October 2017

The first week of university came to an end, and my routines began to set in. I would go to campus every day from 9am to 5pm, studying in the library when I didn't have classes. I enjoyed the excuse to get out of my shoebox home.

For the first time in a while, it had been a few days since Ben had even crossed my mind. So I was finally in good spirits, partly considering putting on Twilight when I got home to relive my early teen years.

But as I walked off the campus grounds that late afternoon, I came to a halt. 

Because to my left right outside the gate were two vacant blue eyes looking at me. 

Gaunt-faced and removed from any ounce of joy, the man in black pushed off from the wall he was leaning against as he saw me.

Slowly blinking, I took in a deep breath, repositioned the bag on my shoulder and kept walking. Past him.

"Olivia, wait," he called out after me, the musical quality to his voice gone. That lasso that was around my heart gave an ever so slight tug towards him, which angered me. It had almost been gone.

Turning on my heel, I glared at him. "What do you want? More blood?" I seethed.

He stopped, not far from me, taken aback. "What? No. Can we talk?"

"Then talk."

He glanced around warily as the people walking past us giving us odd looks. "Somewhere more private?"

"I'm not going anywhere private with you." I turned back and began to storm towards the station again. But his hand grabbed my arm, yanking me to a stop. Though just as quickly as he grabbed me, he dropped me. Hand clenched to his chest, he rubbed it slightly... like all the other vampires did when they touched me.

Slowly tilting my head as I observed his reaction, I began to wonder why he wasn't immune to me anymore.

But before I could ask, he said, "I just want to know why you're walking away from me. Talk to me about it and then I'll let you go if it is what you want."

"Hmm. I don't know, Ben. Maybe it's the fact you toyed with my feelings and made me like you just so that you could get my blood? Pretty big thing to overlook.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I never—"

"Don't play dumb. It doesn't look good on you." But I wasn't done with all the pent up retorts I had stockpiled in the weeks that passed. "You know, you could have just asked. You didn't have to make me feel like I meant something to you."

"But you do mean something to me."

I shook my head at him, almost laughing. "You got what you want. Why are you still playing this game?"

"It's not a game. Look... I'm sorry if I've said or done something that has upset you, but I thought my feelings were pretty clear—"

"Ben, you buttered me up and lured me in to take my blood. I was tossing and turning it in my head about why you couldn't kiss me but when I heard your conversation with Lukas that day, all made sense. At the end of this, I'm just some girl you barely know."

I turned around and began to walk away, but he stood in front of me, moving faster than a human would have moved.

"Careful, someone will see that," I warned him.

Ignoring my cooment, he said, "Yes, I said that, and, yes, we do barely know each other. But I wasn't with you for your blood."

"With me?" I shrieked. "You were never with me."

Ben glanced around quickly at all the eyes on us. "Whatever we were, I like you a lot, okay?" he said in a low voice. Then he lowered his eyes, not looking at me anymore. "I don't want to lose you because I put my foot in my mouth like I always do. Because you heard a part of a conversation and don't know the rest."

As I watched the torment tear apart his face and the glisten form in his gaze, I heaved a sigh. I didn't believe him for a second, even if everything screamed he was just as broken as me... because Ben was a superb actor when he needed to be. But hoping that complying would get him to let me go, I said, "We can go to the park," and started walking off.

He followed after me, a couple steps behind. 

The gust of wind was bitingly cold, but my body was burning with rage. The leaves on the trees had started to lose their green hue, but autumn hadn't taken complete hold of them just yet. 

After entering the park, I sat down on the closest bench, and he sat next to me, giving me a little bit of distance.

"You like me?" I asked in a small voice when he didn't say anything, disbelief ridden in my tone.

His head turned to me, brows down, eyes pleading. "So, so much."

His response stirred my heart slightly, but I knew not to be hopeful. "But what do you mean by like? Because I think my version and yours is very different."

"They aren't... Olivia, I don't just go holding any person's hand or kissing their cheek. In fact, I've never done that, which is why I'm so awkward when I do it and why I don't know what's too much and not enough... Which is why I didn't know I have to outright confess my feelings for you to get it. I've never done this before. I've never felt this way before."

I shook my head, refusing to accept this. All the excuses weren't adding up. "Then why are you turning up now? It has been almost three weeks."

He went quiet for a moment, as if thinking how to put it. Or thinking about another elaborate excuse. "That afternoon, when everything happened... I went upstairs to explain everything to you after copping an earful from Lukas about all the signs from you that I was apparently missing, but you had already left. When I asked Jade, she said that you wanted space and would contact me when you were ready because you were upset over what you heard."

