it and let my cheeks turn red as the alternative – her staying in my bed – screamed in the air between us unsaid.

To put all of that off, I went and got her a blanket, pulling a fresh t-shirt over my head. I didn't want to take mine from her. I liked her in it. She made it look new. She made my semi-conscious decision to buy it seem significant.

"You can keep that. It looks better on you."

She looked down at the blue cotton material as if trying to work out if I was flattering her.

"Thanks."

She smiled and leaned back in the patio chair, rubbing her bare feet together in the last of the day's heat.

I wanted to tell her she was beautiful, but the words died in my mouth.

Don't scare her. Mustn't have too many feelings...

But then again, weren't girls always complaining that boys are heartless? That we never showed emotion? But if we do, we run the risk of being too 'full on' and making them run away.

Don't get into that now.

I looked at Billie again, her eyes roaming over my garden. She was calm. Comfortable, her cider glass balancing between her legs, her nails tapping a rhythm on the glass.

I had a feeling I could tell her what I was thinking. That I could open up. She caught me staring and cocked her head to the side, smiling again in her knowing away.

"What?"

"You."

"What about me?"

"Beautiful."

It was all I could bring myself to say. Adding the 'you're' seemed more intense somehow. More of a commitment. Her smile got bigger. She could sense my nerves and seemed to like me more for having them.

"Thank you."

And then her eyes went back to the garden. No big deal. No awkward laughter. No telling me I was wrong and fishing for more. Just sitting. Just being. Letting the feeling breathe.

It was then I realised I was having the best day of my life. It was a quiet realisation. No panic. No fanfare.

Here we are, something inside me seemed to say. This is where we are.

We sat in silence for a while and then spoke again, our voices getting deeper, quieter. The cold wrapped itself around us, ushering us towards our conclusion. Make or break. Was I ready? Was she? I didn't know. All I knew was that I had to ask her to go inside. There was nothing else to do.

I swallowed, counting in my head until I found the nerve to say:

"So...?"

She looked at me, her dark eyes opening, and nodded, glancing towards the house.

We got up. Inside, I was falling to pieces. I knew she could see. I didn't mind.