"Fuck." The sound of a loud crash startled me out of sleep and I jumped up sharply on the sofa. My neck was stiff and I groaned under my breath as another flash of lightning lit up the night not too far away and a few seconds later its sound struck us.

I cracked one eye open, unable to recognize much because sleep was still lodged deep in my body. I blinked a few times and realized how hard it was raining outside. The last few days had been so hot that it was no wonder, actually. Summer storms weren't rare.

Grumbling, I sat up a little to reach for the water bottle I'd set on the small side table before going to bed. Just as the water refreshed my dry throat, it flashed again. That's when I saw her.

Reva was sitting on the bed, her gaze focused on seemingly nothing, although I could have sworn she was looking at me. A little creeped out because what the fuck, I sat up even more. "Reva?"

She snapped out of her thoughts and now I knew for sure her eyes were on me. "Hmm?"

"What are you doing sitting on the bed in this darkness?" I asked curiously. I had never seen her like this before. So distant and... absent-minded.

"Nothing," she replied, but it didn't sound like the woman I'd been married to for over a year. What was wrong with her?

Another bolt of lightning struck, it thundered like mad and Reva flinched. It had been subtle like she was trying to hide it or fight it, but I had seen it. I would always see it.

And a memory hit me. Reva and I, sitting together on the rooftop. An apology trapped on my tongue that she didn't want. Little confessions about herself, even though I knew she had trusted me less than an antelope trusted a hungry lion.

She had said she liked the rain because her name meant it. Because her mother had loved it. Because she could somehow identify with it. And yet, shortly afterward, she had admitted that she didn't like thunderstorms.

At first, it hadn't made much sense to me, because one was often associated with the other. But we all ended up clinging to small differences and at the end of the day, a gentle rain that made many feel cozy was better than thunderstorms that tore people from their sleep.

Scraping the final sleep from my eyes with the back of my hand, I got to my feet and walked over to her. Her gaze didn't waver from mine for a second and she looked up at me as I reached the side of the bed.

"Scoot over." I offered, eyeing the space next to her.

"Why?" she replied, her voice so small it was almost a whisper. I didn't detect any rejection or annoyance on her part. Just genuine confusion as to what I was up to.

"Come on, scoot over," I repeated, already placing my knee on the mattress.

This time she did as I asked. Adjusting the blanket over her lap, she moved in small wiggles across the white bedding until I had enough room to sit down. She offered me half the blanket. I only took a quarter.

"And now what?" she wondered, looking at me suspiciously from the side.

"I'm staying until the weather gets better," I explained the obvious. She continued to look at me strangely and flinched a little as another crash of thunder echoed, but she quickly recovered. "You're scared of it, no?"

"I'm not a child." she dismissed, but she wouldn't fool me. Her eyebrows hadn't softened for nothing when I'd offered her my company.

Maybe she didn't want to break the strong persona she'd always possessed with something that was considered normal by many. Or maybe she was embarrassed about it. Either way, she didn't have to shy away from showing her true feelings when I was with her.

"Fear isn't reserved for children." I shrugged with honesty.

I felt her gaze burn the side of my face as I crossed my feet at the ankles. Maybe a little serenity would calm her down a bit too.

Even though I wasn't good at comforting people around me or giving them words of reassurance, I knew that all it took sometimes was company to rid someone of the demons in their head.

Fears did not appear overnight without a reason. And even if I didn't ask, I wondered how many thunderstorms it had taken for Reva to be unable to sleep during one.

I also wondered how many times she had lain sleepless in that bed for hours while I slumbered unaware through the night.

After weighing and considering my words, a question seemed to burn on her tongue. Finally, she uttered it. "Are you scared of anything?"

I allowed her question a few seconds of thought. Then I shook my head, now looking at her. Her big eyes shone in the darkness as her shoulder burned against mine. "I don't think so."

I didn't know whether to be offended that she somehow sighed in disappointment or to consider it endearing when she pressed her lips together. This side of Reva was new to me and I was a little confused about my own thoughts.

Somehow I wanted to find something I was afraid of so she wouldn't feel like she was the only one in it. "There is one thing. You know when you're making pancakes and holes form on the surface? That shit makes my skin crawl."

I heard her giggle at last, even if it only lasted a few seconds. "Jungkook."

"It exists. It's called trypophobia." I protested.  "I don't know if I have it because it only happens with pancakes. But it's disgusting." 

"Really?" she raised her eyebrows, now coming down from her giggle. Seeing me nod, she hummed in surprise. "I didn't know that."

"It's crazy how many phobias exist," I commented.

"That's true."

Silence fell between us and only the sound of the raging wind and rain beating against the windows filled the bedroom. I wondered how much longer it would last, not because I wanted to go back to sleep, but because Reva's tense body still hadn't relaxed.

Another bolt of lightning struck, this time so close that the sound was almost deafening. When I looked over at Reva, she had squeezed her eyes shut and her hand over the blanket was curled into a fist.

I placed my hand on hers, her skin cold and sweaty. There wasn't much I could do, because the weather had its own laws. Reva's fist slowly opened so I could weave my fingers through hers.