"You would have heard me leave, Ben. And you would have heard me listening."

"But I didn't, Olivia. Lukas didn't either. Otherwise neither of us would have said... we wouldn't have let you just go..."

"You're just sorry I found out."

He took his hand in mine, wincing slightly as he stared at me. "No. That's not it. As I found out only yesterday, Jade had cast a spell around the house that deadened all sounds of movement and life so that we couldn't hear you. So that this would happen."

"Why would she even do that?"

"Because she thought me liking you was dangerous. She didn't know your blood can't hurt me..."

"And how come you only found out yesterday?"

He looked down. "As you continued to not contact me, I felt the bond getting weaker and you fading away from within me. I was so messed up about it that I skipped pills and meals... Jade finally came around to the house and saw how upset I was. Then she confessed everything. I tried calling you right after I found out but you never picked up my phone calls—"

"I blocked and deleted your number."

He nodded, as though it made sense. "I'm so sorry Olivia that I wasn't clearer with you. I wish I could go back to make sure you knew how much you mean to me and then you never would have been this hurt."

"Why were you so desperate to get my blood though? Why not just ask me?"

"I thought you were growing tired of me and that's why you hated me holding your hand. I thought you were ready to run away from me and... I should have just asked you. I know you're my friend first. But I really wanted to help Lukas. I was torn between being his friend and being the guy who deserves to win you over. 

"I guess in some stupid way I thought if I just got this ugly part out of the way, no more stupid vampire or fairy stuff could get in our way. Then I could just be a boy liking a girl... Taking her on dates. But I went and made a terrible mess of things because I don't even know how to read a situation." He shook his head and then buried it in his hands. "I didn't even realise what I said during truth or dare could have been taken wrong... but with our bond proposal I didn't want to just force that on you because of a dare..."

After a few moments of silence passed when he stopped talking, I whispered, "What's a bond proposal?"

He gave me a small, sad smile. "Something I should have told you about back when I told you I am a vampire... When two magical beings like each other, there's kind of this way to cement those feelings forever, called a pairing bond."

"Like some animals have?"

He nodded. "It has many perks... like the inability to ever use your magic to hurt each other. The inability to care for anyone as much as you care for that person. It's like a magical marriage of sorts, but for life."

"And you're saying we have a proposal for it?"

"That day in the library... we had already started liking each other, so once we touched, the proposal clicked into place. It feels like a pull towards each other. Like our hearts are being dragged together."

As I let the words sink in, I looked away, knowing the exact feeling he was talking about. "And the reason you're getting zapped now is because..."

"It has almost faded. Because I've made you hate me..."

"What happens when it fades?"

"You can never have romantic feelings for that person again. It hurts a lot too when it snaps... but eventually that pain subsides and you're able to look at that person with no love. An easy breakup, I guess."

"And they fade when you get sick of each other after you cement it?"

He shook his head. "Only a proposal can fade... when neither party takes it up. Bond proposals also cease when one party rejects the other trying to cement it. A cemented bond can only break through death."

"And how do you cement it?"

Heaving a sigh, he said, "With a kiss. On the mouth. Which is why I haven't kissed you..."

"Because you don't want to be paired with me for life?"

His eyes went wide as he vigorously shook his head. "I'd love nothing more, Olivia. While I still have much more to learn about you..." He blushed and looked away. "You're still someone I'd like to spend the rest of my life with. I know it's silly to say that so soon... but I can just feel it. Like it's meant to be. As corny as that sounds..."

My heart began to glow warm, but I tried to shut it down within me. I couldn't afford those feelings. I couldn't just let his sweet words confuse me again. "And it really can only be done through a kiss on the mouth?"

"Yes. And both parties have to kiss each other." 

"So like... in theory... you could have sex with someone and that wouldn't do it? Only a kiss?"

He laughed. "Yes. Only a kiss on the mouth."

"Now that's some fairy tale nonsense."

"They have to get their inspiration from somewhere..."

I shook my head, not sure whether I could trust everything he had told me now. Not sure if perhaps this was some other trap so that he could use me. There was only one solution to know if he was lying. So I asked again, "You really do like me?"

He looked at me. "Yes. I do. In a romantic way, to be clear. And yes I don't know you too well yet but I want to. You bring out the best in me, Olivia... you make my life feel worth living."

His last comment pierced me, but I quickly pushed the feeling aside. Words weren't enough. That dulled pull towards him could not trust his words anymore. It needed something more tangible to believe in him once more. I met his eyes and said, "So prove it."

"What?"

"If this bond thing actually exists and it's not some other way to trick me into doing something, prove it. Kiss me. Show me."