Prativindya had long since fallen asleep snuggled in his baby blanket. Yet her rhythmic pats over his chest did not pause and neither did her humming. The melody was a cyclic repeatation of only a part of an entire song- a half forgotten one. Abhijishya softly sang the words under her breath and filled in the spaces of the lost ones with her own. Her mother used to sing them to her as a child and later to her sister. So she had sang it to Anvi and now to Vindu except it was a pity her memory could only treasure a small part of it.

The real meaning of loss was realized when the human mind failed to recall the details- her mother's scent, her sister's pout, her father's stern gaze, her friends' teasing. All their faces now appeared as blurred images under her closed eyelids. Eighteen years she had spent with them and fourteen years away from them. Abhijishya had given up on avoiding thinking of them when it first dawned on her that she couldn't trace her mother's face on paper accurately. Many parchments were crumbled, torn and tossed but she couldn't do it. That was seven years ago - a four year old Anvi had wanted to meet her grandparents. It was then Abhijishya finally irrevocably lost something.

The pangs of hurt she tried to avoid only got replaced by guilt and an emptiness she wished didn't belong to her. After that, Abhijishya had commemorated some of her solitude to reminiscing the family she left behind. Their memories brought her a comfort she didn't know she was yearning for. Abhijishya sighed out a small laugh. Wouldn't Baba be infuriated to see her married at nineteen, a mother by twenty and a wife sharing a husband with another woman? Maa would be stuck between disapproval and awe though. She was married to Panduputra Nakul. That was a huge plus on her mother's book or Abhijishya would like to pretend so. Her sister would be jealous and equally excited because of her Rajkumari status.

A tear trickled down the bridge of her nose. It dropped on Vindu's nose causing his face to scrunch up. Abhijishya apologetically shushed him, wiping away the drop of sadness. Her faithful pillow absorbed the remnants of nostalgia from her moist eyes and once again Prativindya settled into restful sleep. Abhijishya sat up, the duvet covering her bunched down around her waist, leaving her exposed skin to the mercies of the cold drafty chamber.

She discarded the warm allure of the bed, rested the bare soles of her feet on the chilled floor and arose. The earthern lamps burned dimly, their oil nearing the end. In the faint light, Abhijishya navigated towards the dressing table where Charu had laid out a multitude of garments, jewellery and perfumes she could choose to adorn. Only, she harboured no such desire.

Sleep was miles away from her and it felt wrong somehow to lay beside Vindu shedding tears over past memories. Her little Vindu didn't deserve to be touched by any sorrow, definitely not hers. She glanced over the arranged articles- all in the hues of either blue, purple or turquoise with fine gold threads stitched in them forming intricate patterns. Abhijishya should get dressed, embellish herself like a newly wed bride awaiting her husband's arrival, shouldn't she? Train her eyes towards the door nursing the long thirst to unravel herself in his arms- arms that would have held another woman not even an hour ago.

A derisive smile tainted her face. Abhijishya let go of the fabric her fingers had wrenched without her knowledge. The delicate material now was creased from her grip. It was not torn but was not undamaged either. She stared at it then patiently started to smooth down the unwanted folds. Her palm ran over the affected area again and again till the fabric was restored back to it's previous state. Perhaps it would have missed any other pair of careless eyes but not hers. She lifted the garment near her face and strained her eyes to see the lingering minute creases she knew would be present. True to her estimation, they were there and they would always stay in her mind. The garment ceased to be as good as new.

Abhijishya carelessly threw the metaphorical article on the floor. Every year her husband spent away from her was like her unforgiving grasp on the unblemished cloth of her heart. Her clutch almost mirrored the oath - The year which Panchalratna Draupadi shall decide to be wife to Arya Nakul, I shall relinquish my rights as his wife for that year - words so easily uttered by her tongue. That time it had been her compassion for Draupadi, a means of rescuing her lover from moral dilemma, a counter to Maharaj Drupad's demand by taking reins of the situation. Abhijishya didn't regret them but she also couldn't make peace with them.

Watching Draupadi slowly but surely weave herself into Nakul's heart left her agitated, aching, hollow in ways she thought she could never be. Abhijishya knew Nakul like she knew the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. His softened gaze, fond smile, teasing words, touches of aesthetics to Draupadi's attire were not missed by her. During these times, he was the dripping nectar inside a golden pot she could see, smell, hear but not taste. It was slow torment- a year of the coldest winter with the taunting promise of spring to follow soon.