"How long have you had this?" I asked cautiously. If she didn't want to answer, she didn't have to. But sometimes it was better to open up than to suffer in silence.

She took a deep breath. "I can't really remember, but I think I was four or five years old."

I squeezed her hand in sympathy. "Have you ever talked to anyone about it?"

There were, to my knowledge, a few ways to overcome anxiety, and maybe Reva had considered trying at least one of them. But if she still hadn't beaten her fear, I was afraid she had.

"No," she confirmed my assumption and I wanted to tell her to try professionally because no one should be dealing with this. It had to be exhausting. "After my ex had a good laugh about it, I didn't want anyone else to know."

Anger boiled up inside me. "Remind me why you dated him in the first place?" I hated the guy with a passion, even though I didn't know him.

She laughed bitterly and rested her head against my shoulder. Our hands were still entwined and I brushed my thumb over her skin. That seemed to calm her. "I was young and stupid."

"You weren't. He just was an asshole." I whispered, puffing a breath out through my nose.

"Why haven't you asked why I'm scared like this?" she asked, shifting the topic away from her ex to where I was unsure she even wanted to go.

"I reckoned you would have told me if you'd wanted to," I admitted honestly. Normally, I didn't like it myself when people insisted on finding out stuff they shouldn't stick their nose in. But it was different with Reva. I wanted to be open with her.

And she seemed to think the same. "Maybe I wanted to hear you ask it."

Allowing my eyes to drift to her, I found her already looking up at me. The gray of her irises was dark, almost black, and with each lightning bolt they lit up. Without being able to control it, my gaze traveled to her mouth. And yet I couldn't leave them there for long.

Her scent filled my nose because she had snuggled up to my side and with every twitch of fear, I wanted to press her even closer to me. "Why do you have it?" I finally asked in a rasp as her breath warmed my face.

There was a small smile on her lips, just a little tug that only I would see. She looked down at my hand still covering hers and laid her head back on my shoulder.

"My father, despite being a single parent, was always there when I needed him." she began and I almost wanted to frown because I knew that was only partly true.

Well, I was in no position to comment on that, but I had also seen how much he had abandoned Reva after our wedding. Fortunately, that had changed.

Still, I let her continue without interrupting. "He always played with me when he came home, even though he had a busy day at work. Took me on trips on weekends. Told me stories before bed and all that. I know it's not much, but I knew I could count on him when I needed him."

I had seen a few childhood photos hanging in her old home and frankly, I could picture her doing all those things as a child with a younger version of her father. It was poignant for some reason because I had never experienced it that way.

"One night it thundered as much as it does now," she said heavily and I could hear the roar outside again, which I had tuned out to pay attention to her sweet voice. "I tried to call out to him."

"He didn't hear you," I completed her sentence. Reva flinched again at the next flash.

"Couldn't. His room was down the hall." She started tracing the veins on my arm subconsciously and I watched her. "I don't remember much, but I think I was hiding under the comforter. I also remember calling for my mom although I knew she couldn't come."

I released our hands and although Reva seemed disappointed and even sad at first, she sighed when I draped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. With her head against my chest, we were sitting now, talking about the past that still curled its clawing fingers around the present, choking everything in it. But maybe listening to my heartbeat would take her mind off every sad memory.

Strangely, though, I also found reassurance in all the comfort I tried to give. I wanted to be there for her, as she had been for me a few days ago. She hadn't known what had happened and yet she had taken all my worries away.

I could still feel her words, her kisses on my shoulder, and her soothing hands on my skin.

"How did you feel?" I finally asked.

"I don't know. Probably lonely. Obviously I knew he couldn't hear me, but when you're a kid you can't help but rely on your parents and if they're not there when you need them.... well that sucks."

"I can relate to that more than I'd like to admit," I murmured, running my hand over her soft hair. She relaxed more into me and I noticed that for the first time, she didn't flinch when thunder struck.

She took a breath, but this time it sounded much more like relief. As if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders because she had finally gotten over her true feelings. As if her fear was no longer so great now that she wasn't hesitant to admit it. Because someone was listening to her who really cared.

"It's cliché, isn't it?" she laughed, picking an imaginary speck of dust off my black shirt that she could never have spotted in this darkness.

I shrugged the shoulder where her head wasn't cradled to my chest. I laid my head back against the headboard, exhaustion weighing down my eyelids. "There are eight billion people on this planet. No one is original."

Reva yawned twice in a row. "I love the rain. And you can't hate something you love for long," she said sleepily.

"I'll be here," I assured her, and I could almost swear she hugged me a little tighter. "No matter where I am at that moment. All you have to do is call my name and I'll come."

─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────

Reva

A small groan gathered in my throat as I slowly came back to my senses. My eyes burned from the bright light the moment I tried to blink away the sleep. I didn't know how long I had slept, but I was sure it must have been longer than usual.

My body felt free and light. The sun shone through the window in warm orange tones, awakening each of my cells. Was I deceiving myself or did the pillow feel harder but comfier than before?

