(Thomas POV)

I didn't want to move if I didn't have Newt. I missed his hugs,his kisses,his voice. Every part of him. Yet I had to see him everyday at school,I had to talk to him. I'd go out of my mind if I didn't.

Newt stands there by himself,looking slowly at his phone,as if he's waiting for someone to text him. I bet it's Ben. But I had to talk to him,knock some sense in to his head.

"Newt!" I call,my heart cracking as his name drifts into the air. I walk to him and slowly look into his eyes,they looked so broken.

"Tommy,you know we're done. I told you."
"The night before you dumped me,you told me you loved me," I state.
"I know," he whispers as he looks down.
"So look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me now."

He shakes his head and pulls away "Tommy,I've got to go."
"No you don't. Listen,Newt. I love you. And I know you love me too. When you're ready to admit that come find me,because I'll be waiting,it's all I need to know now."

I see the tears in his eyes as he nods and walks away. I pant and lean against my locker as the tears stream down my face,but hands hold me close as I see Brenda.

"Shhh,Tom,it's okay," she whispers as she burrows my head in her neck then gently strokes my head.
"This isn't fair!" I cry. Not caring who hears.
"It's a fucking stupid, messed up world."
I nod and wipe my eyes "Is it really this hard. Loosing someone?"
"You haven't lost him yet Tom," she smiles and stands me up as she dries my eyes "It hurts for those who care the most about things. Cheer up,I'll take you to the dance,and we'll have a good time. I promise," she hugs me tight and slowly stands me up.

I didn't speak for the rest of the day,I just sat in the library with Brenda listening to ballads of Rock. Nothing though could get Newt off my mind.

"So," Minho sits down with us "I guess I'm picking up everyone for the dance on Friday,"
"I'm not going," I mutter.
"Come on Thomas," he sighs "It won't be fun without you. I'm sorry about Newt though."
"He told me he loved me," I wipe my eyes as I think of it "It should make a difference when someone loves you,shouldn't it?"
"I'm sure it does. Now,are we gonna have a girly hug,or are we going to sort this out? Go to the dance and have a good time. I've known Newt for a long time,I know what he's like,and it'll be okay."
"What happens when we graduate? He'll leave me. I can't,I can't live without him."

"Then tell him that," Brenda smiles "You can't go wrong." She nods as I turn around. Newt sits there with Sonya,they're both laughing.

I shake my head and look down "He's happy without me." I grab a book and throw it across the room,pushing the table as I run out. Brenda and Minho running after.

(Newt POV)

I watch Tommy and look down,shaking heavily as Sonya takes my hand.

"I'll hurt him," I whisper "I'm not right for him."
"But you love him,"
"That doesn't matter."
"Yes,yes it does. You can fix this,"
"Or I can go to Ben."
"No! Newt,no!"

I shake my head as Ben rests his hand on my shoulder,squeezing it heavily.

"You okay Sonya?" He mutters as I stand up.
"Oh,don't talk to me!" She snaps,folding her arms.
"Sonya,don't.." I warn.
"It's okay babe," Ben chuckles and kisses my cheek then jaw "You ready to go?"
"Where are you going?" Sonya asks as she takes my arm "You're not taking Newt anywhere,I'm going out with him."
"Oh yeah?" Ben scoffs as I keep completely silent. 
"Yes! We're going to study. Come on Newt," Sonya gently takes my hand and we walk away. Once we're not in sight of Ben she takes my shoulders and looks into my eyes "You can't replace him Newt,no matter how hard you try."

"I don't want lose him," I whisper and kick the wall. Sliding down as I burrow my head in my knees,squeezing my eyes shut "This is all my fault."

(Thomas POV)

I sit down in class as I scroll through photos of me and Newt on my phone. He looks perfect in every single one,I smile as I look at the more recent ones. Each had a memory behind. What I like about photographs is that they capture a moment that's gone forever, impossible to reproduce. Or even if you had lost the person in the photo,they'd still be there,by your side. Except for the fact that I never imagined loosing Newt,it was the worst feeling possible. My nightmares never even seemed to bring them up,maybe because they can't be that torturous.

"Thomas!" My teacher calls as I immediately switch my phone off "Put the device on my desk,I'll talk to you at the end of the lesson."

I roll my eyes and walk up to the front,I pass Newt who just looks down. As if he doesn't know me at all. I sigh and sit back down.

"Is it possible to truly enjoy power?" The teacher asks the class as I shake my head and slowly rip out a page from my book. I write quickly down onto it

Can we talk?
-Tommy

I hand it to Minho,then to Gally who hands it to Newt. I watch as he slowly opens it and replies

Yes
-Newt

Will you still come to the dance with me on Friday?
-Tommy

Maybe
-Newt

I meant want I said today
-Tommy

Me too
-Newt

I love you.
-Tommy

As I hand this to him I watch him read it. His hands tremble as he rips the note up and places it in the bin closest to him. I look down and bite my lip to hold in the tears as the bell rings,I wait as everyone leaves.

"Thomas,this won't take long," my teacher smiles as he leans his hand on the desk "You do know my rules,phones aren't allowed in class."
"I'm sorry," I sigh "It was an emergency."
"I'll let you off. Just focus on your class work,exams are very soon," he hands me back my phone.
"I know. I will,"

I pull my books to me and walk out,normally Newt would've been here to wait. But not to day. It's Minho.

"Let's go," he smiles.
"I just need to use the bathroom,"
"No!" He shouts then calms down "No Thomas."
"Why not- Is.. Newt in there?"
He nods and looks down "And Ben. I'm sorry."
"Why would he do this?"
"Because,people do stupid things when they're trying to pretend like they're not trapped."
"I.. I don't care. I need to face up to it,"
"Okay,"

We're about to walk in when Ben storms out,knocking past us. We walk inside as I hear cries coming from inside the cubicle.

"Please help me get over him.. Please.." I hear Newt's voice whimper as I cup my hand over my mouth,about to fall to my knees because of this pain inside of me but Minho catches me. Pulling me close,he had never been this supportive before. 

At that moment Newt walks our,bundles of tissue in his hands,his eyes a bright stinging red. He gulps and looks down as he walks straight out.

"I can't see him like this," I sigh as I grip onto the sink,trying to control the pain. It felt like broken ribs. Nobody can see it but it hurts every time I breathe "I know that I screwed him over. I didn't want to see him screwed over by someone else."

"You mean,even if he's happy,you don't want him to be with anyone but you," Minho corrects.
I nod and turn to him "Does that make me selfish?"
"No. It makes you in love. It's good Thomas. He's in love with you,and you're in love with him."

I shake my head and look down

"And it's like Goddamn tragedy."

Sorry if it seems quite slow,it'll build up in the next few chapters. I promise a lot of Newtmas feels!!!