Except spring meant healing - opening her heart to Nakul as if they weren't separated for a year, to be his radiant Mohini while Abhijishya was left to smooth out the creases for four years before her heart was wrenched again. It was cyclic, never ending, tiring. The more the cycle proceeded she learned some minute marks of that one year would always remain. Her relationship with Nakul could not stay unmarred despite what she liked to pretend. So there were bad days - like today- when Abhijishya tasted more resentment than understanding, more hopelessness than love. She was starved for him and his nourishing love would make her feel more starved the next time around. In her wretched heart, she never wanted him to love anyone else like he loved her. It made her feel entirely pityful and petty.

She sought out the polished antique wardrobe- a gift amongst many from Jyesth Mata Gandhari given to her on her Godh Bharai. It was most certainly one of the many heirlooms the clan of Kuru possessed. The gold washed handle was cold under her touch. Turning it, Abhijishya was faced with stacks of clothes. She scrounged through them looking for a more comfortable attire than the ones Charu had arranged. A rather worn out plain dull clothing caught her eye. Amidst the bright fine silks, it stood out like a sore thumb. Curiosity conquered her spiralling thoughts and Abhijishya pried out the cloth from beneath an intimidating mound of other garments. Shutting the wardrobe close, she walked closer to one of the lamps to get a better visual of the cloth.

A soft breath left her. The coarse material presently foreign to her was unmistakably adorned by her during the days when the Pandavs, her mother-in-law and herself had freshly departed Hidimba in Kamyaka Forest. Abhijishya hadn't known she even had this in her possession. Those days were filled with an almost similiar hopelessness and yearning. She had then surrendered herself to the notion of biding farewell to Nakul. Almost instinctively her hands reached for her lotus pendant. Before they stepped out Kamyaka Forest, everything had been so blissfully simple and mundane. Abhijishya could almost feel Nakul sneak her away from every watchful eye, thread wildflowers in her hair, point out at constellations as they rested against the dewy grass and take her bird watching. Would everything have been terrible if the Pandavs decided to reside in the Kamyaka Forest permanently?

Shame flooded her veins as soon as her traitorous mind whispered so. She was being undeniably selfish. Who was she to complain when she had everything? It was Hidimba who had to let her husband Bheem go after spending merely a year with him knowing that she might never get to lay her eyes on his face again, who was guiding her son alone as well as leading their people. It was Draupadi who was waiting for Arjun to return, who lived in a hut, slept on a straw mat, ate only berries to sustain herself in the years she had named for him while knowing that her husband had married not one but two more women - Uloopi of the Nagas and Chitrangada, Rajkumari of Manipur - even before spending a night in her arms. Abhijishya truly had it better than every other woman of Aryavart, didn't she? How many could claim they had married for love and their husband respected their vow to the letter?

"Mohini!" A sharp yank followed and the cloth was ripped away from her hands. Abhijishya watched as the burning garment was tossed on the floor and stomped over. The fire was tiny, most probably her hands had moved too close to the flame of the earthen lamp while her awareness was preoccupied by her thoughts. The alit garment had surrendered instantly but her eyes still burned from the smoke. Next moment she was being pulled into a well known yet unfamiliar arms- the ones that she missed for a year.

"Are you well? You didn't get hurt, right?" Her husband nudged her face to look up at his then proceeded to examine her palms closely. Nakul didn't look different. He appeared same as when he had gone to Draupadi from her chamber. No, there were changes- his hair was longer and ruffled, under his eyes there were half moons of dusk from disturbed sleep and lastly his scent- Abhijishya felt suffocated and uncomfortable. The smell of burnt cloth was fresh and it mixed with something overwhelmingly sweet over his natural musk. The heady feminine fragrance of a thousand lotuses was intangible from his form.

"Yojanagandha," Abhijishya mused out loud shrugging out her hands from her husband's hold. "The name is ineffably justified. Don't you agree?"

Nakul stopped short from whatever he was going to say to her and looked at her as if trying to discern the meaning of her words. Abhijishya mimicked the motions of a smile then. It had baffled her in the past that he didn't understand the darkness in her as he did the light. These days she wasn't truly surprised. He perhaps loved her too much to think she was ever capable of resentment or cruelty. A misplaced fondness welled up at that and she sighed uncoiling the defensive tenseness of her shoulders.

Forbidding her nose to inhale more of that strong scent, Abhijishya lightly parted her lips to breathe through her mouth. She leaned in briefly, greeted her husband with a light kiss on his cheek. "You were missed," she admitted before setting backwards.