Just as I tried to turn around, I noticed something heavy on top of me. Warm and strongly enveloped, surrounded by the scent of protection and promises. My eyes opened without being blinded this time and my line of vision found a hand.

Beautifully veined despite the presumably early hours. Just lying next to my head. Another hand was clasped around my waist and I was pressed against a body that felt so familiar and yet I knew I'd never had it so intimately close.

The hand at my waist trailed to my hip with a low growl in my ear and I shot up from my lying position, accidentally punching behind me.

"Ow." Jungkook whimpered, pressing a hand against his crotch as he buried his face in the pillow. "Fuck, Reva."

"I'm so sorry!" both hands pressed to my mouth, I tried to see if Jungkook was okay, who was now rolling onto his back, one hand still between his legs.

"If you wanted to murder me, you could have found another way, woman." he gritted, wiping his hair away from his face.

I rolled my eyes. "Now you're exaggerating."

"You kicked me in the balls—"

"I punched you in the balls." I corrected.

"Whatever." he sighed. The pain must have subsided because he cracked one eye open and gazed at me with a lazy stare. "I don't think I can have children."

I jabbed at his chest. Men could be real babies. I was sure getting hit in the genitals was painful, but that was excessive now. I laughed as his mouth broke into a lopsided grin.

"I'm sorry," I said again, feeling bad that I'd let his day get off to such a start.

"Kiss it better?" he suggested, but raised his hands in surrender as I threw up the fist I'd hit him with earlier. "I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Good." I grinned. The situation we were in seemed to be slowly seeking awareness and I eyed the rumpled bedding and Jungkook's wrinkled shirt. Red flushed across my cheeks. "How did this happen?"

Jungkook's eyes fell somewhere on my nightgown and lifted back up into my eyes. "There was thunder and lightning during the night. Well..."

"Right."

I remembered the conversation. And how he had tried to distract me from the storm. How he had pressed me against his body so that all I could hear was the sound of his voice echoing in his chest and the beating of his heart.

I wasn't embarrassed that Jungkook knew my deepest fear now. I had expected him to find out eventually because there wasn't much you could do when you slept in the same room.

But I began to squirm. This was not a scenario I had envisioned when I had accepted him into bed. Sure, it was his room (and bed) after all, but I'd been sleeping here on my own for a year just so we could avoid the intimacy of a real married couple.

And now I was waking up in his arms? Not only that, I had actually enjoyed feeling the weight of his body on mine outside of sex because it had made me feel safe and wanted.

Panic washed over me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up when he probably noticed my panicked form.

"Nothing." I tried to shrug it off and cleared my throat. "This can't happen again."

"What exactly?" raising an eyebrow, Jungkook wondered what I was hinting at. But deep down, he must have known because his eyes hardened.

"This." I glanced between him and me, knowing that I was just adding to the damage. "Sleeping in the same bed."

"Why?" his voice was so dark and yet there were other emotions in the hazy orbs I couldn't look into.

What was I supposed to tell him? After all, we had agreed that I would get the bed and he had accepted it. So what difference would one night make? Boundaries blurred like that, and I wasn't sure I was ready for it.

When no answer followed, he shook his head as if my opportunity to answer was gone and he didn't want to hear it anymore. "Right. My touch repulses you when we're not fucking."

Jungkook stood up from the bed and even though I wanted to explain myself so badly, wanted to deny it because it wasn't true, I couldn't say anything. Just watch him fish fresh laundry out of the dresser and head to the bathroom.

And if I wasn't mistaken, there was not only anger but also an expression close to hurt on his face. I let myself fall back onto the pillow.

The same evening, after Jungkook came back from work, he talked to me as usual. He answered when I wanted to know stuff and asked me if I was ready for dinner downstairs.

However, something inside me failed to find fulfillment when he walked over to the sofa to get ready for sleep. That void was new to me and I didn't know if I wanted to continue feeling it.

Maybe I was just deprived of any affection and even the slightest touch made me long for it. Or maybe it was just Jungkook himself that made me care more because he had been nothing but there for me as I was swallowed up by my fear and consumed by despair.

So I betrayed all the promises I had made to myself the very next day. Pulled back the covers on the side where Jungkook had lain the other night. Looked into his eyes expectantly.

Believing he had dismissed the idea because he eyed the empty space next to me a little too long with his brows drawn together, I was filled with a sense of relief when he gave in and slowly slid under the covers.

I told him not to take up more than half the bed with his massive body and he told me not to snore like a diesel-generated motor, to which I laughed.

And so we ended up facing each other. We were both on our side of the mattress and yet so close that only a breath separated us. I placed a hand under my cheek, not taking my eyes off him. He did the same.

I didn't know how much time passed as we just stared at each other until exhaustion slowly claimed me and my eyes started to close. Maybe I was dreaming it, but it felt like Jungkook brushed the back of his hand across my jaw until I was completely consumed by sleep.

_________________

A/N: I giggled 🤭
But not them being too stubborn and stupid to realize things when it's so painfully obvious???
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of the new year <3 hopefully I can keep up with frequent updates. Maybe hit the little star for me so I can stay motivated😩 I want to finish this book ugh. Let's say 300 votes for the next chapter