"I missed you too," Nakul breathed out, his gait relaxing completely like always in her presence. Then his eyes turned to the ruined garment on the floor and looked back up at her in question, "That was not a welcome I expected."

Abhijishya huffed indignantly. "Bold of you to presume you deserve a welcome," she retored but her words didn't contain any heat. "Anvi is upset you haven't been speanding more time with her."

Guilt flashed across his features. "It is tough dividing time between two children especially when one is an infant. But don't worry. I'll make it up to her," he earnestly replied.

"I know you will. How is Shatanika doing? I have been busy with Vindu so didn't visit him as much as I should have," Abhijishya half lied. She hadn't visited Shatanika because it meant seeing Nakul with Draupadi which only chafed her more.

Their conversation was interrupted with a cry. Vindu sat on her bed, his back towards them as he looked around trying to find someone. "Maa," he wailed out loud. At once, Abhijishya was in front of him, concern colouring her face, arms outstretched taking up the boy to her chest. She gently wiped away his tears, swaying and patting his back, "I am here Vindu. No need to cry. Shhh. It is okay. I am here, my sweet."

Vindu curled up, his head against her neck, rubbing his eyes with a tiny fist then blinked up at her. "Dubima," he mumbled, a yawn escaping his tiny lips before his eyes drooped again. Abhijishya stood stalk still. Tears sprang up in eyes as her heart was overtaken by waves of warmth. She buried her nose in his soft hair breathing in his innocent scent. Through her blurry eyesight, she reached for a blanket to wrap around her Vindu. He could catch a cold otherwise. Cradling him close, she let her eyes shut for a moment relishing the sound of his call for her. He called her 'Dhruvi Maa' - the name he had no doubt picked up from Draupadi but 'Maa' - that was all him. Abhijishya only referred herself to him as Kakishree yet he voluntarily called her 'Maa'. She never expected he would. Afterall, even though she took care of him for the past eight months, he still spent time with Draupadi everyday. His first word had been for her co-wife ofcourse and Abhijishya had shared Draupadi's joy. This, however, was ecstasy.

"Abhijishya," Nakul was gazing at her in an indiscernible manner almost as if he was relearning something. Abhijishya felt the need to avert her eyes but she resolutely stared back caressing Prativindya's back. Nakul looked pained for a moment. The next he was swallowing thickly, turning away as his feet retraced the steps out of her chamber. He paused at the doorway and his voice reached her ears, "I shall be back after taking a bath, love. Wait for me a little more." Eyes unmeeting, a parting smile carrying wisps of sadness was sent her way and he was gone.

She looked at the parted hinges of the door. Light entered illuminating her darkened chamber like the sunrise triumphing over a new moon night. Abhijishya shook her head dismissing her absentmindedness. By now, she should really stop being surprised everytime the healer recognised her hurts.

A.N. - I don't really feel like saying anything. The chapter speaks for itself. Do vote and comment to show your appreciation as well as let me know your thoughts regarding this chapter.

Abhijishya is a kaliyug girl living in Dwapar sharing a husband with another woman. Matters of heart are complicated. I don't like it that people don't write on it more.

Do let me know if the story feels boring. I'll shake things up a bit. Updates would be slow because I don't have the first part of Vac figured out yet.

Bloopers by nerd_positive

*Nakul enters*
*out of nowhere nerd_positive teleports to dwapar*
*Nakul screams like a woman seeing a maniac looking girl with a gun in her hand*
Who the heck are you?!!! *he shrieks*
*Nerdy sways her gun, looking unimpressed then turns to abhijishya*
Is this your man?
*Abhijishya nods, kind of spooked*
*Nerdy judges Nakul the throws a towel on his face*
Clean yourself from the scent of lotuses then dare to enter the room
*Nakul looks confused but follows nonetheless, same was the case of Abhijishya*
Don't worry darling. Geminism Zindabaad.
*saying this Nerdy teleports back*

*everyone confused*

~CUT~

Until the next time,

Byeee ;")

(Dubjed *yells* You can't just break the fourth wall. It is not allowed. *drags nerdy out of my story* *stares at traumatised Nakul and spooked Abhijishya* *sighs* *calls Krishna* Yes.. yea.. they need therapy. I am sorry. It won't happen again. I'll let you have more makhan in this story. Thank you. Yea, ok. Bye. *glares at nerdy* Next time you pull a stunt like this, I'll get Kalindi turned into a frog.)